How does a parent help a teenager get over an abusive relationship with a boyfriend?

Answer 1

First and foremost, report the abuse asap. As the parent, the responsibility falls with you. That doesn't mean the abuse will be made public. Things concerning minors are usually handled discreetly. Her friends will not know. Her ex boyfriends will not know. That sort of thing. Counseling may be an option. Offer positive social activities, like sports, clubs, church groups. Anything to fill her time with things that promote healthy self esteem. Abuse is a very invasive action and it is probably far worse than what your daughter has told you. Even grown women or men that are badly abused will not tell those around them (and if so they never tell the full story.) My girlfriends son (30 years old) was badly abused by his alcoholic wife and it was a nightmare for her. She wanted to help, but instincts told her to butt out at the time. He eventually (in his own time frame) left his wife. Abusers are adept at taking away self confidence in their victim and making them feel that everything is their fault. Unless your daughter has had the police come to break up an abusive situation between them or she has reported it to the police then don't upset your daughter further by reporting her ex boyfriend because there is little that will done about it. You can't accuse anyone with abuse without proof. I volunteer in British Columbia, Canada for the Abused Women's Center and I would suggest you go along with your daughter and talk to a counselor in your area. The U.S. also have these centers. There are programs she can take to give her the tools so she will NEVER go back to her abuser and will not date another abusive man. Believe it or not a very high percentage of abused victims go back to their abuser and if by luck they manage to get away they don't have tools to see the signs of an abusive man and will repeat their mistakes yet once again. The Abused Women's Center also have meetings (you may not be allowed into these meetings, but can wait in another room) your daughter will soon see how many abused women there are and learn from their stories and realize she is a victim and not the cause of her abusive partner's actions. If her ex phones her often, comes to your home or is a pest in any way then report him to the police and slap a "Cease & Desist Order" against him. Although this isn't 100% it will be good evidence if this should ever have to go to court. Abused Women's Centers also have legal counsel and are very helpful in this area as well. Both of you need this help! My guess is that your daughter still loves this ex boyfriend and is confused as to why he would be so abusive. She inwardly feels she did something wrong or why else would he abuse her? Not true! Abusive men and women either have been brought up in an abusive environment or they are just plain mean to the bone and have gotten away with being abusive. She is not thinking straight and it's best to calmly talk about it, get her to that program and just be there for support. It is a good idea (in time) that she go out with girlfriends and have some fun and realize that there are indeed some very nice young men out there. Tell your daughter that you would appreciate it (don't order her) if she would bring her date inside and introduce him to you before leaving. This way you can meet him, know his name and get a general view of the young man's personality.