Can you trust your wife any longer if she had you arrested and jailed after a minor minor argument and there was no abuse or physical violence whatsoever?

Answer 1

If (and I say "if") you slapped, pushed, shoved or threw something at her it's classified as physical abuse. If this were true you would have been charged. Often the police will hold the person over-night in jail simply to let the couple cool off. It isn't a matter if you can trust your wife, but it's time both of you started to grow up and realize you both need some marriage counseling. There are many married couples that need counseling and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I hope both of you will sit down like two adults and consider this before this marriage really does become abusive. Good luck Marcy Marcy, I stated there was No Abuse or physical Violence whatsover & I mean Absolutely no Physical Violence. We have been married for 25 years. In that 25 years I never threw anything at her , I never punched slapped or pushed her, I never cussed on her , I never punched holes in walls or destroyed any possessions of hers , never destroyed furniture , etc. Our home is in pristine condition (Not a mark on any walls , etc).(Our three kids witnessed absolutely no abuse towards their mother or themselves. I perpertrated absolutely none of the Abuses (Mental, Physical or Verbal) as defined in literature on abuses. This woman is from a family whose Psychological Profile is fraught with Paranoia & suspicion. This woman wrote in a journal (26 years later)that her brother in law "Intentionally endangered the life of his wife & unborn child". This child was born with brain damage. Am I dealing with a Psychologically sound woman ??? Bill Hi Bill Thank you for letting me into your personal life. I certainly was not accusing you of abuse, but stating a paragraph on abuse. Sorry if I didn't make myself clearer. Bill, could you please repost and give me a little more details on her day-to-day actions and here are some questions for you, if you wouldn't mind answering them for me: Is she angry, suspicious, paranoid of you, the children, etc.? Has she usually been calm and loving in your marriage in the past and now has changed suddenly? How did you get her journal to learn of the paranoia and suspicion in her family? Has your wife ever received psychological counseling? Has your wife ever taken medication in the past for paranoia or depression? Is your wife on ANY type of medication now? May I ask what her age is? I really hope to hear from you and get a little more information so I can try to help you as I know you must be very distraught over this and wonder what is coming next. Marcy Marcy, First a little bit of her family history. Her older sibling suffers from Severe "Paranoia Schizophrenia" & states he was Sexually molested. Her older sister has been on Psychiatric Medication for 40 years & states she was sexually molested . One of her younger brothers has a "Jekyl & Hyde" personality. Several years ago when her mother died from "Alzheimers Disease" & the Police came on the scene , He laid a Suspicious Death charge with the Police against his two sisters who were both Nurses.(He also states he was sexually molested). Special toxocology tests had to be done in order to clear these sisters of any wrong doing. In my case: In 1989 , she went to the Police & stated I threatened the life of her & the lives our our children. I found out she had done this in 1999, 10 years later when She had me arrested after our Minor, Minor, Non-Violent Argument. I have absolutely no recollection of speaking any such words & say state with a clear conscious & on a stack of Bibles that I made no such threat. She still insists I did so approx 16 years later. I am still upset & somewhat angry with her making these charges. She also tell Police I mentally ill & refusing treatment. (Because I am Angry, She calls this "Mental illness".)She will not apologize for her activities.I have worked for 37 years in a highly technical job & have never missed a day of from work because of a Mental illness. I consider her going to the Police on two occasions & making statements in 1989 & 1999 as a betrayal of trust. She refuses to discuss with me what she is reporting to the Police. I found her journal on our bed. She kept a log of conversations between her sibling & her & she stated to my sister she is keeping a log on me of alleged wrong doings She states this sibling in "Mentally Unstable" & has accused this sibling of Psychological , Emotional & Elder abuse against her mother. She has witnessed none of the alleged abuses. The alleged abuses are told to her by her older sister I mentioned above. She & I are both 56 years old. Her insistence I am Mentally ill greatly upsets me. She works as a Nurse in a "Psychiatric Hospital". She calls me an Abuser. I have not abused her as per any of the definitions of Abuses I obtained on the internet. After her second visit to the Police I spoke the words to her "I am tired of you stabbing me in the back". These words she describes as "Mental Abuse". Stabbing in the back is defined as "Betrayal of Trust" & to harm someone in an "Underhanded & deceitful Manner". Both of these descriptons describe her activities. Bill I should add the following: No --- She is not Angry ,,, Yes she is suspicious of me. Yes , she has been calm & loving thru the years. No , she has never had councelling. She has never exibited signs that would require medical intervention. She also visited the Police in June 2000 & stated one again I Mentally ill & told so many misleading lies or gross exaggerations that he or they advised "Go see a Psychiatrist & have him committed to the Mental Hospital". My Family Doctor's medical history on me indicates no entries re Mental illness. I have never been diagnosed as having a Mental illness. After this visit, she also refused to tell me what she was telling the police by stating "It's none of your business what I told them". I am beginning to fear for my Psychological well being. I feel totally violated. And I state --- Our marital relationship is 99.9999999% Abuse free. I'll allow the .00000001% for arguments. Bill Hi Bill Thank you once again for being so candid and answering some personal questions. It helps to see where your wife is coming from. I believe you 100% and realize you are simply a married husband with a wife that is not acting the way she should. I can also understand why you should be so worried, so here is a starter to calm things down: When a complaint is made to the police they have no alternative but to come to your home and follow-up (even if it's not your fault.) I dealt with my mother (I was caregiver for years and she lived in her own home at the time) that had the RCMP coming to my house at least once a week accusing me of stalking her and stealing from her. As God is my witness I DID NOT do these things and the police informed me that I had been investigated and I was freed from any wrong-doing. The RCMP had to come and talk to me and were kind about it, and said they get many calls like this. Bill, it got so bad I had to retain a lawyer and have a restraint order put against my mother or else I would push for a psychological evaluation. I felt like dirt and broken-hearted, but I had to do it to get some peace with my own family. It stopped the police from coming, and, in fact, the RCMP had long ago closed my mother's case file and she was considered a "crank" which also broke my heart. My mother was 83 at the time she was admitted into hospital (she had a diabetic reaction) and they did a psychological evaluation on her (not by my request) and found she'd had Dementia for several years. In one way it was a relief, but I was angry that I had missed it and should have known. So, yes, I know how you feel. Your wife is the product of her environment. As you say Paranoia runs in her side of the family. Sometimes, it's pure habit, learned, and at least one of the siblings (your wife) may not be paranoid at all, but has been so brain-washed with growing up in a family such as this she has some of the same traits. She should have long ago gone for counseling with such a disfunctional family as she has been brought up in. Also, she could become paranoid and it could be genetic and this is what you have to find out. I don't know if you and your wife have a family doctor or, you each have your own doctor, but whatever the case may be, it's time to go have a talk with your doctor about the trouble you are in. Because of the law, it will be difficult for you to attain information from your wife's doctor on any health issues she has, but you still can see her doctor to tell him/her what is going on with your wife and her paranoic problems. If you can, copy some of the information out of her journal to give the doctor. This will put the red light on for the doctor, so the next time your wife sees him/her they will do further tests on her (they can be sneaky these doctors.) I know Bill, that you are in a terrible situation, but please don't blame your wife. She is suffering from paranoid tendencies (learned and hopefully not genetic or menopause.) She can't help it. Next, please see your own doctor and talk to him and get a note from your doctor stating that you are mentally sane and not abusive and there have been no reports of abuse to him regarding yourself. This helps! Also, doctors know the legal system and how far you can push the envelope to get help for your wife. After that, go to the police department that had you arrested and give a copy of the note to them and explain the situation. They will usually explain the law in more detail to you and you'll feel much better about thing. 9 chances out of 10 they are only following up on her complaint and, like my mom, soon they will close the file on the whole thing and not take her complaints to heart. Rest assured, without your permission for a psychological evaluation she can commit you to a pscyhiatric ward, so please don't fear that. In your wife's mind you did see those things (even though you didn't) and that's what paranoia or Alzheimers or Dementia can do to a person's mind. It doesn't mean a thing that your wife works in a Psychiatric Hospital and gives her any rewards for not having mental illness herself. Which is beginning to look like she does. Although she isn't angry, has been calm and loving through your marriage, she is still paranoid and that is a problem and DOES require medical intervention. To accuse someone, such as yourself, of doing things you aren't doing and bothering the police on several occasions is simply not normal. It confuses me that your wife can be calm, loving, never gets angry, but then calls the police on you. Is there any warnings before she does this? Normal couples do have arguments and so do my husband and I, but we always manage to cool off and discuss our difficulties. It appears your wife has a "2nd life and a secret one" (writing in her journal and confusing paranoia with reality.) Often a sibling that can come from a disfunctional family such as mental/physical abuse and paranoia tendencies can be mentally sound (such as your wife), but, believe it or not she fears that she is doomed to end up like the rest of her siblings and, she could be so convinced she's pushing herself down the road to paranoia. IMPORTANT: Your wife is at the right age for menopause unless she had a hystorectomy. Menopause can be looked up on www.Google.come and type in "Symptoms of Menopause." Menopause (I have gone through it) can, in some women cause mental illness (approx. 5%) but the norm (such as I went through) was moody, sometimes depressed, lethargic, hot flashes then getting very cold. Cranky at times and happy the next. Almost like manic depression ... high/low. Sometimes my husband couldn't do anything right for me, and I would have to apologize to him on several occasions. He took the time to read up on menopause and try to understand what I was going through. I was not paranoid. Still, going through menopause and having the symptoms I gave you does not give one any excuses to treat their partner in a miserable way, so I went to my doctor and talked over the whole thing re menopause. I refused HRT because it can have bad side effects, but I did take a vegetable compound for menopause and I did go on antidepressants for some mild depression. I was only on that a short time and tapered off it with my doctors help. I was fine after that. Some women (possibly your wife) may have to go on short-term HRT and if the doctor keeps a close eye on things she will be fine. If you can't get any action by her doctor or your doctor, then you are going to have to decide to separate from her (see a lawyer) and that doesn't mean divorce. You simply can't go on living with a person that refuses to get help, and then has the police after you every time you turn around. There is one more alternative (I don't think you are going to go for this one) but have the police come and get her! It may scare her and at least stop her from calling the police on you, but, it's a risk and it could heighten her paranoid thought patterns. I am always around on the board if you need further help. I do sympathize with you and if there is any research you want me to do on this issue just say the word. I do believe you and you sound like a great guy and one that loves his wife. Although this is a very sad situation for you (and her) it's not the end and there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you keep in touch on this board and let me know what you have decided. If what I have suggested poses more serious problems for you then let me know and we'll just have to tackle the problem another way. See your doctor! God Bless Marcy