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Breakups

It takes two to make it work, but only one to break it up. This is the place to ask questions about the pain, healing, and possible solutions to relationship break-ups.

29,972 Questions
Relationships
Breakups
Teen Dating

Why did we feel love sick when you are not with someone who you love?

  • Some people in all age brackets can be 'in love with love' and are classified as 'romanticizers.' They desperately want to be in love, but have not found it yet. They may date or even go steady with a person, but still feel lonely and are still looking for love.
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Cheating
Breakups

What are the signs that your boyfriend is cheating on you?

Some clear signs that your boyfriend is cheating, is when he starts changing; like coming home late, or not telling the truth about minor stuff. When he is getting messages on his phone, or if he deletes incoming and outgoing calls. If you try to reach him and he doesn't answer, or if he goes out but doesn't want you there, or if he is dishonest about where he was and who he was hanging out with. If he loves you, there is no reason not to be truthful.

If you have been together for awhile then just like the first person answered. People are creatures of habit, when they get up, go to bed, what the wear, when they go out, where they go out, when and how often they contact you. If you see changes in this behavior then something is usually up. It doesn't always mean their cheating but it can mean they are losing interest in you. Either way it leads to a split.

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Relationships
Breakups
Teen Dating

What do you do when your ex says he still loves you and wants you back?

It depends on a lot of things such as: the reason you all broke up in the first place, how long you've been broken up, and if either of you all are currently in relationship with someone else.

There's a reason for everything, so make sure you consider those questions above before you give your ex an answer.

Answer:

RUN FAST! RUN FAR! DON'T LOOK BACK!

This is a very difficult question. It depends on what happened in the relationship to begin with. This has just recently happened to me. My "ex" told me he wanted me back after I broke up with him. I also wanted him back. He was scared of getting broken again. But when you fight hard enough anything can happen. Now we are together and our relationship is stronger then ever. If you chose to take this person back make sure you want them back also. Don't jump into anything your not sure about. If you need to think tell this person you need time. And If they love you enough that person will wait.

ANSWER

Exes are exes for a reason, he is most probably lonely and realises what a bad mistake losing you was. If what he did in the first place is unforgivable, don't even consider getting back with him. But if you feel that there could be something there, then yes, why not.

Answer

Don't go back out with him because things will still be the same. Nothing will really change; trust me, not unless you're still truly in love with him. He just wants you back to use you. There are millions of guys out there, if he leaves you.

Forget him, you'll find someone much better.

Answer

Those are both true, but not always correct. My father broke up with my Mother, and he dated a bunch of other girls until she started dating. That is when he realized that he made a huge mistake and still loved her. They have been happily married for 27 years. It won't ever be the same carefree relationship you had before. It's completely up to you. Do you still love him? Do you never want to see him again? When you answer these questions, then you will have your answer. But if you still like them and you feel that you could make it work I suggest you take another chance, but it all depends on if you still love him. If you also still feel something for him, then why not. Really the only thing that you can do is ask yourself if you miss him. And if not, then don't even think of going back to him. It wouldn't be worth the pain you once went through. So it just comes down to if you miss him go back to him. If you don't, then forget him and move on with your life. You have the rest of your life to find a guy who you truly love and truly want to be with. Also think about whether or not it was a healthy relationship. You shouldn't get back if you never were happy with him or if he was abusive, whether physically or verbally. But if it was just you were having small issues, then you should see a marriage counsellor if you want to get back together and find out how to get along. All you have to do is move on! You have to know how you feel about him; do you still love him too? Think about how things might go if you get back together and ask him why does he love you? What are the things that make him love you or is it just for sex? You need to know what you want; if he was the one who stuffed up then you should make up your mind if you want him or move on. You should first decide if you feel the same way and then think about why you two broke up in the first place. It really depends on if you still feel anything for your ex.

If you do, and you think that there might be a chance for the relationship, then go ahead and give it another chance. If you think about it than you should give him one more chance and if he screws it up then move on. You should honestly just follow your heart this is your decision and no one can really decide what you should do but you. While we were dating he always said he loved me with all his heart and we were gonna get married some day, and we talked about our future non-stop. But he kissed another girl one time and I broke up with him, but he still wants me back even though its been 2 years. I still love him with all my heart. He talks to other girls, to get me off his mind he says. and i would probably date him again if i didn't have a boyfriend. But all in all, it really depends on the reason you guys broke up. Never go back to an ex if they've treated you awfully or physically abused you. I've had it and now mine is being a total moron and denying it all First of all if he's abused you in any way never go back. Now if he wants you back and you still love him go back, if you don't then tell him you don't feel the same way and to leave you alone.

Answer

It depends on many factors: - the reason why you parted - if you still love him - if you want him back... If it is my decision to part and I don't wanna be with this guy, nothing can make me be with him again. If I love him and our parting was just a mistake, why not accepting the man you love back? Though in some cases it's good to get on his nerves a bit and refuse at first - so that it could not happen again. Okay; this happened to me too. I was dating this guy and my ex- boyfriend told me he still loved me and wanted to get back together. I told my best friend immediately, and she helped me get through it. She really helped me out; she told me to compare which one treated me better; which one talked to me more; which one was completely comfortable around me; and that helped me make a decision. I verbally abused my ex. I miss the good times, the companionship, her pampering me. But I got nothing going on in my life and were really unhappy and fought most of the time. Life is short, this love feeling will pass. You just gotta hold onto the emotional bars for dear life and weather out the storm. Time doesn't heal wounds, knowledge heals wounds. The more you know, hear and understand, the better you'll know that you're better off without him/her.

Think: Do you really want to go back that way. Once your on track it's hard to go back. You never know. What broke you guys up in the first place might just happen again.

Look back:

If you look back at the relationship, think of the good things that it brought to your life and how enjoyable it was. Then think of the not so great, heartbreaking, and horrible things that it has brought upon your life. Which one overrides the other? If the bad takes over it's most likely not a good idea to go back. You shouldn't live with someone who will make you miserable for more than half your life.

Think again:

Are you sure that person is the one? You think they are perfect, but could there be better? Can you see yourself together for life? A bond and a commitment? Think ahead not just in the present or past. Remember, you might think you've found the perfect one. But, there are more fish in the sea than you think there are. You just have to find the right one.

I wouldn't go back with the ex if things didn't work out the first time then they wouldn't work out the second time. Sometimes it does work but other times it doesn't.

Answer

Obviously he did something to make you guys break up right. He probably realized he's an idiot and wants you back. Second chances don't really matter because the truth is people never change. They might stop doing something for a while but they'll always go back to their ways. It's honestly not worth it because, chances are, he's going to hurt you. Again!!

The questions that you need to ask are: 1. Do you want him back? 2. Do you still love him? 3. Do you think he will hurt you again?

OK I am a guy that has had a lot of bad relationships I think that almost every relationship I have been has ended with either having to deal with my girlfriends ex and of course they want to fight because they think they still rule her and I don't know why but they're always at their ex's side. In my most recent relationship we had been going out for about 6 months and the ex starts calling her again and I told her not to talk to him or I would leave. I had that stuff happen to me too many times to have it happen again. They all say they still want to be with me "but they would rather be with there ex". But of course they don't say that and I have come to realise that I will never get back with them. Because it will never work if it didn't work the first time.

ANSWER

This exact thing happened to me. This may sound unhealthy or something, but when we broke up, I found someone else. My ex eventually found out and got jealous. He started talking to me and being very nice to me again. But I found out he didn't actually want ME, he just wanted a girlfriend. So I say DON'T FALL FOR IT! You may just get hurt all over again.

Answer

You should first ask yourself if you still love him. And before telling yourself that you do, make him prove to you that he wants to be with you. If he's willing to prove it and he isn't afraid to show you that he has changed, then you should give him another chance. This happened with me and an ex and now we're Married and have great communication skills.

Well, think about it and also think about why you two brokeup.. was what he did too strong for you to continue, or can you give him another chance. But before make sure that he isn't lying and that it comes from the heart!

Answer

It really depends on a lot of factors. The feelings you have for him, think to whether the relationship was worth it. He is your ex for a reason, so something obviously went wrong in the relationship. Think to yourself, could the same thing go wrong again? Am I willing to risk it? Was the relationship good for you, good for your time, good for your heart? Was he worth your love? Think of the good things about him and the bad things too. See if the good things are worth going through the bad things, if the good times you had are good enough to overrule the bad times. Whatever your situation may be, don't stoop yourself to a low level, don't get yourself back in a relationship that you don't want to be in, a relationship that isn't worth it, or one that you know isn't good for you. Make the right decision.

Anecdote

This is a very difficult dilemma you're in as of right now. My ex wants me back as well, after I dumped him. It seems as if he only wants me so he doesn't get teased by his friends and wants to be popular by being the boyfriend of quote: 'one of the most beautiful, smartest, awesome' girls in the school. I am just ignoring his attempts. But it depends on what he did and how he acts. Can you tell that he really means it when he says he loves you? And is what he did to cause the breakup forgivable. And the last but not least, actually, most vital questions are, do you want him back? Do you still love him? Will you both be able to put love into your relationship again. Have faith in yourself and whatever decision you make!

Heres my little intake.

Well thats a very hard choice to make, if you still like him, give him another chance but make sure it is not a mess about and you are both serious about going into a relationship, things like this can end in disaster.

Another point of view.

If you really like him you should go back with him. Whatever happens don't listen to your friends that pressure you for doing something wrong. It happend to me, I went back with him three times. It was good but then I got bored.

Ask yourself questions: Do you believe that a mature relationship and commited needs understanding of what one really feels and want going into the relationship? Do you feel honestly confident in your partner as a commited and self confident individual? Has your partner ever lived alone without a partner very long? Could your partner also be seeking a security for the sake of not being alone? Does your "partner" need or want? Does your partner and yourself really honestly know what you want? Do you feel that allowing" that behavior will allow him to continue similar patterns in the relationship if you accept that behavior and "take him back"? Start with those questions.

ANSWER

I had something like this happen to me. Think about why you broke up and see if it's worth it. Usually if you break up once, it will happen again. The boy that I really liked cheated on me and a year later he wouldn't leave me alone and said he wanted me back and still loves me and always has. I don't think that the hurt is worth it personally and you will find someone else. I'm sorry you're going through this.

ANSWER

My ex and I got together in 2006 then broke up 11 months after in 2007, we were apart until he unexpectedly come back in 2008 and we got back together, he didnt change at all so we broke it off. Its 2010 now and we still talk and we've both changed and its going much better now and although we are not together at present time, we still like each other and still have feelings for each other. If my ex and I work again one day, it will probably be the best decision I made because I stood by him through all his other relationships while we were not together and we trust each other and talk a lot more easily now.

Answer

Do what your heart tells you, ask your friends and talk about it.

Me and my boyfriend haven't been together very long but the story of how we got here is amazing. We met in high school and were on and off for 2 years then the last year we got together broke up after a week, then started meeting up and talking about me and him. We were talking about how i was scared of getting hurt and stuff. I'm glad we are together now cause were closer then ever. Just remember that if you can't go a day without thinking about him after going out, then you miss him. If you want him get him, if not don't. But believe me its worth it if you do.

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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
Cheating
Breakups

How Can you win your Narcissist ex girlfriend back from a married man?

More importantly, why would you want to? Narcissists NEVER change....NEVER. They only value and see themselves at the expense of everything and everyone around them. They will never "see" you, they will never "understand" or really love you, because you see, in a narcissists world, it is only them.

Trust me when I say that she will just use this married guy too. They may be having a great relationship now, but tomorrow she will just dump him for the next best thing. They all do it!

I lived with a narcissistic parent, and have had narcissistic partners/friends. It never stops. The best thing is to break it off and have a "no contact rule" No contact means exactly that. No more contact with the individual.

They will NEVER love you, they are incapable of love, and at their core is the need to only see themselves to avoid the inescapable truth that they are really nothing on the inside but hollow shells. Check out some self-help books, join a chess team, play some golf or do whatever hobby makes you happy. Find yourself again and forget her!

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Relationships
Breakups
How To

How to you slowly break up with your boyfriend?

ANSWER

Start to give him little hints... such as not hugging as much, or honestly BE TRUTHFUL...He'll appreciate it.

its nasty if you keep going out with him and you don't want to be. it will hurt him more just be truthful and as honest as you can. your stringing him along basically.-my honest answer

285286287
Parenting and Children
Breakups
Family
Family Reunions

What are the introduction of broken family?

The introduction to a broken family is not accepting personal responsibility.

When we don't accept our personal responsibility, whatever the situation may be, it places the burden on other people in the relationship, which makes things difficult. When things are difficult, we become unhappy. Eventually, this can lead to a broken family. Of course this is only one reason, but a very popular one.

285286287
Relationships
Breakups
Teen Dating

What does it mean when your boyfriend talks about marrying you in the future?

It means that he is thinking about spending the rest of his life with you. He must really like you, since he is thinking about a possible serious relationship.

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Breakups
Dating
Teen Dating

Does your boyfriend not want you anymore if he tells you he does not like holding hands etc and this just happened within the last 2 weeks?

He doesn't necessarily not want you anymore, but it could be a sign. He might not want to be holding hands all the time, and maybe he just wants you to back off a bit. I suggest, talk to him, and ask him if he still likes you, and why he doesn't want you to hold hands etc any more... Try and not make him feel uncomfortable when you ask, just tell him that you would like to know the truth, and you would rather you were told the truth than him saying "yeah, I love you" when his heart isn't really in it. It is important to talk to him and know what is going on in his mind, because we are advising you from the outside. We don't know what's going on in his mind, or yours, a Or how things are going between you. The most important thing is TALK TO HIM!

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Breakups

Why are men so stubborn?

Men aren't the only stubborn ones as people in general, both men and women, can be stubborn when they are raised to behave in such a manner to get what they want or have things how they want to be. Sometimes it's just pride people can't let go of, and sometimes they see others who act as such and think if one person does it, they should be able to do it as well.

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Breakups

What should you do if you and your ex are in love but he won't forget your bad history together?

You need to spend some time together before you talk to him about things that went wrong, give him the good times that you had and bring him back to remember the memories that he enjoyed, after he really remembers what happened then talk to him about it and speak about how you have matured and whats happened since and how that makes you feel. If he really loves you and you feel the same then he should understand that the things that happened are the past and that who you are is what he loves.

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Relationships
Breakups

How do you get over being dumped by your husband?

You can always have a fling with a younger man (known as a rebound) but be sure going into this relationship that he wants the same thing as you: whether it's companionship or just some steam between the sheets. Keep in mind always though, that you are far more likely to recover quickly, while his regrets will be slow. He will regret it, but it will likely take him a few years. This is just the nature of the beast. Have some fun though, and enjoy your new found freedom. Embrace it, regardless of how much of your life you have to pick up on your own. Make this time about YOU.

271272273
Breakups

How do you leave your ex boyfriend alone?

Remove all of his addresses from your phone and any websites. Then, you live your life. When you get the urge to contact him, take a walk, shower, call another friend--anything but that. Eventually, thoughts of him will go away.

Answer

ignore him, avoid him, don't talk to him

well yew don't talk to them or stay away 4rm dem...simple as that!UNLESS!yewr obsessed over him...then idk...pray to god 4 everything to be ok.that's wht i would do!
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Breakups
Dating

What does a guy mean when he says you're not the one but can't give you any reasons why you're not the one except that he just knows it in his heart and is this reasonable?

  • When a man says 'you are not the one' this means they are not in love with you completely or perhaps not at all. He may be looking for a woman with more in common. Yes, it's reasonable and he knows in his heart when he will meet the right woman.
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Breakups
Social Network Websites
Facebook

If your boyfriend deletes you on facebook is that him saying it's over?

Of course, or maybe he don't want me to know what's he sayin' about me.

267268269
Relationships
Breakups

How do you choose between the ex and your current boyfriend if the ex still makes you feel better and you love him and the current makes you happy and you fall for him?

  • Write down on a piece of people about the good memories you have regarding your ex and then make another list of the things that bothered you about him to cause you both to break up the relationship. Then make a list of the good things along with some annoying things regarding your current boyfriend. Put the list away for at least a week and then read it. Be honest with yourself and really see any red flags that are on the lists. Often an ex will have several relationships and when his ex (you) finds a boyfriend then you ex may be jealous or simply cannot stand the fact you can get along in life without him so he has popped back into your life again. This is very risky because if you break up with your current boyfriend who sounds like a great guy and you obviously fell for him because of it then you may well lose him forever.
263264265
Relationships
Breakups

What might a person do after being dumped?

Depends on the way he/she is dumped.....and on the length of the relationship...and on what he/she expects out of the relationship....... and on whether or not he/she expects being dumped.......... and on whether he/she is an extrovert or an introvert.No one likes being dumped unless the"subject" is a manipulative creep and wants the "dumper" to dump it, and get some creepy desired effect out of the equation. But independent of these is that no one likes being dumped( save -the creepy ones).Its possible the subject wont talk to the dumper....for a long period of time(unless it has experience in these situations from its past). If the dumping process has ended in a long pause....with both parties sharing views, the person may go back and do everything to not think about the babe/boy that dumped him/her. That might involve... detachment from social life a little... work being affected....for a few days.....trying to get drunk and with motivation from the wise....... hire a stripper.If the dumping process ends with screaming and abuse ....... the dumped may try to call the dumper later to convince that love birds are singing still...... if that fails then use influence only to end up more miserable... and with those rare breed of crackpots, he/she might just end up a stalker.But before that there might just be showers of love tokens and gifts.... or even violence.....but mostly making both parties miserable..... Its good to end a relationship with the clear indication that its over permanently and WON'T change no matter what.... to be healthy, that is. And its particularly unhealthy for the dumper. to be behaving like best friends with the dumped from day 2 after the relationship.

263264265
Cheating
Breakups
Teen Dating

Why men cheat on their girlfriends?

Some men are not looking for a commitment but place themselves into positions where they are fully committed to a partner. Hence the reason why some relationships do not work out and the male has a wondering eye. If he wanted to be committed and really settle down he wouldn't go and hurt your feelings in such a disrespectful way.

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Relationships
Breakups
Teen Dating

Have you made a mistake breaking up with your girlfriend when I still love her?

Well why did you break up with her, man?

If she was unloyal, dishonest, etcetera then you made a good decision in the long run.

You don't want to fall for a girl who's always going to be treating you badly. You can't ever completely change them after all.

If you just felt like she was holding you back, but she was an amazing girl, that was a bad decision. Go get her back before she's taken.

A girl like that usually comes once in your life.

Make sure you know who she is. She could be using you or gold digging. Don't go down that road. If your friends want you to stay away, ask them why. If they can't give you a good reason, go with her until they do.

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Breakups
Teen Dating
Friendship

How do you get an older boy to notice you?

whether the boy is older than you or at your age, i think how to get him to notice you is still the same..

well i believe u need to start talking to him..

say hello and nicely say that u want to be his friend...

once in a while (may be once in 2 or 3 days) text him...chat with him,ask about him..

get to know him..

don't be too rush, or this may make him think that you are so desperate..

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Breakups

How do you let someone go without hurting them if they still want to be with you?

  • Honesty is always the best policy even though you know it will hurt the person that loves you. Most people in their lifetime will have a lost love or two in their friendship and most survive and meet someone in the future they truly love. It would be kinder to say that you just do not feel the same way about them as they do you, but care about them, but you need to move on and also let them get on with their lives. Life hurts sometimes, but all of us get through the hard times with both feet planted on the ground firmly.
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Relationships
Breakups
Teen Dating

How do you get your ex-boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?

I feel so happy right now. I am just so happy and don't know What more i can say on this life? how will i thank high priest tokubo enough for the good job which he just did for me.i have been searching  for long  a real spell caster, for me to get who will help me get back my ex back but i have been scammed so many times by a lot of people who claim they are spell casters and are not, so i was tired of searching then one morning i visited a neighbor and she introduced me to this man high priest tokubo and i contacted him and he made a spell for me in the night and after the spell he told me what to do and i did it and immediately the thing was done, he gave me assurance that my ex will start looking for me and pleading for me to accept back and what make me to be amazed is that he said just 24 hours after the spell is done is when my ex will come and as i am talking to you people now my ex is came back to me exactly after 24 hours as he said and now i and my family are living very happily. HIGH PRIEST TOKUBO IS REAL!!!! one of the price i am to pay is to share my testimony to the world, you can contact high priest tokubo through this email, highpriesttokubo@gmail. com

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Breakups

What does the word 'ex' mean in a relationship?

  • When you date someone and have a relationship and your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you then that makes them your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend. 'Ex' means the relationship is over. When a couple gets married and then divorced it because 'ex husband' or 'ex wife' meaning there is either a separation and divorce and that person is no longer in your life.
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Relationships
Narcissism
Breakups

How do you make sure a relationship with a narcissist is over?

You are not safe with a narcissist, so you need to make sure it is over. The longer you stay, the more likely your children will show the same behavior in their relationships. Going from verbal to physical abuse can be a close thing. You need a team to support you as you make the move; the most dangerous period is while you are planning to do this. Mind you, you may have to move to another city or state to escape.

Healing the relationship is difficult to impossible until the person gets real and has practice behaving. You cannot fix the person. For one thing, an abused person just does not have the expertise and emotional boundaries to make a difference. Also, It is very common for them to revert to bad habits upon returning to the person they abused in the past--even if a few years have passed and their behavior has been consistent.

A good book to understand the issue is The Verbally Abusive Relationship. It does have some hints to help; but you do need to be very honest about the depth of your issue. You also have to realize that you are not to blame in any way.

Based on the guide "Back from the Looking Glass" Living with the personality disorder that causes abuse.

I think that the advice to leave and have no contact is dangerous. This is a very good way to provoke someone to violence. If they have a home and children with you they will feel that they have nothing left to lose and as narcissistic people do tend to blow things out of proportion and have tantrums this can be very dangerous. I knew a woman who was murdered by her husband in front of her small children after leaving him and refusing contact.

If you want to heal your relationship our guide will help you to do that and we know many people who have had success with this. If you want to leave and never see the person who you believe is narcissistic and keep yourself safe and get closure well then I suggest that you do this;

Be very clingy and needy and agree with everything they say while being very boring and make sure that you give them no time to them self or space, keep apologising a lot for everything, and act very fake. After about a week or two of this they will decide to leave. Let them think it is their idea, act sad about it but don't fight them. After that (and you can do this while you are getting them to decide to leave too) complain a lot whenever you talk to them, tell them that you are sick and that the kids need braces and that the house has termites. They will quickly lose interest in you and then you are free. This way you will know that it is over, especially when you see them with someone else.

Based on the book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited":

"If the narcissist has the power to provoke emotions in you � you are still a Source of Supply to him ... If you are an old Source of Narcissistic Supply, first, get over the excitement of seeing him again. ... Then, simply ignore him. Don't bother to respond in any way to his offer to get together. If he talks to you � keep quiet, don't answer. If he calls you � listen politely and then say goodbye and hang up. Indifference is what the narcissist cannot stand. It indicates a lack of attention and interest that constitutes the kernel of negative NS."

Here is more input:

  • No one is just a narcissist -- that N guy in your life is or was a person you cared about -- I think its best to admit that however difficult that might be -- you really loved someone, for a reason, you saw them as loveable and they were loveable, but they were human, imperfect and hurt you...maybe you invited the hurt in some way or let them hurt you, played the victim...sometimes we unconsciously arrange things so that we fail in our intimate relationships--because a relationship is work, thinking about someone else not ourselves--we want the good things the easy things about a relationship but when it becomes a challenge--of course, for some of us, maybe we cant live in anothers shadow, maybe we have to be ourselves, maybe we need a kind of solitariness--the problem with a romance sometimes I think is that we are swallowed up in it--I was swallowed up by someone for years, was ecstatic with him for years, but we were/are constantly in and out of it because you really cant live like that--I think that I was in love with love, still am, i think a lot of people look for romantic love--for the high--but then you have to work out the details and the devil is in the details.
  • Tell them to "Grow Up" rather sternly! Then,walk out and don't look back.
  • When you remove them completely from your life. No calls, no emails, absolutely no contact.
  • Narcissists appear tough to the victim, but threaten them with someone else who might harm that physical beauty or ego and they just might move on to another conquest.
  • You have the power to lock them out of your life. Do it.
  • Ignore him completely. He will not bring any good into your life. All these types want is to destroy you. They are very calculating and will settle for nothing other than to see you with no integrity and self esteem. Do you want him back? If you are considering getting back with him just remember he will lead you down the same dead end roads. That's all they do.
  • Narcissists do not have relationships or experience other people the same way that non-narcissists do. While it may be difficult for some to overcome the need to make excuses for the N. ("he's only human, just like you...") or to idealize the interaction ("you loved him, he loved you..."), the fact remains that the N. did not experience you or anyone else as a human being. To an N., other people exist only as objects that either can provide narcissistic supply or not; if not, they move on.
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Relationships
Breakups
Weddings

Should you contact your first love of 10 years before he gets married if he got engaged two months after you broke up?

Probably not a good idea unless u want to ruin his life

What do expect to come from it? Usually you will be disappointed so I say let it go. He can probably think of a half dozen ways to contact you if he wanted. It sounds like he has not so take that as a sign to just move on. Nothing good will come of you contacting him. But if you do report back and let us know how it went

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Relationships
Breakups
Dating

How do you get over your ex?

Hey People, I read this wonderful comment by some anonymous person on a forum and I want you all to read this too.. It'll Help you FOR SURE!!! Please take your time off and read this and I guarantee that you'll feel better! It is so true!

"I've been on this site for almost four months now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompassing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, pay your money because your curious and low and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup stuff.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now is the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everyday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nano-bits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidentally. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that will have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconciliations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

Other opinions...I do not know how long you were married, neither do I know how long since your divorce (I assume it was a divorce). But your regrets are misplaced. Being away from him/her leaves you room to think and forget. We all have a tendency to remember the pleasant moments with our ex-mate and easily forget about our misery.

The best you can do is to meet others. Get out into the world and find out how many others have been in your state and learn from them on how they resolved things. Time has ways of smoothing things. Being with others will help you identify your problems and resolve them.

Your best bet is to occupy your time, get involved with your community, helping others helps you, you feel accomplished and better about yourself, knowing that you deserve someone who is good for you, that wants you back.

Getting over someone takes time. You have had a mini-bereavement so it is natural to feel loss & pain. Knowing it will take a bit of time; find people to associate with. Take up a hobby. Join something. Walking is brilliant for brightening the mood. Avoid stress like from distastrous news broadcasts. And remember - you are important. Be kind to yourself.

True, but...

Before you can even try to move on, you have to allow some form of wallowing to get it all off your chest. Think back to all the romcoms you have ever watched. Ice cream, crying and a friends shoulder for a few days can work wonders. Only then can you really move on in life. You can't simply rush into expecting it all to be OK, and being in denial thinking that you don't love your ex any more. You have to admit you still like them, then try to move on. believe me, a friend tried to just pretend she was over someone and it took about 4 months till she actually admitted that she wasn't. That's four months wasted.

My Way....

That's a tough one. It takes me forever to get over a guy. But when I am too in love with him and he doesn't feel the same about me I move on by looking at my famous hottie on internet and I forget all about him.

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