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Document EVERYTHING, dates/times/lengths of conversation/number calling from etc.! I always advise people to document in a black/white composition notebook so you can tell if any pages are torn out. Any recorded messages from her on your voice mail or cell/home phone are legally admissable in court as it was ruled that leaving a message or sending an email does not grant the expectation to privacy as the person is aware that anyone else might accidentally intercept the message. Try and communicate with her in email form or texting. Some phones have the ability to forward all text messages to their email account. Record ALL messages (verbally) left on a second recording device so that you are not in danger of having them accidentally deleted.
You need to document every major and minor incident. If she becomes violent then involve the police. If she refuses to allow the children to come with you on scheduled visitation, contact the police, provide a copy of your court order awarding you visitation and have them enforce it. Then get copies of all police reports. ALWAYS keep a copy of the custody and visitation order with you (put it in the glove compartment.)
You can take the child(ren) to therapy on the times you have visitation to help them through the erratic and chaotic home they are living in with when not with you. Then take all of your documentation to court. Don't forget to bring the recorded messages/police reports/journal with you. If the children have suspicious bruises, injuries, or are not receiving medical treatment in a timely manner then YOU go and get medical treatment as soon as you find out by taking them to the dr or er or police department. Make sure you obtain copies of the medical records also.
You can call CPS/DCFS/DSS and file an anonymous complaint (however you may not be thrilled with their outcome depending on the situation). Also you can not answer her calls (especially when there is a fight or angry situation going on) which will more than likely force her to leave a message (if it is beligerant and out of line the better for you).
When you pick up the kids (when possible) take a witness with you. If she has threatened harm towards you go with a witness and obtain a police escourt. All you have to do to get an escourt (or enforcement of the order) is to take it to the local police department (along with the threats if they are recorded/written). Schedule the pick ups and drop offs in neutral locations (like a local supermarket, coffee bar, mall, etc.)
NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT BASH YOUR EX TO YOUR KIDS! You will create a situation where they will more than likely resent you. As they age they will come to the realization of whats going on without you pointing it out.
Also when you approach the court (or CPS or the police) approach it from the standpoint of you are trying to get her help for your children and for her mental health issues. Maintain calm, speak clearly and itterate your points as quickly as possible. Do not become angry, irrational, an outburst from you WILL bite you in the butt and make you look horrible. IF CPS/the court/or the police believe that you are pursing this from the standpoint of revenge or anger or spite they will be less likely to assist you and sometimes even go against you.
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