What can you do when your adult children put pressure on you to be friends with your narcissistic ex-husband but you want as little contact as possible?

Answer 1

Since they are now adults it's none of their business! You aren't stopping them from having any time with their father and they should respect your wishes and meet their father either in their own homes or, out in a public place such as a coffee shop, restaurant. I would suggest you get all your children together (with their mates) and express what you feel. Tell them that you have a right to a life just like they do, and like it or not, you are striving for that new life and they can like it or lump it. Be matter-of-fact, polite (no yelling, screaming, crying) and say what is in your heart. Myself, if I were in your shoes I'd do exactly what I told you and do it 100% with no guilt attached. There was a movie out in the 50s with Jane Wyman and her kids did the same thing. She was in love with a gardner (Rock Hudson) and he was younger than her. Her kids thought she was out of her mind and made such a fuss she gave up her true love to please her kids. What did the kids do? They'd gone off to college, got engaged to their mates, and ended up at Xmas time buying her a TV and expected her to sit in front of that blasted TV the rest of her life! It was at this point that Jane Wyman looked around her empty house, saw the black/white TV, heard herself breathing (alone), pushed back her blanket, got off the chair and went after that gardner and they got back together! So, unless you remove yourself from your ex to some degree, you're going to be that woman staring into empty space. You deserve better! I was married before as well and left my abusive husband, and have now been married 33 years to a great guy. I grew strong from that experience and I know to this day that I'd rather be alone than with a man that doesn't treat me well. The good thing is, you won't be alone if you get out and mingle. I would also like to suggest (if you have grandchildren) put your differences aside for the holiday season and perhaps special occasions in the family and put up with your husband for a couple of hours. It won't hurt you, and it would be great as a family unit. To your grown kids you and your husband will just be "mom and dad" and always will be. To your grandchildren it will always be "grandpa and grandma." Right now things are fresh in your mind and I understand why you don't want to see him, but pull on your strength and realize he can't tell you what to do anymore and you are a free individual. This is a quote I learned not long ago and I loved it so much I wrote it out and stuck it on my fridge. "IF YOU CANNOT FORGIVE THE PERSON THAT HURT YOU THEN THEY STILL HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU." If you learn from the above quote like I did, then seeing your rx husband at a family function should give you strength to stand your ground, smile pleasantly and make it a short evening. That shows him how in control you are of your own life. Other than that, tell your kids to take a hike and special occasions are the best you can do as far as seeing your ex husband. Good luck Merry Christmas Marcy I agree with all the above.