Does the literature on abuse change when the victim is a man and the abuser is a woman?

Answer 1

Literature on AbuseAccording to law enforcement statistics, women abusers - especially batterers - are far rarer than male abusers. As a result, most of the literatuire deals with men.

Most of the "facts" are still the same. Same personalities, only opposite. Only it's even harder for a man to get help because of the way men are supposed to be. That will make them look weak and wimpy.

Here is more from Wiki s contributors:

• There are simply more women out in the world than men, thus there are more abused women, but the percentage of abused men is running very high and getting higher in modern times. Women have been fighting for "their rights" since the 1900's (fighting for the vote, fighting to be doctors, fighting for careers in a man's world, etc., etc.) and with this power it can be misused by many women. They can get caught up in their new-found freedom and misjudge what their roles are in society, just like men can. It's complex. In these modern times we are really getting into a major learning curve of whether men and women are equals. The odd thing about it is, men and women can work side-by-side quite nicely if the participants are willing, but either one can misuse that power and go their different ways.

• In my case, the link did not help me as a man trying to understand my probably abusive relationship. She emphasizes the intellectual - her superior memory, education, occupational drive - the financial, etc. She asks why I don't work harder and get a better job, then makes it impossible for me to pursue one by making incessant demands on my time. She is at once domineering beyond all reason and irrationally submissive. I don't know if I'm more destroyed and distraught when she tells me I've messed up my whole life through my failures before she came into my life, or when she says robotically to have sex with her 'because that's what a good wife does'. In any case, that link doesn't describe her-as-woman at all, I'm afraid to say.

• Yes, the literature is different for abused men. To the poster who's wife is dominant re her workplace and putting you down because you don't work hard enough. There is a very slim line between verbal abuse and it's a hard one to figure out. My suggestion to you is to tell her to knock it off. Stand up for yourself! Sit down with her and tell her that you don't appreciate her put-downs. Don't swallow the one "I'm doing it for your own good." If you make a mate feel badly when they are trying their very best to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads, then it's time to come out with both guns blazing. Tell her that discussions are OK, constant arguing is not, and if it continues you are leaving. This will certainly have her thinking more clearly.

Also for the men here (I don't mean this as an excuse either, but it happens.) Women as young as mid-30s can go through their peri-menopause which means their bodies are getting ready to go into menopause. Some women can start their full-fledged menopause as young as their mid-30s (getting more abundant now) and it's a tough road for some women. Yes, there is Hormone Replacement, but this very drug can cause Breast cancer and blood clots, so there is a lot of responsibility and hard going for the woman of today. Symptoms of going through hormonal changes are: mood swings (can be the wicked witch of the West one day and sweet as pie in a few hours), perspiring a great deal (they are called hot flashes) and very drastic changes in their appearance (bloating, gaining weight, becoming lethargic or becoming hyper) and during this time some women have a tough time being reminded every day by these symptoms that they are getting older. Some men have brought it on themselves, because some men will grow tired of his wife and look for a younger mistress or leave for a younger girlfriend. The kicker is, men do go into male menopause too! It use to be called mid-life crisis, but doctors have now found that indeed men go through hormone changes usually starting in their 40's.

So, you must sit down, and go over the facts ... is your wife going through peri-menopause or menopause and cranky or just being plain abusive? This is something you can talk about with her to. Even if she is going through menopause it gives her no right to be at you constantly. You must sit down and try to figure out some common ground. Take an interest in her feelings and you may find out a lot more. The major complaint of most women is that men simply seem to float through life and tend not to get involved with their mates feelings. Working it out together is much better and that goes for both parties.

The rarity of male victims is not backed by facts. Check the data charts of any study on domestic violence against women and you will note that 39% of the victims are men, though this is rarely mentioned in the summaries. see Annette's Story