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An abuser is nothing more than a scavenger and picks his victims very carefully. He may not consider himself as "picking victims" but he always goes for women of all ages that are quiet, shy, timid, and many times loners.

If a woman is still living with her abuser and she shows any sign of strength the abuser will try his best to threaten in any way possible to keep control of her because she is threatening the environment he has created around himself.

Since you managed to get away from him (I'm so proud of you for that one as I know it isn't easy) he doesn't care much about anything and least of all you. You're just the one that "got away" and he'll find another woman he can abuse and on and on it goes. Abusers are more interested in feeling secure in the safe environment they create around them and that means ... he/she is in total control.

Don't give this guy another thought and enjoy your new found freedom. I feel you have a hint of regret about leaving this man, (as many abused women do) and feel you might need his approval. DON'T DO IT! You are doing just fine on your own and you're stronger than you think. Remember, he's the bad guy, and there is nothing wrong with you that a few counseling sessions won't fix.

If you haven't gone for help, please seek out an "Abused Women's Center" in your area and join some of the programs. You need to build your self confidence back up.

Good Luck & Stay StrongMarcy

AnswerYour right Marcy...the insecure part of me wants this creeps approval but then the healthy part of me does not care. I admitted to him that he ruined my birthday but i told him it was better to be awfull than just halk okay as it made me address the way i was settling for him and his treatment. I told him i need to work on my self esteem and that i now relaise there is alot more to me than being gorgoeus as im highly educated, funny, smart, caring and young...34 years old. I told him i need to focus on my child as its selfish to get caught up in drama with him when i have a child. I know in my heart he is wrong and im starting to care very little what he thinks of me cause i can do soooooooo much better than a 47 year old man who acts 10 years old asking me what kinds of fooda ar healthy to eat!!!!!!! I actually am into anotehr man but am going to take it very slow before i even give him my number this man is only 31 which is a change for me....i thought cause the other loser was so much older and that i was way better looking, educated, funnier ect that he would never dump me or treat me bad cause he would be gratefull....i was wrong....i even told him the reason why i got this job was cause i wanted to meet men and in thie industry (oilfield) there are alot of men....so i knew even when we were together that he wasnt the one....yet he keeps telling people im hung up on him.....how embarrsing.....thanks marcy
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โˆ™ 2011-09-14 00:21:17
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Q: What does an abuser feel and do when he sees your self confidence rise extremely after the end of your relationship with him?
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Why do you feel like you are not able to have a relationship?

Maybe you haven't had a real relationship recently so have lost the confidence that you once had.... or you have never had a real relationship so feel scared about whether you will do everything right or just don't have any self confidence in yourself!!


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Is it normal to be upset that an ex abuser is in a new relationship when you feel that he should suffer the same lonliness that you are?

yup. but you should get over him.


How does abuse affect the relationship between the victim and the abuser?

Well firstly the victim would often feel scared around their partner and would always be on-edge around them, secondly the victim would always carry a lack of trust against the abuser and these things are needed for a good healthy relationship.


Was your abuser really that bad if you feel worse without him?

Abusers are bad. Period. It is common for someone who has been abused to feel lonely when the abuser becomes absent, but it is because of the stress of change. If you feel yourself running back to your abuser, get help. The situation will only escalate otherwise.


How does a guy feel after a breakup from an abusive relationship and he is the abuser?

he feels horrible and his self esteem is low because the only reason why he beat you down was because he was insecure


Why would a abuser live with the first person he meets after you end the relationship with him?

Because he is a user and needs a new "victim" to abuse to make himself feel superior again.


Why does a woman reconcile after three attempts to leave an abusive relationship?

Because the abuser makes the victim feel like they are and will be nothing without them. Its all about brainwashing, and making the victim fell dependant upon the abuser. No one should EVER stay in an abusive relationship, not even for the kids. That is the worst mistake someone could make. Abuser prey on the weak minded, however no one has to be weak minded, they ust have to learn how to survive on their own, and surviving on your own is possible.


How do you know for sure hes an abuser?

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Can there be true love in an abusive relationship?

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When your bofriend is shy in a relationship what does that mean?

Well like most people in a new-standing relationship, he or she feel extremely shy in a relationship because they're not familiar with that person yet. Once time passes and being in a relationship with them - they will understand the person better and feel a lot comfortable with them. However, if this is not a new-standing relationship then I'd suggest talk to him to make him feel more comfortable.


Why is it common for victims of domestic violence to remain in this potentially violent situation?

The victims of domestic violence are caught in a web of fear; beatings; brain-washing and they have no self confidence as their abuser may not only beat them, but also are verbally abusive making the victim feel they cannot survive on their own. One of the main reasons even in todays modern society is there are few laws to protect women of abuse or any children they may have. A few women may manage to get away from their abuser and hide out at a women's abuse center, but, once these women surface and try to start a new life and get a job often an abuser can hunt them down quite quickly and a Restraining Order against the abuser is not worth the paper it is written on. Also many women of abuse are so psychologically scarred they feel they deserve what they get; are of no use to society; have no self confidence and therefore it seems simpler for them to stay in the situation or, if they manage to get away from their abuser they often will weaken (generally because of financial problems) and go back to their abuser or choose men who will abuse them again.


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Will my boyfriend be an abuser if he yells at his mom?

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Confidence in such reward build confidence?

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'how to get confidence back after being in a long term relationship?

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Can you trust an abuser to honor agreements?

Generally , no you cannot. An abuser by nature is not trustworthy. When someone abuses you, they tell you right there that you are less. They lie and blame to make you think that you are responsible for the abuse- you made them do it. They seem to be able to treat everyone else, including strangers, better than you. Abuse is a vicious cycle. The abuser may mask the problem for a while and get you to feel comfortable in the relationship but the cycle will always kick in again because the reason they abuse is always there in their own head. Remember that ab abuser must always try to control, intimidate and manipulate you so they will agree to anything just to fool you into staying in the relationship. You need to seek professional advice to help you understand why you accept that kind of treatment and how you can move on with your life without the abuser.


Why does it feel so bad that your ex abuser no longer contacts you and is in a new relationship?

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How does exercise build self confidence?

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What benefit if any is the organism getting by being in the relationship?

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