Why do abused women and men prefer to suffer in silence?

Answer 1

It's never just one answer for an individual and there are different reasons for different people. Generally though, I think that fear of something is the only reason to stay in an abusive relationship or even just to keep it secret. Hiding the abuse helps to hide the fact that action needs to be taken to protect oneself against the abuser. If no one knows about it, you don't need to fix it. Maybe it's an attemtp to hide the relationship's problems from one's self. Maybe it's a fear of the unknown, a fear of ending the relationship, fear of starting over, fear of further abuse if the plan to leave the relationship fall apart, fear of opening oneself to a new relationship, fear of real intimacy...The woman may be threatened that something bad will happen to her or the kids if she tells anyone. I guess the list goes on an on. There may be a few reasons not having to do with fear at all too though, like needing to stay in order to have time to show the abuser that they are doing something wrong, or to prove that the woman/victim is strong enough to withstand the abuse. Maybe the woman also wants the outside world to view her life in a certain way, so she can't admit to anything less than perfect. There are so many reasons and they are as individual as the person and the circumstances (past and present).

Answer 2

These people may appear to choose to suffer in silence, but it is not as it seems. Remember that the victim's confidence and "ju ju" may be low after constant abuse over time. Often, they are isolated from family, friends and anyone else who could help them because their abuser limits their activities. If the abuser is well respected in the community, there is always hesitation to bring it out. Abuse is often hidden within a household--abusers are stealthy--and one of the symptoms is that the situation is so bizarre no one can believe it. Most people in our society do not wish to see, hear or talk about abuse, and so general knowledge about managing these situations is low. It is so not about the victim's pride, or not wanting to put anyone else out. What are the numbers? There was a nationwide one day survey, on November 2, 2006. In 24 hours, 48,000 adult and child victims of domestic violence asked for help. Another 347 contacted crisis hotlines.

AnswerThe abuser is all about control. It doesn't really matter what their reasoning's are (environment of abuse, not getting what they feel like out in society, etc.) but the main point IS these abusers hurt people and especially those they love. They can be abusive to not only their mate, but their children and the elderly. They have as much opportunity as anyone else to seek psychological counseling, but most choose to remain the same bullies they always were.

When it comes to men being abusive to women they are lower than a snake's belly. They know full-well that a female (in most cases) in no match physically for them or, if it's mental abuse, the abuser picks on shy, submissive women that lack self confidence so they know they can walk all over the woman. Women who abuse their husband, b/f, or others are also bullies and get off on the fact that "they are women so how on earth could they ever be thought of as being abusive to their male partners." They could be and some do! Abusive women have been known to throw tantrums in front of family and guests leaving her victim embarrassed and afraid to say anything because of another impending outburst, or, she can physically slap, kick, scratch, punch, and throw things at her abuser and also throw objects at her victim. Most men are brought up not to hit women, so the man is too embarrassed to ask for help and feels that he will be labeled a fool for putting up with it or weak and the old long time adage of "get your family in order man!" still rings true to some degree to this day.

Whether men/women abusers they are their own worst enemy, but can inflict great pain on their victims either physically or mentally. It's because they are unhappy inside and strike out at those they actually love. They put the fear of God into their victim threatening to take away the children, walking out and leaving them to their own demise or worse yet, threatening to kill them or their family. Abusers brain-wash their victims and strip them down to a bare nothing as far as human existence goes. Abusers have had lots of practice so they generally know just how far they can go and strike such fear into their victims that the victim will actually believe no one out in society cares about her/his plight and therefore they become reclusive, shut-ins, some end up with panic attacks or Agoraphobia. They are what I call "the walking dead."

The good news is there is help out there for both women and men who have been mentally/physically abused and all one has to do is go to their local mental health (on the sly) and they will help getting them through the proper channels. There are "safe houses" (or Transition Houses) where the victim and his/her children are put and where the abuser can't get to them and the only time the abuser will see them is in court! These facilities will offer legal services and a counselor will go to court with the victim. In Canada there is a zero tolerance level for abuse.

Abusers seldom will seek help so it's important the victim confide in a minister/priest, trusted friend or trusted family member and devise a plan ahead of time because once you leave your home there is no going back. Let the counselors and the facilities for abused women/men take care of the rest. Then there is psychological counseling that the victim SHOULD take. They have to gain their strength back and self confidence.

If you go onto www.Google.com and type in: THE TERESA SALDANA STORY you will get some insight into what a badly abused woman can go through and there are thousands like this. Her case was a little different and they would have you believe it was a fan that went after her, but, in fact, it was a boyfriend she gave the heave-ho too. This woman went through hell (stabbed some 19 times) and survived. It was a long and painful journey for her, but each day she gained strength and she started Women's Rights Against Abuse and also Nancy Reagan is an advocate of this and has greatly helped changed some of the laws.

I volunteer for Abused Women and I've seen some sights. I've been into hospitals where the victim has had her throat cut (the abuser knew just how far he could go so the wound was deep enough to be serious if neglected, but not enough to kill her if she sought treatment) and have seen women with a history of past broken bones to fresh ones. I've seen teeth knocked out, jaws broken, eyes beaten so badly one came out of the socket on one young woman and I could go on and on. It's not a pretty sight. You may ask why these women didn't say something to the doctor or nurses attending to them, well it's a lack of mistrust! The law can only go so far and there is still not all that much protection for the abused victim so once she leaves the hospital where does she go? In most cases she feels out of control and lonely and decides in many cases it's better to go back to her abuser than live on the streets. She has had so much of her dignity and self esteem stripped from her she doesn't even have any idea of how to exist out in our so-called normal society. Once she goes back to her abuser he is usually so enraged that he will beat her yet once again and once that is over it's simply called, "The Cycle of Abuse" (look that title up on Google as well.)

I refuse to let anyone ever think these women are weak or choose to sit shivering in fear and no, they are not martyr's suffering in silence. They are terrified, have been brain-washed and no, they didn't know their abuser was abusive at the beginning. When we meet someone we take a gamble. Everyone puts their "best foot forward" to impress the person they are interested in and abusers are chameleons and crafty so it's hard to tell sometimes if they are going to be abusive in the future.

These women deserve respect and given the dignity they so deserve. They do the best they can until the laws of our judicial system change even more (and it is) and they need to know there is a "safe place" to run too. Men suffer in silence too for the reasons I have already given, but it's time we started to change and realize that indeed thousands of men are being abused by their female counterpart and that things are changing in this aspect as well. I wish more men would come out of the closet on this on this board and give their experiences. The more we talk about it the more counselors dealing in abuse can help men.