Cheating

To answer you question, I do so from the mistress standpoint something I am not proud of it but something I am dealing with. Basically your "boyfriend" otherwise known as cheating husband wants his cake and ice cream too. He is vested with his wife and family and wants to see if he can fix it. He wants to keep the mistress on the burner incase his plan to save his marriage fails. I am in a similar situation. I met a guy had sex a week later found out he was married I refused to move onward till he got a divorce. Now keep in mind he told me he was single so he lied to me out the gate. 2 months later I called out of curiosity he spent the weekend with me. That monday I called his wife and told her. Just to free myself and to be done with the whole adultress situation. I let go of him and was free from anything to do with him. That was the 2nd monday of November by the first of Decemember he called to check on me. The day after I told his wife she moved out and he wants to continue our relationship. His child knows that we are dating and but she does not. I worry too that their relationship will mend itself out as she does not know he has come back to me. But in the end I have been very blunt with him and not allowing his tactics. He knows I will always find out and I will not sit and take it. I can walk away. So he has learned to be honest with me and straight forward so much it is annoying. I wish you luck but in all honesty if he can't commit to you then it is not worth it. Mine is commiting so much it is scary meeting my parents, my siblings, my friends. Etc. Typically affairs do not include the entire family

You really don't unless she is unusually straight forward. Even if you do feel she is the best thing to do is walk away - she is married.

I don't know if I would call that a particularly smart idea. At some point, his wife is going to be making a case that she deserves most of his money. If she can point to his infidelity (with you) she can make a stronger case. It is best to wait until the divorce is finalized.

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Could I? wow not sure. It will take a while for me to fall in love to someone, esp. if this man is married but separated. It doesn't matter if this man is separated, he still married. If you fell in love with this man, can you trust him enough, knowing he is separated with his wife. Anyone can fall in love especially if a man (aka- married man) is separated or not, women does it to without a doubt.

I will give you my personal experience, the man I married said so many lies on his profile inside the dating site ( before I found out) he met a married woman as well on a dating site. They dated, seen each others and fell in love to each others while this man was still with me and out children. So you see, a married man don't need to be separated from his wife to fall in love to another person.

• People are only human and make mistakes so if this is the first time your spouse has cheated on you and they are willing to go to marriage counseling to learn tools to deal with problems in the marriage then yes, there are marriages that survive an affair and end up being stronger for it.

Don't beat yourself up so much. You're young and when any of us were young we thought we could change the bad habits of our boyfriends and some of us even married them! There must have been some good times with him and those are the memories you are holding onto. Losing someone even to cheating is like grieving for a loved one that has died and, in ways, it is a death ... a death of a love at least on your part. Don't be so upset about him finding another girlfriend because he'll grow bored of her too and end up cheating on her and finding someone else. Also, these cheaters end up hurting themselves and they'll pay the price. Give yourself some time, then get out with friends, meet other nice guys and start dating again. This guy is and never will be the right guy for you. If you don't have respect for yourself then don't expect it from anyone else. Cheaters are losers! So are guys that abuse their mates or women that cheat and abuse their mate.

• Only you can find out if your husband is cheating on you and you can either hire a detective to follow him or find a girlfriend that will be willing to drive you around and follow him and catch him in the act.
  

Most husbands are seeking both emotional support and sexual satisfaction from marriage.

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Dreams are all about things that we do each day. There are dreams that will disturb us because of what we do. Dreams is only dreams and its always separate from what we are thinking. Do not let a simple dreams bothered you, because it will never come true or even real.

It means that he has fallen in love again with the woman.But something I want to know:If the married man felt so bad and angry when his mistress cheated him,could he imagine the situation when his wife would know that HE CHEATED on him.He must be very ashamed of himself.

Some reasons are to feel sexy and wanted, to have attention that she may feel is being denied to her, to start up a relationship outside of her marriage, or it could be just a part of her personality even before she was married, that is, being highly flirtatious.

So what? Girl honestly. You're during the same thing right now. If he's talked bad about you its for comfort and validation. Same thing you looking for. Either you let him go or let it go knowing who you truly are. That's all you can do. As much as i would like to say dump him. I wont. Cause i dont advice people things. I only give them SOMETHING to think about based off my experience. What yo dude did. I did to my ex and everyone sided with me. Cause they know the truth about him even if he makes you out the bad guy. And not to mention there are things about him you don't know. As far as him calling you crazy. So what!! Thats the first thing men are ready to holler when they screwed up. Other than facing the fact they brought out those reactions and that they are responsible for everything you question in them as you are the same.

Let him run to his friends. But if he cant be honest with you. He's fake. Simple. Either you accept he's fake and rub it in his face, or not. Or simply call him out on it and keep moving. I talked mess about my ex but at the same time i told him to his face. About every single feeling. However he was secretive and honestly maybe a free spirit ( you all know what i mean by that). I didn't trust him. And being a women who also been called crazy. I didn't trust myself. Cause he provoked me. In many ways. But what i learned. If he lack communication. Giving him complete silence is a thing that hurts... They dont know what to expect or how to respond. And if he think YOU crazy. Just see how he'll react if he truly loves you. Call it mind games or call it the game. All i know is. What his friends think of me is not my concern. What he thinks of me might be. But if he's not willing to open up. Its simple reasons why. He know he provokes you, he know something you dont, he recognizes your worth as a women to him, his insecurities, and or he simply playing a game. Basically he's getting something usefull out of you... And honestly if it's sex you can shut it down cause it has a mental tole anyone. But if you can move pass it. Do so without being emotionally involved. This the world we live in sadly. And it may or may not be clear to us. But what it is. You can control or exclude. They say crazy women give the best sex. So he call you crazy but not letting go. Guess what?. You is to your advantage. Then you'll see. If all those things he say is true and if so you'll see your leverage

Short of murder (I don't highly recommend this LOL) there isn't much you can do because it's your husband's choice to see her, and it's his butt you should be kicking and not hers. He's a jerk and is non-caring about what he is putting you through and how you feel. Kick the slug right out that door! There are other men out there that would treat you far better and the way you should be treated. The harder we fight between the husband and the mistress the closer together it brings them.

I was married before to an abusive husband. I caught him cheating with two women at one time! Although they were not in the throws of sexual embrace and I caught them cozied up in a popular pub, nonetheless I caught them. I confronted him right there and then and when he said, "What the hell are you doing here, get home and iron" I am ashamed to say I lost it! I am 5'6" tall and 130 lbs., and I never knew I had the physical strength I did. I picked up that heavy round table he was sitting at with those two grinning idiots he had picked up and held it in the air and dumped every single glass and pitcher of beer on all of them! Even the bouncer of the pub said, "No way am I going to get in between that one!" I went home, locked the doors and refused to let him in. He had to move in with his mother (that should have told me a lot right there.) Although this wasn't my usual style of dealing with a problem I have to say, it sure felt good! Later, I filed for divorce. I've since met a wonderful man and we've been married 33 years.

Kick this guy as far as you can. Don't lower yourself by trying to get to the woman. That's what she wants! She wants you to retaliate so she can cunningly go whining to your husband and tell him how terrible you are to her. This only reinforces all his lies as to why he's left you.

NO MAN OR WOMAN IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR WHEN THEY CHEAT!

Good luck Marcy

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Wow I wish I did, but Im afraid the man I married might get mad and disappointed if I lay my hands on her, after all he has deep feelings for her and she is such a good Christian woman.

No.

Getting involved with a married man is selfish on both the married man and whoever he cheats with parts. The married man is being selfish because instead of working on improving his marriage he is risking it all to be with someone else. Remember, honesty is the best policy. Also, the person he is getting involved with shares the fault. Nobody should ever cause the pain that affairs do. People need to stop thinking only of their selfish wants and remember that a married couple includes two, living beating hearts that are capable of feeling pain and embarrassment.

It is very wrong to get involved with any married person unless you are the person that he or she is married to.

It also depends on the relationship between the man and his wife, and your desires in the relationship.

If you desire a long term relationship then you may wish to evaluate his current actions (being married and having an outside relationship) and consider if that is acceptable to you, either as a long term girlfriend or as a possible future wife.

Since you believe that he willing to go outside this marriage, it is certainly possible that he would go outside his next marriage too.

• Marriage counseling is a good thing because the counselor is not their to blame either spouse, but to give the tools so they can gain good communication skills; learn how to react to certain problems in the marriage. Example: If one or both partners just argue about a problem and yell at each other the counselor will give them tools as to how to sit down calmly and listen to each other and come to an amicable agreement. Marriage is about respect.

Because you love yourself more than you live your partner.... cheating is an unrivalled display of selfishness.

The wife or widow of an Earl is called a Countess, as is the wife or widow of a Count.

Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary 7th Edition.

We normally talk about girls and girls and girls. once in awhile we will talk about school or sports but usually its our fantasies about girls in our grade our just girls anywhere. Airsoft, electronics, movies and music . oh yeah and girls

Being faithful is a decision a man must make on a daily basis. While today's society makes it significantly more difficult to be faithful, it '''can''' be done. This may depend, though, on your definition of "faithful," which has also been mutated by society. If you demand that a man never even look at another woman, then you're out of luck ... it probably will never happen. A man looking at a woman, though, does not mean, necessarily, that the man is unfaithful, or the woman is imperfect. Men are visually cued. That doesn't mean, though, that a man must carry through with his thoughts, or whatever thoughts you may think he's having. If they don't live in California or New York, it's quite common. The image portrayed by Hollywood says no, but there are many men and women who are faithful for their entire lives.

Sometimes.

Depends. I'd say mostly on the victims state. If they have constantly backed down and forgave the abuser, chances are the abuser will come back and try to suck them in, ya know, being sick enough to take advantage of a vulnerable person or of a particular vulnerable quality.

However, if the victim started standing up and confronting the abuser, showing signs of independence and that they aren't going to thke the abuser's crap, then more than likely the abuser won't come back, because they view it as a threat.

Only if they can regain CONTROL. Show them that they can't control you and they will regroup and find their next victim. Of course they will have already tried every trick in their bag up to this point. It's just like a drug user that can no longer get their drug from the same source. They will scramble in vain to find the next source. CONTROL is the drug of an abuser - their lifeline of existence.

In my experience, YES.

BUT I imagine if there wasn't a pay-off or reward on their return (ie contact, forgiveness, honeymoon period etc) and, instead, a calm, CONSISTENT "NO" to their approaches (followed up by police intervention if need be), they would back off.

However, I think much depends on the person you are dealing with in terms of how persistent they are in returning.

Police, a restraining order and police called to my home subsequent to my obtaining a restraining order DID NOT deter the man I was involved with -- he was on my doorstep 10 days after I obtained a restraining order.

However, I was also the fool that kept taking him in and listening to empty promises (counselling etc).

Nonetheless, it's disturbing that he would ignore the law and probably even more disturbing that despite all, I would take him back rather than contact the authorities while he pathetically pleaded at my door.

But, I loved him or had some kind of emotional bond, so I found it extremely difficult to follow through further with intervention and found myself relying on hope that "this time" things would be different.

I wouldn't wish this nightmare on anyone.

In my experience, yes. My abuser neglected a school suspension to come to school and try to get me back. He also violated a letter of harassment to yell at me in the hallway, several times and now has community service as a result. So basically, whatever restraints are put in place, he violates and then waits a bit til more restraints are administered, and violates them too.

I think though, that it really depends on the person. I've only actually called him out once to talk to him, which I shouldn't have done. It's better to avoid, avoid, avoid. And hopefully, they'll eventually go away. Though I haven't gotten that far yet, so I really don't know.

Yes!

Stalkers and the Borderline Personality

The Borderline Personality

In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:

a shaky sense of identity

sudden, violent outbursts

oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection

brief, turbulent love affairs

frequent periods of intense depression

eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies

an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone

Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.

The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.

The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.

The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.

• The statistics for a married man leaving his wife for his mistress is extremely low. Most married men either will lose too much by leaving their wives; embarrassing any children they may have or, some men just want the attention their mistress gives them as well as a new sexual relationship and eventually some cheat on their mistress as well; these type of men do not like to be tied down to one woman and may have several women on the string.

"With who? Why would i wanna be with anybody else than you right now anyways?"

"Why would you ask me that? How do I know you're not cheating on me!"

Ask your parents or friends for help.

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That's generally Elementary School reactions by boys or girls. Not actually hurting the person, but a light punch on the arm, perhaps going 'ugh .. get away from me.' Kids of this age don't know about love, but they do know when they are attracted to someone so, some boys or girls that are shy will lightly hit or shove or make a remark to that person as if they don't really like them. If you are in high school, college or older, then hitting is not acceptable in any case. A fun shove is OK if you are joking with a friend or a partner, but no hitting!