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Cheating
This category contains all questions regarding cheating and everything it entails, whether it is emotional or having physical relations with someone other than your significant other.
7,971 Questions
What are signs that your boyfriend is cheating on you if you are in a long term relationship?
If he spends a lot of time away from you or won't answer your calls, or if he isn't romantically or physically attracted to you as he was in the very beginning.
How can you reassure your partner that you will not cheat again?
You should promise to his or her that you will never do it and you should study to be able to have the knowledge and never cheat again. I think that's the very perfect answer for you sir or ma'am. Hope this will help you .^_^. You can't. If you are going to give them another chance and forgive them you have to give them the benefit of doubt. I realize it is hard once that trust has been violated but if you are making the choice to forgive then you are going to have to try and trust them. Not knowing how serious your relationship is but going to counselling together is always a great idea as well. Sometimes spouses do genuinely regret cheating if the relationship is important to them and don't do it again but then there is the saying that is most common once a cheater always a cheater.
____________________________________________________________________ Answer 3 Your not cheating again depends on the reason why you did it in the first place. If you are a weak person that is easily influenced then you can do it again. Getting high and stupid are not valid excuses for making the wrong choices. If the other person seduced you then you can give a credible assurance to your partner. If you and your partner are having difficulties in your sexual relationship then your action could have been driven by repressed desires. Sexual promiscuity is like an addiction and if you are inclined to engage in indiscriminate sex then you have a big problem.
Boyfriend but like someone else?
if you like the other boy better than your boyfriend than do what makes you happier!
If you like someone else then you should not be in a relationship. Always remember though the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Will a relationship work after cheating with his best friend?
It is possible because people by nature are forgiving, though it may take a bit of work to get to that point of trust once again. One of the best things to do is to get relationship counseling.
A relationship is about the emotional connection (romance), the intellectual connection (sharing opinions and bettering yourselves), and for the spiritual connection (sharing faiths and beliefs). Once all of this is there, you should feel comfortable with holding hands, and feel comfortable just sitting close to each other, as physical touch is designed by nature to be comforting. I said all of that to say this: dating is supposed to be about finding a life partner. If you two share the 3 above mentioned connections, both of you should care about each other as you do yourselves as individuals, which is pretty much love. If you two love each other, he should plan a time for the proposal, a nice continent on a golden band, and a nice sunset or sunrise setting in the most romantic place he can fathom.
Im sorry, but regardless of the attached, you can NOT control who your mom or your dad dates. BUT you can help it. This is not my situation, but my mom and dad got a friend divorce and i know what im talking about. So, if i were you, i would do this: Make sure you know for positive that he is cheating, because if it was all a misunderstanding, the cosequences could be severe. Get proof, then go to your mom and tell her everything. Tell her to kindly talk to your dad, and you may or may not want het to bring you into the situation. But, there is a possibility that you might have to. For example, if you dad denies cheating, you will have to tell him whatever proof you had. If he continues to come up with excuses, just fight with your proof. He may get you in trouble, and you can accept that. But he will eventually confess. But,take the matter the right way, and face the truth. All over all, you can not stop your dad from doing whar he is doing. Best wishes. Im sorry about the situation your in, but regardless, you can make it better.
Why does my boyfriend always looks for and needs attention from other woman all the time?
because hes being a player girl if i was you i would find a new man who nice and smart or maybe talk to him and confront him
Should you tell someone if you know they have been cheated on?
This is a really sensitive area and you really have to weigh the pros and cons but ultimately honesty is the best policy. If you do tell someone such a thing you had better be prepared to back it up as well as the possibility of losing any friendships you may have with these people.
EDIT SaraFV:
Well, I had a simular experience with my friend whose boyfriend wasn't cheating, but did flirt with other women and continued to participate in PUA (Pick Up Artist) activities. I didn't feel right about her not knowing. (My boyfriend did the same, but he told me about it and I'm okay with it, because it doesn't go any further than that.) So I told her. She was upset he kept that secret from her, but he was also upset that I didn't go talk to him first.
I thought: "Dude, she's my friend and I can talk to her if I want to." But then he pointed out that I could have told him that I knew about it and that I wanted her to know too, so either he'd tell her or I would. Which would give him the opportunity to talk to her himself. (Which is always better than finding out through your friend.)
I never thought of it that way and I do feel that he has a point. So maybe that's worth considering if you find yourself in a simular situation. Perhaps it's better to talk to the cheater first. (Perhaps you need to collect evidence before talking to him, because if he's really just a jerk and doesn't feel remorse, then you should be able to talk to your friend before you three end up in a fight over who's right and who's lying.) And follow up on them to make sure he actually talked to her.
There are a variation of reasons why women cheat on men (and vice-versa.) Immaturity, the spark has gone out of their relationship, they are getting older and want to prove they can still attract other men, or they are unhappy with their life and can't seem to figure out what exactly is wrong. Some women want careers and children all at the same time. Both can be attained, but perhaps not exactly at the time you would prefer it to be so patience and good planning are foremost.
Women should sit down, really listen to their heart, ask themselves if they are being fair to their mate. Sometimes, "the grass on the other side of the fence is not greener." Decide what you could be giving up, for what you think you want. \
Women love romance in their lives, a partner that will listen to their hopes, dreams and accomplishments and sometimes they do not get that satisfaction. This is a time in a woman's life when she has to ask herself ... does he beat me? Is he a hard worker? Is he a good father? Does he think of special occasions such as my b/d, our anniversary? If you can say yes to at least two good qualities you are a lucky woman.
Women are quite lucky in this world. You can flirt and get the attention (which all women do enjoy) but that's it. That should be enough. To go further is not right without breaking it off with your partner. Women love to be admired, considered sexy, attractive and smart. All women go through this allure in their lives, but a smart woman always sits and questions herself well before taking action.
True, there are many reasons as to why a woman would cheat. But all I can say is this, from personal experience, DON'T DO IT. I'm lucky that my man has given me another chance. But it's the worst mistake I've ever made and I would give anything to go back and change what happened. So, unless you don't love the one you're with, you will definitely regret cheating. But even if you don't love the person you're with, you should still not cheat because cheating is just plain wrong no matter how many different ways you look at it.
Some people are addicted to falling in love. For the first few years, months, weeks of a new relationship there is more, for lack of a better word, passion. You can't think about anything else, you don't want to do anything but be with the person, you feel giddy and excited all the time. This is infatuation and it is very powerful. It fades with time, and in a healthy relationship it is replaced with something deeper, better and easier to live with. But a lot of people also miss that first stage and they might chest bc they are looking for that feeling again, or bc they met someone that makes them feel that way and they don't muster up some willpower to stop themselves. People cheat for lots of reasons, but I think most women cheat for the passion, not the sex.
There is no one for why anyone cheats but the simplest one is that because no one is perfect. I truly believe that anyone given the right situation will cheat because how can you resist. I've cheated and I believe its wrong but I still don't feel guilty because I believe that it was something that happened for a reason. I know that all of the times Ive cheated its not been because the other bloke is more attractive or any reason like that, its all been because of how they've made me feel. They've made me feel special and attractive, which probably means I have really low self-esteem even though I come accross as confident. Also all the blokes Ive been with while with someone else have also been in relationships shows that Im not actually interested in a relationship with them as I don't want to leave my boyfriend but I do think they are fulfilling something that hes not. I think that people cheat mainly for the attention and the excitment, and who doesnt like to be complimented and when your with your "bit on the side" that's all you get compliments and all the positive parts of a relationship, you don't have to deal with arguments, its simple and fun.
Personality. I would say it is the deciding factor. Also some women make excuses on why it was Ok for them to cheat but they think its wrong if they are cheated on. This is called hypocracy.
It all comes down to personality. Cheating is cheating no matter who does it or what the excuse is. Its always wrong.
If you have been cheated on should you stay or should you go?
Every relationship is different, as every person is different. Depending on your living situation/work situation, I would recommend just easing back into the relationship SLOWLY if you decide to forgive them and move on, just feel it out as you go. A little bit of time will tell you what you really want, and what will make you happy.
Not all advice is good advice! Some people react with myopic emotional prejudice without taking all the relevant information into consideration. Before following someone's advise you must consider all that you have to gain or loose.
People cheat for many reasons. Some cheat for the pleasure and excitement of the act. Some cheat because of encouragement from others. Some cheat because of unfulfilled sexual desires. Some cheat because of unhappy relationships. Some cheat to compensate for personal (emotional) weakness.
Was your partner a good and loving person?
Did you two have a good relationship?
Does your partner demonstrate to you that he/she cares for you?
After you answer these questions honestly, consider what you relationship is worth to you and make a rational decision!
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Discussions*If You stay, It must be for you, not for him. I separated from my husband 17 years ago, we remained friends, but he has never changed his behavior. I understand why he is the way he is, and he has the right to be and do whatever he wants. I also have rights, I don't have to put myself in the middle of it. I cannot sleep with him. I don't want to die, and I will not play Russian roulette with my life. He already has admitted to having contracted Hepatitis C. I am finally divorcing him. I am ready to live , and love again. I took my time, and am ready for it now. Do what is right, and remember God loves you, and wants you to be happy. It may take a while, but in time, you can be again. Let him make his own choices, and you make yours.*Leave, he/she did it once, he/she'll probably do it again.
*I think you should only stay if you really love him and think you're relationship is worth salvaging. When I was 15 my first boyfriend cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. I was really upset but took him back because I was in love with him. It took a long time to truly forgive him, but we got past it and stayed together another 9 months before calling it quits. Even though to me cheating is a sign of disrespect for a relationship,part of me is glad I stayed with him because I was more at peace for us to split amicably then for us to break up over something as painful as been cheated on. I got to really come to terms with what he did, and move on from it with him. Easier said then done of course, but yeah I think it really depends on the state of your relationship and how far the cheating went, is it a one off or something done over and over. Repeated cheating is a sign of a habit that your partner might not be able or want to break.
*well if he has done it before already then he hasn't learned that its wrong yet and he will do it again.so don't fall for the inosent trick. be strong and say no
*I was in a relationship for two years with a man. Wedding plans were being made and he told me every day just how much he loved me. He also cheated on me 5 times. Our relationship didn't start off too good though. He was dating a girl who I had never met and he cheated on her with me. I didn't think about what I was getting into. After a while they broke up and when he asked me to be his girlfriend I couldn't have been more happy. I never trusted him, and that ultimitly lead to our break up. After I found out he cheated the first time I cried for days. He'd lay with me and rub my back telling me how sorry he was and that he'd never do it again. He told me that he loved me and he was stupid. "Please forgive me." he'd beg. And I did. Then he did it again and again. One time he stayed the night with another girl instead of walking me home. I knew what he was doing and he knew I knew. When he was done though, I let him in my room.
My life was hell. I was constantly crying and beating myself up, "what's wrong with me? Why aren't I enough for him?" Eventually, he broke up with me. The last girl he cheated on me with he ended up dating for a year, then she cheated on him. He hasn't dated anyone since and has recently called me telling me that he still loves me and how stupid he was. I then got the joy of saying everything I always wanted to.
Point is, he says he's sorry and he is. But he wont stop. You forgave him and he'll expect you to forgive him again. Men are like children. Just a slap on the back of the hand isn't going to make them stop. Make them pay!
Due to my present situation and a past relationship; I say it's time to leave and use this experience to make better decisions in the future.Before my current relationship I allowed my ex back after his first affair, and he apologized and was so sweet trying to re-establish the trust. Then multiple affairs occurred and then in the mist a long term affair, that was the final blow. That's what resulted in my current relationship, to a married man; at first it started out innocent and as friends he was dealing with some personal issues with his spouse and I was being harassed, stalked and anything you can name by my ex. A deep friendship developed and one thing led to another; it wasn't long after that, we became pregnant and he told me he loved me. It's going on two and half years, it took until a month ago for me to acknowledge any feelings for him and to allow myself to love him, and all the while my ex has been trying to reconcile. M/m wife now knows about our sons and the relationship; she said she wasn't giving up on them, i have encouraged him for the sake of the children involved to stay with her, because I know that isn't what he expects me to say. She has demanded that he severe all ties with me and the boys and let the courts work it out; he doesn't want too. She has blocked my number from his cell phone and he continues to call on another line of mine; we are still sleeping together, she is constantly calling and trying to keep tabs on him. I told him it will get worse, I have let her know that I even know that she has threatened to kill him, if he doesn't leave me alone and end the relationship. I have told him what her next moves will be, so that he will have a heads up. Little does she knows that she is slowly pushing him away, whether it's to me or another woman. her marriage was over long before me and I am not the problem, she plays most of the blame on me and then the rest on him and not looking within herself. No the trust can never be replaced in that relationship it has gone beyond reconstruction. I truly know this first hand; there will always be doubts and insecurities. I can trust him, because I trust that he's human and will fall short. I know what I feel concerning infidelity and what I have wanted to do to seek revenge and what led him astray within his marriage and I can relate to it; mostly that's what start affairs, someone feeling the same emotional heartaches that you are experiencing, he was constantly cheated on within his first marriage and the spouse not only left him for another but conceived a baby with her lover while still married to him. No one would understand your pain,but another that has experienced it, and you will be able to open those lines of communication and establish the necessary ground rules that will strengthened the bond that the two of you will form. That's why I can love him enough to let him go, if I have too, I will want to crawl under a rock and die, but children are my first priorities and he loves his kids....think about it, long and hard, before you try to work things out with your ex.
*First of all if he cheats at all you should leave him because he/she isn't worth your time and they'll do it again because trust me I been through it and it isn't worth it.
*Okay, Girls I am a guy, I thought i'd at what i have to say, because like all of you, i too have been cheated on, but by a girl, personally, i don't find it fair that alot of women call men dogs because of the man cheating on their women, women believe it or not do the same thing. It takes two to Tango, and if you think about it, all the girls that your guys have been doing things with wanted it as much as he did, so he didn't tell them about you all, but who knows if that would have changed anything? I had a girl once who wanted me when it was convienent. So where's the big difference between your men and my girl? And i too let her come back, because i was aware of the cheating, just because i thought i loved her. But man was i wrong. it took me ages to get over her, and she always came back saying "your my soulmate, blablabla". then she cheated on me again, and one day i said to myself this is bull, and i told her i never want to see her again, sure she still writes, mainly when she's drunk but hell, i couldn't careless. My point is just that we aren't that diffrent, so why call us dogs when you do the same?
As to the actual question, i think it's your decision, you decide, how much does he mean and can you do without him? Personally im sure you can do without him, even if you choose not to want to believe it, but i realised too, that when someone does, so much wrong you can fall out of love with them, and if it helps, think of the bad things that they have done, and remind yourself everytime they say sorry and soon enough you'll be over them.
From my ExperienceWhen I was 19 I was cheated on by my then girl friend. Her excuse was she didn't know who to choose because she was in love with the other guy and me. So I stepped back and gave her space so she could make up her mind. A week later she tells me its me she wants to be with. After 6 months she asks me to marry her and it was quite all of a sudden. I said yes because I was in love with her. In a week I find out that she was cheating on me all along and in fact she lied to me when she said I was the one she had chosen. Infact the only reason she asked me to marry her was because her other guy had left her for someone else. I was shocked and quietly dissapeared. After a month she stopped calling and e mailing and havn't trusted a girl since then. And probably never will.go !
go as quick as you can ,
I've been through that stage and i kept going back it's nothing but a crap load of lies .
How you feel?
well.. it really depends on how much you love this person.. if you truley love him/her then every one deserves a second chance, but if that person keeps on doing that same thing over and over again then you shouldn't hold on cause they obviousley don't respect you or your feelings
If they have in fact cheated on you, and you know for certain that they did then I think the best thing to do is to walk away. If this person really did value what you guys had, then they would have respected the relationship and not cheated.
Let go of past, don't make the memories you had with them pull you back to them. Go forward with your future and make new memories with someone who will give you more respect than they did.
I strongly believe in the quote "Fool me once, shame on you fool me twice, shame on me." Whose to say that they won't cheat again?
It is possible that he/she had broken up with you but you didn't understand them so you thought you were still going out but you weren't. That happened to me once. I was really mad until he explained it. I felt really stupid for a while.Then i got over it and started dating someone else.
Why is it that men accuse their girlfriends or wives of cheating without talking to them first?
Mostly whenever a man just ups and accuses his girlfriend or wife of cheating without talking to them first is because they either heard something about you, doesn't trust you,or is cheating themselves.
How do you catch someone cheating?
This is the best way.... its easy to catch some one....begin to act weird.... like something is up....then after you have been acting strange ..... be forthright and confront....though you may not be sure this person cheated...you have to act like you know...but dont confront until you have enough feeling in your gut to be able to be certain they cheated... once you confront them if you still have that gut feeling and they say "no" and they "dont know what youre talking about"...... keep going....tell them you know and that they might as well stop lying....if they reply with "who told you that" or they start guessing...then its obvious they cheated... they go straight to the convicted person...typical... so the way you caught that person: is by them admitting to it unknowingly......so i hope this helps you catch the cheater.
Another Answer
Here are some ways to catch someone cheating. Note that these might not be legal in all jurisdictions.
Check Phone Bills
If they have a cell phone, you need to take a look at the call log. Look for numbers you don't know. Also, check your home phone, if you don't have the details of the calls on your home phone on your bill, request it. Also check cell phone bills.
Analyze the numbers and data. If they call you and find out where you are at then they call another number after every time, call that number.If you can get a voicemail great because their name will most likely be on the voicemail.
There is also the option of using spy softare to track cell phone usage data. In the end, proof like this will be important. Make sure you're positive they're cheating before taking this approach though.
Follow Them
Hire a detective to follow him or her, or follow them yourself one night.
Get a day off from work or your normal routine on the days your SO usually calls that mysterious number by reviewing the phone bill, but don't tell your SO. Borrow a good friend's car that your SO will probably not recognize or pay attention too with tint and sit there within view of of your SO's car and pretty much stock them if they leave and follow them. Take pictures if you see anything out of line, but don't reveal yourself.
You can hook on a car tracker which maps out everywhere someone's vehicle has been also. If you see him or her going to a woman's house or hotel ask him or her about what they did later. They will lie of course. It would be even greater to watch which hotel room they go to and go cover the peephole and knock on the door and have them open it. If they know you are out there and won't leave or answer the door and they have a cellphone and you have one call it and listen to it go off inside the room. :) IF it is a other person's house or apartment and he/she answers already have your cell ready and call it as soon as they open the door and BS's about your SO is not there call it and listen for the ringer going off around the corner of the hall way. Your SO will poop their pants. If they say they aren't their even though you saw them go int there and If you feel warrated spray the person cheating with your SO with a pepper spray fogger and fight past them into the house or hotel room you saw 100% your SO go into and catch them in there.
Investigate Computer or Internet Use
Look on the internet for signs a spouse is cheating. You might buy a keylogger. Never let them know you installed it. They may not even communicate with their other lover on the computer though. If your SO uses the computer a lot though this one is good and produces evidence you can even print out. They may be at work when they use their email account but once they log on from home even once you have their screenname and password and can check their account anytime. It takes about five minutes to install and cost me about $40. You see everything. Web page screenshots, every key typed, every website visited.
Look at Credit Card Statements
Look for receipts or charges on a credit card for dinner or lunch for two, or hotels.
Semen Detection Kits
If you are a male and don't regularly have sex with your SO you can buy checkmate which is a home semen detection kit cost about 45 dollars and takes 5-10 minutes. You can tell what those white stains in you girlfriend's underwear are. (Women, don't use it on your man's underwear. I can tell you cause I am a man and might have a little semen in my drawer and I don't cheat.)
Surprise them at Work
Bring them lunch at work unexpectedly and be friendly to all his/her co-workers giving them muffins and pasteries. This does a lot of things. It lets the other people know your SO is taken and in a relationship. The people in the office will know he or she is taken and will be watching them. There is always someone in the office who has been cheated on in the past ,or unsuccessfully hit on your SO, or plain just doesn't like them and will try and expose them. Your SO will have to try to keep it underwraps more and use the cellphone and other means giving a paper trail. Having a friend in his office is good, but beware of them also.
Look Inside
Look at the reason why you are suspicious. Are you doing something wrong yourself. Guilt is a powerful thing. My buddy's girlfriend who was cheating on him was always suspicious and accusing him and since he was my roomate, I know for a fact he wasn't cheating on her. Then he got suspicious becasue she was always accusing him and he caught her. Now she isn't his girlfriend and he has sex with her and lots of other women and he has the right as far as I'm concerned. He was faithful to her and didn't take the numerous oppurtunities thrown at him. Now he just has fun.
Are you just plain unhappy with your relationship and want out? Maybe you don't want to be the bad guy and break it off and want a good reason too other than you are just bored with them or don't love them after all the things they have done for you. Maybe you already have your eyes on someone else and desire them even though you haven't cheated. Be completely honest with yourself and what you want and the true reason you are suspicious.
ANSWER
Frankly I think if you know someone is cheating it is not worth the time and effort (nor are they) to catch them - just pick up and leave. Another chapter closed. Why do you suspect they are cheating in the first place? that will lead to your answer...
After i and my lover spent about 6 years together, my boyfriend told me that we can not be together. and already We were making ready ourselves to get married this year and I was very happy and absolutely ready to marry him. this breakup started when he went a little far from the city where I live, a year before. He found a good job out there. And he promised me to come back in one or two years. In the mean time, I found a job around his place (we take it as a good opportunity for us to start living together) but the company I worked for resist to leave me since i am a responsible person in the company. They offered me a very nice salary increment with huge responsibility of work. Then I told to my boyfriend I preferred to stay where I live and work, since, he has not a plan to live there forever. He was very upset at the moment and ignored me totally. I tried to contact him but I can't. Following so much effort he sends me a message saying "our relationship is over". I never expected such a thing to happen, so I got sick. Even after so much begging he allow me to see him, but told me the same thing that it is over. I asked him the real reason. He said, you never listened to me, you never gave me credit, and you disrespected me…..and so on. I never noticed such a thing in our relationship before, so I got shocked and couldn't say a word in front of him. For me our relationship was perfect. And I really love him. I want to be with him. I send so many letters saying I'm sorry, I tried to contact him but there is no reply. i did everything to attract him and live with him forever but nothing was going through. so I needed a help on how to get my lover back. I had the feeling that he still loves me, though he did not say a word. I needed help seriously. i thought it will never possible to get him back and be the happy couple again? so when i read testimonies about dr.marnish@ymail. com i contacted him and he told me that my case is a simple one to solve, so after his consultation and casting of his spell my boyfriend emailed me telling me he was sorry for all that he did to me, that he is ready to marry me now, i was shocked, i never believed that dr.marnish could make such thing to happen with his spell, today i am getting married to my boyfriend, and i will never forget this spell caster i will always talk about him anywhere i go
whitney portia from England
What do men get out of cheating on their lovers?
- It's definitely an ego boost. My current partner was a terrible sleeze in the beginning when we first started dating. Flirted with girls and never owned up to it. I hired a P.I. and he was so nervous when I confessed I had him followed. It's only now 3 years later that he has started to grow up (38 years of age). I left him 4 times and silly me gave him the benefit of the doubt every time as I always try to see the best in everyone. Unfortunately now I hold less repsect for him because of how he has made me feel and the insecurity that has plagued me due to his flirting and lack of respect he has shown me. I don't feel I have deserved it and not blowing my own horn but I think I am a relatively attractive woman and a mother of two. I don't understand what makes men think they can do this. When I would question him he would say "I cant help if they look at me and give me the attention". I would tell him he was weak if he felt he had to blame it on the female. He thought it was a great ego boost but would never admit it and them blame the girl. A real man wouldn't treat a woman like that. Are there any real men around that treat women with repect anymore? I have a bad taste in my mouth now and don't think I could trust anyone...... A question that both genders have pondered since the begining of time. And the answer is...who knows? Maybe it's just an ego booster. A sign of insecurity, maybe? Maybe they are just jerks. Maybe, maybe, maybe... If you ever find the one and only answer, please share it with me. I have a feeling it will be as elusive as the Holy Grail. Which might be how some men see their quest (lust?) for another also. usually they are insecure and this makes them feel better about themselves, also something to ponder is...it really as small as she says it is..most men who cheat have major insecurites and look at woman as a form of supply not as a real human with equality... it's purely ego... a man is a man if he can carry more than one woman on his shoulder. . Thrills. Sense of superiority. Living up to their "macho" ideal. Keeping their options open. Debasing two women or more who are in competition with one another and in a one-down position in relation to the King of Kings. Control. Distancing. Never having to stand or fall by their merits as honest, open, vulnerable and genuine individuals -- so I'd guess that it's an ego saving strategy for the spineless. It's important to remember that not all men are cheaters. I've been married for a decade and my wife has cheated on me and I've never cheated on her. Honestly between the two of us, I'm much more healthy, clean cut, good looking person. I'm 6'4" 200 lbs and I get hit on a lot. I've never strayed even when she cheated on me, I never once looked the other way. the point I'm getting at is find a man who will honor and love you. If you're a good person chances are you'll find what you are looking for. Don't waste time on someone who doesn't value you and your feelings.
Check over his credit card/gasoline /phone receipts. Ask him how his workday was. Check his clothing for stains/perfume.
If you suspect that he is going out publicly with another woman, blithely mention to him one day that a friend or yours saw him with this woman in public. Keep your tone light and conversational. He may admit to having been in public with this woman, afraid that someone really did see them together.
If you feel your suspicions are well grounded, I would suggest confronting him with the affair.
have him followed, hire a detective - use your instincts..they are free and usually correct...
He already knows I suspect him, and he is extremely careful. His credit card, cell bill, ect. goes straight to his office. He drives out of town alot with his job,and can't be followed,as he drives to pretty remote areas, and he would instantly know if he was being followed. He's also very careful to not leave anything in his wallet , pockets ect.
I'd say to him on returning from a job. Sorry honey, I'm leaving, sick of your lies and dishonesty. You can do better. The fact is he will never own up to it so put yourself out of your misery and move on. It's hard but you will thank yourself in the long run. If you are suspecting it, you're gut is telling you something, listen to it.............................Take it from me..I've been through it..There is someone out there for you, just believe in that..There is better..
Quoting the last post:
Sounds like you already know the answer.
It's hard to caught a cheater especially when you try to plan it. But I believe no matter how sneaky the cheater is, some evidence will still left out. Cheaters won't win forever, because sooner or later the truth will come out from the surface.
Look at your relationship: is it what you truly want? Do you have the best, loving person you can imagine in your life? Are you your best self with him? And, as Dear Abby says, would you be better off without him? If so, skip all the investigation and move to the heart of the matter. It sounds like he has already left you.
Dee - do you mean separated as in 1) broke up or just 2) not in the same location? If number 1, then he wasn't cheating. If number 2, then, no, your're not being unreasonable.
I've been there. Separated or together it doesn't matter. He has no business hanging out with ex-lovers no matter what the excuse, it makes you uncomfortable and that's reason enough to drop them off his radar screen.
Oh Yea, and if the "but they are my friends" conversation takes place, tell him REAL friends don't risk their friendship by becoming lovers.
Why does a man accuse a woman of cheating on him?
Because all men are insecure and are envious of women that aren't. they like to put blame on women for things that are completely irrational because it makes them feel like the "man" no pun intended in the relationship.
AnswerBecause he probably is cheating on you and trying to cover his guilt. AnswerI'm a man, let me tell you why men accuse a woman of cheating, aside from her giving some sign(s) that she is cheating. It's his own guilt of cheating himself, or having the intention to cheat. AnswerI'm a married man and I would never cheat on my wife but sometimes I am insecure because of little signs she gives. Deep down I know she wouldn't but it makes me feel better when she can look me in the eyes and say, "Yeah, you know I'm not cheating you." That is more of a relief than just wondering. A lot of times also men have friends who's wives/ girlfriends cheat and that can effect their security.
What is the best way to confront a cheating wife when you have undeniable proof?
Some might say that it would be best to confront her at the front door by pushing her backwards down a flight of stairs. While this might provide you with some temporary relief, it is illegal and worse than what she did. No woman is ever worth going to jail over.
Before confronting your cheating partner you must ask yourself a very important question. "Are you ready to walk away?" You must spend a good amount of time thinking about this answer. Know your criteria for workable vs. no-go "Bye-Bye time". Spend time thinking about your relationship and how this will scar it. Regardless of whether you forgive your partner, can you forget in time? Or will this haunt you and keep you awake at night years down the road. In 10 years will suspicion still consume you when your partner calls to say he/she will be late coming home?
Try to rationalize why this happened and what changed in your relationship that brought you from the initial infatuation to the present. Try to conceive a timeline in your head. This way you may come to self realizations of critical turning points in your relationship. Ask your self if you could avoid those decisions or situations moving forward, then during your confrontation ask your partner the same. First suggestion is to ask your self "What have I done to make my partner WANT to cheat?" If you have trouble answering this question you may simply be faced with an impulsive partner with little willpower and a general lack of respect. Try to reason it out in your head, step back and analyze all the angles for your partner's reasoning. This will help you be more prepared for the confession which will be painful and usually contain facts that will surprise you. For example you may assume this has been going on for a couple months when in fact it was going on for 5 years. Hearing that can rattle even the most calm and collected confrontation and if you aren't prepared, could possibly send civility out the window. Be prepared.
Before confronting your partner go off alone by yourself and get good and mad. Get it all out in your head. Go for a long drive and talk to yourself. Yell at her to yourself and get all your stress, anxiety, and animosity out and in the clear. Assume the worst case scenario when doing this so you can face, and confront all your anger. The key here is that you grieve and vent BUT not to your partner. When you confront your partner you MUST do it calmly, collected, organized and most of all in a civil manner. It's ok to express feelings of sadness, disappointment and a broken heart but do not express outward anger even if you plan on detonating your relationship. It is ok to be angry, and it may take months or years to conquer your anger, you just need to get yourself mentally prepared to discuss the situation without yelling, screaming, name-calling, or temper tantrums. You will be required to drive the bus during this conversation and it's impossible to drive the conversation if you pop a gasket. Think of this as 'intervening' with your partner's behavior rather that 'confronting'. Confront is the root of confrontation.
You must allow your partner to explain. Do not be surprised if they deny it or attempt to lie out of it. This is a time when you are forcing them to confront shame and embarrassment, so it is only natural for them to try and lie or wiggle out of it. If you have your facts in line and you know for certain, rationally explain it all in a very calm and collected manner. Calmly explain to your partner that you would like to work out the issues but this will require mutual truth. Explain that you are past the anger and you want to work things out. If you have followed the game plan to this point your calm demeanor should help assuage any doubts. Explain to your partner that if they are unwilling to come clean and discuss it then anything other than a complete severance would be a waste of time. Most cheating partners at this point will break and come clean if you have done all your pre-work, and you actually have irrefutable evidence of the affair.
Keep in mind that you can never un-say the things you are about to say and in time, when your inner anger subsides you do not want to regret things said in the heat of passion regardless of justification. Marriage and/or children only compound this difficulty and make it even more important. Remember if you have children you will most likely be dealing with your partner or soon-to-be-ex for a long time and they will have plenty of opportunities to retaliate with childish behavior and uncooperative shared parenting.
Don't resort to name calling (or physical violence!). If this is a situation involving marriage you are going to end up in court quite possibly and anything you do from here out will have a direct impact on any litigation that may be inevitable. You could have been the best husband or wife on earth for 11 years but if you fly off the handle for 45 seconds, call your wife a "slut" and slap her (even gently) the court will only see a violent, vindictive husband and you may well spend a night or two in jail, with a restraining order preventing you from going within 100 yards of your home which you will still have to make payments on. Not to mention you will have given your spouse the court's sympathy. At this point try to think of your spouse as a friendly but competitive co-worker. You know them and work with them but you still watch your self, keeping all your cards held tight because you know they will use anything they can to get the upper hand on you. 'If ya ain't swinging with me, yer swingin' against me'.
Above all, remember that this is not the end of the world, but if you do choose to make this a relationship terminating event, this confrontation will be one of your last memories together. The things you say here will forever stay with you. Should you choose to forgive and work it out, what you say and do here will never be FORGOTTEN. Everyone knows this situation is hard, and it sounds silly but: remain positive. This is a part of life many people have to deal with.
AnswerYou know it. She knows it. Just come out with it. Put all the cards on the table and get real. It's not going to go away unless you deal with it, right then and now. This is reality.
AnswerConfront (without Violence). Listen (without interruption). Patience. Understanding. and above all, forgiveness...after all, she only cheated to get your attention.
This is if you want to save your relationship...if you don't, why ask?
Just remember when asking, "treat her as you would want to be treated."
AnswerWhat I did: Show her the proof and try to talk to her. Get her to try counseling and swear that you can change to help her feel loved like you should have done in the first place.
What happened next : She said ok, I changed, we hung out and had lots of fun, the cheating didn't stop.
What I wish I'd have done: Drop kick her out the door and change the locks.
I don't think there is a way to handle it. It hurts you more than it will her no matter how you do it, so whatever is easiest on you.
AnswerCongratulations, you are almost to the final stage of the cycle. You have undoubtedly made absolute sure THIS time, to compile all of that painful time and energy to build an airtight case. This time there is no way for it to turn into a "mistake", "I did not think it would happen", 'It is not the way it looks","It is not what you think" "you are blowing it out of proportion" You are obsessed with this, /just looking for a way to make her look bad/ she can't believe you taped her conversation, or followed her, or went through her stuff, spied on her, read her mail, or...and don't forget "trapped her",made things up, acting like a cop, so paranoid, smothered her, ignored her, gave her no choice, whew...I am tired....you finish this part...thanks....
Ok, your 15 seconds of recognition, that you WERE right approaches,finally she will have to face the music, her paranoia accusations vaporize, she sees what a horrible mistake it was, what she did to you, and she almost lost the best thing she ever had (she won't use the word "you", but you get to assume that), after all, it IS YOUR fantasy, here....oops, sorry, continuing.... She cries, you cry, you forgive her, have wild make-up sex, then you try to ignore those pesty thoughts about being unsure if you made the right decision....and go to sleep.
(Just a suggestion at this point...if you have not already thrown away all those notes documenting your case yet,, you might consider filing them instead of pitching them....) You may need them sometime...next time (in your mind) they can be used a proof of a pattern, which unfortunately, will be inadmissable for anything other than proof of your distrust of her (or paranoia), because this next time .....will....of course be totally unrelated or have anything connected with that "past" crisis (in her mind), which interestingly enough, is hard for her to recall details of. And it is the past, so what does it matter now?
I am sorry for your pain, which is all too familiar in my past, and is only eased by accepting the fact that there is no such thing as ghosts, or "undeniable proof" on her terms, or the day you will see justice, acknowledgment, or any of the other "success" stories from others offering "proof" in their own experience it can be done ( probably since they just might have been in your wife's position, in their story).
I am not downplaying your pain, I have been there, and hope you get through it. I hope you will be calm enough to take note of a very important clue offering insight into your future during your "fact facing interlude" exposing your wife's misdeeds. Observe how many of her responses directly "convey feelings". Particularly concern for your feelings. (I care,hurt you,need you,want you, feel you, understand you,disappointed you,deceived you).
Don't get flustered if you forget your pencil, sadly, you will be lucky if you even need one hand to tally the votes.
Sometimes, you must face the facts, even sad ones and accept that maybe what is there is this: Two sad people, hurt people,, but good people, where one made a terrible mistake,and although aware of the price, never really thought it may actually end anything. And the saddest part of all, which will confirm your worst fears for the future,,, is when you here her say
"We have gotten through other things together, and we can get through this too, if you do not give up on it".
If you bite on this one,,,jot it down, I will bet you will be hearing them in the future.
Good Luck, know you are not alone...
AnswerThe best way to do it is to do it calmly. Tell her that you want to know the truth and that you will not get upset or go crazy about it. My wife cheated on me and when she told me about it I went crazy. Then later on when I wanted to know more she was afraid to tell me because she thought that I was going to get more mad. Talk to her in a very calm way first. Be her best friend at that time, and when you feel that you have gotten all of your questions answered, then decide what you are going to do. If you have no proof but you feel that she is doing it, then you must be right. Trust your instincts. If she tells you that she is going some where, follow her, check her cellphone, credit card bills, home phone, mileages in the cars. If you really love her or you want to find out the truth, follow her. Ask her questions and try to get her on her on lies. Someone who is cheating will lie. And trust me on this one, they are not very good liars. I have caught my wife in so many lies that she had no choice to tell me the truth.
Why do some husbands get excited when their wives cheat?
It's called "kinky" and it's always about persuing the other person and fighting to conquer (goes way, way back in time).
If this is what a husband needs to get excited over his wife then I feel sorry for her! Perhaps this person should be asking themselves why their wife is cheating. One day that person may come home to no wife at all.
AnswerI hate to argue... but I'm a husband that loves knowing my wife sleeps with other guys... always have... and she knows she has a wonderful life and is not going anywhere. AnswerIf you've ever been cheated you know it's just a fantasy. Learn how to separate the two: Reality & fantasy. You want to have a three way with your wife & another chic? Ask her if she'd role play with a sex doll to calm your interest. If you get aroused just stick with the doll. Buy toys & have her use them on herself & you. Don't cross the line! Don't go as far as to have sex with another.Let them watch you two. Let them mastervbait but don't cheat. PLEASE! AnswerMay be they see it as an opportunity to go for relations with other women.Can a relationship that started from adultery last and be healthy?
A relationship that starts with lies and deceit is a house of cards from the beginning.
I do not believe so because can you really ever trust that person?
if there is a real connection and love most relationships could last no matter how it started
Please see my response to "Has anyone gone from a mistress to a new wife and still feels the relationship was true love?" on this site. I have experienced the other side, but can remember what it was like to be where you are now. However, our promises to each other WERE fulfilled. My contact information is at the bottom of my entry if you would like to contact me personally. I certainly empathize with your situation.
It's worked for me. My wife left her husband shortly after she and I began seeing each other again (We were high school sweethearts). We're still happily married... I think.
Yes, definitely. As long as both new partners are committed to unflinching intimate honesty. When a relationship starts as an affair there is opportunity for many resentments and fears to take over. But if you remember to try and stay as rational, loving, and honest as possible love can prevail. This has happened for me and even though we've encountered many difficulties along the way, our love has been worth it all. No regrets on either side.
Maybe there's a small ammount of stable ones, but they usually don't work out long term--too many issues over trust and pain were brought into the current relationship from either person's previous one. Neither person had time to themselves to deal with issues from the previous relationship before they jumped into a new one.
There will always be a doubt about the other person's fidelity--they persuaded a prior person that they loved them, but cheated on them, it's not an impossibility that the same feelings and situation will reoccur.
NO!!! If the person you committed an affair with cheated on there spouse, then the chances are it will happen to you!
Is it possible to have met your soul mate in a cheating married man or is it all just a fantasy?
Time will tell. If he makes a clean break with his wife and treats her with respect and tells her the truth, then MAYBE he could be your soul mate. But only if he chooses you. If he stays with the comfort of the familiar life with his wife, he is not your soul mate. keep on looking and good luck. you sound heartbroken.
ANSWER!
Yes You two can be soul mates, the fact that someone may be married is not a question of doubt to if he isn't yours. It is possible (people!) that he could be with the wrong person "his wife" and him not leaving his wife for you is not a sign of his love for you....maybe a greater sign of his love for his children. In other words...yes you two could be soulmates, he may be with the wrong woman but if he doesnt leave his wife for you...it does not prove or disprove that you are "the one" because perhapse he does not want to ruin a family "and does care for his wife" and his children and whoever may be involved in his choice to part from them. 5 is greater than one.
The only thing you can do is move on with your life........It wont end well for you.
On one hand if he leaves his wife...you will have to live with your own guilt and deal with the pains of that guilt and his divorce. on the other hand if he stays with his wife, you will be the one to be heart broken...even if your affair does not end. It will still sting not having the one you love and waiting for a change that will NEVER come.
I wish you good luck though.
AnswerI went through this but I would never want a man to leave his wife for me. He would most likely do it to me but I do think it is possible for your soulmate to be married to someone else. We do not always pick the right mate. The previous advice was very wise. Stay away from this person and move on if indeed this is your soul mate you can move to Africa and you to will find each other some time in the future. AnswerPlease see my response to "Has anyone gone from a mistress to a new wife and still feels the relationship was true love?" on this site. I have experienced the other side, but can remember what it was like to be where you are now. However, our promises to each other WERE fulfilled. My contact information is at the bottom of my entry if you would like to contact me personally. I certainly empathize with your situation.How does a woman find out if her boyfriend is cheating on her with another man and are there signs?
This is a very tough question as many men (or women) can be bi-sexual making the problem harder to catch. There is just no fast rule for catching him on this one. I'd sit down and talk it out with him. You must have good reason for suspecting this. Good luck Marcy
How do you tell if your boyfriend is cheating with his ex?
I have had a real bad experience when it comes to relationship.... it was really a bad moment when i found out my ex is cheating on me..... thanks to the help of phackers483 @ gmail.... reddit introduce me to him and i seek his service to get to know what is going behind my relationship... i was really glad to know the truth and was able to stay away from bad relationship
Cheating This issue is best looked at through the lens of evolutionary psychology. Although it provides a relatively simple explanation to a complex behavior, it seems to be consistent throughout the animal kingdom with few exceptions.
Evolutionary psychology takes an observed behavior and works backwards to explain the behavior based on the ultimate causes: the desire to propagate one's genes. Thus, many behaviors (especially in mating) can be tied right back to the primal need to pass on one's genes to the next generation.
It is easy to see why mating behaviors should differ between men and women based on the ability of a man to pass on his genes verses the ability of a woman. If a woman became pregnant at every possible opportunity between puberty and menopause, she might have at most 30 children (although a Russian woman gave birth to a record 69 children; about half of them were twins). In contrast, a male could father multiple children in a single day -- he could potentially have tens of thousands of children if every possible opportunity was taken.
Going back to evolution, both men and women want to have offspring that survive to pass on their genes. Statistically, the more children an individual has, the more likely one of the offspring will survive to sexual maturity, which is the main goal. Just by this logic, it would be more advantageous (evolutionarily speaking) for a male to seek other relationships while a female is pregnant. A man will be more successful in passing on his genes if he takes on every opportunity to do so. This is essentially the basis behind polygamous relationships. Another consequence of the differences in the ability of men and women to have children is female's selectiveness in choosing a mate. A woman only has at most about 30 children to give birth to; therefore, the other half of her child's genetic code (determined by the father) needs to be desirable.
Now, with that said, it doesn't justify "cheating" behavior, especially at the human level where complex social interactions are at work. However, it is worth noting that cheating is to a certain extent hardwired into the male psyche.
Comments from Answers.com contributors Men cheat for all different reasons. But the one thing they all have in common is that they do not believe in the sanctity of marriage, keeping promises or being fair to the person they are married to. They also have another thing in common. They are unable to make sure they marry the right person and make a relationship work. They look for easy, simple solutions to boredom. I have been a relationship expert and life coach for many years. I have seen every angle there is on marriage, love and relationships. Men always make excuses for why they cheat, but the truth is that they are selfish and immature.
Men cheat for a number of reasons...
- they may be insecure
- they may not know what a good thing when they have it
- they may not like the person their with
- the other person may give the man more then what their wife/girlfriend gives
- the man may very will need more then one partner
- sex with the wife/girlfriend is not good
- their wife/girlfriend may have cheated on them
- their wife/girlfriend may not treat the man how he wants to be treated
- cheat may be all he has even seen for his mom or dad
- he is unhappy
- you don't spend enough time together
When you really love someone all you want to do is be with them, so I'd say neither of you love each other at all. You both are quite immature and are "in love with love." It appears egos are going full steam ahead and it's obvious both of you need "stroking" to prove you are attractive to others of the opposite sex.
It sounds as if you are both fairly young, so it's best to split up and start dating other people. If you settle down with someone too early in life often times you find out too late you have made one big major mistake.
The best thing to do is sit down and communicate with each other, be honest, and go your separate ways. Neither of you are ready to settle into a serious relationship.
Good luckMarcy
Why won't he talk about the affair and refuse to even admit it?
If he is not willing to admit that is an obvious answer that he is guilty. Unless, you have continuously falsely accused. Of course if he is guilty he does not want to talk about it! Men will deny it until they die because they dont want to lose their options. You are an option for them, incase it does not work out with the other person they still can be with you. If they admit it they know that they have lost you permanently.
