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Children and Divorce
This category covers questions concerning the emotional effects of divorce on children, as well as the best way for parents to make the divorce easier on the kids. It also covers different family problems children and parents face when dealing with the divorce of parents, and how to deal with them.
379 Questions
Can a child under joint custody spend the summer with grandparents in another state?
If both parents are agreeable to the situation, or the parent wishing the child to pay his or her grandparents a visit receives permission from the court that issued the custodial order.
What do 12-year-old kids do when they are sad?
Twelve year old people are at a point in life where their body is changing, that includes their mind, thoughts and emotions. They are learning things about themselves and life, and literally can become differant people everyday. Not being experianced in lifes ups and downs, everything is a huge problem, simply because it's the first time they have heard of, or encountered that certain experiance. It's important they have an authoritive figure, that they trust to talk to, and teach them that asking questions, as embarassing as they may be, is absolutely nescessary and normal. Getting them over there fears of talking about feelings, and admitting they don't can be hard, at the age of twelve, they're still young enough to know everything. The above poster is correct. Children of this age don't always go to their parents with problems because they could be embarrassed or feel their parents wouldn't understand. Sometimes parents are busy or are both working and don't always realize their children are changing and need some advice. The best thing to do is either see your minister or pastor, or, if you have a good friend that is older than you are (even a cousin) that you can trust then tell your problem to them. They aren't as young as you, but aren't all that much older either. Ask someone who is around 18 - 25 years old. They've had enough life to have some wisdom, but also can see your side to your problem more clearly than most people that are older. ALL children that are 12 years old and going through changes are basically in the same boat, so don't for a minute think you are alone or different. Sometimes a grandparent can help too as they might have been sad when they were younger and have come out the other side and they may also have more time to listen than a younger person. Good Luck
Well I think you should bring her in the US and divorce her because she lost her virginity to you and you are responsible for her now do to the fact that she cannot get married now.
Personally I could never "walk out" knowing I am leaving helpless children. What would stop the abuser from taking their anger at me, out on the children? In some states including mine. An adult is legally accountable, (a parent perhaps more so), to report known child abuse. I am not even going into the moral and ethical issues of this subject.
Other views:
I am the child of an extremely abusive mother and a father who walked away. I do not hate him, I love him and understand he made a decision. He thought it would be better to let things "settle" and not cause more "trouble."He couldn't stand it and felt he could do nothing so he took a backseat.My mother tried to destroy his life for years, tortured my sister and I for years...and then ... my sister suffered from anorexia and then killed herself at the age of 27 . I weigh 240 pounds and struggle with depression and can't pull my life together...forever living in fear and guilt of not being "good enough". My father realized his mistake at my sister's funeral where we were told that she mutilated herself for months before dying...this sounds very sad and it is but she really ruined us.Leave or stay but if you do leave, they will be "damaged"....and then you'll have the rest of your life to regret your decision. That's what my dad lives with everyday......
What do you mean by "wise"? It is a moral choice. It also depends on the balance between your love for yourself and your love for your children. Will she abuse the children in your absence? You bet.
Go see a therapist to help you sort out your head as fast as possible. Since you have left, you can pretty much take for granted she has turned her anger and abuse onto them. Who else is left who will put up with all that garbage? Don't wait to long, the longer you wait to be a strong parent, the harder it'll be.
Not an answer but further explanation of the dilemna How can you protect your children if your wife is using the legal system against you.
For instance, the mother is telling the children that I was abusing them. The children are 3 and 5 years old. Her brother is a bully and has altercations with his 3 sisters in public view.He enjoys controlling anyone that he can subdue under his strength; in particular if the victims are children. Further interesting is to see how no one in the family will call him on it. I did it on several occasions and he stopped doing it in front of me; but he will do it when I am not around. How do I know this?The children will ask 'why uncle is holding me like that'?
Interesting enough is to see that the 3 sisters allow the abuse to their own children; even during a family gathering and my own. I can not protect the children when they are away from me. It is my fault for marrying into a dysfunctional family and my children are paying the price. How stupid of me; the only thing I can do is to be for them when they become adults. It is my hope they will survive.
Thanks for the replies. Need to explain that she was more verbally abusive to me than kids. With kids she manipulated/controlled. Felt it was better to leave and get myself confident again so I could 'be there' for kids when they needed me. Otherwise we'd all sink. Is that wrong?
Is it wrong? Yes. Why would you leave your children behind? Abused women deal with this all the time, and generally, they take the kids too (or should). If the situation is bad for you, it will probably become bad for them when you leave and she has only them to take it out on. Get the children. It's your job to protect them. One reason you might leave the children is that in the UK at least - whatever the mothers behaviour the law is on their side and will likely be granted custody of the children if the authorities become involved. Also - the father is often ( not always ) the bread winner and taking the kids may mean leaving the job and taking them away to relative poverty - not something kids will understand or thank you for.
