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Does an abuser go back?
Most of the time. The trick is not to LET him/ her back.
Is your boyfriend abusive?
Many BFs, or boyfriends, are not abusive. If a boyfriend is abusive, the girl should leave the relationship and file charges. Do not keep going back to an abuser.
Why is it common for victims of domestic violence to remain in this potentially violent situation?
The victims of domestic violence are caught in a web of fear; beatings; brain-washing and they have no self confidence as their abuser may not only beat them, but also are verbally abusive making the victim feel they cannot survive on their own. One of the main reasons even in todays modern society is there are few laws to protect women of abuse or any children they may have. A few women may manage to get away from their abuser and hide out at a women's abuse center, but, once these women surface and try to start a new life and get a job often an abuser can hunt them down quite quickly and a Restraining Order against the abuser is not worth the paper it is written on. Also many women of abuse are so psychologically scarred they feel they deserve what they get; are of no use to society; have no self confidence and therefore it seems simpler for them to stay in the situation or, if they manage to get away from their abuser they often will weaken (generally because of financial problems) and go back to their abuser or choose men who will abuse them again.
My abuser dumped me and has not contacted me at all for over three weeks so should I consider him gone for good or do you think he will be back?
Don't ever count on an abuser 'gone for good.' He may well get tired of whatever he is doing or whomever he is seeing and be back! The best thing you can do is go to your local Abused Women's Center and ask for help in your situation. The counselors are there to offer good advice as to how to handle your abuser; your legal rights and if need be a safe place to go too called a 'transition house' if it is necessary.
How can someone who is either considering leaving her abuser or sending him to an abuser program protect herself from paybacks or retaliation so that she can rest assured that she did the right thing?
Once you leave your abuser put it in your mind that you are leaving him for good! There is no going back! Few abusers ever seek psychological help because they truly believe there is nothing wrong with them and no one is going to tell them otherwise. Some abusers will even fight the police and still swing at their victim while the police are standing right there. Abusers think they own their victim and that there are no authority figures that should be meddling in the abuser's personal affairs. YOU don't send the abuser to a program because he has to want to go. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. If he agrees to go he's pulling your chain! Abusers are sneaky and sick individuals and by believing he will go for help and you are still living there you are putting your life at risk. Physical abuse is not to be taken lightly and women are murdered for a lot less. Leave! Find out where your local "Abused Women's Center" is, or contact Mental Health and they will put you in the right direction. Not only does your abuser need help, but you have been psychologically bruised and you need some help in healing as well before you can expect to have a productive lifestyle. Good luck hon and be careful! Marcy
Is it common for an abused woman to intentionally start doing things that she knows will infuriate the abuser to drive the point home that he doesn't own her?
No it's not common, but many women just simply come to the end of their rope and depression sets in. When this happens she has an attitude that she simply doesn't care if she lives or dies and believe it or not that's when the survival instincts kick in and she can go after her abuser. Fighting back against your abuser isn't a smart thing to do (the woman will often lose) and the best thing is, to phone the "Abused Women's Center" to get the support you need. They provide you with a place to stay (safe house) counseling, legal help, etc. It's a waste of time fighting an abuser and many women are killed over a lot less than this. Good luck Marcy It seems a little wreckless to me. I suggest that it would be far more intelligent to just get away from the abuser. You don't need him to be in your life at all.
Was your abuser really that bad if you feel worse without him?
Abusers are bad. Period. It is common for someone who has been abused to feel lonely when the abuser becomes absent, but it is because of the stress of change. If you feel yourself running back to your abuser, get help. The situation will only escalate otherwise.
What does it mean when you dream about your ex husband that you divorced due to abuser and the dream was i went back to him?
It means you want him back, but you have this feeling that you can't have him back. Do you get what i'm saying?
Is it normal for someone who has read abuse books and finally figured out the abuser to approach subsequent arguments with a mentality of 'I've figured you out so I'm not taking anymore crap from you'?
It's normal to want to react to the abuser but it isn't necessarily safe. Just get out of there and don't look back. Stay away from the abuser and don't give him a chance to harm you. Don't let him know where you are. Protect your life by going somewhere that he can't get to you. If you become defiant you are likely to get hurt. Just run.
When a abused person leaves and the abuser goes straight into another relationship will the abuser still try to get back at them?
I have been abused by my so called husband and when i left, till today he has never tryied to even call.
A good introduction on women's rights?
could you imagine begin a women? no i think u cant women rights back in the days were harsh days for the women. going through so much trouble and danger.
What courses of action can you take so that you can be sure your abuser will not sabotage your recovery process once you have either left him had him arrested or drug him into therapy?
Unfortunately the laws are not strict enough to jail these abusers for long periods of time and they are back out on the streets far too soon. The best thing you can do is phone your "Mental Health" and ask for the # of the "Abused Women's Center." There are counselors there and you will be sent to a "safe house" or "transition house" where you will be perfectly safe. Other than your counselor no one that works at the Women's Center will know where you are and your abuser certainly can't find you. DON'T TELL ANYONE WHERE YOU ARE GOING! Because of your abuse it's important that you take the programs there and they teach you survival tools so you hopefully won't go back to your abuser or choose another abusive mate. It will also give you a chance to get on your feet. Often they will help with legal counsel and get you on your feet so you become an independent part of society. Good luck hon Marcy
