What is the best joke against a guy in the world?
Grumpy cat 😤🐈
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A young ventriliquist is touring bars and stops at a bar in a small town. He is doing his main blonde jokes with his little puppet until suddenly a blonde in the audience jumps upand yells, "You are giving blondes a bad name! We are not dumb because of our hair colour! We are just as intelligent as …any of you brunettes or redheads! Just because of our hair colour you are singling us out and bullying us! You think you can just use us!" The man is very embarrassed and starts apoligising immediatly until the blonde shouts, "Oh, you stay out of this! I am talking to the little guy on your lap making these rude jokes!" (MORE)
Why was the women crossing the road? That's not the point why was she not in the kitchen What do you call cheese that is not yours? nacho cheese
There is alot of great jokes in the world. But there's not only one best jOke. There is a lot of them.
The best joke is... What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner! Only joking, the best joke ever is... Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses.He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly,the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls fo…r help. He shouts atthe emergency operator, "My friend is dead! What do I do!?" "Calm down", the operator says, "I can help you. But first, we needto make sure he's dead." The phone goes silent, for a second. Thenthe operator hears a gunshot. "OK," says the hunter, "now what?" -OR- Knock knock? Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? Finally, someone else that watches that show! (MORE)
This is a fundamental peer pressure problem with the guys, not with you. The correct way to handle this is to turn the dating table around and for the time being, do not take any offers on guys asking you out. Instead, find the guy you like and YOU ask him out. To some people, this type of behaviour… may require alot of courage on your part; however, once you accomplish this, there is nothing that can stop you in life!! CONFIDENCE in yourself and your ability is in you. Tap into it and make it happen. This will take the attention off of you from the other guys, and will bore them into seeking another hobby, like drawing inside the lines on their IHOP menu's!! (MORE)
why are vampires not liked? cause their a pain in the neck. why did the dinosaur cross the road? cause chickens weren't invented these jokes are not that good for adults but for children they are try going to google and see if there is a better one THERE IS
-Ok, so the teacher ties all the students shoes together, guess what they ended up doing that day? .... .... .... Went on a CLASS TRIP! [: -why did the chicken cross the road cause he wanted to get on the other side!!!!! oooooooooo -A teacher asked a kid what the term for water is. …the kid says " h i j k l m n o " the teacher gets confused and asks "how do you get that?" and the kid says. "yesterday,you said the term to water is H to O." lol, get it? H2O- h to o? (MORE)
Well it depends on how the guy is or where he is saying it. Maybe he is with his friends and is just trying to play a little joke on you. (which is pretty sad if u actually like this guy) But if its on the phone you can not be sure. If it is in person and he sounds sincere maybe he actually likes yo…u.(: But just always make sure that he is not someone that will hurt you if the future if you really like him . (MORE)
Here are some 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. To bad he has never cried 2. Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry, the man ate a frickin' Jeep 3. When the Bogey man goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris 4. Chuck Norris has already… been to Mars. That's why there's no life 5. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists 6. Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears chuck Norris pajamas 7. If you look up Chuck Norris on Google it will say you do not search for Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris searches for you. 8. Deathophobia is a fear of Chuck Norris. (MORE)
question: there is a boy who lives in 13 floor but why does he always press the 10 floor and run up to the 13 floor ans: cause he is too short to press the 13 floor
why are pirates called pirates ?because they arrrrrr! knock knock...whos there?....big ish...big ish wOO?...no thanks i don't want the big issue! what happens to a banana when it stays to long in the sun?.....it peels!! 2 snowmen were standing aid to the other... "i smell carrots!!" . …Yo mama's so fat she falls off both sides of the bed. yo momma so fat she rolled over walmart in the prices rolled away instead of rolling back . Yo momma is so crazy she loves u. . Yo momma is so ugly she made a blind kid cry . yo mamma so white she cant pass black opps. . Yo momma so stupid she stared at an orange juice cuz it said concentrate . yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to her bed to see how LONG she slept . yo momma so huge christopher columbus claimed her as the new world (MORE)
Jokes are a strange subject, what one may find funny another will not. Most comedians say it come down to the timing. Of course many think that being intentionally offensive is funny instead of realising it is just bad manners and shows a lack of elan.
A man has three Daughters - Rose, Daisy and Cinderblock One Day, Rose comes up to her father and says 'Daddy, why am I called rose?' The father says 'well, when you were young, a rose petal fell upon your head.' Then Daisy comes up to her father and says 'Daddy, why am I called daisy' Th…e father says 'Well, when you were young, a daisy petal fell upon your head.' Cinderblock then comes up to her father and says 'DUUUURRRGHHHHHHHHH' The fathers says 'Shut Up Cinderblock' (MORE)
Your momma is so ugly, wen dorthy was walkin through the Forrest she said "lions tigers and your mom... OH MYYY!" hope i helped this website is awsome...x http://www.laughinglarry.com/jokes/your-mum.HTML .
Q. What's the difference between the Vikings and a dollar bill? A.You can still get four quarters out of a dollar!
The best joke is to go to someone and say their name and they say what? You then say, "Your face!". . There is no such thing as best joke. It is only as good as how recent it was created.
Even the boogie-man is scared of Chuck Norris... He made night fall, and caused the day to break...
www.a-jokes.com www.funjokes.com www.jokesbest.com are some good joke sites. What type of jokes you are expected?? I think google is also a good joke site because they make jokes like pigeon search and toilet broadband.
If you feel that he's flirting with you, then he most probably is interested in you ;). not really it just shows his personality.. it depend how he is joking around .
1:yo'mamas so fat that when she lies down at the beach, people run around her yelling free willy! 2:yo'mamas so fat she had to go to seaworld to get baptized 3:yo'mamas so fat, when the doctor diagnosed her with a flesh eating disease, he gave her 10 months to live
You're so fat you're on both sides of the family.. You're so fat that I can out of petrol driving round you. . HHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAA…AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. . you're so fat your blood type is o-reo . you're so fat you have to iron your clothes on the freeway . you're so fat they had to baptise you at sea world . you're so fat you have to play pool with the planets . you're so fat your name is MATT MCCANN (MORE)
lets see.... here is one. . what do you do if a rino charges you? answer: give him your credit card
They arent jokes, there facts and here are some The Chuck Noris Facts 1. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People. 2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. 3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 4. The chief export of Chu…ck Norris is Pain. 5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist. 6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill. 7. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer 8. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. 9. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy. 10. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear. CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. . In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized. . Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. . If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. . Chuck Norris can divide by zero. . The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. . A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. . Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. . Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. . When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. . While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. . Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. . When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. . When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. . Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." . Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. . Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. . For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. . Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. . When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. . Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. . When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. . Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. . On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. . Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. . Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! . In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. . Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. . Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. . Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" . Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. . Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. . If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. . Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds. . Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb. . Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. . The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage. . It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. . You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. . Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. . The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. . There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. . Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. . When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. . Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. . James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. . Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. . Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair. . Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. . It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. Chuck Noris Facts #3 . Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly. . Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. . Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain. Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. . When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. . Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order. . A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants. . Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. . There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team"â¦ not even close. . Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists. . An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME. . Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. . Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. . Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. . Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. . Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor. . Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door. . The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. . Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life." . If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. . Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. . The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian. . Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium. . The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris. . Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition. . Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep. . Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. . The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable. . Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary. . Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. . There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. . A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer . It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. . Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day. . Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever. . Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place. . Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back. . Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. . Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way. . The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales. . Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. . As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. . Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. . Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking. . Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris" . Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. . Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. . 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA. . Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill. . When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle. . According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. . Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. . In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research. . Chuck Norris' favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse. . When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing. . Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Noriss Facts #4 . In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly. . Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. . If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. . If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass. . Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris." . Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run. . MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. . Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. . What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division". . Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. . The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings. . There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. . Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. . The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice. . Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. . The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends" . Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic. . Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple. . When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it. . On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. . Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. . Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. . Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. . Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. . It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. . Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. . It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. . Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. . That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid. . Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover. . Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken. . Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. . Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. . As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." . Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure. . Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. . Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol. . Chuck Norris invented the internetâ¦ just so he had a place to store his porn. . Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. . It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. . Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. . Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. . Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. . When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. . Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. . "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. . When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'." . Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body. . One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. . Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. . Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. . Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. . Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down. . Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. . When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. . Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever. . Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. . Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. . Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. . Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. (MORE)
your mom is so stupid when i told drinks are on the roof so went on the roof!and then said"where the drinks at"
That's mostly a matter of opinion, but some really good ones are: Yo Mamma's so fat when she was pregnant with you no one knew! Yo Mamma's so stupid she bought a cat to chase her computer mouse out of the house.
Well personally, I hate jokes so there really are no good ones except: Three men check into a hotel and each order a plain room. The only thing different abput each room is that the first guy has a wooden toilet, the second a golden toilet, and the third a singing toilet. The first guy leaves beca…use he always gets splinters in his butt when he has to poo. the second guy leaves to because he doesnt like the service. The third guy leaves because his toilet always sings "do you see what I see?" when he sits down to poo. There you go. (MORE)
write the worst teacher in the world turn over on paper then on the other side write gotcha happy April fools day from________________________then give it to your teacher from Evie whitehead
yo mama so ugly wen she looked in the mirror her reflection started packing yo mama so black if she went to night school, she would be counted absent yo mama so fat people run around her for exercise yo mama so ghetto when she breast feeds kool-aid comes out yo mama so stupid she got locked …in a grocery store and starved yo mama so fat when she cut her knee she bled gravy yo mama so ashy everytime you see her u blow her away (MORE)
This one right here: Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age he was rather curious. He has been hearing stuff at school about courting and he finally built up the courage to question his mother about this subject. instead of explaining thing to little johnny she told him to watc…h his older sister and her boyfriend from behind the curtains. this he did and the following morning he told his mother every thing that happened.: "sis and her boyfriend talked for a while then he turned all the lights off and started to kiss her and hug her. i figured that sis must have been getting sick because she started to make a funny face. he must have thought that to because he put his hand up her shirt and felt her heart. but he wasn't a doctor, because he was having trouble finding her heart. he must have been getting sick to because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. his other hand must have been getting cold because he put it up her skirt. about this time sis was starting to get to the end of the couch. this is when the fever came, because sis told him that she was really HOT. Finally i found out what was making them so sick.......... a big eel had somehow gotten into his pants. it jumped out and there it stood 9 in. tall. HONEST! anyway he gabbed it with one hand to keep it from getting away. when sis saw it her eyes got real big and her mouth fell open and she started calling out to god and stuff like that. i should tell her about the ones i saw at the beach last week. sis got brave and tried to kill it by biting its head off. all of a sudden she made a noise and backed off... i guess if must have bitten her back. then she grabbed it with both hands and her boyfriend slipped a muzzle over it to keep it from biting again. sis lay back and spread her legs apart so she could get a scissor lock on it. and he helped by laying on top of it. the eel put up a hell of a fight. sis started groaning and squealing, and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. i guess they wanted to kill the ell by squishing it between them. after a while they both quit and gave a great sigh. her boyfriend sat up and sure enough it was dead there it lay limp on the couch, i knew it was dead because its insides were hanging out. sis and her boyfriend were tired from the battle but they went on courting anyway. he started hugging and kissing her again and by golly it jumped up again. i figured that eels must be like cat, they have nine lives or something. this time sis got up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. after about 35 mins. of struggling, they finally killed the eel i knew it was dead because this time i saw sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet!" *mother fainted* (MORE)
Yo momma is so fat, she doesn't skinny dip, she chunky dunks! lol. pretty good right?
you so ugly they had to tie a steak around your neck just for the dog to play with you. you so ugly they had to feed you with a sling shot. you so ugly you had to trick or treat over the phone
where the biking road/track is at and on the left of the house is a little lake.
"Why did the chicken cross the road" is a classic joke. There arelots of great joke books in the humor section of your local libraryor bookstore.
Diego Lua is the cutest guy actor in the world. Havent u seen Dirty Dancing Havana Nights. Well if u did I want to ask u a quetion. Dont u just shiver when u see Diego Luna on the beach saying comming and going comming and going .If u dont u must be crazy
he might. he might be saying its a joke, but knowing its not. or he may also be a mean jerk that is really doing it for a joke. watch out for more signs to see if he likes you. (:
Question: What does Bob call a swimming pool full of blondes? Answer: Frosted Flakes Question: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? Answer: To get chocolate milk Question: Why do blondes drive BMW's? Answer: They can spell it.
Yo momma so old she used to babysit Yoda. Yo momma is so ugly, she made her shadow run away.
Maunuel Uribe, who is still alive today and Is forty years old. He lives in Mexico and weighs 674 lbs
Using plastic wrap over a toilet seat. Dont let anybody know it was you or you will have to clean up the mess.
First off, you not only want to be funny.....you need to be clever and witty. So, no dirty jokes or riddles. Here's a couple of quips that will make him think, and then (if he gets it) make him chuckle. Now timing and delivery is key here, so you will need to save these for when the moment is rig…ht. Example: Let's say you're doing the dishes together after dinner, ask him , "Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish detergent made with real lemons"? And try this one when you're with your boyfriend and perhaps you and he are discussing finances or money....."How come the person who invests all your money is called a "broker"? See, nothing dirty , or something you hope will have him in tears. Just a touch of witty , and you'll have him wanting more......of you. I got a million of 'em. (MORE)
dont tell a joke ask one of ur friends if they know anything about him but the best thing to do is just find out more about him and start a conversation about something both of u share in interest ask ur friends if they can help u do that good luck :)
It either means that he's completely doing a joke with dating, or that he is showing hints towards you that he is thinking about it and wants to see through it and see what happens - ask him, or wait to see what he does.. up to you.
Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing xx
It depends on the joke. If it involves cruelty, abasing or harm, yes. Keep it civil and you won't have any problems. Do something stupid and...."You make your bed, you lie in it."
Not necesiarly. He may be just that kind of person; or a flirt. Or he may like you. Get to be good friends (if you like him, or if not, u can always say no.).
because there are vary mean guys out there and because some guys are so immature or dont feel good about themselves that they have to be mean to feel good about themselves or" think" they are cool
What is black and white, then black and white, and black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill.
Blonde #1- I can't seem to find the car keys! Blonde #2- Well Hurry up and find them! It's starting to rain and the car hood is down! :D xD
The joke: Do you resemble this guy? (People usually respond with "Who?" or "What guy?") Punchline: (deadpan serious tone) That's odd, he looks just likeyou.
My best your mama joke is, Your mama is so stupid, she puts makeupon her forehead when she needs to makeup her mind.