== if you feel it's the right thing to do, then go ahead. Whatever you decide should be totally up to you, but cheating on your spouse is not right. Consider how might they feel if you were to tell them. Would you want someone to cheat on you? I didn't think so. == No, never tell on your self. It may not be right to cheat but you still don't want to get caught. Besides, I made the very same mistake and even though my mom and I are super close she still told other family members that I didn't want to know. I know it is lonely but it's your own mess to deal with. == No - your spouse should be the one you tell and talk to this about.
If you have absolute proof that your husband is cheating with this other woman then you should deal with your own problems with your husband first and yes, the other woman's husband should know. This is not an uncommon problem and most people (whether a husband cheats with another man's wife or a wife cheats with one of her friend's husbands) is very common and the victim of the cheating generally does tell the husband or wife that their spouse is cheating with their spouse.
Just because this person is a narcissist doesn't make then much different than anyone else cheating with your spouse and you should be more concerned about your spouse cheating. By all means sit down with the narcissists spouse and tell the whole story, but be sure you have absolute proof before doing so. Don't be surprised if the narcissist's spouse becomes angry and is denial, but, in time the spouse will become to believe it.
No spouse should have to put up with their spouse cheating or continuing to cheat. You can sit down with your husband and tell him you refuse to put up with his cheating and if he continues then you will file for divorce. No man or woman in a marriage is to stay in a marriage where one is disloyal. You should have self confident enough to know what you want and do not want in your life.
When a spouse breaks that bond of trust it will take several months to possibly a year or more (of good behavior) for that cheating husband to earn the trust back from their spouse. The victim of a cheating spouse should never make it easy for the cheater to come back into their lives and continue on as if nothing has happened, but, they should not harp at the cheating spouse or the relationship would wither away. To err is human and sometimes either men or women make a mistake and cheat, but some never cheat again while others may find themselves cheating over and over again. This is why it is important for the victim of cheating to tell their spouse they will only take them back if they agree to go to marriage counseling where the marriage counselor can give them the tools to correct the weak areas in the marriage. If the cheating spouse refuses, then it is better to walk away from the marriage.
Your question is a bit complex but if you want to know what you need to do because you found out a spouse is having an affair and you know the other spouse, you need to talk to the person who is cheating to stop because of your friend. If this spouse don't listen to your plea, then tell him or her that you will talk to his or her spouse. That is all you can do. The rest will be them to work things out.
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