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Does an abuser take pleasure in hurting his partner emotionally?

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βˆ™ 2010-04-28 17:35:05

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Most times yes, this is all part of the "control" game. For the person being abused this can, over time, create a dependency towards this. I know that sounds horrible, but you will find that many that are in an abusive relationship that get away, tend to careen back to abusive type people. Knowing they would hit you installs the belief of the abuser being a form of personal security or defender. This may or may not be an actual truth if the person is confronted by another individual. Such as A hitting B in a bar and C getting upset about it and confronting A. This is a very dangerous road to travel down as you may not know the level someone will go with the abuse.

AnswerYes. AnswerYes. Don't stay with an abuser. AnswerChances are the abuser was abused as a child. This is the only way they know how to communicate. I would let them know how much it is hurting me, and I would encourage them to seek therapy. I was in a verbally abusive relationship once, and you don't realize how much it destroys who you are. I went from having the most confidence and self esteem, to having next to none. I got out of that relationship (I eventually found out he was into drugs). I then met my future husband, and I realized what I was missing out on all those years. AnswerI don't agree with the people above who said yes. No, they don't take pleasure in it. They aren't happy when they do it. Saying that an abuser takes pleasure in abusing is like saying that a runner enjoys giving up when he isn't winning a race. The abuser isn't saying "Today is such a good day. I think I'll go fishing and then abuse my wife for a while and then I'll go get ice cream." I'm not trying to justify the abusers actions; they are absolutely not OK. NEVER stay in a relationship where there is physical abuse. But, if you want to, you can help to change someone who is a verbal/emotional abuser, and you do have a chance of saving the relationship. The only way to do this is to understand what he is feeling. If you think that he takes pleasure in it and he does it for fun, then you definitely don't understand what he is feeling.

Abusers are usually frustrated and angry but they just don't know how to communicate well. They don't want to be their partner's peer; they want to be in control, and they crave power. Instead of talking about problems with his partner, he will take it out on her. (I am making the assumption that this is a male abuser and a female partner. Of course this is an unfortunate stereotype, but the same applies for any type of relationship.) He does not take pleasure in hurting his partner, physically or emotionally, but for whatever reason, he either thinks that this is the best way to tell you something or control you, or he is just using you to take out his anger. This isn't OK. NEVER stay in a relationship where you are being physically abused. If there is verbal/emotional abuse, don't put up with it. It needs to stop. But if there is no physical abuse, there is still a chance of saving the relationship. In order to help him change, it is important to understand completely why he does what he does. Ask him about it. Pick your moment well and word it in a way that isn't accusatory or threatening. Don't call him an abuser, just ask him why he says the things he says. Don't let him pass the blame; it isn't your fault that he's abusing you. You want to find out the feelings underlying his abuse. Ask him if he is venting anger. Once you find out what makes him do what he does, you can help him to stop.

You might also want to suggest that you and him go to relationship therapy.

2010-04-28 17:35:05
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Related Questions

Does an abuser take pleasure in hurting his partner verbally?

Yes they do because that's when they feel good. They need someone to bully because they don't know how to deal with negative situations that occur in their lives. They enjoy hurting the partner because it makes them feel big...even for a moment.


What happens to an abuser after the partner leave?

Who cares. They sure don't.


How do you cut ties emotionally with your abuser?

This is serious and sounds like a matter for a professional counselor.


How could an abuser just dump you overnight after years of co-dependency?

To the abuser, his victims are mere instruments of gratification, objects to be exploited, drained and discarded, emotionally, sexually, and financially.


Is the emotionally abused partner in a state of denial most of the time?

It depends on the partner. My would be yes. Even after I was physical abused I still was in denial and even made up excuses for the guys behavior and I was 9 months pregnant. I believe we don't want to except that the man/women we trusted would do such a thing. Nevertheless, I kickd him out that night, we need to Acknowledge that our first reaction is denial and their is no excuses for abuse emotionally or physically. Depends on the partner. Codependent victims are in a state of denial. The abuser denies that his conduct is abusive.


How do you make an abuser regret hurting you?

Unfortunately you cannot always make that happen. You cannot force someone to feel something that they don't feel. You can express the pain you felt physically and emotionally during the abuse. But that is about it. You cannot force someone to feel sorry for something if they aren't sorry. It would make a lot of things easier if you could though but it is just something that your abuser will have to figure out for him/her self.


Is it illegal to cause emotional abuse?

Not on a general basis, but if one partner wants to get a divorce from the other they can use 'emotional abuse' as a way to get that divorce. If one is emotionally abused, it is just as bad as being physically abused (you just can't see the scars) and the victim should leave their abuser.


Can an emotionally abusive partner really be in love with you?

What you define as "love" and the abuser's notion of "love' are two entirely different things. The abuser is in "love" with his sources of gratification and with people he controls. There is no love in abuse--they do not co-exist. Love never abuses another or tries to control another through abuse.


How does animal abuse effect the abuser?

It affects the abuser emotionally because they might be that animasl best friend and later they will feel guilty. they also have to take into acount the consequences that could come with the fact of just abusing the animal and possibly killing it.


What is the difference between a controlling partner and a verbally or emotionally abusive partner?

Abuse, whether it's verbal or physical, is all about controlling the partner. A controlling partner is an abusive partner. They may control various parts of the victims's life: *the victim's schedule, and the need to "check in" or "report" to the abuser at various times * the victim's attempts to express her disatisfaction. The abuser will attempt to control the situation by comments, "I'm not talking about this," "That's not what you said/did/felt about it," ignoring the victim, sulking, pouting, physical threats, throwing objects, etc. * the victim's feelings of responsibility. The abuser will say at some points,"You make me feel good," and at others,"You make me feel bad/hate you/want to hurt you/treat you like this." The abuser makes the person feel responsible for all his behavior. * who the victim can talk to: her friends, her family, co-workers, total strangers. The abuser tries to control what the victims says to those people as well. *the victim's finances and independence--the abuser will withhold money from the victim, give the victim an allowance, or not allow a victim to seek employment so she can have her own money. *Self esteem. Through criticisms and belittling, the abuser can diminish and control the victims's confidence in her skills, her intelligence, her body image. "You're not smart/pretty enough," "You think you're actually going to be able to do that?" "You should be glad someone like me wanted to date you,". If you're with someone who behaves in a controlling manner, the best thing you can do is end the relationship, no matter how difficult it seems.


Does the abuser really love the person being abused?

No the abuser does not love that person they love controlling and abusing that person and that's it. It is difficult for there to be love in an abusive relationship. The abuser can not truly give love or receive it because he or she is mentally disabled. The abusive personality is a mental disorder and the abuser needs to seek psychiatric help. An abusive relationship is not a healthy one and no matter what the abuser says, he or she can not love you, it is obsession and control that drives an abusive partner.


How do emotionally abusive fathers affect their sons?

The Father is the Sons role model. Father teaches the Son how to treat woman/men/children and how to be a man. If the Father is emotionally abusive, the Son will more than likely grow up to be an abuser aswell.


Do you tell an abuser that he emotionally abused you?

Telling an abuser that he emotionally abused you depends on your expectations. Safety is the most important consideration, though- do not put yourself in a position of further abuse- emotional or physical- by confronting your abuser. If by telling him, you are expecting him to apologize or take responsibility for his behavior, you are very unlikely to be satisfied. Abusers are in denial, and they rarely will admit that their behavior is abusive or in any way wrong. The chances of an abusive man changing are very slim, so telling him hoping he will change is rather useless. If by telling him, you are standing up to your abuser, regaining control of your own life, and letting him know what he did to you and how it affected you, it might be worth telling him for your own recovery.


What are the conditions that a church grant annulment of a marriage?

Before consummating marriage if their partner is an abuser or if they the don't want to have any more children.


Does an emotional abuser ever realize their doing and really love their partner?

I don't think they do, once you leave a abuser they normally come after you telling you they love you and how there going to change! They don't change..someone who has to degrade someone emotionally never changes as they have a hold on you that they will always have! and they will break you down until you feel worthless. Some people who emotionally abuse people don't realise there doing it (most do) but some men and women are unaware of how much they hurt you with certain comments. I think the people who are unaware how much there words hurt you, they can change. But other people do it to break you down, so they can keep you under lock and key. ..This is just my opinion :)


What is an animal abuser called?

Animal Abuser or Animal Cruelty Abuser


Can an abuser change for a healthy partner?

yes, if they want to change then they will have to work as hard as they can. Change is hard but still good if you are changing to the good side.


When will you tell your partner about your history of domestic violence?

That would be crazy if it was yourself who was the abuser, because you would want to pretend you're a good person!!


Can a man from non-abusive upbringing become an abuser if abused by a partner who grew up in an abusive home with no therapy at all?

it is possible


Why do abused teens feel the need to fight the abuser ALL the time even if they're not doing anything?

Anger. Often it's a response to feelings of rejection, equating the abuse with a sense of being emotionally rejected by the abuser. Anger is a common response by a depressed individual. Especially depressed males.


How do you handle abusive relationships?

I was dealing with one myself and the only choice I had was to stop hiding. Usually in a abusive environment, the abuser will force you not to tell. The only obvious answer is to do exactly the opposite of what the abuser tells you. Make sure you do it when your alone and when he won't find out. If the abuser is in physical contact with you then you should tell police or a person you trust that can do it for you( without the abuser knowing). Get out of the house, if you have children then get them out as well, go to a friend/ family member that the abuser doesn't know about. If the abuser knows all your family members and friends then go to a hotel ( bring money ) and make sure there is no trace of evidence that the abuser will pick up and know your there. Once at the hotel, call the police. If your married then tell someone how you feel about your abusive partner and consider a divorce.


Will an emotional and verbal abuser ever stop abusing even in a new relationship?

Abuse stems from the abuser, not from the relationship - so a change of partner won't in itself change much (or anything). An abuser needs appropriate counselling or therapy to deal with the problem. The first step of course is for him or her to acknowledge that there is a problem and that needs attending to. I hope this is some help. All the best - Joncey


Does the emotional abuser care about the one they love?

It's a possibility, but not a guarantee. Some emotionally abuse others because it's a sense of control and they do not care about anyone, while others do so because they do care and by the victim(s) reacting in a certain way, the abuser feels they must have care from the victim(s) in return.


Do abusers sometimes threaten to end the relationship or pretend they aren't quite sure if they want you anymore?

Abusers are about control and mind-bending games. They love to "toy" with their victim (and you are a victim!) They are very unhappy with themselves and don't know why, so their pleasure is picking on the ones close to them. Even parents, children and the elderly can be mentally or physically abused. If any abuser threatens to end the relationship tell them to tie a red bow on their butt and head out the door or the victim should leave. Get rid of anyone that is abusive because they will seldom seek counseling and the environment will only get worse for the victim. If a victim chooses to stay with their abuser (women can be abusive to men as well) the victim will become isolated from family and friends and only have a life of misery. Love is not about hurting your partner.


Was David Pelzer a child abuser?

No he is not a child abuser.