Should you discourage your new boyfriend from confronting your narcissistic ex-boyfriend?

Answer 1

Answer Definitely discourage the guy from rooting around in your past. The best help he can be is to be the best friend to you now, going forward. Confronting the ex is not going to make a difference to your past experience because it is done and over with. He can't fix it; he can't undo it and he can't make the guy do anything that will change the past. Your new BF is responding emotionally. Actions based on emotion are almost always regretted. Certainly, no reasonable person would think that his (or her) opinions will or should have an effect on a total stranger, or even a slight acquaintance. Assuming your ex doesn't know your new BF, why should ex-BF care one iota what new-BF thinks? If your ex really is a narcissist, as you say, then he won't care whether new-BF lives or dies, let alone what he thinks. I suspect that your new BF has some pent-up aggression that he wants to get off his chest. In other words, he wants to vent, to make himself feel better, not to effect any positive change in your ex. No good can come of this. This will end badly, perhaps with an assault, which might result in a criminal record and a civil judgment against your new BF. One must wonder, however, why your new BF has so much animus toward your ex. Could it be that you spend far too much time talking about him? If you didn't discuss what your ex narcissistic ex had done to you in the past your present boyfriend wouldn't feel the need to protect you. Quit playing games! If you need to heal from the previous relationship then seek psychological counseling and just enjoy the new relationship. It is true that having a relationship with a narcissist it can be mind-bending and leave the victim with pent-up rage, or the lack of self confidence. You need counseling! The above poster gave you some good advice re your new boyfriend and any actions he may want to take regarding your ex! Stop playing games and enjoying the reaction you are getting from your new boyfriend! Good luck To the poster who mentioned "game playing": My new BF knows my ex narcissist and we have both become targets of his irrational behavior. I did not have to tell my new BF anything! He already knows. I do not enjoy any of this. We just want him to leave us alone. I am against any contact at all, but my new BF seems determined. (sigh) I am the poster who mentioned "game playing" and now that you have explained more I do apologize and see your problems. You really need to sit down with your boyfriend and let him know this could become very dangerous indeed. Have a plan! Since you are being bothered by this irrational ex of yours you can press charges against him. You can also hire a detective for a weekend (or whenever your ex is most active towards you and your b/f.) If your ex phones you or your boyfriend DON'T answer your cells, but trap him into phoning you at home and use the speaker phone and tape the conversations. If he is threatening you, your b/f or both of you, often the judge in the case will deem this tape admissable in court. Please be careful! Some guys are poor losers (as are some women) and can harm you. You are smart to be frightened about your b/f going after your ex because it's plain stupid and dangerous, but I can also understand your boyfriend is exhausted from worrying about you and also your ex ruining the relationship you have. Start taping and go to the police!

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