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All abuse victims want to retaliate. Some forms of retaliation are inappropriate, or - worse - directed not at the abuser but at those of a similar type. The best forms of retaliation are prosecution, confrontation, or simply making public the details of the abuse. By this I don't mean going to the media, unless the situation is serial and extreme and nobody else is listening. A last resort, in other words, because it will hurt the victim as much as the perpetrator. Tell friends and family of the abuse, in a calm and coherent manner. If the abuser is close to or part of the family this will not necessarily be received well, but at least you've tried and kept your dignity at the same time. And you'll have planted a seed of doubt in the minds of those who respect your abuser. This is a positive form of retaliation, which will leave you feeling better for taking the initiative. Don't expect sudden, stunning results; these things take time. Abusers are frequently very clever at appearing to be good people, so it's difficult for those close to accept they mightn't be all that good after all. It is important for abuse victims to realise they are not At Fault, and that taking revenge diminishes them and puts them on a level with their abuser. Discussing episodes of abuse in a soft, calm manner - possibly not from a personal perspective - can also help prospective victims recognize the signs of a predator. The main thing here is not to frighten young people; scared and insecure people are prime victims.
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A sentence using retaliate?
He did not want to retaliate against his coworker's criticism, choosing instead to address the issue calmly.
Will the taliban retaliate now bin lardin is dead?
It is likely that Al-Kaida would want to retaliate since the US killed Bin Laden.
Why do abuse books suggest that the victim get counseling to deal with the abuse when it is obvious that the victim will never be truly happy until the abuser is out of their life?
Most books tell you to leave the abuser and then get the counseling. That's what Abused Women's Centers are for. They not only give the victim a safe place to stay, but help them get on their feet by going to court (if need be re their abuser) fight for custody of their children, and help them find a job. In payment for this they expect the victim to do their part by learning about the Cycle of Abuse and also taking their programs so the victim will not go back to her abuser or, will not choose another abusive mate. These groups are wonderful because it puts the victim in a group of other abused women and they don't feel so alone in their plight. One can read all the books they want, but I call it "arm chair psychiatry" and the victim has to be serious enough to really want to get out of the relationship and thus, "The Abused Women's Centers." Marcy Sometimes abuse has left the victim's self-esteem in such a bad state that the victim has no courage or energy left anymore to leave or to make any other important decisions. As abuse is all about control, it's important that the victim starts to feel in control and empowered. Leaving the abuser must be her decision, no-one else's. For many victims, leaving also means financial hardship, divorce and custody proceedings etc. It is not easy to leave, and the victim will certainly need all her courage to end the cycle.
Why do people abuse?
because normally they have something going on in there life
How can a victim leave an abuser with no money?
* Most victims of abuse just want to leave with the clothes on their back and are not worried about leaving their abuser penniless. The abuser has taken everything from their victim ... their dignity; peace of mind; brain washed them into believing no other man would want them and they are useless and will never make it out in the world on their own; alienated them from their family and friends and controlled all money issues in the relationship. If there are children involved then the best you can hope for is child support and that would have to go through the courts. Victims of abuse generally want no part of their abuser and will do anything to stay completely away. The victim should seek help from Women's Abuse Centers to find a 'safe place' until they can get on their feet. These centers give moral support; programs about victims of abuse; go to court with them; help with any children the victim may have and help them find a job. If you are smart you'll head out the door and never look back and not look for revenge because the abuser always loses in the end ... they hang themselves with their own rope.
Why might the victim of long-term emotional abuse still want out of the marriage even if the abuser seems to be trying to change?
There are hurt feelings. She still sees the past, it is hard to forget that. Because the victim knows the man probably wont change.
Why is physical abuse the only thing that can force an abuser into counseling when many people consider emotional abuse just as bad?
You can't take pictures of the effects of verbal abuse. Testimony of friends and therapists is not as strong a form of evidence since they were probably not present for the worst of the situation. Forcing any kind of abuser into counseling rarely works. It is sort of like the question, "how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?" and the answer is, "One, but he has to really want to." Physical abuse is much more dangerous (can leave broken bones, black eyes, split lip and bruising as evidence) and, physical abuse can also lead to murder. If a woman reports her physical abuse the police will have a female officer take photos of the marks on the victim's body as evidence. They will also take hospital reports of the victim being treated for physical abuse into a court of law. Mental abuse is in the control of most victims. The mental abuser often plays mind games and is miserable, but doesn't attack his victim physically. The victim does have the chance to leave their mental abuser and file for divorce. In many cases the lawyer can prove mental abuse. In fact, for years reasons for a divorce was "mental anquish" (the same thing as Mental Abuse.) I agree that Mental Abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse, but, it doesn't leave marks one can see like physical abuse does. Still, the victim has more freedom than a victim that is physically abused to leave the situation or to file for divorce, leaving the rest up to the lawyer. Marcy
How do you write an apology letter for an accident you caused?
Writing an apology letter for an accident you caused can be good for you and for the victim. It allows you to apologize sincerely, make amends, as well as make the victim feel like you care and want to make it right.
How do you convince your non-abusive parent to see an abuse therapist with you?
You would first need to get them to understand that they are a victim too. They may assume that because they are not the abuser, that they don't need therapy. Also, they might not be aware as to how the abuse is affecting their child, or they might fear that they are playing a role in the abuse, and they don't want to be told they are contributing to you being abused.
What is emotional abuse?
Continuous insults, demands and harassment towards a partner with the intent to erode that person's self esteem. It may take place only in private, or it may be done publicly to increase the victim's humiliation. The victim is told, either directly or in various ways, that they cannot manage--their appearance, their sexuality, their finances, their emotions, their entire life. Abuse often occurs with the victim being isolated from family and friends, as to where they perceive their abuser as their only source of "support". The abuse may at times alternate with expressions of love and affection, only to reoccur again and again. When confronted with their behavior, the abuser tends to become angry and blame the victim for the abuser's behavior. The emotional abuser allows the victim no criticism or input into what goes on in the relationship.Emotional abuse is when someone is calling another names; telling them constantly they will never make anything of themselves or no one will want them and just basically putting them down at every chance the emotional abuser gets. The victim of the abuse will lose their confidence; eventually believe what their emotional abuser is saying and often the victim will become depressed and remain extremely quiet in most social situations.emotinal abuse is the calling names, ignoring, or saying mean things to the child like "i would have gotten an abortion if i was aloud" or "why didnt i give you up for adoption when i had the chance"
How do you respond when your abusive partner calls you an abuser after threatening to leave?
I confronted my abuser and said that I need a healthy relationship and I won't continue to be in an abusive one. I said that I would leave if abuse continued. She admitted to verbal abuse and being controlling, but she also said that "it is not as bad as I say it is." She also says that I am an emotional abuser because I threatened to leave, and says that I am controlling her because I want her to change. Now she is the "victim" and I am the "abuser" she says. What do I do? abusers often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner symapthy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior. There are two ways to cope with an abuser - to submit to him or to confront him. What prompted you to threaten him/her to leave the relationship? Abuse. You are a victim twice. One, the abuse you have self-destructively and willingly tolerated. Two, the guilt that your partner is trying to inflict upon you for protecting yourself from any further deterioration. Your partner is just trying to manipulate you further into staying. You wanted to leave because she abused you- so she decided to play the role of the victim to lay the guilt on you and get you to stay. Abusers love to play the role of the victim, and try to make you feel bad for trying to make yourself feel good.
Is it wise to give your abuser another chance?
No it is not wise to go back to your abuser because they will only abuse you again and perhaps the next time around you go back to them the abuse will get worse. Abusers are generally a product of their own environment they grew up in and have most likely witnessed abuse between their parents and therefore they have carried what they have learned from the parents; plus the frustration and rage they feel within themselves onto their own relationships with the opposite sex. Abusers can be foxy with controlling their victim (and you are a victim of abuse) by sweet talking their victim; tricking the victim into thinking they are the nicest person one would want to meet, but slowly they manipulate their victim by isolating them from their family and friends and then controlling their victim by telling them what they can think; where they can go or, in many cases work their magic on their victim by verbally abusing the victim into thinking that they are less a human being; the victim loses their independence and begins to believe their abuser. If you are one of the lucky ones and managed to leave your abuser then be wise and keep moving forward and don't look back! You deserve a much better partner in your life and you can attain this if you see a counselor to learn tools so you do not choose another abusive partner because often victims of abuse choose these types of people without realizing it such as 'being looked after and feeling secure' to a myriad of other reasons.
