Barbecue

Sit down right now and document all the things that have happened. Just the facts. Note that in the original question, it had "which is lies" on the end. Leave all that nonsense out. Yes, nonsense. Joe Friday says, "Just the facts, ma'am." And that's what you need to do. Leave all the foolish judgment out of your notes. You'll need a piece of paper for each BBQ with the date on it. Round up all your letters from the City Council, too. You should have one page of notes for each letter you got. Did your neighbor complain to you about noise? Did you do anything about it? Do the best you can to recall the events. If there are any police reports, get them. If there are any complaints logged with animal control, get them, too. (Have there been any? If not, why is the City Council getting the complaints and sending the letters? It's police or sheriff's job to deal with noise complaints, and the county sheriff's animal control unit that is supposed to take the point on dog barking issues.)

Put all this together as if you had hired an attorney and he instructed you to gather all the facts and give them to him so he could make a case. Again, leave all the subjective statements (like "which is lies) out of the brief. (Why do you think they call it a brief?) Take all your emotional baggage over the issue and put it in storage for now. If you cannot or are unwilling to do that, forget doing all the other stuff. You'll defeat yourself before you begin. The word is detatch. So detatch. Be objective. Be the impartial observer, and, above all, be honest.

With a perspective on the issues, contact the City Clerk and get your name added to the City Council agenda for the next meeting. You are asking for two minutes (two minutes, and not five, or ten or an hour) to address the Council regarding a string of complaints from your neighbor. You will have a prepared statement that you will read and only want the time to do that. It is your right to be heard. What kind of prepared statement, you ask? Glad you brought it up. Here's a "for instance" letter.

My neighbor, John Doe, has lodged a number of complaints against me. These complaints include allegations of excessive noise or excessively loud music at BBQs we have. (Tailor this to fit the facts in the case.) These complaints appear (note that word, and use it) to be based on a simple dislike of me, my family and my friends. I have the right (note and use that word, too) to the enjoyment of my home, and he is infringing on that right in what I feel is an unreasonable and unfair way. My relatives and friends are not drunken party animals, but family people who wish to celebrate life in our traditional way. We do so with a fair and reasonable amount of consideration and respect, and I wish to go on the record as objecting to the occasional but constant complaints he is making. They are baseless. (That one judgment is all you are allowed. Just the one. You are effectively calling him a liar, and you cannot do that in a direct way. It is done in a small but effective manner. Just like that.) Note that it is easy to make complaints like these, and difficult to defend against them. How can I? He is also complaining about our dog, but only during longer intervals when we do not call family and friends together. This gives the appearance that complaints are just an excuse to maintain a climate of ill will that paints me, my family, my friends and our dog as the bad guys. Certainly there is ample proof that there is a pattern here. But is it one of wrongdoing on our part, or one of simple animosity on the part of my neighbor?

There's a sample letter, but it is incomplete. At the end, you have to ask for something if you wish anything to change (besides thanking them for their time). There are a number of ways to go here. You can publically invite a City Council member or members to your home to view first hand the goings on. You can publically invite your upset neighbor to the next BBQ. Know anyone in law enforcement? Invite him or her. (But be up front about a reason for the invite.) Or you could ask that the City Council censureyour neighbor.

Get more advice on this. Talk to an attorney. ("This stuff is happening. What can I do about it? How can I fight it?") Lawyers aren't cheap, but usually don't charge much for an initial consultation, and they sometimes even waive a fee for that first visit. Is there a law clinic in your area that will get you a couple of questions answered at little to no charge? Call around. Is you neighbor a "power player" in the community? It may make your burden greater. There is probably a bit more to this that what is posted, but there are limits to question length here. There is professional mediation available for some civil disputes. Look into it. You may even request if from the City Council. You might feel like you're behind the eight ball, but you do have recourses. Find out what they are. You're here looking for assistance. Good. Keep looking and asking around in other areas.

At all times be objective as you proceed. Make like you're listening to this as a neutral or 3rd party with no interests either way. This is the only way to make your case and present it in the best way you can. Once you've collected all the information you feel you need to, ponder things, ask advice of a close and trusted friend, and make your choices - all with a wish for good luck in the outcome.