Abused Men

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If this is not the case, you may have found a bug in the software. Please report this to an administrator, making note of the URL. The world is about "risk taking" and this is one of those times. You aren't happy because the person you love refuses to commit. If you stay they will just take advantage of the situation and you'll be unhappy, not to mention wasting your life. A good suggestion is to sit down with this person and tell them that you aren't willing to keep going together or living together without commitment. To commit means you love that person unconditionally, so, because this person isn't committing to you, they can't love you. Of course they will say they do and give you all kinds of reasons why they can't commit, but don't buy into it. If they refuse to comply, then tell them you're moving on and do it! This is a risk and the person may leave and not come back, but then again, they may come back on bended knees and the rest is history. When I went with my second husband we lived together only on the weekends (he lived a long way from my apartment) and this went on for approx. 4 years. It was enough! Either he committed to marriage or we walked away from each other. We did the latter. My heart was broken, but I moved on. I dated, but nothing serious during that time and I went out with my friends, and worked. I honestly thought that was it, but as fate would have it (we must have been meant to be together) my boyfriend and I were in the same wedding party. We were pleasant to each other, but that was as far as it went. A week later he called me begging to come back, and I stood my ground! When he came back he knelt on one knee and gave me an engagement ring. Did I make it easy for him? Of course not! I eventually took the ring and we've been married for 33 years. Take the risk. You'll never lose. If you set something free and it doesn't come back (count yourself lucky) and if this person does come back then you know for sure they love you. Good luck Marcy I think its fine just to hang out and have a good time with that piticular person who doesnt want to commit, if you like them and they like you, then things will progress on there own, maybe at a slower speed but sometimes you have to adjust to your boyfriend/girlfriend.

I don't know a lot about the exact percentage, but think about it. Abusive consists of physically and verbally. I have been in an abusive relationship, and it took me over a year to get out of it. He wouldn't let me break up with him, he threatened to kill himself and he constantly yelled and threatened me. Imagine every other relationship.

Telling someone how you feel is not a bad thing. Listen to how they feel about things as well. If someone says that maybe you should leave it might be a projection as to how they feel about themselves. One cannot expect circumstances to change without doing something different. You need to get some insight as to why she reported abuse in the first place. I mean, what were the circumstances before she did so? Who, what, where and when? If the report seemed to be her response to your lone comment about being unhappy, then you both need to reevaluate the relationship. Without blame or shame. Look at what you both want it to be and see what it would take to get you there. Can you both commit to the work it will take? Exchanging non-productive, hurtful actions just isn't good for anyone and are hard to take back. ----

No, it makes him a prostitute.

* Both are valid and it simply means both of you are to stay away from each other. You've obtained it and paid for it so both of you should live by it and move on.

Yes, I would say yes. I would say that the N would devalue his victim more severely if he has more of an attachment to her. I broke up with my N in the first place and he devalued me hardcore. I think it made him feel better for the "reject" in his eyes.

Depends on the narcissist and the person ennabling him. Many narcissists tend to (at least to himself/herself) to value people on their ability to give them what they feel they need. People are devalued by a narcissist when they provide no supply to him, when they cut off the supply, or when they find someone who seems to be a better or improved source of supply (to the n.'s point of view.) In some cases, upon being confronted or rejected by someone for their behavior, the narcissist may initially become more violent or abusive than usual--making false allegations, pursuing legal means to punish the victim, blacken their reputation. I have thought about this a lot since the answer was posted. It's an interesting question. At first, I thought 'yes' - but now I'm not sure. There might be different qualities of supply. In other words, certain values an N holds that one person may provide more than another. For example, I know my N was HUGE into appearances (they all are actually) - things 'looking right' even when they weren't. I fit his ideal picture to a tee - physically, manners, social graces, conversationally, etc.. When I left him, it was a huge hit to his ego, especially because he 'wanted' whatever it is that I reflected onto him positively (how it appeared that I chose to be with him). He HAD to devalue me because of that. He could 'not' accept it was his abusive behavior that drove me away so he created a story - for himself and others about me being unforgiving, falling away from the "will of God", in fear, scared, selfish, etc. even though everyone around us encouraged me to get out. Perhaps, it's similar to landing a great job at a prestigious company. An N will take that as a pure reflection of how superior he is. Should he fail to meet his responsibilities and be laid-off or fired, I am sure the N would bash/blame the company - never taking responsibility, but boasting about them before they let him go. We are all susceptible to this to some degree when we are hurt or rejected. However, with an N, it's all about the extremes - treated perfectly - like you are 'everything' to the N - then abruptly disregarded and treated harshly/cruelly - Jekyl and Hyde. This is not normal. I have SO many examples of how my N did this. I absolutely could not trust this man. In the end, he still says he loves me, is "in love" with me (email contact) yet I know he simply cannot love. He destroys that which he says he "loves". There were times I felt pure hate from him. It's like a spoiled child who is given a beautiful gift and when they tire of it, smashing it to smitherines. I'm sorry, I don't think I really answered the question. It's a tough one and likely varies from N to N. At least we do know this - the swing is wide between idealization and devaluation with an N, with all victims. It is these extremes that are so devastating, unsettling and disturbing and is the mark that we have encountered an N we should leave. Best wishes, AlwaysLearning.

• Put yourself in your wife's shoes. In 29 years of marriage you have treated her well and suddenly you call her the 'b' word. To some women that is sign that their husband is not happy with them and the wife becomes defensive because her feelings are very hurt. You are lucky that sex is the only thing that was cut off! Be smart, buy her flowers and apologize!

tie an elastic band on the end, always works for me

hope this helps

The same arguments that are used against women.

The gender shouldn't change your argument.

However,

Arguments like the fact that people will take the topic lightly because the usually more submissive member * the female * is taking power over the dominant one * male * is a good way to start.

Simplified : People overlook this because of gender roles.

I don't know how many but I think surprisingly a lot. I am getting abused by my boyfriend on an hourly basis let alone on a dailybasis but I can't get out of the relationship because of my circumstances.

Check your state laws to see if you are allowed to carry a recorder on you. If you are allowed, purchase a digital recorder and carry it on you at all times. This way you may have an allibi for some of her allegations, and the police will start to question her motives and/or honesty.

What do you mean by complete psychopath ? Sometimes from the outside things look a lot different to what they actually are and if they are happy together then so be it but if this family member is getting beaten or set on fire or things of this nature then it might be time to get an intervention order on that family members behalf mind you if they say they are happy and you do this then they will end up hating you more than their partner the main thing to think about is if this person is old enough to have a relationship they are old enough to deal with their own problems maybe you need to not be so judgmental and look after your own rather than theirs

none of your buisness

to solve this problem if you feel bad, just get him/her to hit you back and be done with it.

It depends on the person's intent. Some who threaten suicide are engaging in a premeditated tactic to manipulate you, in which case the answer is "yes". Others are in dire need of help and the threat is really a plea for help, in which case the answer is "no". Unfortunately, there is an extensive grey area in between these two perfect extremes, where one person might be closer to one or the other, but have a bit of both mixed in. The good news is that there is a relatively easy way to find out if the person is a good bet for keeping a relationship or making an existing one even deeper.

If such a person will not get professional help, then either they are manipulating you (and don't get help because they incorrectly think they don't need it) or else they really do need help but they want you to save them (because getting real help means confronting whatever their troubles are). Either way, be very cautious how much you give of yourself to one who makes the threat but refuses to seek help.

If such a person does agree to seek help, that's wonderful. You might also wish to talk to a therapist of your own to help sort out your feelings that come with being a witness and ally to a friend or loved one faced with such challenges.

In my view, slapping a quick label on a behavior without probing the behavior to understand it is itself unfair, often incorrect, and is frequently a behavior of abusive persons. It is better to take such things slow, with a lot of listening, while keeping your own self safe. If you listen carefully to the other person, and take your time doing it, and are 100% honest with yourself about your own insecurities and motives, eventually your heart will give you the answer to the question.

yes hit them back and breack up!

Yes they are.

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well this is an odd Question as it seems that you have been watching too many movies. Shame ob you bad sir

yes, but effective
see links

It mean precisely that. She is not ready to give up on the relationship. You have to do what is right for yourself.

No it is just a thing one does all the time.

He will continue to be narcisstic. =There is a section re: this on Sam Vaknin's site. It says that in rare cases a traumatic incident like the deathof one's parents can trigger "spontaneous healing." I have my personal doubts. I believe my ex N would uses the death of his father to gain sympathy. His crocodile tears are very dramatic indeed.He says he both hates/loves(?) his deceased father and will idolize and de-value him in the same conversation.(Oh please!) He only calls mom when he needs something. She is on a fixed income but he will ask her for money rather than get a job. I really don't think he gives a damn!