How can you get your grown daughter and her boyfriend out of your house without feeling like bad parents?

Answer 1

Hi there

Great to hear from you again. I know this scene only too well because it happens in a lot of families. I live in British Columbia, Canada and it appears the kids don't want to leave home until sometimes into their early 30s. In most cases here, it's because the price of living is up so high and so are rents (a basement suite in a house is approximately $550 - $800/month) and an apartment can be on the average as expensive as $800 - $1200/month. Most young people don't make that kind of money, so, they stay with their parents until they get their education and hopefully land a good job and then they leave.

I'm surprised your parents allowed your sister's boyfriend to move in, because parents usually have strict rules regarding the guy not being married to her. It appears your sister is spoiled and now she's having her little hissy fits to get her own way. You're parents basically have just run out of fuel at their ages and it's easier to give in and leave well enough alone.

If your're parents health isn't effected by this and there is no arguing or fighting going on then since your sister is almost finished paying off her loan and should be getting a job soon, then I'd let sleeping dogs lie. I know it's a great concern to you to see your parents go through this, but they agreed to it. As far as her boyfriend being a loafer your sister chose him and she's going to have to live with him. She may get smarter when she gets a job and will get tired of him loafing around while she has to work hard to bring the money in. This is a road your sister is going to have to travel down on her own and she'll be the one that will pay the consequences. That's not really such a bad thing because she'll learn a very dear lesson out of this (and she will!)

If this is affecting your parents health or causing them a low quality of life or depleting their hard earned money by these two living with them, then you MUST talk to your parents and tell them that you'll back them 100%. Explain to them that although they mean well they are "enabling" your sister from standing on her own two feet and if they stick to their guns and give them a time frame when they are to leave they are helping her more than harming her. Then have your parents, you, your sister and that dead-beat boyfriend sit down once and for all and give them 2 months to get out of there! Your parents aren't bad parents and you aren't a bad sister. Your sister and her boyfriend are free-loading and I know lots of young people that go to college, work 2 - 3 jobs, pay their tuition and books and still manage to pay their parents a small amount of rent. Your parents will be upset over this meeting of the 5 of you, but it will be short-lived. If they give your parents or you any trouble quietly go to the police and explain the circumstances because they can actually come to the house and tell your sister and her boyfriend to get their butts out of there or THEY will remove them (if this is your parent's wishes.) Of course your sister will be furious, but she'll get over it in time.

You're some daughter and sound like an honest and very strong person, so take the bull by the horns and have that talk with your parents and mention to them they are "enabling" your sister and why they are. This may give them the courage to do what they weren't able to do in the first place. You parents have earned the right to have peace and harmony in their home not to mention privacy.

I have had many friends that have had to kick their kids out of their home and it only took a couple of months before all was well once again. The parents had peace and the son/daughter they kicked out of the house turned out to be more mature from working and earning a living and in time got along far better with their parents when they came home to visit.

If I had the choice between the two I would pick giving them 2 months to get out of there. He's a big boy and certainly can make better money than he is and quite capable of looking after your sister. Stick to your guns hon!

Please keep in touch and let me know how things turned out.

Good luckMarcy

Because we like to give the very best advice we can on this board could you post under me and give a few more details about why your daughter and her boyfriend are living under your roof and how old they are and if they have children together?

ThanksMarcyHi Marcy. Thanks a lot for your help. I'm actually trying to help out my dysfunctional parents. They've made the mistake of letting my sister's boyfriend move in in the first place. My parents aren't nearly as strong as they were when I was growing up. When they've tried kicking him out before, my sister would just get hyserical and throw a big fit. They're both in their early twentys with no kids. My sister had just earned a degree in massege therapy. She just needs to finish paying off around a grand to receive her diploma. Her boyfriend in my opinion is a loser, and he barely makes any money or hours working some kind of constuction. They both together hardly make their rent of $200 every month asked by my parents. They don't even by their own food. They're in a small redneck town with the main city being about 35 miles away. What should my parents, my sister and her boyfriend do?

AnswerIt's your house tell them have have out stayed their welcome and you're tired of supporting them. Make them get a taste of reality.