What does an abuser feel and do when he sees your self confidence rise extremely after the end of your relationship with him?

An abuser is nothing more than a scavenger and picks his victims very carefully. He may not consider himself as "picking victims" but he always goes for women of all ages that are quiet, shy, timid, and many times loners.

If a woman is still living with her abuser and she shows any sign of strength the abuser will try his best to threaten in any way possible to keep control of her because she is threatening the environment he has created around himself.

Since you managed to get away from him (I'm so proud of you for that one as I know it isn't easy) he doesn't care much about anything and least of all you. You're just the one that "got away" and he'll find another woman he can abuse and on and on it goes. Abusers are more interested in feeling secure in the safe environment they create around them and that means ... he/she is in total control.

Don't give this guy another thought and enjoy your new found freedom. I feel you have a hint of regret about leaving this man, (as many abused women do) and feel you might need his approval. DON'T DO IT! You are doing just fine on your own and you're stronger than you think. Remember, he's the bad guy, and there is nothing wrong with you that a few counseling sessions won't fix.

If you haven't gone for help, please seek out an "Abused Women's Center" in your area and join some of the programs. You need to build your self confidence back up.

Good Luck & Stay StrongMarcy

Answer

Your right Marcy...the insecure part of me wants this creeps approval but then the healthy part of me does not care. I admitted to him that he ruined my birthday but i told him it was better to be awfull than just halk okay as it made me address the way i was settling for him and his treatment. I told him i need to work on my self esteem and that i now relaise there is alot more to me than being gorgoeus as im highly educated, funny, smart, caring and young...34 years old. I told him i need to focus on my child as its selfish to get caught up in drama with him when i have a child. I know in my heart he is wrong and im starting to care very little what he thinks of me cause i can do soooooooo much better than a 47 year old man who acts 10 years old asking me what kinds of fooda ar healthy to eat!!!!!!! I actually am into anotehr man but am going to take it very slow before i even give him my number this man is only 31 which is a change for me....i thought cause the other loser was so much older and that i was way better looking, educated, funnier ect that he would never dump me or treat me bad cause he would be gratefull....i was wrong....i even told him the reason why i got this job was cause i wanted to meet men and in thie industry (oilfield) there are alot of men....so i knew even when we were together that he wasnt the one....yet he keeps telling people im hung up on him.....how embarrsing.....thanks marcy