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What should I do when my husband of 18 years is addicted to second life and is having an emotional BDSM affair with a real life 280 pound woman who plays the game with him?

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Talk to him about how you feel about this relationship. Ask him, is it important to him to maintain this relationship with this lady? Don't ask why. Be specific about your questions. The reason why video games are so addicting is because they allow the users to enter a world that they have complete control over, with no consequences to their real life. Friendships are made quickly over such games with other people who are interested in the same things you are. But I sincerely suggest you talk to him about this, if it truly makes you uncomfortable. Emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical ones and he should understand that this is bothering you. If the relationship is harmless and you trust him not to do anything and as long as it doesn't take away from the relationship the two of you share, then there should be no problem. Perhaps you should be asking yourself why he is searching for someone else to be emotionally intimate with. Maybe the shortcomings aren't all one-sided.

My advice, talk about it.
**sidenote: what does her weight have to do with anything?

Additional Info:
Further, you mention specifically that this is a BDSM affair. I am assuming you and your husband are not into BDSM in your real lives. Perhaps he has a unexplored desire for dominance or submission and is using Second Life to safely explore these feelings. Of course this does not mean it is appropriate given your relationship, just that there is perhaps an underlying *reason* he is doing other than the one you are thinking.
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