Relationships

Male Responses:

• What I find interesting about a majority of these answers, is the general belief that men are the ones most commonly at fault for being "too nice." I for one, consider myself to be a very nice guy, who also is hardly a pushover. I think a big misconception of the "nice guy" argument, is the general ideology that men who are "boring" should learn to become more of a challenge or less predictable. I for one have been in many stable relationships where being "boring" was not considered a problem.
• If a man, or woman, doesn't have the same characteristics they are looking for in a partner, is it fair to put the blame on the opposite sex? If you are looking for excitement and unpredictability, more than likely, your partner will be looking for the same traits in you. Nobody can sustain a serious relationship, that is always exciting or unpredictable. This can happen on occasion, but a majority of life is not exciting and unpredictable, which is why that notion is controversial in itself.
• Relationships are built on trust and common interests. If you are male or female and are emotionally secure with who you are, you would not need a person to challenge you or bring all the excitement into your life. The notion that it is a man's job to be exciting, unpredictable, and fantastic in bed, at best is very shallow and egocentric.
• I am not attracted to women who expect me to do all the leading in a relationship, or challenge them. I do agree that most healthy women do like a man who is decisive, emotionally attentive, and good humored. However, most people, who are stable and emotionally mature will not want a needy person who is looking for someone else to change an aspect or shortcoming in their life. If what you are looking for is someone to "make your life exciting," you may need a shrink, more than you do a boyfriend. Relationships are about sharing responsibilities. No healthy person, male or female, would stay with a person who is doing all the leading or work to maintain it.
• I have been a nice guy always trying to be courteous to others and treat them kindly. I acted like that because I was shy and lacked confidence with girls. I would haphazardly jump into any crazy situation. I think I did come off as being to needy, I was so accepting to anything they did and was pretty laid back. I should have spoken up more especially if i had a problem with the situation. You don't want to seem desperate. You can't always be nice, the guy has to make the girl work and show she cares about him also. If your a nice guy don't be afraid to do something new, for example do something completely unexpected and crazy, people will be startled and amazed that they haven't noticed you before.
• Wow! As a guy, I used to laugh every time I heard one of my female friends ask "Why can't I find a nice guy?" My response was always, "That's proof that you've never had one, and if you did you'd get rid of him." I think the real problem is that men and women have a different meaning of what nice is. Some may view nice as boring, or safe, or needy, or whatever. The thing is that those are all right, because it is subjective. What one person thinks is boring another person may think is exciting. What men and women both need to keep in mind is trust and respect. Whether they are a 'bad boy' or 'nice guy' if they aren't trustworthy or respectful, then they are losers. I have the same issue. I cannot seem to find a nice girl. I always seem to attract the crazy ones that want a responsible or successful man. Someone to take care of them. Well, to you I say if you cannot take care of yourself, I am not interested. I am nice, but come on I am not a meal ticket. People should focus on finding another half of themselves that compliments them, and shares in their success and failures. The real trick is to figure out how to keep her interested after you let her know you care.

Female Responses:

• When I'm with a guy who is very easy to please, I don't feel a need to take the relationship any further. I don't have an interest in getting dressed up because he's happy regardless, or even do little things for him. Women want somebody they can look up to, someone they have to go out of their way to please. It's intriguing, it's fun, it pushes us to be better. Challenge our ideas every once in a while, you don't have to be mean, but if you're so easy to get along with then a woman might feel that you're desperate, and that she can be easily replaced by any girl. If a woman can land a guy with high standards, it's like winning the lottery. You're proud to be with the person you're with; you know you fought for them. And you know they must truly look up to you if "love" wasn't a word that was in their vocabulary before they met you, and now it is.
• Women like nice guys, but they aren't attracted to them. Nice guys often don't show the confidence or strength that women are attracted to.
• Don't be quiet and timid. Around her or in public. Just ask her out. Don't pour your heart into it. Don't act like you care about rejection.
• Don't be needy. Don't call her all the time. If you don't call, she'll call you anyway.
• Don't be a pushover. Don't do everything she wants, even if you want to do it. Tell her it has to be at 8:00 pm instead of 7:00 pm or Friday instead of Saturday.
• Don't give her money or gifts too often. Limit it to holidays, anniversaries, and about 6 random days during the year when she doesn't expect it.
• Don't show your feelings too often even though half the questions on this wiki are about women complaining about that. They want you to show them, but they want to work for it.
• Don't be clingy. You don't love her until you've dated her for at least a month or two. Don't act like it; don't say it.
• To sum it up, don't be too nice or too attached until the relationship is well established. Don't listen to anyone who tells you differently. Especially women.
• Most women do want a nice guy, they just do not want a wimp or a push over. Only women that are emotionally or mentally unstable chose guys that aren't nice.
• We love nice guys! The problem is that many men think they are 'nice guys' when, in fact, they aren't -- or they are and have many OTHER issues! I once dated a guy who insisted that he had been dumped many times simply because he was a 'nice guy.' The truth is that he was a nice guy; but he also didn't shower often enough, was too emotionally disconnected, and had horrendous manners! All the 'niceness' in the world couldn't fix some of his other flaws, and asking him to shower (as nicely as possible), offended him. If you are a guy who believes women don't date you because you are a nice guy, then odds are, there are other issues. Using the old "nice guys finish last" line is often a cop-out and a way to avoid looking at what the real problem is. Is there an aspect of your personality that women have consistently complained about? Do you hear over and over that you don't talk enough, or you aren't social enough, or etc. Listen to the common complaint and focus on that instead of the "Nice Guy" thing. I'll bet that not one woman has said she wouldn't date you because you were too nice!
• Bad boys do have some appeal; however, I don't think that most women really want a truly bad person. The person has to be a pretty good guy underneath it all. The only reason I can think of that a woman would want a truly awful human being is that she herself has very low self-esteem. I tend to prefer nice guys myself, being as I'm a nice girl
• I think a woman gets turned on by how you are in bed, how confident you are, how open and attentive a man is in the bedroom, can he take charge at times and not at others. He could be a total nerd Geek with a pocket protector and thick dork glasses but if he's confident and loving in the bedroom, that's what a woman will like and prefer.
• I think that women do not prefer "nice guys" is because they think that if a guy is some type of bad boy that makes him a real man or that they can try to change him. I think that being a nice guy is the only way a real woman would actually respect you. I think women sometimes don't know what they want, or that they have to many expectations of what they want a man to be to them. Nice guys may finish last, but they'll be the first one a woman calls when they're having problems with their bad boy significant other.
• I think a nice guy makes it too easy, and he may be too accepting. It seems that a relationship should feel like a struggle and without the struggle, it might not seem worth holding on to or even getting involved in. I've been on both ends a number of times and it rings true to me.
• It's all in the definition of "nice guy". I think most guys use that phrase to hide the fact that they're needy, looking for a mother, clingy, not confident, neurotic, confused, desperate and generally horrible at life! The 'nice guy' syndrome is usually about some guy trying to find a woman to save him from himself or his mundane existence! Who'd want that?
• Women love nice guys. But women also like a man with guts, and the ability to stand his ground when necessary. It's a protection thing. Women want to feel safe with a guy and know that he is not going to back down from a situation. Don't confuse this with a gangster. Bad boys present themselves to be fearless and often times can back it up. Women like a fearless, sensitive man! Men these days seem to lack backbone. Men, quit your whining and be a man; you're not women.
• I love nice guys. In fact, we prefer nice guys over bad boys. The only problem with most nice guys is that they become boring. Somehow it seems like the two traits are connected. However there are nice guys out there who aren't boring and those are the ones with girlfriends. So for guys who think that they lost a girl because they were too nice, well that's not the case. If you assumed that the reason was because you were too nice, then you're really not looking hard enough at the relationship and you do not see what you really need to work on. Or if she told you that it's not working out because you're too nice, then she's lying to you to spare your feelings. In other words, if a guy is nice but also has a lot of other bad qualities, the niceness is not enough to hold the relationship together. You would be wrong to blame the break up on the niceness. I know it's a defense mechanism and we all do it to spare our self esteem but if you want to avoid the same problem in the future, try to figure out if there are things in your personality that you need to work on. Remember there's a difference between being nice and being needy, make sure you're not the latter. And if she really does not like nice guy, then she's trouble and you probably don't want to date her anyway.
• Some women do buy into the whole "bad boy" dating experience. Basically those kinds of guys provide short term excitement but turn out to be selfish, arrogant and only concerned about their own needs. (But there are men who want "bad girls" as well for the same silly reasons). And there are the clingy, doormat or harasser types that call themselves "nice" but aren't at all. It's easier to blame problems on being too nice/too good looking/too intimidating instead of looking at the way you treat people. Genuine good guys treat people the way they'd want to be treated. Some of these guys tend to be more introverted and less aggressive with women than the Mr. Showoffs so they may get overlooked initially, especially by females who wouldn't dream of making the first move and asking a guy out. But these are the guys that are worth the trouble of dating, and often end up being taken by women who appreciate them.
• This should not be a general question. Different woman have different tastes. So this question is not about 'nice' guys or 'bad' boys but about attraction. If there is attraction and chemistry between two people than 'nice' or 'bad' will not matter. Acting as a 'nice' guy or a 'bad' boy will not get you women. As a matter of fact it won't get you anything. Being yourself however, will get you the person you're looking for.
• The more confident guy gets the girl because he will try to show her how much he cares about her. Stay true to yourself in the process.
• It all depends on everything like culture and interests. Generally there is a lot of misconception about what is a nice guy. Definitely in Japan, for example, nice guys are viewed more favorably instead because a nice guy will respect the woman's parents and will be more emotionally stable. In the western world though, women have expectations of adventure and generally have a carefree attitude, which is reflected in their choices of a date. It is these factors, and obviously the girls state of mind, which makes her attracted to one male.
• Simply put young women in their teens to even early 20's are impressionable and immature and some prefer the more dangerous type that she feels she is capable of loving or the 'brooding, troubled young man' that she can help overcome his short comings. Both female/male teens can either be shy and quiet, to wild and carefree depending on the individual.
• The young gals don't get it! What is wrong with a guy having a cry or two over something it's healthy and it's a myth that men shouldn't cry and to communicate their feelings. This does not make them weak, boring or a wimp! Either the guy expresses himself and it's normal to communicate or you can guess and feel insecure throughout your relationship. For the gal who said she was sick of hearing 'I love you' you don't even know how lucky you are! There are thousands of people that would love to hear those words from their mate even if it is several times a day. Some young women will spend hours in front of the mirror and obsess over the silliest things, but what they don't know about most guys is, they don't care if your hair is a little messy; you may have put on a couple of pounds or your nails are painted pink. They don't care! My husband told me that the very first time he realized he loved me was when he came over to visit me in my apartment which I was painting at the time. I had paint on my face, in my hair, a sloppy sweat top on and jeans. When I looked up and he saw that he said he melted and he found that more attractive than if I had been dressed to the nines. Nice guys don't finish last! The bad boy image gets boring!

If you feel you need to "change" someone, then they aren't the one for you. Never go into a relationship thinking you can, should, or will change someone. If they aren't who or what you want, then move on to someone who is. I don't know of any women who prefer men who aren't nice. The "bad" guys have no appeal to many women in any way.

Nice does not equal wimp, but just the opposite. A nice guy is a man who is confident and strong, but not arrogant. He is comfortable with his masculinity without feeling the need to "prove" himself to anyone. He is also comfortable in being himself and doesn't try to pretend he doesn't have emotions or feelings. The bad guys though, tend to be self-centered, selfish, inconsiderate, and are also more likely to be unfaithful. They also tend to be more insecure, which is why they feel they need to be "bad", as though they are trying to "prove" themselves to others. It takes a real man to be a nice guy.

IF HE LIKES YOU HE WILL: (I'm using a guy in my examples.)

• look at you and when you catch him, he tends to look away.
• Text/call you on his own if you did it first.
• Make up excuses to talk to you.
• Find ways to be around you.
• Pretend to like someone else.
• Become your friend.
• Be playful with you.
• Try to make you laugh/feel better.
• P.S. If you don't know if a guy likes you tell them in someway, and you will be able to assume if they do, by the way that they react.

Here are some things to look for to know when a girl or a guy likes you:

1. Keep an eye on how many times you catch her/him staring at you.
2. Take notice of whether s/he smiles at you a lot.
3. Look for whether s/he focuses on you in a crowd.
4. Walk to her/him and talk to her/him. See if s/he wants to go out with you.
5. Pay attention to any significant changes in her/his behavior toward you recently.
6. Start showing her/him a bit more interest and see how they respond.
7. Have a friend talk to her/him or one of her/his friends about you.
8. Ask, '[name], are you interested in me?'
9. Look for signs of teasing.

Tips: Hopefully you will not have to use steps 7 or 8, but if you're having difficulty reading her/him, these steps are your last resort! Remember, this is not an exact science, and it may take a few mistakes to perfect your technique.

Here are more explanations from Wiki s contributors:

• The easiest way to tell (for anyone) is to just take an innocent step into their personal space. If they aren't interested then they will step away. If they are interested then they will set closer boundaries for you and will therefore not mind your closer-than-normal presence.
• I'm a girl and when I like a guy I try to seem "uninterested" or "unavailable" just so they think they can't have me and want me more. Before me and my boyfriend were going out, he tried to be near me all the time; tried to find a way to touch my shoulders, arms, hands, feet, etc.; always tried to put his arm around me. When I said that I was cold or tired, he always put his arm around me and said things like, "Do you want me to warm you up?" and, "Lay your head on my shoulder." Overall it is really easy to tell if a guy likes you or not.
• One of the signs that a boy likes you is when he always teases you or makes fun/jokes.
• He seems to find reasons to be with or near you. He may come up with what you think are lame or legit reasons to speak to you, call you, ask something. Try watching if he looks into your eyes or at least eye contact when he talks to you. Does he find ways to be closer to your body, near you, sit close or on the same side of the room as you? Does he talk to you instead of at you? Does he want your opinion? Cares what you have to say? Does he seem to be around you often, when he can? Does his face lighten up or seem to go from stress to unstressed when you walk in or say hello? A guy may not be obvious about it either, especially if he's shy, or maybe a little unsure of himself, which doesn't mean he's a loser at all but probably warmer from with in or more depth to him, more sensitive.
• Boys might not tell you directly, but they may tell someone. Or perhaps when you are not around but your friend is there he will ask for you.
• I'm a girl and I like two guys that are both my friends, and I think they like me because: 1 of them told me a secret that he only told me n my other friend, one that could really affect his like (we r not BFFs we r just good friends so this means a lot 4 me) so if he talks to you a lot that is a good sign. the other one: when we were partnering up, i didn't have a partner and he was staring at me the whole time, till he had the guts to walk over to me and ask me to be his partner, and then the whole block we sat there talking and goofing off. We were sharing deep stuff. and we always look at each other during class if someone does something funny or we remember an inside joke. AND he is always staring at me. AND in the mornings he always walks over 2 me and says hi n we talk a little. So I think any of those are good signs.
• You will know if a guy likes you because he will not hesitate to make eye-contact; he will either stare if he thinks you won't notice or hold your gaze when you catch him in the act (if he has a lot of confidence). If a guy is interested, he will also go out of his way to be as near you as possible without being obvious. Of course, the rules don't apply to all men, but generally, if he likes you, you WILL know it, without a doubt.
• I'm a guy and usually when it comes to asking girls out i only ask them out if I'm like 95% sure they like me. And girls if a guy asked you out answer it for yourself don't discuss it with your friends. Also if you now a guy has a phone ask him for his number most guys would probably say yes unless a they don't like you, or if they just walk a way without an answer that is usually a sign that they like you. If you do get there number text them like every other day ONLY if they respond. When texting someone if they don't respond it usually means they're no interested. TAKE THE HINT. Also if a guy likes you he will usually look at you a lot as long as you don't sit right next to them. If you notice a guy looking at you a lot and then looking a way when you look at them that is a sure sign that they like you.
• I'm a guy and I think it depends, and different guys are different. Eye contact and attention isn't always the best way to tell. If a guy is shy he may get intimidated by girls he likes and actually make less eye contact.
• I'm a guy, and I find it real hard to let a girl know I like her. I try to be funny, I smile (because I can't help it), I try to be close to her, but I can't verbally let her, or anyone know. Many guys have the same problem.
• I'm a guy. If a guy is into you, he will ask you out, or he'll most definitely go out with you when you ask him first. There are no exceptions to that rule, unless he was with someone else at the time and wants to be true to them. So unfortunately, if a guy does not go out with you when you ask him out, he does not like you.
• Here are some of the signs: he acts distracted when he's around you and fumbles for things. From the corner of your eye you think he is looking at you but when you look up he turns away abruptly and you think you are imagining things. He tries to like all the things you do. Your instinct tells you that he feels for you but your rational part says you are sure to be wrong.
• I think you can tell if a guy likes you if he always looks at you, he always wants to see you smile, he doesn't like it when other guys talk to you, he looks at you when you are doing something, he follows you places, he doesn't know how to act when he is with you.
• A guy is interested in a girl if he says "yes" to things she asks him to do. Time is very valuable to a guy, and if he is obliging and generous with his time, a girl certainly has his attention. Especially if he's a busy guy, he'll make time for a girl if he likes you.
• He will make you feel special. He will be romantic. He will not move too fast. He will consider your feelings and take things slow.
• He will show off, sometimes on small things. (For example, my crush at the moment was drinking in front of me, but then stopped when I said it was uncool).
• I knew a guy who would try to embarrass his friends when they were around me. He wanted to look funny and seem cooler than his friends.
• Sometimes a guy who likes you can behave in a very confusing way and be hard to understand. It might make you wonder whether they like you or hate you.
• Shy guys like me will most likely tell their friends. Some will be confused if you flirt with them because they have never had this happen before, so they don't know what to do. Most guys don't do things unless they know exactly what they are doing. Girls just confuse us.
• A guy likes you if he: 1. Makes fun of you. 2. Has cute little nicknames for you. 3. Remembers everything you say, in the smallest most insignificant conversations. 4. Finds any excuse to touch you or sit next to you. 5. Talks and looks at you differently than other people. 6. Talks about you with your friends.
• A confident guy is easier to read. He'll make eye contact. Shy guys can be very hard to read but there are some sure signs: They might be looking at you but if you look back then they'll quickly look away. He will always laugh at funny things you do. Don't get discouraged if he talks more to other girls. Shy guys are very attracted to outgoing girls, so don't be afraid to be outgoing! Here's what you can do: when you're in a group of people and he's there, ask to the group if anyone would like to go on a walk, or go do something with you. Be sure that it would be a two person activity. If the guy you like agrees, then this is good. You can guarantee you'll have a good conversation with him if you ask a lot of questions. Be sure to tell him if you have something in common.
• Confident men who aren't afraid to stare at you and ask you out may just want you for the sex.
• Sometimes a guy will pretend to flirt with other girls in your presence, to make you jealous.
• I tend to like shy guys, so it may be hard to read them at first. But, once they open up, they give you their confidence completely. I find that they will: 1. Make eye contact with you, then look away when your eyes meet. 2. Always be willing to help you our or do you favors (like rides home, or physical work). 3. Will always look for you in a crowd, then when he finds you will act like he doesn't see you. 4. Will laugh at all your jokes/will try to make you laugh. 5. Talks to his friends about you. 6. Mentions activities that you are interested in so there is a chance for you two to do them together. 7. Will always find a reason to talk to you or touch you in any way. 8. Pokes fun at you, but in a nice way (unless he is very young and immature). 9. Seems genuinely interested in what you have to say. 10. Remembers little things that you've talked about before a long time ago, and brings them up in conversations to let you know that he remembered. 11. He will always stare at you, and your friends may notice it too. 12. When you are talking with him and your friends, he will only comment on something that you say, or will look at you whenever he speaks. I hope that these help, but remember, you can't always rely on physical things. I think that most of all it is a feeling. If he likes you, your instinct tells you. Go with your gut. Don't let your logic tell you any different.
• I highly recommend the new book: "He's just not that into you." It is so right on about how to tell if a guy likes you! Actually, the first rule of thumb is that a guy will ask you out if he likes you. To get him comfortable enough to do that, all you have to do is smile and seem interested in him as a person (just in case he's the shy type).
• A guy who likes you may tend to notice new things about you, and compliment you.
• The truth is, most girls can tell if a guy likes them. If you get the feeling that he likes you, you're probably right.
• Okay, I'm a girl and i think its pretty much the same, I always think about what "signs" hell be giving me and ill realize i gave him the same ones, like staring, and then turning away, or blushing, or teasing but then making sure you know there kidding, they like to see you smile and will do whatever they can do just to touch you, but not in an obvious way, like "accidentally" touch your knee or arm, not too obvious though. Guys are cute that way, and I'll always find I'm even more attracted to them when they like you, but only by the minor signs. It feels good to know someones watching you so if a guy or girl sees something they like compliment them, it feels good! anyway that is about it, you should know, yes guys have the hardest jobs and I sympathize with them but just go for it, truth is if you think they do, most likely they do, and try not to give these signs when you don't like them, then your leading them on, that is not cool!
• I'm a guy, and I think that in most ways, we couldn't be clearer when we like someone, girls, on the other hand, are more complicated than debugging Windows Vista !!! If there's a girl a like, then I tend to be more hesitant, self-conscious and shy around her, but OK round all the other girls. I won't look at them as often as I look anywhere else. In the end, it's probably just as effective as doing the opposite.
• I disagree with the above, even though its like a well known fact for guys that girls are complicated and hard to read. But the truth is guys just can't catch a hint so no matter how much we do make signs it like barely gets through! So don't blame us for not being able to catch the MILLIONS of signs we send out!
• Usually a girl will tell her best friend then her bff will try to be nice and tell the guy then he will know. However, it depends on the girl. I am a girl and personally, I'd never tell my bff because I'll be teased mercilessly about the guy lol.
• I'm a girl and if I liked a guy, I would 1) tease and "play" with him 2) I would try to sit closer to him or move near him in some way 3) I would try to get his attention, example walk around in front of him a lot, smile and try to catch his eye every time I saw him 4) I would talk to him and try to know him better 5)flirting is part of #4.
• If he constantly reminds you about his plans, such as "I'm going to the mall this weekend," he is hinting that you should go with him, or at least hoping that you will change your plans and go there the same date and time, with him or not.
• I knew a guy that liked me, and when I was around him, he would try and trip his friend and tease him so I would laugh. If a guy struggles to make you laugh, he likes you.
• Well, recently, a good friend of mine (I like her) broke up with her boyfriend, and I kinda helped her calm down a bit. Well, recently, she started teasing me, and calling me "heyy, Mr. Handsome", or similar things. I'm taking this as a good sign, and I'm kinda going out with her today. Not a big date, just a lunch and a movie. Also, you'll know a girl likes you if she constantly looks at you, like I do when I try to find her in the crowd.
• I have a locker next to the guy I like and he is always teasing me and making jokes and standing really close to my body like we are slow dancing or something. He is always smile and staring at me and he does look me in the eyes when we have conversations. So I'm pretty sure he likes me.

For really bold guys

• The guy I like, I'm pretty sure he likes me. He seems to try and find excuses to touch me like high-fiving, or taking a box I'm carrying for me. Bold guys will try to catch your eye often, and hold the gaze. The totally non-shy guys try and make it more obvious. He may flirt with other girls around you and look at you to see if you get jealous. The guy I like is like totally the opposite of shy (so am I, we're perfect for each other lol), so I thought I'd put this in for the other peeps who like a bold dude. and a lot of this stuff applies to us gals too.
• Kiss them on the mouth and if they get mad they don't like you.
• Ok there was this guy in year 7 who used 2 like me, but I rejected him so he doesn't like me anymore, but he used 2... 1)poke me with his pen in maths and elbow me a lot 2)annoy me all other times 3)one time he ran up to me and opened my bag and one of my best friends asked him if he fancied me and he went bright red and went off. he was nice 2 me 4 the rest of the day - in English (last lesson) he was giving out books and he got to mine, smiled at me and put it at the bottom of the pile. In parents evening that day he was behind a desk and when I got there he was really pleased 2 c me. He ignored everyone else and gave me a massive grin, but I looked straight past him, so he has been ignoring me since. I hated him and I still do. Now there's this guy who I love, and I think it's mutual, we catch the same bus, so we're together every morning and afternoon, we go to the same clubs (orchestra, wind orchestra and yr 8 band), we play 3 instruments the same at the same level (keyboard, piano and guitar) and I play the clarinet and he plays the flute. the signs he gives me that we feel the same are: 1) he stares at me a lot ;2) he's always creeping up on me; 3) forever giving me high fives; 4) talks to me a lot; 5) tells me his secrets; 6) makes me laugh; 7) smiles at me.
• There is a great post on ezinearticles that talks about this subject (see related link).
• He will show signs: he will smile at you every time he sees you and do a cute nod; he will sit with you or ask you to sit with him; he will be nice to you all the time; he will finally ask you out.
• He might always be staring at you, running his hand through his hair, or avoiding your eyes when you look at him. He might also be whispering around you (nicely) and teasing you (nicely). He will laugh at your jokes, even if they aren't funny. Good luck with love! Give it a shot!
• There are some guys, however, that may like you, but will do none of the things above. For example, there is a guy that I know likes me (and how I know that is a long story, so I won't explain), and yet he purposefully doesn't do anything above so that I wouldn't know. He hardly ever makes eye contact, he doesn't try to talk to me much, he never laughs at my jokes, etc. And every time I touch him, he flips out. Yet he does like me as more than a friend. So don't think that if a guy seems to sort of shun you, in a way, it might not be that he's repulsed by you. He may like you.
• Sometimes guys can be really weird over whether they like you or not. Sometimes even if they know you like them IN THAT WAY because everyone knows they still don't do anything. Watch out, because sometimes if a guy is hanging around you and wants to be in a group with you for projects and stuff it's just because you're smart or he wants to look good.
• this is easy. for a guy if they show off, smile at you, ask you personal questions, or ask you who you like they will probably like you. for a girl if they smile at you, hang out with you, or try to sit by you they probably like you. They flirt with you very much and they do not show it until you show it

1. he would be really nervous when he is around you.

2. he will not make eye contact with you.

3. he will look at you and when you catch him he will look away.

4. he will try to avoid you. and that's usually it for shy guys!

If he is a BOLD guy he will:

1. he will annoy you a lot.

2. he will say he likes another girl just to make you jealous.

3. he will flirt with you.

4. he will get mad if you talk to another guy.

5. when you talk to him, he will smile.

6. he will try his best to make you laugh.

7. he will touch your hand or hug you for no reason.

8. he will hang out around you very often. and that's usually for bold guys.

• He wants to learn more about you, which means he wants e.g. to discuss things yet discussed (or unfinished), or experience situations yet inexperienced with you.
• He wants to digest / think about what he has learned, analyze his feelings, meaning he needs a bit of free time without you.

Since most daters don't stay almost permanently together, the only valid reason for taking it slow is the need to get to know you better. Now if he's a shy or inarticulate guy he may not dare or know how to ask or find out. Then help him, but don't spook him. Or maybe he already suspects what your answer would be.

If he's not taking it slow, he may be waiting.

Reasons why he may be waiting:

(this is incomplete)

• he's still looking or waiting for someone better, which may be acceptable at the start, but not after weeks of dating
• he might consider a quicker development as inappropriate e.g. for religious reasons.
• he may be waiting to fall in love with you (Or "truly in love"). Is there (still) a reasonable chance of this?
• he may expect sth. to resolve shortly that would be a problem if you'd take "it" further now (e.g. a marriage he hasn't told you about)
• he may be too busy with sth that doesn't allow enough time to take it further, and he's putting the relationship on hold till he's finished.
• he may be waiting for you to do sth. (e.g. take the first step, subjucate yourself to him or whatever....)
• he may be too afraid to take it further for some reason, though he wishes to.

If he's not taking it slow (shows active interest in getting to know you better) or waiting for what you consider valid reasons (ask / find out, check)

and you don't want to stay in this relationship if there's no reasonable chance that he'll ever "take it further", then get out!

My guess:

Since you feel the development of your relationship as too slow, he doesn't show any active interest in getting to know you better. In fact, there probably ISN'T any development anymore. You've probably also made it clear to him that you want more, the sooner the better. In that case, he's not taking it slow but either waiting or not intending to ever take it further.

I always think of that song, You Can't Hurry Love...time will tell if you have a relationship that is reciprocal or not. The only way I've found to do that is to trust the person and go with the flow and not be in a hurry. It might be you who will decide not to take it further!

Ask him. As long as your relationship is full of mutual respect and is prospering, you can probably rest assured that he is just taking it slow. If he dodges your questions and doesn't want to be with you except at his convenience then you've probably got a player. However, each person is different. Search your own heart for your answer. Good luck.

If it is at least 6 to 8 months, you should at least know if the two of you are in love. By that time you both know. If he can't even figure that out by that time, odds are he's just enjoying the easy going companionship and sex. You should be close enough to talk about anything. Talk about that issue if you have been going out for at least 6 months. If he can't act mature or can't give you a certain answer, one way or the other, he's immature and just having fun. However, if you end it, you'll have to make sure he isn't blowing smoke up your fanny just to get laid again...they will do that. So, you need to go by your GUT.

Someone in a serious relationship will not only want it on his or her terms only.

I think the best thing to do is to be friends as well as being romantically involved. If he doesn't want to be your friend, then he doesn't like you for who you are.

The question is what do you want? Not what he wants. It really depends how long you have been dating too. If it has been say 3 months or more then he has already decided if he wants you as a girlfriend or not, or if he wants to commit to a relationship or not. He may really like you, but immature and not wanting the responsibility of being with involved. I would just let things take there natural course, I think time and actions are indications of peoples true intentions. If he keeps you waiting too long to ask you to be his girlfriend then he doesn't want to be with someone but likes you or he is string you along, playing you. Also, it depends how he acts to you, is he respectful, do you know if he is dating lots of other girls or are the two of you exclusive? He may just need to take things slowly. However, for me I was with someone for months, he had a few short term relationships that went bad and told me he wasn't really looking to get into another as he didn't want another bad relationship. I believed his player lines and hung out with him for months. Then I asked him where it was going and he said no where, he liked our arrangement and wanted to be open to date (have sex with) other people. I was very sad and walked out on him, months later he got in touch with me and wanted to give us a chance. We lasted for 3 months in a committed relationship and then it was over. So even if you really want more with this guy and he gives you more he still may not be able to do follow through for very long because he is immature and not ready to for one. If the relationship is less than say 3 months then don't read too much into it, just have fun. If more than that then you want to ask him some questions and see where he is at, what he wants. If you are not compatible dump him and don't look back because if he can't tell in 3 months how amazing you are then he is playing you.

Below is a compilation of different opinions from several s.com Users:

There is a fine line between flirting and the awkward friend-but-not-really-zone, and you must try not to pole dance with that line. If you get into the awkward zone, she'll think you're her "BFFL", which is just awkward for a guy. Most girls want guys to tell them how they feel, but don't make it awkward.

The best thing you can do is to tell her how you feel and to show her respect. Also it is important to listen to her and to talk about her.

If you really care about her, show her by treating her like a princess and doing the things girls only dream about. Walk up to her and put your hands around her waist. If she's sad, instead of asking "why," give her a long, loving hug and let her confide in you. Sometimes, all a girl wants is for someone to show her that she's loved, and as silly as it may sound, a tender hug from a caring man means everything to a girl. Let her head rest on your shoulder. When shes ready to let go, hold her for a second longer.

More Opinions from Users:

1) Don't treat her badly ever

2) When you date, if she breaks up with you try and still talk to her dont foget about her because she probably didnt forget about you

3) She probably broke up with you because you were being a loser

4) Talk to her

5) The girl you really like may know more than you think she does

6) The probably relates everything to you.

7) Shes in love with you. Even if you act like a huge loser and she breaks up with you, she's still in love with you. Go back to her and try as hard as you can to make it all up. Only if you truly love her.

More Opinions!

TELL HER !!

Show you care go the extra mile for her. girls are very sensitive so you cant play with their emotions, most girls would like to live as movie stars give her the feeling that she is a movie star.

Be the one that she can count on. be there for her no matter what. But most importantly, TELL HER. Never send mixed signals. That is probably the worst thing that you could do. Girls want to know that they are appreciated and loved. You can't play with their emotions.

Coming from a girls point of view......

A girl wants to know that a guy really loves her.

A girl wants a guy that she knows that she can count on when she gets upset over something completely stupid or something completely serious. So what he'll do is comfort her until she is completely healed.

A girl wants a guy that shows that he loves her just be looking into her eyes

Girls want guys that show that they love them. If they're dating and the guy just starts having no feelings at all or starts to like another girl and its obvious then there was no point at all asking her out or vice versa.

You (as the boyfriend or somebody wishing that they had a girlfriend) must be there, for her, just her, nobody else then that way...she'll really know that you love her.

== == * To tell your guy friend you love them is an extremely difficult process, and usually needs to depend on the right time and place for the answer. So many people feel awkward or uncomfortable after they say this, but I have found if you go along with the right moment and play up to his mood (for instance, he's having an awful day be the consoling friend and ask him how you can help) it can really be a good thing. However, if your friendship is not up to the stress of another level, it may collapse under so much pressure. Be careful and be prepared for any repercussions. If your friendship is really deep, though, he will probably feel the same way.

* Tell him what effects he has on you, how you wish things would be with him (like "I'd like to wake up beside you every day", "I wish you'd want kids with me" )... [Comment: Take it slow and easy. Saying you would like to wake up beside them or having kids would make most guys terrified and run for the hills. Too much information all at one time. Be honest and tell the person you would like to try to take the relationship to the next level. If they ask what you mean by that say, 'Lets go out on a real date and see where it leads. I care about you and we get along so well.' Nature will take care of the rest. ]

A: I agree. Didn't mean to imply she should hit him with sth. like "I want to have kids with you" out of the blue, though this, too, might be the right approach, depending on her and his character. Important question is WHY does she want to avoid saying "I love you"? Is it too trite? A meaningless phrase to him/her? Would he misunderstand it? Does it simply go against her nature to talk about feelings? Is she just too timid to say it right out? In all these cases my advice is good though the two examples given were ..erm.. rather drastic, but they do clearly state that she loves him without her saying "I love you". Here are some less drastic and more obscure key sentences:

"I like having you around."

"Your absence impairs my ability to concentrate." "I feel safe in your arms."

"I'd like us to spend more time together. I'm not saying that I want to have sex with you (though I wouldn't mind), but I do want to spend more time with you."

* I am in the exact same dilemma. The odds of the person I love being you are probably about 1/5 million (I have no idea what the odds are) though so I'll go ahead and tell you what I am going to try and do. My story is a little more complicated, but I won't get into that right now. We're both single though. I have no idea if she feels the same way about me or not. We tell each other I love you all the time, but we always have. Just like you would tell any of your good friends. Now, however, I am absolutely in love with her. We don't live near each other any more, but the next time I see her...I'm going to tell her and pray that if she doesn't feel the same that at least our relationship doesn't fade. I know the feeling you are experiencing right now. == == * Show him in your actions. Not kissing or anything but how you treat him. Show him that you would do anything for him. Tell him how much he means to you. I love all my friends and I tell each and everyone of them that, but I tell them love and I save love for my boyfriend. Maybe that would be a good hint too? My best idea is showing him how I feel about him. That's how I do it... don't get to pushy and all over him... but show him by your actions. == == * What is so wrong about telling someone you love them? If you feel it say it. Don't throw yourself at the guy, but you will know when the time is right to tell him. If you can't tell someone you love them without fear in your heart then you never really did love them or the person isn't right for you. We never know when we will last see a lover, friend or family member so it's great to say every so often "You know, I really love you!" == == * If you really love that person, you shouldn't be embarrassed to show it. If you are embarrassed, maybe it's not true love. If you do tell that person: "I love you", make sure you say it looking deep into his eyes. If you say it on a messenger or on the phone or something, it's not that valuable. Don't be afraid to hide your feelings! == == * Sometimes it's difficult to say the L word....people are embarrassed and afraid of what the other might say. One thing I found that helped me was I eased into it. You can start off by saying you adore him, most people are afraid because they aren't sure what reaction they're going to get. This way tests the waters. And later when you're comfortable with it you can say you love him. You can always incorporate it as a little joke or make the way you say it seem amusing...it doesn't have to be a enormously serious event or at the perfect moment as this takes the pressure off both of you == == * Don't bother. Just say it! Honesty is a wonderful thing in a relationship. == == * I know it can be very hard sometimes to say 'I love you.' Sometimes you think that what if he takes it the wrong way or what if he never loved you; in short form you think that he may say NO and that's OK because you told him then if he doesn't love you he's the one losing something not you and its not your fault that you loved him. The heart doesn't know who the person is or if he will say yes or no it just falls in love, but don't worry, stay strong and keep believing in love because the second meaning of love is sacrifice. If you love them sometimes you have to let them go. That's life!!! == == * I think if you love the guy that you should tell that person that is all I have to say. == == * I know that if you love someone you just tell them but what if he's your really good friend and you are scared that after you tell him you might lose him because maybe he never loved you and now he will fell uncomfortable talking to you because you gave the relationship a new name and he doesn't like it and you're just going to lose both your friendship and your love and I've been heartbroken so many times so can't afford to sacrifice anything else!!! == == * Try also to see if he likes you back before telling him the L word before that just let insinuate (hint) around him to see how he feels about you and just appreciate him for the time being. == == * What type of love are you talking about? Friends love or more than friends. You can say you like him if it's more, but either way go for it and just say it. He will be flattered. == == * When you are alone with the person and having one of your intimate conversations simply tell you're friend you are very "fond" of them. This can mean either love or just a great friendship. He/she may ask what you mean by "fond" and that's when you could tell them you think you love them. If we all fear rejection (and we will experience it off and on in our lives) and don't take some risks then we could miss out on a lot. If I loved someone I would tell them so and take my chances. = = * Say, you're very nice, nicer then most people I've ever met. Hint it, that might work.......but yes, as said somewhere above, honesty is the best. * I loved my guy best friend. but I just told him I liked him. It's better to just tell them you like them first.

Tell her that you're thinking of something special for you two to do, or that you've had a lot on your mind about the future and your personal goals. Let her know that you simply find yourself going into deep thought lately about the future. Here's the deal. Women have respect for a man who is a thinker. Especially when it's about the future and when he actually has a game plan. But you must be prepared to talk about your plan and it better not be a hesitated answer. I never said it would be easy...i'm 32 and I still don't understand women (LOL). Answer I would prefer the truth even if it's not what I like to hear. It's better knowing the truth than finding out a lie. A lie always comes out finally...

Answer

Many men seem to have a problem expressing themselves. Never lie to her! If it's something about her you don't like just discuss it with her in a kind manner. By the way, our inner self is the only thing (besides our homes) that we can just be with ourselves, so I don't believe it's necessary to always explain what you are thinking. If you don't want to talk about it at the moment simply say, "Just day-dreaming!"

Answer

Sometimes, I'm really not thinking anything. Answer What do you say when she asks you what you are thinking? The Truth! If you are thinking about how much you would like to defecate but you're embarrassed to stink up her bathroom...Tell her just that. Then you will both laugh your bottoms off. Be honest...its always the easy way out or IN.

Answer

Simply tell what you are really thinking of!!

It means he has someone else in mind he's hoping to see over the weekend or to hang with or meet up with other than you. You're right. He does have issues, like "honesty" for one.

He may just need a break from the 'togetherness.' Everyone needs time alone once in a while, and some people need and value some solitude more than others.

Do you spend all of your free time together? Do you both have plenty of space and time to do things apart from each other? If not, then your relationship is not all what it should be.

But it doesn't mean he's cheating on you.

I don't know why so many people feel the need to stir up sh*t by telling people the only possible motive for any kind of unusual behavior is cheating. It's irresponsible and just plain malicious.

But why are you asking us what it means? Why don't you just ask him? Without making it sound like you are worried or suspicious, of course. Clinginess and unfounded jealousy are very unnattractive, not to mention annoying.

He probably wants you to discover more about yourself because he's not feeling you. Maybe you're not being yourself and he feels bored around you. Try to be more mysterious but talk, have fun, and laugh at the same time. Let him find out some stuff but while he do, have all the fun. Another thing is maybe he's wanting a little break. Needs to take a deep breath and live in fresh air for a moment. Give him space to explore the world too. Dont just stick together.