If your husband's mother still has a relationship with his ex-girlfriend how can you tell her that it bothers you?

Answer 1

== == I understand all the comments about being nice to the MIL. Well mine is out to destroy my marriage. The ex is invited to all family functions and I am told that is the "Moral" thing to do. The final straw was my oldest daughters wedding. The MIL invited the ex wife without asking me. (This child was 22 when we married) I told my daughter if she wanted me there, the ex would not be. Not only does the ex upset my husband, but she has not allowed him contact with his own daughter and the MIL supports it. If we sit back, then everyone assumes we are OK with it. My husband has repeatedly told his mother to consider his feelings first. She dismisses him. I finally have just stopped going to family events, it is too stressful. My husband is welcome to go but they are too stressful to him too. Even at Church on Sunday, I avoid the MIL like the plague. She is one real piece of work. I personally think she is bent on making my marriage miserable in the hopes we will break up. That is not happening. The more she is obnoxious, the more my husband distances himself from her. At his brothers wedding, the MIL had the ex stand next to me in the family pictures and then had the gaul to ask if we wanted to buy one. I just bit my lip and smiled. == == == == Boy, you sure do have a problem. It really isn't up to you and your husband should be handling this. You shouldn't even have to ask him and he needs to know how you feel about this. There are two ways you can handle this: If your mother-in-law is good to you and you get along well and do the odd thing together even though she sees your husband's ex wife, then you can really live with this. Just because two people divorce doesn't always mean the other party was bad. Some people's chemistry just doesn't mesh together. They were probably friends and it you just don't break friendships up. You could be big about this and just try to understand as best you can. I have no idea if your mother lives in your City or town, but if she does concentrate on having a relationship with her. Considering you never said "mother-in-law" and said "my husband's mother" I take it you aren't that close to her. You probably wouldn't be even if there was no ex wife involved. As long as your husband's mother doesn't bring up the ex or try to start trouble, just let it be. I think you are much more worried about what she is saying to the ex about you, if anything. Our imaginations can work over-time. If your mother-in-law is seeing your husband's ex and talking to your husband about her, or bringing his ex up to you often, or comparing the two of you then I would put your foot down. As I said before it's up to your husband to have tuned into this and he's part of the problem. Of course, us ladies know, most men hate confrontation when it is a problem between two women (in this case, 3 women) and they are basically afraid of us! LOL So, my dear, it looks like it's up to you. I would sit down with your mother-in-law and weigh your words carefully (just in case she decides to express her feelings to your husband or his ex.) If you would like to explain your situation a little better as to how your husband's mom and you get along generally (other than his ex) please just answer on this post and we can figure out something before your put your whole foot in your mouth. LOL Marcy Hi I just logged on and created an account but you'll see that I wrote something down below(before I knew how to do this) . please give me some advice Hi this was my question and the thing is my husband was never married to his ex they just had a long-term relationship though. on and off for 8 years no children. We have a five month. old and I'm afraid that his ex is abusing her re;ationship with my mother-in-law as a way of waiting on the sidelines. and I don't know how to tell her this without damaging our relationship please help Hi there Welcome to the board (and a good board it is! LOL) You really need to sit down with your husband and discuss the closeness of his ex girlfriend with your mother. He is letting you down by not dealing with this. I don't blame you one bit for being a little worried that this ex girlfriend of your husbands may cause problems, but then, look at it this way ... he married you! I think you really need to talk to your husband because he sounds like quite a nice guy, and I highly doubt that this ex of his could possibly split the two of you up. I bet your husband hasn't given it one thought about his ex trying to win him over. If he doesn't have anything to do with the ex then you have nothing to worry about. These should be the rules around your house: This ex is not wanted! That was then and this is now! If his mother wants to continue to see the ex then let her as it's of her own free will and she has the right to do so. However, she should keep all comments to herself and if the ex is visiting it should be at your mother-in-law's home and at no time, should this ex be in your home. Exes shouldn't be invited to family functions (unless there are children involved) and in this case there isn't. It is very poor manners to bring up anyone's ex in front of the new wife/husband. I have been married before and my husband's 2 brothers were great guys and were the ones to tell me to leave their brother because he was mentally/physically abusive to me and also cheating. After I did leave my ex, his brothers and their wives wanted to continue being friends with me. I took them aside and told them that it wasn't a good idea because it would always keep me connected to my first husband. They were hurt, but understood. I went on my way and eventually found, dated and married a wonderful man I've been married 34 years to. A few years later my exes sister phoned (sweet girl) and really wanted to see me, but again, I stood fast and didn't get involved. It took me a lot of years to get over the hurt my first husband instilled in me and I didn't want them resurfacing and ruining my present marriage and I didn't think my husband should have to put up with this. I was kind to my exes sister and explained where I was coming from and I am sure I hurt her feelings, but I knew she'd deal with it. It was all very sad because I really did like my exes sister and brothers. I suggest today Valentine's Day that you have a romantic dinner (not breathing one word of what your feelings are regarding your husband's ex girlfriend) and just enjoy! Then on another day sit down with your husband one evening and be open and honest with him about your fears. Your husband is not only suppose to be a husband and lover, but your best friend. To tell you the truth hon, I don't think you have much to worry about, but can understand you want to nip it in the bud before anything goes wrong. Men just don't understand how crafty women can be, or how catty one women can be to another. If you have any other questions or need more support please post again. I would love to hear from you. ENJOY VALENTINE'S DAY! Marcy Hi Marcy, here is the thing I actually have a pretty good relationship with my mother in law we talk on the phone probably once a week and we visit every other Sunday. However my husband's ex is a hair dresser and my mother in law claims she can't have anybody else do her hair, OK but I don't think that means that his ex has to come to her house to do so. (She also does my 17 year old sister in law's hair.) Now I'm sure that to some I might sound like a jealous, and paranoid "freak" but But I know through past and recent experiences that she would do anything to have him back. The crux of the matter isn't the ex it is how to talk to my mother in law(p.s. I have spoken with my husband on the matter on previous occasions and he has just dismissed the issue) So I would prefer to go over his head so to speak. I am open to all forms of counsel -Thank You S. Hi Sheryl: I thought a lot about this and I feel you are lacking a little self confidence and when married one should have trust in their partner. If your husband was interested in his ex he would have married her, but obviously he didn't and he picked you. When your husband was going with his ex, his mom was using her as her hairdresser and I have to say I love my hairdresser and would hate to have to change. It's tough finding good hairdressers out there. I don't really see anything wrong with your mother-in-law having her hair done by your husband's ex. By telling her this bothers you, you are trying to control her life and that's not right. If you get along with your mother-in-law then there is no real problem, but the fact you feel insecure. I know it's an odd situation, but if you were ever going to trust your husband now is the time. The reason he sort of had a "ho hum" attitude is because it's no big deal to him and he can't understand why you are having a problem with this. Sounds like your guy is honest and there is absolutely nothing to worry about. This ex can do all she wants to try and win your husband over, but I doubt she could. Does she ever see your husband and if so, when and where? If she is in contact with your husband and you can see real reasons to be concerned about him weakening towards her this is a whole different set of circumstance, so let me know if they are in contact with each other. Hang in there girl Marcy