Is it normal for a spouse to keep track of every incident that occured in a 30-year relationship and call you an abuser and then air it as dirty linen to everyone?

He is emotionally abusing you which is as bad if not far worse than sexual or physical abuse. Leave him when you're ready to. No its not normal, what it is immaturity and resentment. Obviously this person has not overcome the past issues. You need to sit down with this person if front of a licensed therapist and have them state the incidents and work through them one at a time. By airing the dirty linen in front of others is abuse and intentionally trying to make you look bad in front of others. How does this person thinks this helps and how do you go home with this one. Good luck. Well all I can say is I could probably rattle off about 100 things my X abuser said or did to me. I don't try to remember it, sometimes the scenes just keep playing over and over in my mind. The target has probably had all they can take. 30 years is a long time and normal is not the quiestion. the real quiestion is why is there a relationship still surviving. either you are abusive or she is despert No it is not normal. That is a form of abuse. To belittle you in front of others and to keep track of every incident is demeaning. If this person does not have the maturity to move on maybe you need to.