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Regular readers of mine will know that I always treat questions like this seriously, so bear with me while I say something funny. Actually it wasn't me, it was Oscar Wilde who said there is absolutely no fun in hanging a man who doesn't object to it. What's the connection? Well, an abuser can only abuse as long as there is someone he can abuse. In rare instances abused spouses have just had as much as they can take and retaliate with violence of their own. But, sadder perhaps, the one on the receiving end has just collapsed so far as to be unresponsive to the mistreatment. Where is the fun in abusing someone who just lies there and takes it without even whining or begging or trying to make a deal to protect the broken nose. I suspect (and I can only suspect because I know much more about Oscar Wilde than I do about beating up women) that is what causes the abuser to "dump" the abused and move on for a more lively fish to torture. Please, I implore you, do not do anything about being dumped. It is well documented that victims of torture (and I mean secret police nasty torture) can become perversely "in love" with their torturers. If you are being dumped, trust me, it is a blessing. Now, get the locks changed while you still have the chance and go start your life again with a decent, real man.
Phil The above poster said it very well, but just wanted to add that abusers do psychological damage and counseling is essential to you. Abused Women's Centers are great and they have programs to help you as well as protect you. The tools they give you is to protect you from going back to your abuser (which a large percentage of women do) or choosing another man with the same traits (a large percentage of women do this as well.) With counseling and the programs at the Abused Women's Center you will get the necessary tools to become once again independent, stand on your own two feet and NEVER accept abuse into your life again! Good luck
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∙ 16y ago
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What happens to an abuser after the partner leave?
Who cares. They sure don't.
How could an abuser just dump you overnight after years of co-dependency?
To the abuser, his victims are mere instruments of gratification, objects to be exploited, drained and discarded, emotionally, sexually, and financially.
Does an abuser take pleasure in hurting his partner verbally?
Yes they do because that's when they feel good. They need someone to bully because they don't know how to deal with negative situations that occur in their lives. They enjoy hurting the partner because it makes them feel big...even for a moment.
What makes people vulnerable to abuse and the power relationship between the abuser and the victim?
the abuser is called sadist & the victim is called masochist.
How do you cope with your partner who ogles other women?
Dump this loser and find a partner that respect you enough not to ogle other women in your presence.
When should you dump your partner?
When he/she cheats. When he/she doesn't want to work. When you feel like you have to babysit him/her.
Can a man from non-abusive upbringing become an abuser if abused by a partner who grew up in an abusive home with no therapy at all?
it is possible
What are the conditions that a church grant annulment of a marriage?
Before consummating marriage if their partner is an abuser or if they the don't want to have any more children.
What is the difference between a controlling partner and a verbally or emotionally abusive partner?
Abuse, whether it's verbal or physical, is all about controlling the partner. A controlling partner is an abusive partner. They may control various parts of the victims's life: *the victim's schedule, and the need to "check in" or "report" to the abuser at various times * the victim's attempts to express her disatisfaction. The abuser will attempt to control the situation by comments, "I'm not talking about this," "That's not what you said/did/felt about it," ignoring the victim, sulking, pouting, physical threats, throwing objects, etc. * the victim's feelings of responsibility. The abuser will say at some points,"You make me feel good," and at others,"You make me feel bad/hate you/want to hurt you/treat you like this." The abuser makes the person feel responsible for all his behavior. * who the victim can talk to: her friends, her family, co-workers, total strangers. The abuser tries to control what the victims says to those people as well. *the victim's finances and independence--the abuser will withhold money from the victim, give the victim an allowance, or not allow a victim to seek employment so she can have her own money. *Self esteem. Through criticisms and belittling, the abuser can diminish and control the victims's confidence in her skills, her intelligence, her body image. "You're not smart/pretty enough," "You think you're actually going to be able to do that?" "You should be glad someone like me wanted to date you,". If you're with someone who behaves in a controlling manner, the best thing you can do is end the relationship, no matter how difficult it seems.
When will you tell your partner about your history of domestic violence?
That would be crazy if it was yourself who was the abuser, because you would want to pretend you're a good person!!
Can an abuser change for a healthy partner?
yes, if they want to change then they will have to work as hard as they can. Change is hard but still good if you are changing to the good side.
What if your boyfriend is rude and makes fun of you?
Simple, dump him
