Narcissism

I believe it is a issue of the state of the soul. The refusal to be repentant to God and others they have harmed feeds the beast that grows in the N's mind and heart. They are empty and void of anything but love for self. Even the love they have for their children or mate is nothing more than a supply source. This is not a mental disorder, it is a soul disorder that can only be helped by the N repenting and allowing God to change them. Since the N must admit fault and set God above them , salvation is almost impossible unless God brings them to a place where he is all they have left. In order to help this person, you must set them free, pray for them and then move on with your life. Even if this person seems to have made a change, it may well be short lived because the temptation to exhault themself above you will be there every moment they live. It is a long , painful recovery and if you are reading this and have came to this site for help, you will not be the one that can help the person recover. It will open old wounds for both of you. Move on ..

Ultimately, everyone can blame their problems on something and someone else. One person can blame their behavior on the fact that their parents were too protective and loving, resulting in a feeling that he/she was "smothered". Another person will blame everything on the fact that his parents were cold and sent him/her away to boarding school. Still another will feel that he/she didn't get anough attention because he/she had too many siblings. Still another will feel that he/she would have been far more "normal" if he/she had grown up with siblings. The simple fact is, nobody's parents were perfect. The result is, none of US are perfect. We all have an excuse if we want to use it; "I'm messed up because I was bottle fed." Perhaps it's time to just "Get over it." If we all suffered some form of abuse, then abuse is the norm. But let's face it, much of what some people claim is abuse is nothing more than an imperfect parent trying to do what he/she considers to be best. After we're raised, we have a responsibility to act like grown-ups. A narcissist never learned to grow up, or more accurately, never WANTED to grow up. They never take responsibility for their actions and as such blame everything on everyone else. Wouldn't it be great if we could all do that? But we're adults, we have learned, regardless of our own "dysfunctional" parents, to be responsible. Don't let a narcisist continue to be irresonsible. Yes, it's his/her fault. He/she is the one with the inappropriate behavior. He/she is the one who uses others. Once he/she is grown up, who would you SUGGEST that he blame? = Is this really accurate? = I have read the above comment and although I agree with the poster on principle, it would seem to suggest that narcissists may at some point have had a choice to change their behavior. This is of great interest to me since I have chosen to accept the "inevitability" that the narcissist in my life was simply incapable of being any different. (This is how I am able to cope with it!) A narcissistic personality is a learned behavior so you can bet one or both of his/her parents were narcissistic and they grew up in that environment. I agree with the first poster and it's true, we could all blame something in our past for our behavior or failures, but the truth of the matter is we can change things if we want to bad enough. My father was an alcoholic and although my brother and I loved him a great deal he made our family life miserable. Not once did my brother and I blame our mistakes on our parents and, in fact, we learned from it and neither of us drink to excess. All behavior is learned behavior to some extent. Even instinctive behavior is shaped by the observation of others so the particular form of expression it takes is learned. Narcissism is no different than any other personality trait that is externally expressed. Keep in mind that not everything that is labelled narcissism is really narcissism.

Don't worry a narcissist always lands on his/her feet like a cat! They are sly, selfish, can usually charm the gold out of a person's teeth and never miss a beat for any opportunity. According to the narcissistic mind they have all the power and never run out of ideas and certainly don't feel they have burned all their bridges. Psychologists do believe that there is a love/hate relationship between a male narcissist and his mother (who was probably narcissistic or cruel as well.) Whether the narcissist hates his/her mother they will always run back and hate themselves for doing so. If dear old mother isn't there then they continue to harass an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife.

Your husband isn't narcissistic, but just a plain old jerk! You didn't explain if this was his daughter or yours from a former relationship or marriage and you didn't explain what type of sexual comments he is making, so please explain further if you should choose to answer my post. I'll be watching for it on my "watchlist." A little more info is needed here. Hope you repost. If you witnessed the inappropriate comments, then you definitely know what you have to do--leave! Anything else, you need to talk to your child--or take them to a third party--to see what happened. Your responsibility is to the care and the safety of your child, so however it is with the husband, you will have to leave if it is true. This really is not something you can warn the person about and hope they don't do it again--or that the sexual comments escalate into physical contact.

== ==

Yes Yes indeed, that's how they get you. You get reeled into how exciting their lives are and want to become part of it, when you lose your partner for the first time it makes you feel like your N is off out having a fantastic time whilst you're at home feeling horrible and alone.

I am living with a narcissistic husband. I am finally ready to file for divorce. We have a wonderful 12 year old son and my life with my husband has been living hell for at least the last two years. we have been together for 13 years. I thought it was always my fault. I thought I needed to love him more. It always felt so empty. His verbal abuse has gotten worse in the last year and his ability to give me the silent treatment has gone on for almost 6 months. His favorite word to me is shut up. I finally went to therapy and it was with his help I have been able to see what was happening to my life. It has been horrible and I wanted to marriage to work. Not any more Please help if anyone has any advise You need to become financially independant. He's abusive to you because he knows he has you. It's all about control. He sees that you need him, so he's even meaner to you. Add consequences to his silent treatment. (as long as there is no physical abuse, and I hope there is not) For example, as long as he is silent, he has no say over what's for dinner. Just start making dinner and he has to eat what you make. If he says anything, just say "Well you aren't talking to me so...." Try to play the game back a little. You have to have a thick skin with a narcissist. Mine used to play games like that. The best thing you can do, is ignore them and do what YOU want. When they see that they aren't getting any rise out of you, they stop. It's hard to do sometimes, but it works.

Narcissists can be male or female or attractive or unattractive. They act as if they are the best thing ever and the center of the universe whether they are attractive or not. A person could be physically attractive and realize it but not be a narcissist. After all, models know they are attractive. Let's assume they're not all narcissists. ~ T

Narcissists act as if they want people to envy them, but in reality they envy others which makes them crazy, and they "act out." They easily get into conflicts with coworkers, friends and family just to make a point of being right about a certain subject. It is extremely important to them that others think they are in a "genius" league. Narcissists will choose people of high intelligence (but rarely can keep up) and pick on what they consider the more unintelligent to control and manipulate. They often will hang around "the average person" because they feel these people are controllable and think that he/she is a genius in nature and it strokes their egos. The idea of "it's OK to agree to disagree" is not in their vocabulary. Narcissistic people are actually quite weak and they have had some reason in their up-bringing to be this way. They have either been goaded into the fact they must be a winner at all things, or they have had one or both parents tell them they are stupid and not worth the air space they take up. These type of people have a goal of proving everyone wrong and they are right. They could be under the heading of "perfectionists" yet they aren't and can be quite sloppy about their work habits and every other aspect of their lives. Their vision is distorted as far as what normal society sees out there. Liars they are, but in ways they dramatize on what could be true to impress whomever they are talking to at the time. Marcy ANSWER - I think my N discovered something too...that I was onto him and fed up with him. I received one email from him asking us to be friends, and I have ignored that too and so far..no other response. Still..in my stupidly romantic way I am still longing for him to "get it" and come back to me on bended knee. Right. He knows he pushed me to the edge, and he knows what I see now. The devil has been fully revealed and I am not associating with him anymore. I believe he hasn't the soul to realize his errors. I am not worth the effort anymore because he knows I am onto him and I cannot be duped anymore, I have God on my side and I know he is a liar...ruthless, heartless and faithless. He's probably gloating over the fact that he did have me for so long, filling me with his lies and using me up with what I thought was love but was actually a vampiric sort of using me up. He didn't get me, did he. I saved myself. I just dread seeing him again, because just like Satan, he's all wrapped up in light, but inside he is so, so dark. I will have to pray, maybe show a crucifix, to keep myself from being led astray again. Love to all...mbme If they see you getting more attention than them, they will watch you. My daughter even noticed this loser i was involved with would watch me as I talked to other people. He would be engaged apparantly in a conversation yet keep looking to see who and how i was talking with. But then I would get the silent treatment. These types are envious if you are better looking, get a raise, take care of your kids, have friends, and basically a life.

A person who has been sexually abused as a child doesn't even realize the damage has already occured mentally. Either the child will keep this abuse a secret or if the family should find out it is kept secret. Either way the child usually never wins and is never sent for psychological treatment in their younger years. Sexually abused people live as if there is a hollow in the pit of their very soul and sometimes it takes years to surface. They never really get over it, but with psychological counselling they can certainly live normal lives. Sexually abused people are also very guarded (to protect themselves) and thus, they may come off as being narcissistic, but they really aren't. They seldom mean to hurt others, but because of their sexual abuse they usually can't find a happy medium with a sexual partner. Trust is a big issue here. Marcy When you know better, you do better. If he's dealing with his past, there is no reason to continue the bad behavior in the present or the future. Tell him to keep it in his pants or dump him. It's just an excuse, not a reason if he keeps on cheating on you.

I wouldn't doubt that it is common. At least for them to show a REDUCED REACTION to you. It seems too easy for them to just wipe out from their memory whatever wondrous experiences you and they shared together or at least not to be focused on them enough for the N to care about you the way they once seemed to. Is it common to run into a Narcissistic ex-partner and have them show no reaction to you at all? Yes. If the narcissist dated you for attention and felt like you were inferior to him in the relationship, it's likely you won't get a reaction from him. Especially if the narcissist has enough attention from other, more superior people at the time you meet him. Also, it is more likely he will show no reaction if he dumped you. Superior has nothing to do with whether a narcissist shows reaction to you or not. The issue is that you never existed for him/her except as a source of narcissistic supply--when that supply is gone, you no longer exist for him/her again. It's true that if he's getting supply elsewhere that may make him feel good, but it has nothing to do with your "quality" as a person. Because to him/her, you were not a person at all. You're saying "show no reaction" but what do you expect them to do? Imagine if you treated someone as badly as a narcissist does. You can't or won't apologize. You can't smile and wave hello. So the "best" thing is to do nothing. To show nothing. Trust me, you wedged a knife into them when they saw you. Even it was a knife of guilt or conscience. Even if they didn't show it. If you see them again, you do nothing also. Show no expression except one of happiness. Success is the best revenge. That will bother your ex much more than even hating them.

My experience was similar, except that the periods of time between overvaluing and devaluing were shorter. He could be lovely and 'caring' for approximately three weeks then suddenly say that we would never be a good couple and break up with me with no further explanation other than that it was his 'intuition' that we wouldn't be a good couple or that he felt that our relationship could get 'operatic'. The only thing we ever fought about was his spontaneous dumpings. I noticed that these 'dumpings' usually followed a day or an evening where he had a really good time, almost as if he had let his guard down then felt frightened and/or disgusted with himself for it.

The first time he did this I was completely confused and blaimed myself for doing something wrong in the relationship. When he came crawling back- which he did by infiltrating my circle of friends and convincing me to go out for dinner with him. Too many glasses of wine later, I had forgiven him. The second time he did it, I couldn't believe it. This time was a little messier, and we didn't talk for well over a month. He got me back by pretending that his life was a disaster (of his own making). He started smoking again, started going to strip clubs, complained that he had had a bad performance review at work, was lonely, and was upset over our 'squabbling'. I felt sorry for him. I went back to him. Sure enough within a few more weeks he was acting strange again. This time I knew it was coming. When he finally delievered the big blow (after a week of being completely aloof and going on a vacation without me after he had initially implied that he wanted me to go) I had enough. I told him that I was glad that it was over, I wanted to date someone else and I walked out of his house without a word- hopefully that was a narcissistic injury. My problem is that he has managed to trick some of our mutual friends (including a therapist) into thinking he's a great guy. I know he's just waiting for another opportunity to start the cycle again. The only difference is that I now know what he is and why he does what he does.

I suspect that sometimes the narcissist devalues their supply source in order to get more narcissitic supply. I feel that he was hoping that I would plead for him not to leave me in order to feel good about himself. It backfired.

Yes, it can be repetitive with the same NS, if there is no new NS on the horizon. This is what happened to me. In my case, the overvaluing and devaluing were cyclical. He wanted me around in the winter and ignored me in the summer. I have given my N two very severe bouts of narcissistic injury and he has returned both times, once eighteen months later, and the second time six months later. He had rearranged the facts in his mind to something he could accept, and then was ready for another round. I don't think there are any hard and fast answers to this, but if he has returned once after an injury, then I think he is likely to return again and again - BUT it will never be any different!

The narcassist feels weak for wanting ANYTHING from the opposite sex yet at the same time has the desire to connect, but only on a superficial level. The N meets a person and falls in lust like the rest of us. However soon their internal dialogue takes hold. They cannot show they care for you, to them this is weak. Is is too fearfull and they are wracked with paranoid fears of jealousy and abandoment. The only solution? In their mind is to mentally destroy their victim. Thus begins the push pull game. They cannot stand they want you so they discard you but then they want you back for atttention and sex so they come back. Then the cycle continues OVER and OVER unless you bail out. They will not settle for nothing less than total control over your mind and soul. They see it as thrilling to have their prey worn down and at their mercy. The worst thing a victim can do is leave calmly and move on with their life. The N therefore feels he/she was not that important to begin with. Then begins even more inner torment.

Like Aristotle said, the same action can be described using a positive word or a negative word. Narcissist use the positive when speaking about themselves but use the negative when speaking about others.

N's have "careers" but they say others have "jobs"

N's work weekends they are "dedicated employees," but accuse others of "neglecting their families."

N's call in sick they are on their death-bed. When you call in sick they say you are faking it.

When N's are late for work, it's because a disaster-emergency happened to them. When others miss work, the N says, "they were lazy and couldn't get out of bed."

N's buy namebrand because they have "good taste," while they say others buy namebrand because they are "materialistic, commerical and fake."

N's relay info to help people and are communicating. Others' are backstabbing and gossiping.

N's care about the environment and recycle. N's tell everyone you are recycling because you are frugile and cheap.

N's say everything they buy was a job perk or a bonus check. N's say everything you buy is because you are selfish and wasting money.

N's have friends in high places who admire them. N's say your friends in high places are snobs and you are just wanting to rub shoulders with the rich.

It's interesting about what someone wrote on here about how they want you in cycles. mine always was with me in the spring summer months and dissed me and devalued me in the winter and this has now happend two times for two summers.i get it now and I'm done.

One day your the greatest person on earth to them then, when you don't do or say something they wanted you to or you ask something of them that they don't want to do they demean you and ignore you no longer are you important to them.

This is a great way of describing what they do. Mine also had particular times of the year when he would dump me. Like many people he got restless in autumn and spring, but unlike normal people, he'd dump me and go looking for a better woman around those times. He also flipped out in August, around the time of his birthday. We broke up or had a major incident almost every year in August. The idea that he was getting older made him severely depressed, and I think he held me somehow responsible for it! He also weaseled his way back into my life using email, by leaving things at my house, and using pity and mutual friends. I wouldn't put anything past him. Sadly I am now suspicious of all our mutual friends, thinking they might be "working" for my ex. His favorite catchword for dumping me was "incompatible" and he would also claim I lacked passion. However, he would still want to have sex. I made a list once of all the qualities he claimed I lacked and it was very long and quite contradictory. But he adored the word "incompatible" the most because 1) it made me livid and 2) I could not refute it. Just try coming up with an argument to prove to someone else that you are compatible with them. It can't be done; they will always find something about which you don't agree. And here is the kicker: we actually were compatible. Not that I would ever want to be with this man again, heaven forbid, but we did have many similar interests and a similar sense of humor, etc etc. I sense what the first poster stated so well: he got uncomfortable with the level of closeness. That was what was so weird about it. Please do not misinterpret my statements as a wish to be back with the narcissist--I do not, and I currently don't speak to him at all. I just want to say that it was weird how we could enjoy so many similar things and have such a good time--and it was right at that point that he'd suddenly decide we were incompatible, and he needed to leave. Bizarro world relationship--narcissists do the exact opposite of what a normal person would do. Ah well. Thank God he's out of my life.

new answer- You said so good what i tried to say but i didnt know how --when they reach the best point in a relationship were most people only dream of they leave and destroy it all!

Everything that fans the fragile ego is called dote. Everyone that imposes a chain of their thoughts on you is a slavery. Everything that you do for the others for fanning the self abandoning the compassion is called narcissism. It feeds on others perception and say in inflating your self.

Individuals who struggle to show love and affection may be described as emotionally detached or as having an avoidant attachment style. These individuals may have difficulty forming and maintaining close relationships and may exhibit behaviors that push others away. Therapy and self-reflection can help address underlying issues contributing to this behavior.

Well, one good way is to encourage the person to participate in an assessment. One for narcissism is available at the related link.

Well, one good way is to encourage the person to participate in an assessment. One for narcissism is available at the related link.

Well, one good way is to encourage the person to participate in an assessment. One for narcissism is available at the related link.

Well, one good way is to encourage the person to participate in an assessment. One for narcissism is available at the related link.

I think that a person is selfless when they care for others as much as they care for themselves, i.e. someone might give food to another person if they are starving, however is that someone is starving themself, they would still make sure that they are fed too. I hope this makes sense. If not, the Australian philosopher Peter Singer has some interesting concepts regarding how a person can be either selfish or unselfish. He even refers to possible problems with this concept.

No. Their narcissism would prevent them from it. It would mean they have a problem and as far as the narcissist is concerned they have no problems but the rest of the world that has the problems.

It is good to believe in yourself as long as it's a healthy self confidence. It becomes a problem when you think you are smarter than everyone else, know more, do better, exaggerate your importance and abilities, believe you are special and deserve special treatment, and you think all that without any personal history of talents or accomplishment to back it up.

It is good to believe in yourself as long as it's a healthy self confidence. It becomes a problem when you think you are smarter than everyone else, know more, do better, exaggerate your importance and abilities, believe you are special and deserve special treatment, and you think all that without any personal history of talents or accomplishment to back it up.

It is good to believe in yourself as long as it's a healthy self confidence. It becomes a problem when you think you are smarter than everyone else, know more, do better, exaggerate your importance and abilities, believe you are special and deserve special treatment, and you think all that without any personal history of talents or accomplishment to back it up.

It is good to believe in yourself as long as it's a healthy self confidence. It becomes a problem when you think you are smarter than everyone else, know more, do better, exaggerate your importance and abilities, believe you are special and deserve special treatment, and you think all that without any personal history of talents or accomplishment to back it up.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental illness coded on axis 2 of the DSM-IV and requires a diagnosis by a qualified mental health professional. The two terms are similar and someone called a megalomaniac is not unlikely to show symptoms of narcissism. In fact, they could be a narcissist but they may or may not be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

Of course. When you have too much self esteem you are a narcissist. When it has progressed to an inflated sense of your own importance and a deep need for admiration, a convistion that you are superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings then you may have narcissistic personality disorder.

Of course. When you have too much self esteem you are a narcissist. When it has progressed to an inflated sense of your own importance and a deep need for admiration, a convistion that you are superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings then you may have narcissistic personality disorder.

Of course. When you have too much self esteem you are a narcissist. When it has progressed to an inflated sense of your own importance and a deep need for admiration, a convistion that you are superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings then you may have narcissistic personality disorder.

Of course. When you have too much self esteem you are a narcissist. When it has progressed to an inflated sense of your own importance and a deep need for admiration, a convistion that you are superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings then you may have narcissistic personality disorder.

A narcissist is someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. They may appear to worship themselves, but it is often a coping mechanism to mask their underlying insecurities and vulnerabilities.

This is a question a manipulative person would ask if they were trying to have people view them as the victim. You do not own other people. Stop trying to control everything and everyone.

Of course, it's possible that I'm wrong and you're really being maltreated. In that case, you need to end your relationship. Whether it be business, friendship, or spousal. Get away from the person that's hurting you and start fresh. Be the bigger person. Not to puff up your ego, but because that's simply the right thing to do.

But somehow I get the feeling it's the person you're trying to control that should really be leaving YOU.

No, a narcissist will swindle or manipulate ANYONE that will believe their lies. If you have something a narcissist wants, he will find a way to get it from you.

narcissists and psychopaths prey on:

the too trusting

other narcissists

and naive people in general that refuse to believe that there are people out there that enjoy hurting others.

Not everyone who displays narcissistic traits has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It's important to distinguish between occasional self-centered behavior and a diagnosable mental health condition. A diagnosis of NPD involves a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that causes distress or impairment in functioning.

It's not productive or ethical to try to destroy someone's self esteem, even if they are a narcissist. Instead, create healthy boundaries and focus on taking care of yourself. Seek support from a mental health professional if you are dealing with a narcissistic individual.