Breakups

-This is a hard question to answer. I would say destroy any remaining evidence that they were ever in your life, however that's a bit immature; seeing that they were and that they obviously had a big influence on you. I would say that the best way to move on is just to simply give it time. Try not to focus on whoever it is, and stay busy with something productive to help keep your mind off things for a little while. When you're really ready to move on, you will.

Sometimes.

Depends. I'd say mostly on the victims state. If they have constantly backed down and forgave the abuser, chances are the abuser will come back and try to suck them in, ya know, being sick enough to take advantage of a vulnerable person or of a particular vulnerable quality.

However, if the victim started standing up and confronting the abuser, showing signs of independence and that they aren't going to thke the abuser's crap, then more than likely the abuser won't come back, because they view it as a threat.

Only if they can regain CONTROL. Show them that they can't control you and they will regroup and find their next victim. Of course they will have already tried every trick in their bag up to this point. It's just like a drug user that can no longer get their drug from the same source. They will scramble in vain to find the next source. CONTROL is the drug of an abuser - their lifeline of existence.

In my experience, YES.

BUT I imagine if there wasn't a pay-off or reward on their return (ie contact, forgiveness, honeymoon period etc) and, instead, a calm, CONSISTENT "NO" to their approaches (followed up by police intervention if need be), they would back off.

However, I think much depends on the person you are dealing with in terms of how persistent they are in returning.

Police, a restraining order and police called to my home subsequent to my obtaining a restraining order DID NOT deter the man I was involved with -- he was on my doorstep 10 days after I obtained a restraining order.

However, I was also the fool that kept taking him in and listening to empty promises (counselling etc).

Nonetheless, it's disturbing that he would ignore the law and probably even more disturbing that despite all, I would take him back rather than contact the authorities while he pathetically pleaded at my door.

But, I loved him or had some kind of emotional bond, so I found it extremely difficult to follow through further with intervention and found myself relying on hope that "this time" things would be different.

I wouldn't wish this nightmare on anyone.

In my experience, yes. My abuser neglected a school suspension to come to school and try to get me back. He also violated a letter of harassment to yell at me in the hallway, several times and now has community service as a result. So basically, whatever restraints are put in place, he violates and then waits a bit til more restraints are administered, and violates them too.

I think though, that it really depends on the person. I've only actually called him out once to talk to him, which I shouldn't have done. It's better to avoid, avoid, avoid. And hopefully, they'll eventually go away. Though I haven't gotten that far yet, so I really don't know.

Yes!

Stalkers and the Borderline Personality

The Borderline Personality

In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:

a shaky sense of identity

sudden, violent outbursts

oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection

brief, turbulent love affairs

frequent periods of intense depression

eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies

an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone

Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.

The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.

The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.

The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.

The ex boyfriend would probably want you back.

If he dumped you than he is a wimp..... guys are wimps(no affence to all guys) and if they break up with you than it wasnt m,ent to be but its ok <=> you don't need to try to get him back cuz he doesnt know what hes missing=>. you are better than you think you are inside and soon he'll realize that and if not don't be upset .... their are a lot of guys out there who i bet would love to go out with you.=> bye

What I did was flirt with other guys in front of him to make him mad. Plus, stay in touch with him. Become really close and perhaps got to the movies as friends and try and see were it goes fom there. I did that and it turned into another relationship<3

• The statistics for a married man leaving his wife for his mistress is extremely low. Most married men either will lose too much by leaving their wives; embarrassing any children they may have or, some men just want the attention their mistress gives them as well as a new sexual relationship and eventually some cheat on their mistress as well; these type of men do not like to be tied down to one woman and may have several women on the string.

I believe the reason is that although your not together anymore you still have feelings for him.

*That's what happens with memories. You see something and that triggers a memory.

My answer: like u said , "I see my Ex almost everyday",and maybe u are just

remembering, and maybe u are unable to move forward u are like me

because I did the same thing, it's just like the problem 2 + 2 = 4, you

remember it because it is part of your past and u learned more from it

just like your relationship, because it was a small step that forms who

u are. :)

No kids should not be allowed to divorce parents. They should be allowed to make them up. Divorce is a big decision and i not taken by children.

well, some signs is that if he looks at you, he's probobly wondering if your looking at him. if he's looking at you then obviously he's thinking of you :]] also sometimes if the guy you like is shy, then he might ignore you for a little. or if he asks if you have AIM or AOL or myspace or something, he's probobly interested. if you need to know more.. email me.

or IM me. or whatever. :]] duffluv2@aim.com<--- email

duffluv2 <----- AIM

For your own personal well being, you are better off letting it go and moving on with your life. Revenge never pays off, and can only complicate your life. If you do not learn to release this resentment and anger you feel, the only one who will really suffer is you. Harboring anger, hate etc. will eat you away mentally and physically.

Being alone, all you need to do is occupy yourself... Read a couple of books, watch a movie or two, fill in your scrapbook, cook or bake something scrumptious up to eat. Just make sure that whatever you do keeps you mind occupied. =D

In a literal sense, sex is ready to be performed whenever the bodies of the two are able to reproduce. The two will be able to feel the sensations of the act, and this can be as soon as puberty hits.

But in today's world, there are responsibilities which one must think of. The risk of pregnancy always comes with sex, even when prevention methods are used. Obviously, two thirteen year olds will not be able to take care of their child. To be safe, it's wise to wait until you can support yourself financially, and you are sure the child could be cared for by you, just in the off-case pregnancy does occur.

You have to think of the negative impacts they had on your life and embrace the fact those impacts are now gone. Keep in your head that the main reason it is over is because there is someone out there who will treat you better and you haven't met the right person yet. If you have their number, delete it. If you have them as a friend on facebook, block them. You don't want to be constantly reminded of them and once you break up you'l find yourself constantly checking what they are doing,who they are hanging around with and you'l soon find yourself paranoid and obsesses. This happend to me, so the best thing to do is try and forget and wipe them from your memory. Get rid of things that will remind you of them. Its hard but its for the best:)

Well I'm in 8th grade and when I like a girl I try to talk to her a lot. And most of the time my face gets all red or I get really nervous.

You'll deffinitely be able to tell, and if you cant just casually ask his friends who he likes, or drop a hint...

Do u like him?

It means just that ... he is "attracted" to you because of who you are. Being friends doesn't necessarily mean a long term relationship.

• Most people go through the heartache of losing someone they love whether they are a narcissist or not. Considering your ex is a narcissist you will begin to realize how lucky you were getting away from your ex. There is someone very special out there for you and fate has a way of forcing us down different roads of life to get something better in our lives. Hang on!

That depends what she did and if you can get by it to be able to forgive her sit and talk things out with her - somethings are just not worth fighting about if they are petty, you waste too much time. If you just cannot get by it then you are going to have to do what is best for you and move on.

Yes, I think they do it kinda depends on the way the relationship was usually if your in a relatioship for a long time you get to know that person better and you get to see if there what you want but I wouldn't worry about it there's tons of girls out there you'll find her... is you were involved in a long term relationship yes the person will have feelings for you. even in there new relationship they will probably find themselves remebering the way you guys use to do them compared to the way there new partner does things. who knows if the feelings are really strong that person may even come back to you.

You don't.

there should be no guilt. Especially if you've asked him before to quit. He knew exactly what he was doing. You don't need anyone who might hurt you. emotionally or physically.

Instead, give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to make the right decision.

You have to sit the person down one evening and be honest about your feelings. Don't yell or argue. Simply remain calm and tell them you need to move out. Hopefully you aren't in an abusive relationship and if you should be then seek aid from the Abused Women's Center and plan before you leave your mate because there is no going back.

Getting involved in something that takes you out of yourself. Giving your time and attention to someone other than yourself. Doing volunteer work, taking care of someone, serving a political campaign, helping out in a senior center or a community daycare, teaching English learners to use a computer, joining a theatre group.

That and time. Good old time. It really works.

It's a defense mechanism. The man may (or may not) still have feelings for the relationship or the person in the relationship and to prevent themselves from getting hurt or feeling the emotions of the split, they verbalize hurtful things. This sort of reaction is not isolated to men alone.

Its not limited to men... but.... when people split, even if you are the person that broke up with the other, you still have feelings, so most people try to distance themselves from the other and the easiest way is to be nasty... it makes it easier to move on

Yea ok,it may be easier at the time but eventually you will be sitting with yourself and reality will set in..