What would you like to do?
Why is it so hard to hold an abusive person accountable for their actions?
It is hard, because it is not your job to parent them. Understand
that verbally they will win and physical abuse is not far behind.
When you are finished trying to make changes, it is time to leave.
A good book with things to try is Patricia Evan's Verbally Abusive
Relationship.
Because they deny that they are abusers to start with! Abusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place - or rationalize their abusive behaviors. Denial is an integral part of the abuser's ability to "look at himself/herself in the mirror". There are many types of denial. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift blame or avoid the topic altogether. Total denial 1. Outright denial Typical retorts by the abuser: "It never happened, or it was not abuse, you are just imagining it, or you want to hurt my (the abuser's) feelings" 2. Alloplastic defense Common sentences when challenged: "It was your fault, you, or your behavior, or the circumstances, provoked me into such behavior" 3. Altruistic defense Usual convoluted explanations: "I did it for you, in your best interests" 4. Transformative defense Recurring themes: "What I did to you was not abuse - it was common and accepted behavior (at the time, or in the context of the prevailing culture or in accordance with social norms), it was not meant as abuse" Abusers frequently have narcissistic traits. As such, they are more concerned with appearance than with substance. Dependent for narcissistic supply on the community - neighbors, colleagues, co-workers, bosses, friends, extended family - they cultivate an unblemished reputation for honesty, industriousness, religiosity, reliability, and conformity. Forms of denial in public 4. Family honor stricture Characteristic admonitions: "We don't do dirty laundry publicly, the family's honor and repute must be preserved, what will the neighbors say?" 5. Family functioning stricture Dire and ominous scenarios: "If you snitch and inform the authorities, they will take me (the abusive parent) away and the whole family will disintegrate" Confronting the abuser with incontrovertible proof of his abusive behavior is one way of minimizing contact with him. Abusers - like the narcissists that they often are - cannot tolerate criticism or disagreement. Answer These they never want to face up to being wrong and if their alcoholics who have black outs, you will never hear I'm sorry. Most of the times they odn't remember what they said and even deny having ever said such words. My mother who is an alcoholic for 30 years is a fine example. She never has to apolize because she has no recollection of her words the next day. These people are incaple of feeling anything real, and a horrible breed of people. I really don't like my mother at all, and I think she'e very sick. Answer If they cared to be accountable, and responsible they wouldn't be abusing you. Being accountable means they have to recognize the behavior. Recognizing the behavior means that they take responsibility. Taking responsibilty means they can't be pukes. Not being pukes means they have to be productive... get the picture. Holding someone accountable.. means they have to change, be responsible.... abusers don't want that. Answer There are few things abusers dread more than having to face up to their own odious selves. Emotionally, they are firmly stuck in the kindergarten playground. They can't own their actions. Instead, they go to the playground supervisor, and howl, 'It's not fair. Everybody's being **beastly** to me'. (Sob, sob). It never enters their tiny minds that they are the ones who're being 'beastly'.
Because they deny that they are abusers to start with! Abusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place - or rationalize their abusive behaviors. Denial is an integral part of the abuser's ability to "look at himself/herself in the mirror". There are many types of denial. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift blame or avoid the topic altogether. Total denial 1. Outright denial Typical retorts by the abuser: "It never happened, or it was not abuse, you are just imagining it, or you want to hurt my (the abuser's) feelings" 2. Alloplastic defense Common sentences when challenged: "It was your fault, you, or your behavior, or the circumstances, provoked me into such behavior" 3. Altruistic defense Usual convoluted explanations: "I did it for you, in your best interests" 4. Transformative defense Recurring themes: "What I did to you was not abuse - it was common and accepted behavior (at the time, or in the context of the prevailing culture or in accordance with social norms), it was not meant as abuse" Abusers frequently have narcissistic traits. As such, they are more concerned with appearance than with substance. Dependent for narcissistic supply on the community - neighbors, colleagues, co-workers, bosses, friends, extended family - they cultivate an unblemished reputation for honesty, industriousness, religiosity, reliability, and conformity. Forms of denial in public 4. Family honor stricture Characteristic admonitions: "We don't do dirty laundry publicly, the family's honor and repute must be preserved, what will the neighbors say?" 5. Family functioning stricture Dire and ominous scenarios: "If you snitch and inform the authorities, they will take me (the abusive parent) away and the whole family will disintegrate" Confronting the abuser with incontrovertible proof of his abusive behavior is one way of minimizing contact with him. Abusers - like the narcissists that they often are - cannot tolerate criticism or disagreement. Answer These they never want to face up to being wrong and if their alcoholics who have black outs, you will never hear I'm sorry. Most of the times they odn't remember what they said and even deny having ever said such words. My mother who is an alcoholic for 30 years is a fine example. She never has to apolize because she has no recollection of her words the next day. These people are incaple of feeling anything real, and a horrible breed of people. I really don't like my mother at all, and I think she'e very sick. Answer If they cared to be accountable, and responsible they wouldn't be abusing you. Being accountable means they have to recognize the behavior. Recognizing the behavior means that they take responsibility. Taking responsibilty means they can't be pukes. Not being pukes means they have to be productive... get the picture. Holding someone accountable.. means they have to change, be responsible.... abusers don't want that. Answer There are few things abusers dread more than having to face up to their own odious selves. Emotionally, they are firmly stuck in the kindergarten playground. They can't own their actions. Instead, they go to the playground supervisor, and howl, 'It's not fair. Everybody's being **beastly** to me'. (Sob, sob). It never enters their tiny minds that they are the ones who're being 'beastly'.
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Why is the Torah so abusive to women?
Observation on religons that are male dominate in leadership, delivery of instructions, teaching etc. Have express unequality towards women to the point that it is evil and sh…ameful. But these practices are sometimes supported by those who are abused. Religon can be dangerous
What is DoD''s policy regarding purchase card misuse and personal accountability for GPC abuse?
Improper, fraudulent, abusive, or negligent use of a government purchase is prohibited and appropriate corrective or disciplinary action will be taken.
Why are men so abuseive?
Abusers, male or female, nearly always come from families where abuse was the norm. That is also true of people who are attracted to abusers. People from abusive backgrounds… find themelves attracted to that sort of person because they have characteristics with which they are familiar, and that make them feel comfortable. We tend to seek out mates that mirror our parents, whether we try to or not, and we usually end up behaving as they did, as well. One of the characteristics of abuse is that it tends to become more severe as relationships progress, and often does not show up until there is stress that triggers it. Then the abuser, not having been shown other ways of dealing with what he or she perceives as an otherwise insurmountable problem, falls back into the ways that the family of origin behaved. If you find yourself involved with more than one abuser, it would be a good idea to extricate yourself from the situation, and perhaps speak with someone about why you seem to be attracted to that sort of person. We can assure you that not all men are abusive.
Why abuse child want to be with abuse person?
The sad truth is that the abusive person is almost always the abused child's parent, guardian, or friend. Often the child get the idea that he or she deserves to be abused and… that the abuser is trying to help him/her. Luckily, therapy and foster or adoptive parents know how to help the healing process. Of course, before any healing can begin the child needs to be removed from danger immediately.
Can an abuser be accountable for his actions and change his ways?
Yes, they are accountable for their actions. It is possible for them to change, but they need to go through professional help. And if they have a partner that is going to go t…hrough it with them, they will need counseling also. Both will need individual and couples counseling. They should be held accountable.. to the maximum. My daughter is the administrator of a domestic violence shelter. I totally agree with her response to the "change his ways" query. (A question that is asked by 99% of domestic violence survivors). "You can take the animal out of the jungle but you can't take the jungle out of the animal." Once an abuser ALWAYS an abuser. Abusers are fully accountable for their actions because they know right from wrong and do nmot act on an irresistible impulse. It depends greatly on the particular mental illness. Bprderline personality disorder persons usually do not take accountability for their actions and feel a sense of entitlment. It is advise in the professional psychological community to leave the relationship and break all ties because of the prasinign and devaluing phases someone like this goes through the abuse is more likely to get worse upon returning especially with the high cases of denial found among those with BDP. I advise all women & men dealing with someone with BDP to just get out! Stalkers and the Borderline Personality The Borderline Personality In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are: a shaky sense of identity sudden, violent outbursts oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection brief, turbulent love affairs frequent periods of intense depression eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood. The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions. The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors. The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
What are some actions of an abuser?
While it's normal to have your own "hot buttons", it's not normal to threaten people, no matter who they are. Many of us overreact to criticism when we're feeling anxious …or maybe even when everything is going ok. The part that isn't normal is to become threatening. Perhaps it would be best to learn to deal with your anxiety and aggression. There are quite a few organizations that help people deal with anger, anxiety, aggression and just about anything else that�s out there. BTW, it�s normal to feel that this is only happening to you, that part makes it worse, but just think about it for a minute, since there are all these support groups out there, it must be relatively common. On the other hand, just because it�s common, it isn�t acceptable. I always tell people that I�m bigger than my wife, stronger, meaner and generally much more of a threat than the small lady who loves me. What would I be proving if I hit her or threatened her? The only thing I�d be proving is that I can�t control myself. I am a member of a species of animals on this planet that somehow thinks it�s smarter than the other animals. The only difference between humans and animals is our intellect. If I can�t use my intellect to control my anger I�m no better than the animals and should be treated the same as a dangerous gorilla. I, on the other hand, chose to treat my wife as though I love her, because I do. I believe that love and aggression are mutually exclusive. I cannot, as an intelligent creature of this planet, elect to harm or even threaten that which I profess to love. What I�m trying to tell you is, it�s never acceptable to threaten your wife. Yes, she shouldn�t criticize, that too is unacceptable behavior. Perhaps a marriage counselor would be good and you could both work out your differences in a more acceptable venue. The above answer isn't clearly related to the question. It seems to assume that the questioner thinks he is/may be an abuser, but there's nothing in the question to suggest this. SO, here goes! Abusers exercise 'unauthorized' power over their victims - unauthorized in the sense that the victim hasn't given consent and that it's not warranted by any exceptional circumstances. The means that abusers use in order to wield power are varied. They extend from physical violence to frequently humiliating the victim; creating a permanent 'feel bad' atmosphere for the victim. My ex was extremely abusive and used to throw absolutely spectacular temper tantrums that often lasted for 2-4 hours and sometimes started up again the next day. In the early stages of a tantrum she derived much pleasure from them, but after a while these fits of the "shrieks" seemed to take on a life of their own. They often made the kids and me feel ill. If I tried to leave the house she'd block my exit physically; if I pushed past her to get away, she'd claim that I was assaulting her and so on. (Where I live, it is legitimate to use 'reasonable force' to get out of a room, building or confined space if one is being kept there against one's will and without lawful authority). Violence, amazing temper tantrums, yelling, prolonged screaming, making people feel bad - these are the tactics of young kids. If an adult is in the habit of using them, then something is wrong, to put matters mildly. What are some actions of an abuser? Ignoring a person, they shun them, they give others the silent treatment. The silent treatment i think is the worse one of all, in fact it takes first place with name calling. The abuser gets a thrill of using words, meanings, quotes, (example: "What you reap is what you sow", something might have occurred with the person years ago, and they put their trust in the abuser not knowing that the abuser would one day throw it in their face, given the right moment of the person, ). The abuser waits for the right moment to strike, sending the person whom they are abusing to depression and stress, the person in turn becomes an abuser to themselves using drugs and alcohol to combat the abuser who is abusing them.
What is so bad about child abuse?
The fact the child may grow up thinking it is ok to hit,call people names or lock them in a room.A lot of kids and teens have died from child abuse.And a lot of kids are… now hadicapped who was not before because they may of had to many blows to the head.It is iilegal to abuse a child you have to know the difference between abuseing a child and legal punishment.
Why is it so hard to get into your Google account?
it really isnt...all you do is type gmail.com into the web browser and the log in page pops up and you type in your info and your in
Should a person who holds Power of Attorney for their mother's bank accounts change the accounts to joint thereby eliminating the need for a POA?
Answer Unless a POA has been designated otherwise it can be beneficial in many aspects of the grantor's personal and financial matters. Changing… the bank accounts to joint if the POA grantor is capable of agreeing to the action could prove beneficial upon the death of the account holder. Most joint accounts are held as Joint Tenants With Rights Of Survivorship (JWTRS) this allows all designated property/assets to pass directly to the named persons and bypass probate procedures and estate/inheritance taxes. There are of course, issues that should be considered before making such a move. First, if SS benefits are deposited in the account it is not a good idea for anyone other than a spouse to be a joint account holder, for a number reasons. Secondly, funds in the accounts would legally belong to the joint holder upon the death of the parent. The interested party might wish to consider how other family members might react to such an arrangement. General info: A POA becomes invalid upon the death of the grantor.
What makes men so abusive?
well i believe their childhoods and issues from the past A:I had some male abuse today fom somebody that has an anger problem. It usually does fall back to something from… the past but it is not always men either, women can be just as bad. I would say what makes people abusive in general and i would say its like the bully complex normally low self esteem anger issues from ither sexual or physical abuse they were subjected to in the past abuse can lead to abuse a lot but i also believe some people are just abusive they may have a chemical imbalance or anger issues. it could also be a power trip for them. but if your the one being abused stop analyzing why, just get away from it it does not matter why he is doing it it matters why you are tolerating it. Add: Testosterone is the male hormone, it makes you aggressive, Alert, Ambitious, horny and gives you a god complex. In a human body, there are more then one hormone at work at one time. It's the balance between the female hormone and the male hormone, that makes up the person. If you have only the female hormone, you are so extremely sensitive, that bird taking a sip of water can make you cry like a baby... having just the male hormone, would make you, mean nasty, egocentric, abusive, bad tempered and sex addicted. A male body, the testicle's, produce 10 times more testosterone then a female body. A female, however, is way more sensitive to the effects of testosterone. If a female has the same amount of testosterone as a man, they would have a beard, a low voice, chest hair and a meanstreak. An abusive male, is a male with high levels of testosterone. a sensitive male, is the opposite. Lack of testosterone.. But do note, a male with a high testosterone level is the best family protector a woman can have. High level testosterone's will fight, while low level testosteroner's run for the hills.. Nature has a reason for the roughness of men... altho i do admit, there are a few among us, where nature overreacted a little with the testosterone...
Why is it so hard to hold your breath for a long time?
It is VERY dangerous to hold your breath for long periods of time. The human body can only last about 2 minutes without oxygen before making your lungs breathe in more. When y…ou hold your breath, your heart uses the oxygen you used in your last breath. Once it's done, it needs more right away. Your body runs on oxygen like gas! The heart begins to notice that there is no more oxygen in your lungs, and takes action right away. It tells your lungs to open up the "air tube" and breathe more oxygen. The longer you hold your breathe, the more your heart panics and forces the lungs to breathe. Be smart and don't torture you're body.
Answered
In Repossession
Is it common for abusers never to apologize or hold themselves accountable for their actions?
Abusers rarely apologize, actuallly. They either shift blame - or deny that abuse had taken place at all!
Answered
In Uncategorized
Is it common for an abuse victim to reach a point where they start doing the very things that they know will infuriate their abuser because the literature on abuse stresses holding him accountable?
Answer \n.
\nIt doesn't make much sense for one's own mental health to start mirroring the abuse. At the least, it will escalate the situation rather than reducing the abuse… in the family. Also, it does more harm to do something, like act abusive, that is against your nature and beliefs. It is healthier to act "congruently" with your real self and not have to fake behavior and thinking. Better to realize that you cannot change another person without their agreement and cooperation and move on. It will do the abuser no harm and it may in the end be more helpful.\n.
\n Answer \n.
\n.
\nIf it's mental abuse yes, if it's physical abuse it's not common.\n.
\nWhen someone uses mental abuse to control their partner the victim may take it for years, but somewhere along the line over 80% of victims will snap and start fighting back. Hopefully in most cases they will have had enough, stop fighting with the mental abuser and move on.\n.
\nIn physical abuse most victims are terrified of their abuser and are more apt to try to please the abuser. Some women may fight back, but they only end up the loser. Then there are some women that will find an escape and head for an Abused Women's Center where there is much help and protection for the victim. Other women unfortunately will stay in this abusive relationship until the abuser decides to leave, or death can occur from one too many beatings. \n.
\nIt is not up to the victim of mental or physical abuse to hold their abuser accountable and this is one for the professionals in psychology. Seldom will men go for psychological counseling because they don't see themselves as abusers and are too used to blaming others (especially their victim(s)) for making them the way they are.\n.
\nMarcy
Answered
Your mom slapped you so hard that she busted your lip would that be child abuse?
Yes even if your mum just slapped u it would be child abuse
Answered
Why is there so much abuse on this site?
On any site where you let the whole world in, some people are going to abuse that privilege. We get awesome, amazing answers, and we also get a lot of junk. Hopefully we do wh…at we can to nourish the former and discourage the latter... but we can't stop the bad without stopping a lot of the good, and changing the whole idea of the site... to be participatory and open. So, that's why. Please flag or report anything bad you see, so we can keep making things better.