What would you like to do?

Can a narcissist love his spouse or only be obsessed?

already exists.

Would you like to merge this question into it?

already exists as an alternate of this question.

Would you like to make it the primary and merge this question into it?

exists and is an alternate of .

Narcissists "love" their spouses or other significant othersas long as they continue to reliably provide them with Narcissistic Supply (in one word, with attention). Inevitably, they regard others as mere "sources", objects, or functions. Lacking empathy and emotional maturity, the narcissist's love is pathological. But the precise locus of the pathology depends on the narcissist's stability or instability in different parts of his life.

More input

We are, therefore, faced with two pathological forms of narcissistic "love".
One type of narcissist "loves" others as one would attach to objects. He "loves" his spouse, for instance, simply because she exists and is available to provide him with Narcissistic Supply. He "loves" his children because they are part of his self-image as a successful husband and father. He "loves" his "friends" because and only as long as he can exploit them. Such a narcissist reacts with alarm and rage to any sign of independence and autonomy in his "charges". He tries to "freeze" everyone around him in their "allocated" positions and "assigned roles". His world is rigid and immovable, predictable and static, fully under his control. He punishes for "transgressions" against this ordained order. He thus stifles life as a dynamic process of compromising and growing ? rendering it instead a mere theatre, a tableau vivant.

The other type of narcissist abhors monotony and constancy, equating them, in his mind, with death. He seeks upheaval, drama, and change ? but only when they conform to his plans, designs, and views of the world and of himself. Thus, he does not encourage growth in his nearest and dearest. By monopolizing their lives, he, like the other kind of narcissist, also reduces them to mere objects, props in the exciting drama of his life.

This narcissist likewise rages at any sign of rebellion and disagreement. But, as opposed to the first sub-species, he seeks to animate others with his demented energy, grandiose plans, and megalomaniacal self-perception. An adrenaline junkie, his world is a whirlwind of comings and goings, reunions and separations, loves and hates, vocations adopted and discarded, schemes erected and dismantled, enemies turned friends and vice versa. His Universe is equally a theatre, but a more ferocious and chaotic one.

Where is love in all this? Where is the commitment to the loved one's welfare, the discipline, the extension of oneself to incorporate the beloved, the mutual growth? Nowhere to be seen. The narcissist's "love" is hate and fear disguised fear of losing control and hatred of the very people his precariously balanced personality so depends on. The narcissist is egotistically committed only to his own well-being. To him, the objects of his "love" are interchangeable and inferior.

He idealizes his nearest and dearest not because he is smitten by emotion ? but because he needs to captivate them and to convince himself that they are worthy Sources of Supply, despite their flaws and mediocrity. Once he deems them useless, he discards and devalues them similarly cold-bloodedly. A predator, always on the lookout, he debases the coin of "love" as he corrupts everything else in himself and around him.

More input

I think everyone have 2 components in them... the narcissism and the love... Me too... When we broke up and she went back to her bf... I cried then felt immense rage, but then...after a couple weeks, when it subsided, I realised that i loved her. Yes i did love her. There was always a part of me who wanted to call her and get back with her... telling her what she wanted to hear... that i love her... but every time it got blocked by the narcissism. I got very close... but it was always blocked. I did not realise only afterwards... Something was blocking me from expressing my emotions...

More input

A narcissist is human and, like most of us, will want love in a natural way. Sometimes that part will be heard and felt by a person who is a narcissist. However, it will often be repressed by fear or warped logic.
+ 95 others found this useful
Thanks for the feedback!

Does a narcissist love?

  Yes - essentially themself.

Does a narcissist know what they are doing to their spouse?

No.. because they are always right. Absolutely- they know when to turn up the heat and when to pull back- its all about control and they will do whatever they have to do to g

Do all narcissistic spouses cheat?

There are no absolutes in life, except death. Other than that, we control our own actions and make our own choices...individually. It is a statistical impossibility that eve

Can narcissists love?

Yes, but they love themselves.

How can you inform others that your spouse is a narcissist?

  I have been wanting to tell people about my husband's narcissism but question my motives. It feels like self defense in a way. I suppose if I can deflect blame to him I

How do narcissists treat ex-spouses?

  Generally they treat them in either of the following two ways: They hate them with a passion or they try to ingratiate themselves to them.   In the first case this is

Narcissist in love with a narcissist?

It's certainly possible. A narcissist may date another narcissist that is more selfish than they are to feel better about themselves. In turn say "i'm not as selfish as he/she

Can a nacissist love his spouse or only be obsessed?

Narcissists can't love ANYONE - even their spouse. Once he is done reeling them in and brainwashing them - he will start abusing. The only answer is to RUN as fast & as far aw

Can a narcissist love her spouse or only be obsessed?

It depends on what level of narcissim she is if it is not that bad than I think yes they can love their spouse in a different sort of way, but if they are really narcissistic

What does only a masochist could ever love a narcissist means?

A Masochist is someone that loves pain, in short, and very generalized. Loving a narcissist is about pain, therefore only a masochist could love a narcissist. Having said tha

How does a narcissist deal with a spouse with ADHD?

Well since narcissist is one who is in love with themselves and ADHD people get distracted easily well the best cure for and ADHD person is for them to get more sleep so tell

How do narcissists deal with their spouse?

They treat them as is they are to serve them to wait on them for everything. they want to be admired for everthing they do. alot of emotionialy abuse. and it's always your fai

Do narcissists get obsessed with their work?

some do because the obsess about themselves. this includes  everything the do as well as work.    ------   No they don't. It only has to appear they're doing a per

How do you deal with a narcissistic spouse?

First, you should read up on the disorder. There are dozens of good websites sponsored by well known hospitals and other respected institutions that sponsor web pages devoted