How is the success of a marriage life measured?

Answer 1

This is a very complicated question because there are so many factors and each individual is different and thus, their needs and desires from life will differ. Marriage was formed to unit two people as one; witnessed by God. Each mate took a vow to each other. However, one must realize when they enter into marriage that one can be caught up in expectations that are too high. Some of those expectations will come true, but many won't and this is when the partners have to learn to communicate and to be mature enough to be realistic about their expectations in life. Often couples become frustrated; become unhappy; do not know how to communicate their feelings and may cheat on the other mate. There is a choice! Communicate and try to better that marriage. In the U.S. there is a high divorce rate with couples married during the war years (the 1940's) and once children have left home the couple may divorce, while a few will remain loyal to each other. Divorce amongst Americans is at an all-time high and 'why' is the answer. It has been blamed on the 1960's when things were 'free and I'll be me' attitude. Couples started to live together openly and having their families. It was accepted into society so there are many couples living together and raising children and the reasons vary. Many feel that being married in a church, signing a piece of paper doesn't make a marriage stronger. It appears that the newer generations are 'whatever' or 'what about me' attitude. Not only don't they commit to relationships, but not much else in their lives. They are being short changed! The battle forges on. No specific studies have been made regarding how marriage is measured, but I've been divorced once, now married to a wonderful man for 36 years and I can only go by my own experiences. I don't have all the answers, but, something must be working. This is what a successful marriage is about to me: * Taking those vows and calming down enough to know what they mean and try to live your life around those vows to love, respect and protect each other. * Having fun 'dreaming the dream' of what you would like your future to be, but, knowing you may not be able to attain them and communicate with your partner so you both can decide to go down another road and still be happy within yourselves. * Not running away from your responsibilities in a marriage just because 'you've had enough'; husband and children are driving you crazy or, you feel 'the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.' Generally it isn't! * Realizing the two of you are individuals with different needs at times and being able to zero in on the other's needs and being there to help them reach those needs (if they are reasonable needs.) * Anyone who has not argued or felt like moving and not leaving a forwarding address has no idea what marriage is about. Everyone will argue, get frustrated and have a fantasy of leaving to be free to do as they wish, but the smart couples will cool off, leave the scene of the argument and then come back and talk things out. To hurt each other physically or verbally is painful and morally degrading. If something slips out in the heat of anger be sure to apologize. Both parties must realize that humans are fragile at best and make mistakes and aren't 100% perfect. * If one or both mates make a mistake then take the responsibility for that mistake and share it with their mate and try to rectify it the best they can. Everyone makes mistakes and should, because one wouldn't learn much without going through this procedure. * Giving each other 'space' to do things with their own sex. The male may want to go fishing, golfing, etc., with their friends and the female may want to go out with girlfriends. It makes both parties independent and strong and also gives them a breather from each other so arguments or tension are less likely to happen. * Sitting down for an hour or more with each other (no matter how busy you are) and talk about each other's day or if there are any problems that your mate may have or you may have and put your heads together to come up with a solution. * Learn to laugh at each other and together and often! * When things get tough see the humor in it. Make jokes about it and laugh off that tension before resolving any problems. * If you don't have respect for each other then you won't radiate respect to others close to you such as family and friends and you'll be cheating yourself. * Both parties should take the responsibility of raising any children they may have. Often men work long hours, come home and lay back, but, sometimes it's nice if 'dad' would babysit the kids so his wife could go out with her friends and relax. Spending quality time with the whole family is extremely important. * No matter if you have children or how old you are it's extremely important to go out together for a nice dinner (doesn't have to be expensive) a movie, a nice walk somewhere, socialize with friends and always touch base with each other at least once a day for that hour. There are no excuses, if you want too bad enough you can make the time! * No matter how old you get or how much you fear getting older your mate should be the first person you feel comfortable going too and discussing those fears. * You look at your partner and wonder if you really love them? There are times when couples go through this. They dream a little dream about what it would be like to be single again, but, all one has to do is go on the internet and see how lonely and depressed some people are. If your mate is a good person and loves you, treats you with respect and does the best they can then consider yourself one lucky person. Go back in time and drum up the memories of young love and all the great times you had together as well as how you both stuck it out together when times were tough. * Growing old ... is love still knocking on my door? The first phase: When a young couple first meets love and sex is at it's highest peak and the world is their oyster. The second phase: is when reality really steps in and they are about to enter into parenthood or deciding not to have children and concentrate on perhaps a career for each of them. That is a private choice. Raising children is one of the hardest jobs parents will ever have. The third phase: is when the children leave home and there is no more running your children off to school, sports, dance, doctors, dentists, etc., and there you stand before each other wondering what you are going to do with each other for the rest of your lives now that the children are gone. It's time again to sit down and communicate. Some couples love to travel while others are content puttering around the house, gardening, volunteering and entertaining their friends and family. If lucky, there are grandchildren to enjoy and the circle of life begins again. There will be those that say 'Marriage is just a piece of paper and means nothing!' Don't buy into it! It's just not that you sign the registry in a church (or anywhere you prefer to get married) but it's actually making a committed vow to each other and both parties should be proud of the fact they love each other enough to do this. Whether religious or not, commitment is the key to a happy marriage. Other comments are 'they just put up with each other' or, 'they're too much into a rut and are too lazy to get a divorce' or 'they like the security.' The last comment makes no sense because in most States and in Canada if a man or wife choose to divorce they do get compensation depending on what the assets of the couple are. In some cases this may be true, but thankfully for most it is not. It's a different type of love which consists of trust, that person being your best friend, feeling safe with them and knowing you can beat anything in life that comes at you if you stick together. I'm still free (independent) over 21 (by a long shot) and have the freedom to move on, but I know what I have and I'm keeping it! If one often wonders if they love their mate then all that has to happen is seeing your mate very ill or watch your mate almost die and suddenly you know for sure that you are in love with them. They have become a part of your very being and although our hectic lifestyles can edge us off the road a bit from time to time most successful couples will find the right road and be together as they should be. If they can't do that then they never knew what real love was.