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How do you handle your spouse cheating how do you get over it and trust again?

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2005-10-24 18:49:03
2005-10-24 18:49:03

I do know how you feel because I was married before and separated at the age of 24 and got a divorce as quickly as I could. To me marriage was forever and I realized I had made a big mistake. My husband cheated on me several times and with more than one woman. All the signs were there from the time we went together He was mentally abusive and soon it turned physical. I finally caught the drift that it no one should have to put up with anyone cheating and certainly not abusive behavior and I left! Of course I was broken-hearted and scared. Still, I found a nice apartment, changed my job and made better money, made new friends and after a couple of months I felt like a caged bird set free and I never looked back on my decision with any regrets. If I hadn't have left him it would have only been a matter of time before he left me. I refused to let this man make me a man-hater (same applies to men being a woman-hater) and forged on. I eventually met and married a wonderful man and we have been married for 33 years. When someone you love cheats on you it breaks a trust between the two of you that should never have been broken in the first place, and you can never get that trust back (if you are the cheater ... not accusing you of this.) Often when the cheater goes his/her merry way, 89% of the time they find they have either made a mistake or they can't stand the fact their ex is seeing someone else and is actually unhappy. The cheater will often start phoning until some end up begging for that second chance. Once a person has cheated it takes years for them to gain your trust and perhaps they never will gain it. Realize that two people are plain old chemistry and this isn't the right person for you. We all make mistakes and since we don't know ourselves 100% we can't be expected to know someone else 100%. Many people think grieving is only saved for the loved ones that pass on, but not true. We can grieve over pets, our homes flooding or burning, traumas in our lives, wars, or the realization of a lost love. Take a couple of months to go through some of the grieving process, but also take this time to get to know who you are and what you are about and realize just how precious you are to many, and also how strong you really are. Once you get the drift of these good qualities in yourself there isn't anything you can't handle. I always say to myself, "There are only two things I can rely on 100%, God and myself." Once you have had a chance to get your feet under you, then get out with friends, start having some fun and enjoy the freedom that comes with it. Go on that trip you may have wanted to go on, and if you can't afford that then go places in your City that you have always wanted to go too and just enjoy yourself. Start spoiling yourself for a change. I am a firm believer all of us have to go through some rough times in our lives to know the good that should be in our lives and weed out the bad so we can forge forward and become stronger individuals. Hang on, it gets a whole lot better! God Bless Marcy

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Related Questions


yes you would if you did not trust her or he if you totally trust them you you wouldn't but if not you would

Does your spouse flirt with other people, does he or she come home late, Do they ever hang out with you, These are signs that they are cheating but, if you trust they would NOT cheat then trust them.

You can trust your spouse again by simply starting t believe in them and by stop doubting them.

No, once a spouse has cheated they have broken that bond of trust even though humans are not perfect and can make one mistake by cheating on their spouse. The spouse that was cheated on will always have that hurt tucked away in the back of their minds and be very wary of their spouse cheating again. However, many times a spouse may cheat; that bond of trust broken, but if it was just a one time issue then the married couple can still have a good strong marriage if they work on their communication skills and are honest with each other regarding their feelings.

When a spouse breaks that bond of trust it will take several months to possibly a year or more (of good behavior) for that cheating husband to earn the trust back from their spouse. The victim of a cheating spouse should never make it easy for the cheater to come back into their lives and continue on as if nothing has happened, but, they should not harp at the cheating spouse or the relationship would wither away. To err is human and sometimes either men or women make a mistake and cheat, but some never cheat again while others may find themselves cheating over and over again. This is why it is important for the victim of cheating to tell their spouse they will only take them back if they agree to go to marriage counseling where the marriage counselor can give them the tools to correct the weak areas in the marriage. If the cheating spouse refuses, then it is better to walk away from the marriage.

he may be getting bored. try something more interesting in bed.

That's for the spouse to determine depending on the condition of the marriage and severity of the adultery (if any).

A residual trust is known as the A-B trust. It its set up to handle someones estate and allow for part of it to be used for the spouse.

When a spouse gives their other spouse all their love; trust and loyalty they always feel their spouse will do the same so when the spouse has an affair it comes as a shock to the other spouse. It is heartbreaking; that treasured bond of trust you once had in your spouse has gone and not easily earned back. It is normal to envision your cheating spouse being with someone else and enjoying themselves and it makes you question yourself as far as 'did I do something wrong; perhaps not enough and I let my partner down'; 'is our sexual relationship not good enough and did I do anything wrong; to 'does my cheating spouse think I am not attractive enough' or in some cases 'have I lost my looks and I'm too old and they don't want me anymore.' This makes the victim of a cheating spouse feel insecure and eventually they become angry and resentful and find it difficult to forgive their spouse for the cheating; the victim cannot feel sympathy for their spouse; the victim has a deep seated urge to pay back their cheating spouse for all the hurt he/she caused them and this in turn involves a poor sexual relationship because the victim feels when their cheating spouse is making love they are still thinking of the other person they cheated with. Marriage counseling can help, but it is entirely up to you (you hold the power) to either move on from the marriage or see a marriage counselor to learn the tools to deal with any problems in your marriage, but it takes the both of you to make it work. As far as your trust in your spouse it will take time and it is entirely up to them to earn that trust again.

Vows were taken in a marriage to love and honor and the couple are expected to stay together for the rest of their lives. When a spouse cheats they break this bond of trust and it is extremely difficult to gain back if the spouse being cheated on doesn't ask for a divorce first. Cheating is sleazy; selfish and hurts not only the husband or wife; but any children they have and perhaps members of both sides of the family. When a spouse cheats they are not only cheating, but they are lying to their spouse.

You would have to try to win his trust back and tell him you are sincerely sorry...and mean it!

don't trust because if its the second time the chance has gone and so is the trust

You cant he maby still wont trust you so find a new boyfriend

People are only human and can make a mistake, but they should learn from that mistake and obviously your spouse has not learned or does not want to learn from the first mistake of cheating because he has done so again and therefore, no, you cannot trust him again as he has broken that bond of trust. Trust is not easy to attain once broken. He is either immature or does not want to commit to one woman and you are going to have to decide if you want to live a life with him of always wondering if he is going to cheat again.

Yes, some individuals can think their spouse is cheating when they are not. Some individuals have a jealous streak because they are not confident in themselves or perhaps have been hurt by someone else in the past that did cheat. Once an individual has been cheated on previously they are more inclined to be more suspicious of their new spouse cheating. This is where good communication skills is most important in a relationship and you should feel free to discuss how you feel with your spouse and then listen to what they have to say. There are male and female spouses who do cheat, but in most cases the signs are there or eventually the spouse cheating will give themselves away or be caught. We all risk a spouse cheating throughout our life spans, but thankfully a higher percentage do not cheat. Your relationship should be based on trust and if you do not feel you have it then work on it by communicating with your spouse or, if you are having difficulties with thinking your spouse is cheating there is nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist to get you over your difficult time.

i was caught cheating when the father of my children came across my phone bill. i want him to trust me again but i think its too late.

if you actually think that they are cheating on you and you feel the need to prove it , hate to say it ,but then they probably are! So trust your instinct, should you have to worry about that in a relationship anyway?

U dont, even if u do she will never trust u again

talk to god!! only way! ANSWER: Talk to your priest if your a catholic, a pastor if you are Protestant. But one thing you might and can help you is talk to your spouse and if the two of you are still living together, ask him or her that having time by yourself might help you to decide what you wanted in life right now. Being away from each others can really help you. I did it but mine went straight to divorce. ANSWER: dont just forgive him\her. THINK for yourself can you handle another heartbreak? give ur self some space.think think think.cause in the end you can only trust your self.consider your children if you have any. can they handle it..........can YOU handle it?????????? think do you love him enough to trust him again. cause in the end it all comes down to love ,hope, trust and your instincts....make the right decision....pray....

I would never trust him again. Once they cheat once, they are tempted to do it again. Check on him and see if he is lying to you when you ask him for the truth. He should uderstand if you explain that it's hard to trust him now after he did it once. I hope I helped. Amy<3

No. It will never be the same. The element of trust has been broken and you will always wonder if he/she is cheating or having an affair.

*Unless you have some hard facts the spouse is cheating and lying about it then yes, it can be mental abuse if you are always bringing the matter up and it's affecting your relationship. The only way you will know for sure is to follow your spouse (that's how I caught my first husband cheating) or hire a detective. If you aren't willing to do either then you are going to have to live with it and not keep accusing your spouse of cheating. There are so many relationships that have been destroyed by jealousy or second-guessing. Some men/women have a problem of trust when it comes to their mate even though their mate is not cheating.

Hell yes. Make them grovel and milk it, that's what I'm still doing to my boyfriend.

* If your spouse has been true to you then you are a highly jealous person and need to seek psychological counseling before you completely destroy your relationship with your spouse. If your spouse has cheated on you then it will take many months; possibly years to ever trust them again. Once trust is broken it is difficult to get back. Seek marriage counseling and the two of you should learn the tools to survive in your relationship if you really love each other.

If you had an affair, your spouse must have had a very broken heart, and can not love you again, or trust you. what you do for pleasure with someone other than your spouse causes your spouse a great deal of pain, that's why it is usually frowned upon.


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