How do you respond to and deal with your parents and other relatives when your abuser has them completely fooled?

Answer 1

Believe it or not, this reaction from family is not at all rare. Abusers are sly foxes and they are chameleons. They are miserable to you, yet smooth as silk and quite likable to others in the family, around friends or even in the workplace, simply because they don't want to lose control over their victim ... in this case you! You don't need the "rally round the flag" from your parents or family. You are an independent person, so go where someone will listen and that is an "Abused Women's Center" in your town. If you can't find the phone # then phone your local Mental Health and they will put you in the right direction. Mental abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse because it leaves emotional scars. Just so you are refreshed on what abuse is I'll list a few signs: MENTAL ABUSE: Playing mind games with you and being cruel about it. Calling you names (e.g. "You're a rotten cook", or, "you're too stupid to hold down a job out there.") Demanding who is phoning you or who you are phoning. Sneaking around and checking out your computer, cell phone to see who you are calling or who is calling you. Demanding you come home at a certain time (like a child) if they are good enough to even let you go out with friends. Accusing you of affairs (when you aren't having any.) Telling you what to wear. Putting you down when you achieve something in your life. Not allowing your friends over or doesn't want to go out with you to friends. NOTE: Many couples will call each other names in the heat of an argument, but this doesn't mean they are mentally abusive. If it doesn't happen on a regular basis and the person does apologize later for calling you a name then it's a plain old argument. If you are not respectful of your mate by letting them know where you are going and are out until all hours of the morning leaving them to worry themselves sick, this is not mental abuse, but concern for your safety. If you are flirting with men to annoy your mate and he argues over this and may even accuse you of an affair, this is concern on his part, he shouldn't have to put of with this behavior, and this is not abuse. PHYSICAL ABUSE: Pushing, shoving, smacking, scratching, twisting or hitting. Threatening to do you bodily harm or doing it. Making you feel like you are always having to please him for fear of a beating. Neither man nor woman should hit each other. There ARE no excuses. If one is at their wits end as they have the option pf walking out that door, going for a walk, to a friends house, a local bar, and cool off. Remember hon, you are in charge of your own destiny and you don't need the approval of any family member to do something about your mental or physical abuser. I am betting your mate is mentally abusive, or you're be toting a black eye or at least bruises and you'd have proof of his physical abuse to show family members. Good luck Marcy