A:

(I'm using "he" as in "he, the partner" here:sex-neutrally.)

If you understand the question as

"Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met, except online?"

The answer to this is "Yes, but this someone is a figment of your imagination.

Even if your partner was absolutely honest, there are a lot of things that can't be transmitted via text or even webcams.

So of necessity, your brain supplies the missing information, and since you're looking for a partner, this information will be affirmative.

This doesn't even include simple misunderstandings.

And the simple fact that you fell in love so quickly is a good indication that he was lying.

If you like things the way they are, tell your partner you don't want a real-life relationship.

He'll either dissolve, or you can continue dreaming.

Still, there's a chance he wasn't lying and that he moreover actually corresponds to your idea of him. So check.

But don't compromise on security issues like the dating place. If necessary tell him bluntly there's no particular reason for you to trust him, or for him to trust you, since anyone can say anything on the net. Assume a worst-case scenario."

But now on to the original question:

Can I find my true love on the net in a few days?

Of course.

Actually, you may even find your true love by opening a telephone book and blindly pointing at some name, in just 5 secs!

But seriously, I think the net is great for first-stage dating, especially for shy people or people who aren't the norm.

(Dis)advantages of the net: (let's list the disadvantages first)

-slow speed and narrow scope of communication: no body language, no facial expressions,

no pheromones, no body odor, no intonation, no pronunciation,...

-unknown or sketchy outer appearance: no photos; fake, old or "corrected" photos;

Even good and true photos don't really tell you how a person REALLY looks like in real life.

-no variety in settings: you can't learn how he behaves towards other people or in different situations. You can only learn how he behaves when he's on the look-out for a partner.

-you might find your true love - but you and him live far apart, so one will need to uproot the other.

-The net facilitates lying, for reasons seen above. So you could waste a lot of time on some fake. (to facilitate = to make easier)

Advantages:

-The net facilitates lying: This means liars are likely to make some stupid mistake that will become apparent on the very first date in real life!

You COULD be wasting time on a fake - so don't. As soon as you think the person is likely "partner material" if he is honest, date him in real life.

-The net facilitates honesty/openness: especially in the anonymous stage, you can be a lot more open than you ever would on a first or even third date. Beware however of hunters for blackmail material. Don't disclose anything that could seriously hurt you..

There is no censure by society: for example if you want someone rich, you can say so.

No society-induced hypocracy unless you want it.

-Many, many more people are going to see your profile than you could ever meet with the same degree of information in real life!

This is especially important if you have uncommon demands on a relationship most wouldn't agree to or defects most wouldn't tolerate.

-Someone you've met on the net will likely be a stranger to your circle of friends, so if things don't work out, you probably will never see him again; no awkward situations at parties etc.

-Pre-Selection: the people who contact you or whom you contact ARE looking for a relationship. No need to think of some way to find out if he's available and may be interested in you, possibly harassing him or making a desparate impression.

-Rejections are a lot easier to take, since far less personal. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Basic rules:

- there ARE sharks roaming the net, so take care, especially if you're the trusting kind or easily intimidated or bad at defense or easily duped. Log your chats and study them. Don't go on a first date without backup precautions. Things are no different in real life except that sharks are harder to unmask there.

Still, the majority aren't sharks.

- Be serious, unless you just want to fool around. Don't joke and don't use irony unless it's obvious even to a complete stranger that it IS a joke/irony. And don't indicate something as a joke if it isn't. Tell your chat partner to do likewise.

- Study your chat logs for possible misunderstandings. Clear them up.

- read the "Tips"-section of your dating site and others for more specific and more comprehensive advice.

Regard all tips critically, including these. They are always generic of necessity, and some have commercial interests as a background.

- Don't be shy to show mistrust and don't be offended if it's shown to you, just find a mutually acceptable solution that will kill it (or at least defuse it) on both sides on the first date.

My

Dating is said to be an art. Some people are in it for the intimacy and some for the romance. A relationship depends on the comparability of both people. Many can make do with a single online chat once in two days and many need phone calls after every hour.

You will know if he likes you first he will give his real name and his real cellphone or landline number. He will send messages even if you're not online. He give an effort to make you feel happy when you are chatting with each other. And even if he is sleepy he will stay until you say goodbye.

To know if someone likes you on chat, or online dating websites, or even social networks look for the regular flirting signs. Make sure they go at a steady pace, and don't ask you for personal information too quickly.

all of the above, good answers people!

New Answer

If your guy likes you, he'll always send text messages to you a minimum of 2 in the morning, 2 within the afternoon and 2 at night. This implies that he likes to talk to you through text messages. An ordinary friend will not send a morning and a night messages to you. The greater texts he send for you, this implies that he likes you you and also develop further along with you not only an ordinary friend.

== == * Even if you've seen them on webcam doesn't mean they are safe; it could of made it to seem like it was them but you never know who its is. If you're not sure who it is then I wouldn't deal with it. * Just because they are on then internet doesn't mean they are liars or unsafe, but it is easier to lie in an email and over the computer. Also just because you have seen their webcam doesn't mean they are who they say and that they are safe. If you choose to meet this person do it in a public place and tell a few friends so they know where you are, just in case. Then don't give away your last name, phone number, address or even close to where you live. You can even have a friend or two be at the same place with you, just to be extra safe. You can never be too sure about anyone until you get to know them. Just use smarts and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. == == * My sister met someone on the Internet and "played it safe". She dated this guy for months.(Comment: That doesn't give ANY additional security. In fact the fact that he is "patient" or "doesn't want to rush things" for MONTHS is almost proof that he's a cheater. After all, he can have dozens of such relationships)After several months as she arrived home from a visit to the guy's home town, her phone was ringing. She picked it up to find his pregnant wife on the other end of the line! Now, this was not a life-threatening situation, but it took her a couple of years to get over it (and it still hurts even though she's moved on). However, meeting someone on the internet CAN be life-threatening. Do you really want to take that chance? No matter how remote or likely the possibility? People have been meeting people and getting married and having wonderful friendships, etc. WITHOUT the internet since the beginning of time. And you're much more likely to meet a freak on the internet than you would be in person.[Comment:You think his wife met him on the net? Ask her. She's married to a cheater now and pregnant - did she get a better deal?

== == * If you must meet them, do it in a public place like a mall or restaurant. Make sure that a few of your friends know where you are and know when you're going to get back so if if you're several hours late, they'll know that something is wrong. Be safe! == == * Quit being lazy, get your butt off that computer seat and meet the opposite sex the good old fashion way!

* In order to improve the "neutrality" of this entry, many people meet online. Nothing you can do will guarantee safety. Even if you have no proof of a person lying, that person may still be a liar. This is true on and OFF the Internet. Get to know the person in public places. Try to meet the person's friends in public places before you go anywhere with them. There's not a reason to avoid Internet meetings when you've taken precautions like you would any other meeting - from the personals in the paper, or after you've exchanged numbers in a bar. Meeting people from the Internet should be treated no different. I have met many people from online. To me it seems safer than going to a bar when a guy brings back a mixed drink where he could have dropped anything into it. == == == == * No. Some people are freaks. Talk to them on the phone a lot, then meet them in a public place. (Repost from a different question; let's list the disadvantages first)

-slow speed and narrow scope of communication: no body language, no facial expressions,

no pheromones, no body odor, no intonation, no pronunciation,...

-unknown or sketchy outer appearance: no photos; fake, old or "corrected" photos;

Even good and true photos don't really tell you how a person REALLY looks like in real life.

-no variety in settings: you can't learn how he behaves towards other people or in different situations. You can only learn how he behaves if he's on the look-out for a partner.

-you might find your true love - but you and him live far apart, so one will need to uproot the other.

-The net facilitates lying, for reasons seen above. So you could waste a lot of time on some fake. (to facilitate = to make easier)

Advantages:

-The net facilitates lying: This means liars are likely to make some stupid mistake that will become apparent on the very first date in real life!

You COULD be wasting time on a fake - so don't. As soon as you think the person is likely "partner material" if he is honest, date him in real life.

-The net facilitates honesty/openness: especially in the anonymous stage, you can be a lot more open than you ever would on a first or even third date. Beware however of hunters for blackmail material. Don't disclose anything that could seriously hurt you..

There is no censure by society: for example if you want someone rich, you can say so.

No society-induced hypocrisy unless you want it.

-Many, many more people are going to see your profile than you could ever meet with the same degree of information in real life!

This is especially important if you have uncommon demands on a relationship most wouldn't agree to or defects most wouldn't tolerate.

-Someone you've met on the net will likely be a stranger to your circle of friends, so if things don't work out, you probably will never see him again; no awkward situations at parties etc.

-Pre-Selection: the people who contact you or whom you contact ARE looking for a relationship. No need to think of some way to find out if he's available and may be interested in you, possibly harassing him or provoking infidelity or making a desparate impression.

-Rejections are a lot easier to take, since far less personal. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Basic rules:

- there ARE sharks roaming the net, so take care, especially if you're the trusting kind or easily intimidated or bad at defense or easily duped. Log your chats and study them. Don't go on a first date without backup precautions. Things are no different in real life except that sharks are harder to unmask there.

Still, the majority aren't sharks, so don't worry about risks that you can't decrease or avoid anyway.

- Be serious, unless you just want to fool around. Don't joke and don't use irony unless it's obvious even to a complete stranger that it IS a joke/irony. And don't indicate something as a joke if it isn't. Tell your chat partner to do likewise.

- Study your chat logs for possible misunderstandings. Clear them up.

- read the "Tips"-section of your dating site and others for more specific and more comprehensive advice.

Regard all tips critically, including these. They are always generic of necessity, and some have commercial interests as a background.

- Don't be shy to show mistrust and don't be offended if it's shown to you, just find a mutually acceptable solution that will kill it (or at least defuse it) on both sides on the first date.

-CHECK UP THE INFO HE GIVES YOU, as far as it's reasonable. Meet his friends, his parents, visit him at work, let them know you're not just a friend.

Nothing is ever safe, that's why we take risks. By seeing them on webcam you have to be sure it's them, make them wave or hold something stupid up like a spoon and if they don't be very wary. People find it easier to lie over the internet even if it's unintentional, just for attention, so be careful on what you trust. Just remember to be wary and not share ANY private information such as where you live (minus country) and you should be okay.

Confirmed correct as of September 12, 2010.

(All advice is generic and incomplete of necessity. Apply as fits, and use your own brains.)

if your bf is really serious with you then it means there are some issues that he's been dealing with...sometimes it's so hard to explain why do we have to leave someone or why can't we be with someone who we really wanted to be...but no matter how long it takes to wait, love still waits...maybe if your guy told you that he really wants to be you but he can't maybe he really can't be with you but I'm not sayin forever maybe he can't be with you right now but someday...one day you'll be together...that's true love..

love can waits no matter what or whatever it takes...

How much of a boyfriend is/was he?

What do you/he mean by "be with you"?

He can't go further

(possible reasons: religion, fear of commitment, serious personal problems you don't know about,...)

or he can't be your boyfriend anymore? (He's dumping you but doesn't want to admit it.)

If he's your boyfriend, he IS with you.

Now that I think about it: He'd have told you why he can't go further, so he left you but is afraid you'll be angry or lets you hang on just in case he needs you again.

Agreed. May I add: You do need to know why, since that will tell you if it's a "priority" thing.

He could also be trying to politely avoid you.

Yes, warn the site owners. At least you did your reasonable part, the moral, socially responsible thing, and what happens next is out of your hands.

If you think he is or may be criminally dangerous, go to the police.

If he contacts you again, I recommend two options:

1) call the police, or

2) if you are voluntarily talking to him, seek mental health help. (I am not joking).

I speak from experience, these people can sometimes be deadly dangerous, and they suck you into their twisted world millimeters at a time,so you have no idea it's happening until you're "in", and dangerously deep, and can't get out.

If you have a police report in hand, then the site owners will take you seriously.

Get help if you feel anything other than to run, run, run.

Many thanks for all that info Marcy. I will consider what I should do next. As you will have noticed, they moved it to the this section when I asked them to. You are absolutely right about the dangers of Internet "dating" but having said that, this is the first bad experience I've had, though it's been enough to cure me completely! Don't all fall round laughing (I know you won't) but I am a very experienced mental health professional. From the first communications with this guy my intuition was screaming "No - danger" but I ignored it!!!!!!!! I think he "hooked" into the part of me that likes to know how/why people tick, and he seemed very interesting and unusual (oh, boy was he!). We met only once at New Year, which was mixed. Other plans to meet were always scuppered by him at the last moment - I reckon he gets his kicks out of lying/manipulating over the phone - he would phone every night for about 2 hrs. I became increasingly suspicious and gave him five "conditions" he would have to meet if we were to continue the relationship, one of which was to provide an address where I could send a recorded delivery letter to the name he had given me. In the letter would be a piece of paper with one word on and he had then to phone me and tell me what the word was. He balked at this and tried to spin lines about why he couldn't do it, and I told him it was non-negotiable. Shortly afterwards he wrote and admitted that he had been lying, but didn't feel he was "obligated" to tell me the truth. That was a week ago. I didn't write back and he hasn't tried to contact me. He doesn't know my address. He did try to get money out of me, but on that I saw sense! The only way he "harmed" me was to dent my pride/ego and to waste a lot of time and energy on him. Now he knows he's been rumbled (well about the lies, not that I have realised he is a sociopath) I expect the whole thing is no longer fun, so he will have moved on to "greener pastures" - looking back, I can see how he "groomed" me in a similar way to how paedophiles "groom" kids. But as he never had any genuine feelings for me (despite what he said to the contrary), I don't really feel in danger, because I am of little consequence and disposable - plenty more mugs where I came from!

If this person is hurting these women in any way, you should report it to the police immediately. You can do it without giving your name.

I am the person who asked the original question, but wish to remain anonymous for safety reasons. Although Leslie's answer is sound advice in general, it is the particular nature of sociopaths to be extremely devious and secretive. They are "con" men par excellence and often women do not realise what is happening until it is too late and they have lost everything - house, family, business etc, not to mention self-esteem, and in the worst scenarios, their life. I realised fairly early on and caught him out as a liar, but from things he told me, I have managed to find him on other sites. He targets older women, who are probably flattered. I can't go into details about the sociopathic personality here, but it would be hard to give the police anything to go by. Even after knowing him 3 months, I'm still not sure which of three names is actually his real one (if any) or have a verifiable address for him. I wanted this question to go into the Mental Health FAQ, rather than "love and Marriage" but obviously it got re-routed!

You are right that the police will do very little unless you have a whole lot more info than you do. Why? They are kept too busy going after other criminals and the internet, while a good source of info to many, has put a whole new slant on criminal activity.

There are a couple of ways you can get around this. If you go on "Google" and type in: Reporting stalking over the Internet" there are several sites that offer some help. You may have to pay for it, so be very careful. Believe it or not you can actually hire a hacker! All hackers are not bad. (Example: The U.S. Army in the approx. 6 years ago had to hire young hackers to find out how other hackers were getting info from the weapons dept.!!!!) That's the truth!

A hacker can perhaps locate this person for you. If you can get enough information on them you might get lucky with the police.

If you aren't willing to do this then you are going to have to back-off. You are in a very dangerous position as I know you realize.

Women especially, should use their brains and not speak to strange men over the internet. There are social clubs you can contact to find a mate and ones that are secure sites. I still would take it as a big risk. To me it is no different than a strange guy pulling up beside you in a car and offering you a ride. I sure as heck wouldn't get in the car not knowing this man. For every successful case of "found love" over the internet there are hundreds of men and women that are really taken for a ride and in some cases murder has even been connected to these internet meetings. People have to be more responsible for the information they give over the web and the police, quite frankly, are rather tired of warning the public. Can't blame them one bit.

You sound very nervous about this man, so unless you can hire that hacker then I would walk away. I sure hope this person is not bothering you????? If they are let us know on the board and I'm sure more than myself will try to find better ways for you to stop this person.

Good luck!

Marcy

Julie Spira is known worldwide as The Cyber-Dating Expert®. She is a frequent guest in the media on the subject of online dating. Julie is the author of the bestseller, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and host of Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert Radio Show.

Julie was an early adopter of the Internet in the Web 1.0 days and has fully embraced Web 2.0 technology. She has been featured in The New York Times, Los Angeles, Times, CNET, ABC, FOX News, CBS, Woman's Day, Glamour, Smart Money, Men's Health, Crain's New York Business, Cosmo Radio. Her dating advice appears on Huffington Post, Date Daily, Your Tango, eHarmony Advice, Match.com, JDate, Zoosk, and on her site CyberDatingExpert.com.

No it's not a good idea. Why not try the old fashion way like meeting someone that perhaps one of your friends knows or some place you work. At least you can see them physically, know who they are, what they look like, what type of personality they have and if you really want to start a relationship up with this person. On the Internet it could be anyone and it's dangerous. Anyone could tell you lies over the Internet and be the exact opposite and it's dangerous. More young women go missing because of their Internet romances. Sometimes some of these men are out to recruit young women and police are literally tearing their hair out trying to get women to listen to the warnings of meeting on the Internet.

Of course I know there will be a follow up on my post with people saying that they have met the most wonderful person through the Internet, but the truth of the matter is the success of a happy relationship by this method has an extremely low percentage rate and only a very few get lucky.

NEVER give out your last name, you address, phone #, talk about your family or what city or town you live in. Be a mystery if you persist on talking to this person. If this person is serious and a good person they would have no problem wanting to meet your parents or family. Keep safe!