How should you go about having something about your dad who died when you were a little girl in your wedding?

I was in a friend's wedding and his wife(now) lost her father to disease when she was young. She had a photo of her father placed near where they took their vows in the church. It was near some candles (including the unity candles). I never knew her father, but felt he was represented and included in this special landmark occasion. The residing minister made special note of her father and we all felt his presence. It was poignant and touching. I am sure you will find a personal way to have your father represented at your ceremony. I know my friend's father was. Good luck and congratulations.

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My Grandmother was a very important person in my life and she had passed away about five years before I was married. I had a special song that we shared together played during the ceremony with a special announcement about who and what it was for. I think we said something about the fact that she couldn't be here today, but that with this song, she could still help us celebrate our special day.

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First of all let me offer you my congratulations!

I should mention that I read your question wrong, I thought it said � having something said about� that is why I have produced this long winded answer! So I don�t think my answer is much good, however I have included it anyway because I have just spent half an hour writing it! More fool me, I should read the question properly in the first place!I can�t give you a quick answer to your question; I think it is best that I tell you a true story first.

I went to the funeral of a cousin of mine recently, whom I had not seen for at least twenty years. I went because I understood that her father, my uncle would be in great pain, as I know I would be if I lost one of my daughters. I was not looking forward to the funeral; I did not know anyone there except my uncle and aunty.

I know this sounds corny, but it was the best funeral I have ever been to. Let me explain.

The vicar had everyone in the church laughing and crying at the same time. He started off by explaining that he was also the chaplain at the hospital where my cousin was. Sometimes when he walked through the ward, she would challenge him "what are you doing here" on one occasion she said to him "I want you to do my funeral service, because you're not very religious!"He went on to explain that sometimes he would meet a meet her when she was going outside for a breath of fresh air, he shook his head indicating that that wasn't true, and held his fingers up to demonstrate that she was actually going outside for cigarette.

I can't explain it, much better than this, but the vicar showed me my cousin, and after the funeral it was as if I knew my cousin, and I realized what a wonderful person had been lost. And also I realised I had missed the chance of a wonderful friendship my whole life by not keeping in contact with her.

To answer your question, I would suggest that you chose the person who is to give you away, the person who is the ceremonial substitute for your father, try and choose an older person who knew your father well, and someone who can relate nice stories about your father to your guests at the reception, someone who is good at and experienced at public speaking. Have several meetings with him, and other family members before the wedding, tell each other stories about your father, and pick out the best stories, the ones that make you the happiest, and can show the guests that did not know your father what a wonderful person he was, leaving them with the impression that they knew him, and wishing they had known him better.

Don�t forget, this person who is your ceremonial substitute for your father, is in a very difficult position, and will need to be very skillful and experienced to carry this off successfully. You may want to consider offering him the opportunity to take professional presentation training. If you have already chosen a brother or an uncle, or a stepfather for this position, then again you may wish to consider asking them to take professional training for making the speech.

In any event don�t forget, your wedding day is very special, and I am sure your father will be watching over you.

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Something that I recommend is to do something subtle, such as have photographs of your parents (both sides - you could include grandparents too) on their wedding day at your cake or gift table.You could dedicate a reading or a poem to him in your service, or ask the priest to pray for his memory during the ceremony.

Also, I would suggest that you think about him before your wedding day, and help to think about the feelings you may feel at your wedding day because he isn't there. This will help you be prepared for any overcoming emotion on your wedding day and deal with adequetly.

Hope this helps

Barbara (for Every Detail www.everydetail.co.UK)

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I want to thank the above people for their suggestions. It really helped. I wanted a way to include my dad in my wedding, and these are some really great ideas. Thank you so much!!!