Transgender

Transgender = Трансгендерность (Transgendernost')

I teach six year olds. One thing I know about that age group is this: they don't know enough about the world, what's out there, and the way it works to make life lasting decisions yet. At this young age, I would forbid this behavior. I would also focus on traditionally masculine socialization. If, in a few years, this is still occuring, then I might consider other choices.

A child has the right to express him or herself. If your boy likes dressing up in girl's clothing, then I would let him. For one thing, forbidding the behavior will likely just make it escalate, since when something is forbidden, it's always more alluring and tantalizing.

But more importantly, the only reason for forbidding the behavior is homophobia and bigotry against transsexuals and transgender people. After all, why forbid the behavior, unless there's something "wrong" with it?

This isn't the 1950s anymore. It's the 21st century. As a society, we need to face the fact that a person's sexual identity and sexual orientation are not choices. They are hardwired into you. A person doesn't choose to be gay, transexual, or transgender. They just ARE.

Your child may not actually be transgender or transsexual. At such a young age, it's very difficult to tell. But, most transgender/transsexuals DO start showing signs of it at a pretty young age.

So, if he IS transgender/transsexual, then forbidding the behavior could cause major depression and low self-worth as he becomes a teenager and then an adult. I mean, you see it all the time at the gay bars in New York City: 18 year-old kids who were kicked out of their homes in Iowa for being gay, who are now snorting crystal meth all day and sleeping with strangers, because they hate themselves so much. It's a terrible, terrible thing, when your parents reject you for who you are.

"Focusing on traditionally masculine socialization" won't "fix" him. Period. If your child is destined to be gay or transgender or transsexual, then that's the way he will always be. Gay, transsexual, and transgender people can't be changed. There are many programs out there that claim to "cure" homosexuality, and none of them have been shown to work. AT ALL.

Trying to force your child to be someone he's not will only traumatize him. He's not going to magically become a macho man just because you make him play football.

If he's NOT transgender/transsexual, then you are teaching him a terrible lesson about tolerance and acceptance of other people's differences.

Whether your kid is actually transgender/transsexual or not, the point is, as I said above, a child has the right to express him or herself. If dressing up like a girl makes your son happy, then he should be allowed to do so.

- Thanks very much for your comments - really helpful. I had decided early on to allow my son to be who he is, and not try and force him to be something everyone else thinks he should be. It goes without saying that I love him no matter what. The main thing, in my opinion, is that he is one of the happiest children you could meet.

He actually seems to be outgrowing it a little - he's decided himself to stop wearing bras, and hasn't expressed any interest in sanitary towels for a while! He still loves dressing up and will always choose a fancy girls top over a rugby shirt, but I'm starting to think he may just be a bit flamboyant! I'm a single parent also, so there may be an element of me being the only role model and I'm a girly female who wears glam-ish clothes, big hair and make-up. I love clothes and dressing up myself.

Your comments are good to hear, though - almost everyone in my family seems to think I should not allow it, either. He almost died at birth (born at 28 weeks) - you'd think they'd just want him to be happy and healthy!

First I want to define another few words:

Gender: self perception - what's between your ears

Sex: reproductive organs - what's between your legs (and on your chest)

Orientation: sex which you are attracted to - who you want to be physically and romantically intimate with.

gender role. A set of behaviors that are caused by both biological and environmental conditions, and that decide what jobs (paid and not), status and forms of interacting that a person can, and (according to society) should exhibit.

binary. The fact of having only two polar states that are mutually exclusive: on and off. Light and dark. evil and good. male and female.

binary gender roles. The, generally accepted by society, "fact" that a person may have only one gender role and that is exclusive i.e. you can't be male and female at the same time. This system precludes those who exhibit either physical or behavioral affects of both sexes.

Now to the meat:

Transgender: A word used 2 different ways by 2 different sets of people -

a) A word used to describe the state of a person being born with a specific set or reproductive organs BUT the gender (the social role) of the person is of the opposite sex. A bad analogy is "a man born in a woman's body or a woman born in a man's body." This is too simplistic and demeaning, and medical science is finding ways to explain better this condition. In some cases a person has the driving need to match the physical body to the mind. Others may only simulate the opposite sex i.e. dress and act as the opposite sex but don't get surgery or hormones to change the physical structure.

b) A word used by people to describe someone who does not fit into the binary-only gender role beliefs of society-at-large. They believe (and perceive) that sex and gender are not 2 mutually exclusive states, but a spectrum from "Ultimate Manly" to "Ultimate Femalely" and most people are somewhere in between or a mix of both: a stay at home dad has male parts but a "female" role. A female CEO has female parts but a generally male role. Transgender is being appropriated by the group of people in the world who's gender does not fit in the binary gender system put forward by society.

Transsexual: An older word, previously used by therapists and psychiatrists, to describe a person who's selfimage and the gender contained there does not match the physical organs they were born with. Nowadays those who would be called transsexuals in the past no longer wish to be associated with the word as they are not "between sexes" but between genders. {trans = between}

Transvestite: A male or female who wishes to display some or all the gender characteristics (actions and perception) of the opposite sex, but does not wish to live that way permanently nor do they wish to physically change their body. You could say it's similar to role-playing: there are times when assuming the shape and role of another person allows you to express parts of yourself that would otherwise be unacceptable totally to society-at-large. Crossdresser is another word for Transvestite, as the word Transvestite now has social connotations as a sex based fetish (like feathers or some bondage), where "Crossdressing" just means you wear clothes of the opposite sex (male or female.) They are the same thing, just usage. Most male transvestite and almost all female transvestites are straight in orientation (want sex with a person of the opposite sex) and a very large percentage are married have children and both romantically and platonically love their opposite sex partner.

Drag Queen: Generally a gay male who dresses as a female for entertainment or social commentary. Often they show exaggerated female features (6" heels, 4ft high hair, glitter, heavy/pasty makeup, more padding than a US Football player.) A Drag Queen does NOT want to be a woman, they are having fun and pointing out some of both men and women's flaws.

Gay: Your orientation is such that you want to have sexual relations with a person of your own sex and only those of your own sex. Dressing has nothing to do with it, surgery or hormones have nothing to do with it, social role/gender has nothing to do with it. 99% of Gay males want a male partner who looks like a man; 99% of Gay females want a female partner who looks like a woman. Most Gay people cannot fathom Transvestites, Transgendered or Transsexuals: they are in their head what they are born with and like being the physical sex they are; they just want to have sex with a person of the same sex.

No, because there's no fooling to be done. A transgendered woman is - wait for it - a woman. She is not fooling a (I'm assuming you mean heterosexual) man into anything.

Maybe you meant a 'has a man ever been fooled by a cross-dresser'?

I agree with the above post, you should reword your question.

However, for a more definitive answer, many men do become attracted to transsexuals (in fact many marry them), often even knowing their transgender status.