Are you a victim of abuse if your husband treats you like a child and is silent and sulky when angry?

Answer 1

It is a mild form of abuse, but still abuse. You should not be afraid to talk to him. You should talk to a counselor or get the courage to talk to him and see if he will try to change, with your help. He might not know he is doing these things and that they bother you. You have to tell him for him to really know. He may need to talk to someone also. Possibly the both of you together and separate may be a good idea.

Yes! Would your best friend do that to your Pastor? Something is seriously wrong with him and whatever he's blaming it on is no excuse for his bad behavior. When he was a young did he get his fanny smacked for that kind of childish behavior? Unfortunately, you are the one suffering for the parent's lack of training, disciplining, and guidance. I bet he has got away with this most of his life. Now you know the truth. Time to speak frankly and calmly to him and let him know that you are not going to be treated this way anymore and the buck stops here. You are not a doormat. The Lord created you like nobody else and you deserve respect.

This type of treatment from your spouse, who is supposed to be your partner (your equal), is very abusive. The silent treatment is his/her attempt at controlling when the problem/issue will be discussed. Do not tolerate this behavior. You are an adult and should be treated as such. But keep in mind, this type of behavior from your spouse indicates the he/she is not equipped with an adult mind so you will most likely end up talking to him/her like you would a child. If he/she is treating you like a child, he does not consider you an equal partner. Healthy relationships develop among equal partners. Address this behavior with your spouse immediately!

As odd as it sounds, here is my remedy to counter the silent treatment, which for me worked. My ex husband constantly ignored me by withholding love, attention, time together and any form of communication. It was horrible. At first I was very sad and hurt but eventually I realised I had to take action. I found out later as well that he is a crystal meth addict. I began to meet new people who treated me well. Every time he ignored me I would tell myself "oh well, I'm just one step closer as he made it easier) to meeting a decent man. Eventually I lost all interest, did not care at all, and divorced him. I am now only friend to people who show reciprocal affection and goodness. I do not settle. He now begs to talk. I guess they realise what they had when the rug is pulled out from under. Good luck.

I was in a relationship with a man that would always choose to be silent when he was in a bad mood. At first I always wondered what did I do wrong. I blamed myself for him being depressed. I would try so hard to get him out of it but all that happened was I ended up absorbing his negative energy and would end up being depressed myself. I finally realized that it is his problem and I have all that I can. I am able to move on emotionally. It was a hard lesson to learn but I feel much more stronger. It is his loss that he couldn't overcome his lack of communication.

Whenever I am happy and in a good mood, my boyfriend will be quiet and not talk to me or give me short replies if any. Then when I m hurt and just stop talking and get quiet he then tries to talk and be happy. He does this all the time. After he sees that he hurt my feelings and made me sad, he will start talking to me. He withholds affection a lot. He uses sex to hurt me. He wont show interest in me unless he wants it. He is so mean. He will reject me, but then he will tell me other times I am so beautiful. He doesn't call me names unless it's during a fight. He doesn't tell me I am worthless. 2 weeks after our daughter was born, he broke up with me cause he didn't want to be with a white girl, he is black. Then a week later, he was sorry and I took him back. Ever since then, I have been insecure about myself. He has cheated, he has done it all to me. However, he has never hit me and says he never will. When he gets mad he screams and yells so loud and it scares me so bad I just cry. He has grabbed me by my throat, pushed me and slammed me on the couch etc. Is it possible he wont hit me if he has done those things or will he eventually? I read many of the abusers are very jealous and control everything. He is the opposite. He acts as if he doesn't care about anything, where I go who I hang out with, guys or not, even if I say that guys cute or something he doesn't care. He is just like blah. I have asked why he doesn't care about anything I do and he says he is just different then other guys he is laid back and easy going. Is that possible or does he act like that to hurt me? Cause he knows it hurts me when he is so nonchalant. When I have had enough I try to leave him. He flips out, he talks about his life is over or he threatens me. He says he will always be around. When I try to discuss my feelings, he wont talk much. He drives me crazy. He says I am too sensitive, which might be true, so I am just confused and don't know if he is mean or if I am crazy.

You are NOT crazy, and he IS mean...and probably crazy too. When I was much younger, I was in a relationship with a man who did similar things. I was not physically abused, but I did experience emotional abuse. Please trust me when I tell you that none of his behaviors will change and they will only get worse. He is mentally ill, in my opinion. The physical abuse will never go away. Please remember that you have a child to think of first. Do not subject children to this insane behavior. Don't let a child see a man lay his hands on you in ANY form other than tenderness. You are helping to raise the next generation of abusers if you do. I understand that you care for him. Sometimes we mistake neediness and low self-esteem for love and affection. Ask yourself.... are you afraid to stand alone? Do you honestly feel that you deserve to be treated in this manner? (No one does) Do you want the very best for yourself and your child? It will be very, very difficult but if you leave him now you will absolutely find a better life. Trust yourself and make plans to go this very minute. Contact your family for help. Contact an abuse treatment center or women's shelter. Save money or sell things if you must. However, you must not tell him of your plans...ever. He must come home and find you gone. Don't put yourself in the situation where he can talk you out of it or worse. Men in these situations will sometimes hurt or even kill the women they feel are "possessions". It happens every day in this country and around the world. Most of these women never believed this man they loved could ever shoot, stab, or burn them until it happens. Your child needs you to be strong and the best person you can be. He is innocent. Give him the life you both deserve. P.S. I found a man who is loving 9 years ago when I chose to love myself.

He does this to convey the message, "You are not worthy of my time, affection etc." It is a way to abuse you, as he knows you will wonder what you did so wrong to actually have a person ignore you. By ignoring someone, they send the message that you matter so little that they cant even be bothered to talk with you. I was in a marriage like that and as odd as it sounds I felt like a ghost. Now looking back I can see why, because I felt devalued like an object that had no importance, nothing important to say or do...this is the motive of these abusers...to make you feel non existent.

My husband and I just had a fight (again). It never even occurred to me that this was abusive. Even though I feel terribly abused. I feel afraid and alone and I wonder whom this man is that I married. We've been married 15 yrs and he's always been this way but has gotten worse as time has gone by. When I try to talk to him he literally says that he could care less what I have to say, he says a lot of things like that to me, he calls me a stupid B---ch and much worse. My 7 yr old son is chronically ill and I shamefully must say that I stay with him because I am so afraid of standing on my own. I feel sad and hopeless and desperate. I commend the women that are able to be strong enough to take a stand and move on. I know that to most I sound pathetic, maybe I am.

You don't sound pathetic. You sound confused, hurt, and bewildered as to how to help yourself. Many abused partners don't want the relationship to end, but want the abuse to stop. However, one usually doesn't stop without the other. Look into counseling, hotline, and support group services in the phone book or internet phone book for abused partners (domestic violence services). Abuse takes many forms: verbal, psychological and emotional, financial, medical, physical sexual etc. The folks that work in domestic violence are aware of that, are well trained and knowledgeable. They should be able to give you resources where you can find validation, support, and help if you to navigate yourself out of the relationship safely - if necessary. You are not alone. You sound like millions of other partners who have found themselves in similar situations within their relationship(s). God Bless You, you are strong enough, and there is hope.

My wife and I got in to a fight earlier today. I usually get frustrated and end up giving the silent treatment for about an hour or two until I can calm down. At that point, we talk about it and make up. Am I in the same category as these other men? Am I being abusive? I just want to have some time to myself so that I can cool off and think rationally. I can't beat my wife, I can't yell at her, I can't give the silent treatment.... how should I handle it? I have never or would never think of abusing her physically or verbally, but what can I do?

The silent treatment is a sign of a person who feels the need to be in control and that is a way of putting themselves in a position of power. From my experience of the abusive relationship I just came out of, that form of abuse is just one of the many ways a secretly insecure person attempts to keep another person under their control and have themselves in a position of power. Someone who behaves in that way is also likely to be abusive in other ways. Using physical force to control someone also is abuse, this includes intimidation, pushing, grabbing... etc, etc. With my partner, the physical abuse started early, but if it began with extreme violence, I would have never stayed. I was with him for a year before he used more severe forms of lashing out at me. It started with things like him picking me up and physically restraining me, ripping the bed sheets off me, or the passive-aggressive 'silent treatment'. Be careful, if your man starts to treat you like this it can only get worse.

The "silent treatment" is a notorious form of abuse.