How can you tell if a guy is a narcissist or just a controlling abusive jerk that wants his way and he can never write his own feelings down and always thinks a song will fix his physical abuse?

Answer 1

If he abuses you physically he is an A1 physical abuser so kick this guy to the curb! Narcissism has nothing to do with your problem with him. Abusers can come from an abusive family, they can even be abused themselves in society, or they can be spoiled brats or simply mean to the bone without much explanation as to why they are the way they are. There are weak and simply bullies! Abusers are about control and NEVER change. They are afraid! They take the fear they have and make a neat little safe bubble in life where they feel they have total control over their victim (you in this case.) Abusers do feel love, but don't have the faintest idea of how to show it. They believe by abusing that fear towards their victim will give them what they want and keep their victim close to them. Abusers are fearful that their victim will run away, cheat or find another partner. They will often beat their victim, scream, yell and carry on and the very next day be gentle, apologize, give you flowers (or in your case, a song) and tell you it will never happen again. It will! Writing down his feelings or even his songs are not going to tell you one thing about him because he doesn't even know why he is the way he is. Most abusers never seek counseling so don't hold your breath waiting. Get away from this guy. It's time for you to move on. Love is not about hitting, slapping, kicking, beating or verbally calling the partner names. Normal love is honesty, loyalty, tenderness, understanding, communication and working constantly on the relationship because no relationship is perfect. You can do better!

Anyone who is egotistical enough to think that singing a song is going to change the problem probably has a serious narcissism, self-absorption thing going on...lack of reality there! Run away! I am sure he roped you in with the songs...does he have a guitar and did he start your relationship off in serenade? (Sorry to sound sarcastic, but you deserve better, because now you know better -you obviously don't think it is normal either because you are questioning this behavior!) Take good care...mbme It doesn't have to have a label to be abuse. There are so many flavors of abusive personalities that is hard in any case for even professionals to sort people out into one bracket. The more important thing is that you seem to have enough information to take action and leave. Physical abuse is a deal breaker in a relationship, and he needs more help than you can provide. It took me some time, but for me - I came to the decision that I could not live with either so it began to matter little which he was. However, if you really feel the need to distinguish one from the other - a licensed professional can help, a good book, internet research etc.. All Narcissists are abusive, but not all abusers are Narcissists. I was fortunate to learn mine was both an abuser and an N. This helped me to deal with him as I transitioned out of his life. In this sense, it is worth doing the research unless you can escape quickly, and cleanly, and never have to deal with this person again.