What are the chances of a woman being abused all of her life and then finally being in a relationship that doesn't involve abuse but leaving him for another man who is abusive?

Answer 1

The chances are extremely high that a woman who has been abused will by-pass good men and end up with another abusive man. I work for an Abused Women's Center and I really could never understand this behavior in women until I talked with many abused women (of all ages.) Then I began to understand: For years these women were brain washed and constantly controlled into believing they were nothing .. lower than a snake's belly. They were repeatedly told they were stupid, ugly, useless, couldn't cook (even though the food was cooked just fine) and everyone thought they were stupid and ugly. Many women were mentally abused, but some were savagely beaten and that was certainly a terrible sight to see. Most of us have talked about it, heard about it, but until you visit some poor woman in a hospital with her jaw broken, both eyes blackened, teeth missing, and broken limbs the message doesn't seem clear until you have experienced this. The first feelings I had was a rage where I wanted to take the man that did this and beat him with a Baseball bat, but of course we have to let the legal system do something with these misfits (and not much is done I might add.) To my surprise over 89% of women go back to the abuser or find another abusive mate. Just like a sexually abused child they will always run to their abuser and not the person that is loving and good to them. These women also need to constantly please their abuser, but never succeed. I began to ask questions of these women and ask why. I wasn't condeming them, but trying to find the key to stopping them from making these same mistakes over and over again and fearful that one day it could all end with their own death. Several told me that they couldn't function out in the real world which they had been alienated from for so many years. They lived in fear, had few friends around (abusive men usually will keep his wife or girlfriend away from family or friends or threaten their mate with the beating of their lives if they say a word.) The constant mental abuse had taken their toll and they had a lack of confidence and truly believed all the things their abuser had said to them. Some go to court and some of these abusers do prison time, but it's not long enough and seldom does the abuser get psychological counseling to help straighten them out. Many of these women have children and it's difficult to start out with nothing, try to pick up on their education or get a job and then they have to worry about day care and on and on it goes. Many of these women were tired years ago from the constant abuse so have little energy to go forth in life. If a woman has the courage to go to a Women's Center there is all sorts of help. Their is Legal Counsel, care for their children, psychological help for both, a start to finding a job, and programs to boost these women's egos so they realize they are indeed very important in life and are survivors. We call it "Empowering!" We NEVER teach these women that all men are bad, but help them be more selective and not get into the same old patterns they have lived under for so many years. Some of these women make it and come back to volunteer because they are so grateful for having a good strong life and many have met good men and settled in to a peaceful and loving lifestyle with their new mate. It can be done! It takes courage. Any woman that takes this much abuse is a very strong woman and obviously a Survivor so all she has to do is direct that strength in a more positive fashion so she can have a good life for her and her children if she has any. Women aren't sitting back any longer taking this or watching other women take it, and many of us fight in different ways to protect these women. Women get right up the noses of government to make the laws stricter so these so-called abusive men (I used the term "men" lightly here) get good hard time in prison. Believe it or not child abusers and men who beat women have a very rough time in prison by other inmates. So, if you or any friend you know is going through this get them to a Women's Shelter and they will help out a great deal. There is always hope! Marcy