It's amazing to me how all the "nice guys" seem to get the short end of the stick while the jerks walk away with their girls! You definitely seem like a nice guy. I am a 27 year old single woman, and I've been through lots of relationship stuff. Here is my advice to you:
I have been in a similar situation recently. I met a guy during the break up of a physically abusive relationship (her hitting him) and although we initially started out in a relationship, he stopped calling, started seeing other people and was an out and out bad person.
Now the weird bit is that as much as my head told me and my friends told me to walk away, my instinct and one very good friend told me to hang in there, but not to exclusively wait for him. So I dated other guys, went out all the same but worked staying mates with the first guy.
A little while back he admitted to the good friend that he was completely besotted with me but felt that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he would rather keep me at arm's length than risk hurting me. I accepted this, talked to him and agreed when he was ready he would come back. Which he has and it is great.
So the moral of the story - always trust your instincts but don't be trapped by them.
You should not give up. Let the person know that you care about them and that you would never hurt them the way that guy did. Trust me if the person really likes you will be able to know. It's just going to take some time for the person to be able to trust anyone again.
I was really interested in this question as soon as I saw it. About a month ago, I was dating a nice, attractive guy who said that he really cared about me. At the very beginning of our relationship, I asked only one thing of him, and that was to never use me or hurt me like everyone else has. Our relationship was by far the happiest one I have ever had, because he was a loving person. We hugged, held hands, kissed in the hallway between classes, just normal touchy feely couple stuff. I had never had a significant other that had actually loved me, and he led me to believe that he was in love with yours truely. But I was wrong. You see, I'm in my freshman year, he, in his senior year. This sort of bothered me at the beginning, and for a while, I thought 'what the are you doing, idiot?!' but we settled into our natural spots. About a week and a half after we started to date, he called me, saying that his father found a note that I had written, saying my age and other personal info. We talked, and agreed that we both had a deep respect for his father, and so agreed to remain just as mates. However, about two days later, he began to date one of my mates that is six months younger than me...I was crushed, and called him that night, saying he was a liar and a coward who never had any feelings for anyone other than himself...and for the first time, I heard him cry. Through strangled breaths and hiccoughs, he explained to me that his exgirlfriend had said she loved him, and then 'stabbed him in the back.' I responded, quite angrily, that still gave him no right to treat me in that way. I worried about him, still. There were rumours going round school that I will not put here. I felt a small bit of honour, because he had never let anyone as emotionally close as he had with me. For weeks, I was depressed, and sort of died inside. Slowly, though, I'm helping him pick up the pieces of his heart, though that heart will never belong to me. I have moved on, and realize that relationships can leave terrible scars...but a new love can heal them.
To expand on the other answers:
Everyone has scars, fears and hopes. Sometimes the answer is not to "get over" a loss, but to get through it. Understand that many times, we bring past hurts and fears into a new relationship, without ever coming to grips with what hurt us in the first place. Chances are, if your love was cheated on (or abused, etc.), that fear will be present in the new relationship. One has to relearn a new set of expectations so that old fear can be removed from the new relationship.
Best thing you can do is give your lover time, space and honesty! Be supportive without fixing the problem, for it's not your problem and if your lover doesn't heal him/herself, then the wound festers and creates conflicts. Part of your lover's heart wants to trust and part is scared to death! Guess which one wins out more often?
Recognizing fear is part of dismissing it. Though it is hard, your lover can overcome the expectations set from previous relationships, but it is a soul-searching, humbling and scary process. DO NOT(!) buffer your lover from his/her emotional fears, but make him/her confront the fears and pains and negative expectations. Better yet, do not become intimately involved until those fear issues are not an issue. From a female standpoint, sex is the great equalizer and if the sex is good, we'll overlook our own fears and doubts because we equate sex with love.
If you cannot give your lover: support without fixing the problem yourself, reasons to trust you, actions not words, patience and time, your trust and honest emotional responses, then you are better off fixing your fears and trying the relationship at another time.
Not Very Easy To Do...
I'm thinking about something that a lover once told me. They said that if your past relationship nearly killed you, then you shouldn't be so quick to jump in another one. Perhaps, you should wait. That would probably be the best thing to do, because you could do the slightest thing to remind them of that certain person.
You are a nice guy.. Do realize that many women who have come out of recent relationships (unhealthy ones especially) also usually have codependency issues, and really just wish that they had better boundaries and self esteem than they really do have. Do not be a crutch, but be a friend, and be patient. She might become different in a big way after sex or kissing, even, so take it really slow. Be yourself, but do not become codependent to her own trust issues also. A healthy relationship involves a lot of trust, and sometimes it is better to be friends first, so that both people can really feel comfortable with each other, later on in life. Don't call her sensitive, if she sticks up for herself. Be willing to take accountability for your own actions and words, if they are ever hurtful- even if it is unintentional. Abused women hate being told they are just being over sensitive. Also, don't revictimize her by drudging up her past (which she has survived and overcome and clearly moved on to better things now) and throwing it in her face. Abused women need relationships where both partners are equals and work hard at treating the other person with respect and dignity. She might also need to hear how beautiful and smart and logical she is on a regular basis. These are really great positive words for a woman who is deprogramming from an abusive situation to hear. =)
Try to get over it and move on.
built the trust in the relationship first
When a person makes a statement 'love ain't worth the hurt', they have probably been very hurt by someone in one or more relationships and so hurt they are afraid to take another stab at a relationship for fear of being hurt again.
It is when 2 organisms dont help or hurt one another
Nope. Because she she might get hurt even more. And the abuser might think it is ok to hurt them because they won't mind. Once they hit you, you should get out of that relationship.
It usually means when a person has just come out of a relationship and got hurt. They are not ready to get into another relationship.
Well you should just be there for them and just listen to what they have to say but don't push them to tell you what happened let them tell you on their own.
If a person looses love in a relationship you should tell him / her how you feel. Being honest is what you should have so others will not be hurt.
A great relationship isn't something you can promise her 100% because no relationship is without it's problems. She must have been hurt before and is afraid of getting into another relationship, or, she doesn't feel the same way about you. You can't make someone have the same feelings towards you as you have for them.
If you have been hurt while at work you should go and talk to a lawyer (attorney), nobody else will get you your rights.
It depends entirely on the two people in the relationship. Some people have been hurt and want to take things very slowly. If it is too slow for you, you should speak to him.
Then do not ask out anybody. You will hurt them. DO NOT. Commitment is important. Nobody wants to be used.
'Ex' means that the relationship is over. You should be moving ahead in your life instead of keeping in contact with your ex and enabling him to deliberately hurt you. Because you have split up and you are still in contact with him he may not respect you for this and has taken advantage of you. Always remember that you are in control of your own life and love is about caring for another and not deliberately trying to hurt the one you love.
Many times you heart gets hurt in a relationship because boys and sometimes girls will cheat or stop loving you and then you begin to feel all left out an sad and some depression may occur a lot of times because I had a boyfriend and a couple days later I found out that he was cheating on me with another girl and that is what really hurt the most was my love for him and most of all my heart hurt because I knew that our relationship was a complete lie.
Find another girl or risk getting hurt
It's to a girl who's been hurt in a relationship before and they are just telling her that they aren't going to hurt her. It was obvs written to me :P
no independent at a points where yours stats
YES! help her out of the relationship .You'll regret it if you dont and he ever hurt her.
i think so,anyone can have to get love and hurt,once has been done,things can be learned
I have been in this situation myself.. i would just tell them how you feel or what you know about the relationship. and if they get mad at you for trying to help them then just let them be mad because you did the right thing and if they decide to carry on with the relationship let them and when they get hurt all you gotta do is say i told ya so . lol
If your girlfriend does not want a serious relationship at the moment, then you need to decide what you want. If you are okay with a casual relationship then you should stay with her. But if it will only hurt you to not be in a more serious relationship, then perhaps it would be best for you to move on and find someone that wants the same things out of a relationship that you do.
you should talk to her about it because i can gurantee you that someone will get hurt.
It is very hard if not impossible. My baby's father cant be in a relastionship with me because he was hurt very bad in a previos relationship. But if you do find out please let me know You cannot "make" anyone do something that they need to work out for themselves. Time heals all wounds and this person has to want to be able to move on to begin the healing and work through their issues.