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How do you let go of the past and make your marriage work when your husband had affair and his family was in on it for mths?
Wiki User
∙ 16y ago
This happen to me in 2005. I do't know how long your husbands affair went on but my husbands went on for 8 months. At first he tried to tell me it was a mistake,but as we all know something going on that long is in no way a mistake,it was in fact something he chose to do. The affair had nothing to do with you and it wasn't your fault. Some will disagree with me on this. But like I said he chose to do it instead of coming to you and telling you how he felt and sitting down with you and try to work the problems out. I like yourself had a hard time forgiving my husband and felt a deep hurt inside until just a few months ago. I made my mind up that I wasn't going to wallow in self pity or feel unsecure about it anymore because I know I'm a good woman and realized I was just wasting my time,energy,self esteem and sleepless nights and the other woman was winning by me letting it torture me. You can't watch him day and night,you have to trust him if he says he loves you. He is still with you is a sign that he loves you and if he had loved her he would had left you for her. My husband and I have had a rocky 2 years since this happen but we have a stronger marriage and are happier than before. We made a vow to each other to be open and honest about everything. I promised him I would go more places with him as I hadn't before because I felt he didn't want me around. He felt I didn't love him anymore. You can see what I'm talking about here. We just weren't talking to each other and the problems kept piling up until the affair happen. Just give him a chance to prove to you that he is sorry for what he has done,its hard I know. Keep your eyes open,we all get to comfy in our marriages. Sometimes we forget to keep the romance going. If you try everything you know how after 6 months or so and you don't see that he is trying to really get your trust back then don't waste anymore of your time. My husband would call me to let me know where he was at,even brought home his overtime sheet so I could have a look at it without me even asking him to do so. Before this I could never get him on his cell,he would be gone for long hours and would never spend time with me on his off days and I found out several times he would tell me he would be one place and end up 30-40 miles away at a supposed freinds house when he was in fact with her. Good Luck
Wiki User
∙ 16y ago
Wiki User
∙ 16y agoWell this is a very hard thing to go through I've been there. The way I see it is there are two ways this story could have gone 1. His family knew but didn't want you to leave the family or be hurt and were in hopes he would stop or 2. They knew it and helped him have his fun and didn't care if you are hurt or not. Now, with making the marriage work you by yourself can't hold the marriage together,he has to want to do it too. One person can try but its just going to be a waste of your time if he is not interested. As for his family if they knew and didn't care..write them off..give him six months and if he doesn't try or want to continue with the marriage..kick his butt to the curb and go on with your life. There are good men out there who will treat you the way a husband should treat a wife. I know that your feeling down right now but don't sit around and think about it all day long,get out with friends,if you don't have a good friend(as if he comp-lained all the time and you gave them all up to satisfy his controling ways like mine did)just get up clean yourself up put on makeup and fix your hair and that will make you feel better.It did me. But I felt better getting away from the house and just taking a walk or going to the library,Wal-mart etc. Good luck my dear
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Which is better to accept your husband admitting his affair to you or you discovering it?
It is much better if the husband admits to his affair because it shows he has remorse and humans make mistakes, but when a husband has the intestinal fortitude to admit he was wrong in what he did then he is ready to try and make the marriage work. A husband who has to be caught in an affair may even become angry over the fact his wife found out and he is neither remorseful and basically selfish not considering the hurt he is inflicting on his wife and family.
Can you make your marriage better than ever after your husband's affair?
No. He lied to you about love. Sure, you can forgive him, but that won't fix what he did.
How can I explain my affair to my husband and that there was no intimacy?
You will have to think very clearly about telling your husband about having an emotional affair. Most men do not believe a woman can have an emotional affair and not have a sexual relationship. There is a high possibility that your husband may not believe that when you had an affair there was no sex involved although this is highly possible, but not in his mind. What you can do is learn good communication skills and you must have had your reasons (that clouded your judgment) to have an affair and you need to deal with these problems. Take time to think why you felt the need to have an emotional affair in the first place and then sit down with your husband and express why you are unhappy in the marriage and perhaps seek Marriage Counseling or the two of you could make a better effort with each other to make your marriage a more solid one. Once you have broken that bond of trust with your spouse it is difficult to gain their trust back.
Is making an apology from your spouse affair enough to believe him?
When your husband has an affair and apologizes this is not good enough to fully trust him because he decided on his own to break that bond of trust you both once had for each other by having the affair. Make him earn your trust back and if he really loves you and is not a man that has had more than one affair then seek marriage counseling to help give you the tools to make your marriage stronger.
Could you set aside the pain your husband gave you from his affair for the sake of your young children?
Each individual woman is different when it comes to forgiving her husband for having an affair and it is a personal decision by that woman. Once that bond of trust is broken it is difficult for the wife to trust her husband and generally that mistrust turns into questioning the husband if he should be late coming home to where he is going and eventually some men will simply leave the marriage on that basis. Not only that, but the wife feels demeaned or sometimes unattractive because she can subconsciously feel she is unattractive or her husband wouldn't have found it necessary to have an affair. Of course is most cases this is not true and the husband would cheat no matter how attractive his wife is. If your husband has had more than one affair before it is more than likely he will have another one. If this is the first affair he has had then humans make mistakes and it is worth trying to resolve problems in your marriage by seeking out a good marriage counselor, but only if your husband is willing. If your husband refuses to get marriage counseling or does not want to give up the woman he has had the affair with or feels threatened by you to walk away from the affair then no, it is not wise to stay in such an unsettled and toxic marriage for the sake of the children. If you and your husband decide to dissolve the marriage then try to do it on a friendly basis for the sake of the children as children often blame themselves for their parents divorcing. Make sure you try to appear to be friends in front of the children and agree that your husband pays child support and has joint custody of his children so the children can have both parents in their lives. If you do not want to be quite so drastic as to apply for divorce you could try separating for awhile to see if you and your husband cannot work things out, but be sure the children get to see him or even stay with this father on weekends and some holidays.
Can you make your x-husband move out of the house?
husband is having an affair and giving her money. Can I make him move out of the house?
Can your marriage work if in your 18 year marriage you just found out that your husband has been in a 4 year affair and has a child with her?
It depends. Do you still love him. If you do, forgive him and move on. But make sure he stays away from that other woman. Good Luck.
Husband cheated on me and they are still friends?
You can't work on the issues in your marriage with your husband until he's a full partner in the marriage again. This is impossible unless he ends the affair completely--which he hasn't done. An affair doesn't truly end when the sex ends, it ends when the affair partners cease contact with eachother. Keeping in contact only feeds the emotional high both parties got from the affair. Unfortunately, this also sounds like gaslighting---your husband and the affair partner are claiming to be only friends, while there is still an emotional (and possibly sexual) relationship going on without your knowledge. Your husband isn't making a choice here; he's simply hoping to keep both his marriage and his relationship with the affair partner. You need to make the best choice for yourself at this time. Privately go to an attorney, look through your finances and have an honest talk with your husband. Demand, not ask, that he make a choice---either he becomes a full partner in the marriage by going to counseling with you and completely ending contact with the affair partner (even if it means changing jobs or moving), or he needs to leave the marital residence ASAP and expect a divorce.
How do you accept a child from your husband's affair into your family?
If your husband made one mistake in having an affair and has not cheated before that or after the affair then the child is part of him and also the biological mother. You have two options: #1 You can accept the child when and if he has custody of the child and make that child part of the whole family or #2 let him see his child if he wants too (he at least should pay child support) but see the child away from home. The decision will have to be discussed between you and your husband.
About your sister who have affair to other guy and she is pregnant right now which his husband and my family dont know this thing yet. especially for both of their husband and wife.?
It is none of your business. Stay out of it. You will only make it worse.
Is it a smart move to given up your marriage after your husband's affair?
Not if you love each other and can work through it. We're all human & make mistakes. Forgiveness, communication and love can conquer all.
Can I make my husband pay for a divorce if he is having an affair?
you can actually sue him and the chick he's affair with. Also I don't suggest a divorce. You promised to God that you are married with ONE person and I suggest going to marriage counselor before and start over and hopefully your husband wont go back to his ways and see you as the good woman you truly are.
