Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

You can't!!! You can't tell him that he is a narcissist, because a narcissist is unable to define his own faults, much less try to fix them. I am in the process of leaving my 6 year relationship with a narcissist because he just drained the life out of me. 6 years and I finally was able to put a finger on what his problem was. I just learned this now.

Amen Sister! He will not admit any wrong doing on his part. The blame will aways go on you or another. They see themselves as perfect. Gorgeous, available ( even if married) They are opportunists. They manipulate EVERYONE and thing. They have affairs due to the sexual attention and the Madonna/Whore Syndrome. They want everything they cannot have. Someone playing hard to get is an obvious target. They feel the need, desire to conquer that woman/person. They cannot love you. It is all an act. They suck you in, and when they think they have captured you, then you become a burden and a bore, and they must move on to the next captivating victim. They NEED you at home for secondary attention. They need constant adoration. The world cannot contribute that to them all of the time. So, they need a significant other to fulfill that void. (When the World is to busy for them) We, as a wife, only serve a purpose to them. When we fall in love with them in he beginning, it is all an act. When they think you are trapped in their love, then they do not see you as a sexual being. That is where the Madonna/Whore Syndrome comes in to play. They feel the urge to chase the sex, and you are now the nice, caring being (not sexual) the Madonna. You will be hurt so much with the constant affairs and abuse. These people DO NOT CARE about NO ONE but THEMSELVES! You, or NO one else will ever change them because they don't think that they are doing anything wrong. They think that they are owed happiness, self-satisfaction. The "Feel Good" concept. That is ALL they care about. They hate rejection ...It's like, HOW dare you not give ME what I WANT? They always have to be the loudest, center of any gathering and attention. "People person" (so they can flirt with every woman), Life of the party! They act like they deserve a fan club. Sorry for being so long winded with this. I had to get it out of my system. I am just getting through this with my husband now. It is hard, and I have a long way to go to retrieve my lost, everything! He has drained me in every way possible. But, I love God, and asked him to reveal everything to me, and that I knew how painful that this would be. I needed to save the rest of my future. I have wasted 9 years on him. Now it's MY turn to live...
To finally breath again... God Bless ... Regina reginabates66@yahoo.com

Domestic violence can cause unemployment for many reasons. Ones that come to my mind immediately are:

The victim can not come to work the next or subsequent days because of physical ailments that would either embarrase them or physically keep them from preforming their duties.

The victim's opinion of themselves changes, negatively and they are emotionally unable to perform their duties. They can become very unsure of their abilities and second guess most things they do. They loose confidence in themselves and their abilities and frankly are not worth what their employer was paying them in the past.

Hopefully, the unemployment is caused because the victim decided to remove themselves from their abuser and didn't show up for work because they were at the local police station, lawyers office or safe house.

Ladies (or men) if you are the abused person, leave- and take your children with you. Being an abuser is a personality trait. If you are not there, the next best will do.

that is when lets say you have depression and are suicidal and some person is way rude and uses your weakness to their advantage. or abuse that damages you in the way you think...

Emotional abuse is the cornerstone of all the abuses because emotional abuse is always present during physical child abuse, child neglect, and sexual child abuse, and it is the only abuse that can stand on its own. It does not have to accompany any of the other abuses. Emotional child abuse is defined as the constant attack of a child or youth by an adult that negatively affects the child or youth's self-worth. It is important to note here the word 'constant'. With emotional abuse, the child/youth receives only negative messages, nothing positive. what is the difference between emotional and mental abuse does this kind of abuse result in mental illness like bi-polar psychosis in youth and adulthood

I think it has something to do with the fact that some women want a "manly man". One that is rough and rugged and can do things that "men are supposed to do". More often than not these 'manly men' are abusive as well. Best Answer usually the abusive men are the ladies man at first and all they really want to get in your pants so if you reject him or her then they will probly hit u once at first and he/she will say i will never do it again... so they say Do you REALLY think that a Women chooses an "abusive man". I don't believe that when a Women starts dating or gets Married to a man that he is abusive. (Correct me if I'm wrong Ladies) The relation turns abusive after the fact, be it mental of physical. My Sister dated a physically abusive man and my Brother was married to a mentally abusive women. So as you see it can go both way's. What the person being abused needs to realize is that they are Stronger then they think, and that there is something MUCH better out there for them then what they have. Hope This Helps.

Answer 3 In this situation, a particular woman doesn't chose an abusive man. She has this need to nurture a man to feel good about herself. She is attracted to an abusive man who exhibits a need to be nurtured. For example, the abuser could have a need to find a place to live due to financial problems etc, and is willing to speed the relationship up faster than a non abusive man. Or the man tells her he is trying to stop using alcohol or drugs and she feels the need to help him get better. The abuser will never appear to be weak because he is trying to cover-up his weaknesses. If a normal man doesn't give this woman a reason to nurture him, she will become bored with him and seek another man to fulfill the need to nurture. I'm an old man who has seen this behavior repeated over and over again by nurturing women and men. Truth is anyone who falls in love with someone because they are in need or mis-understood by society needs help them self.

1. Introduction
2. Definition of domestic violence
3. Forms of domestic violence:

· Physical violence,

· Sexual violence,

· Emotional violence, also called Psychological abuse,

· Financial or economic abuse, and

· Stalking.

1. Characteristics of domestic abusers
2. Early signs of domestic abuse
3. Effects of domestic violence on people
4. What to do when one is the victim of domestic abuse.
5. Police response to domestic violence.
6. Conclusion

1. INTRODUCTION

Domestic violence is also called domestic battery, partner abuse, wife abuse, wife beating, or spousal abuse.

Domestic violence is a very serious problem, and involves abuse and injury to someone, which is usually the spouse or domestic partner. Additionally, domestic abuse also involves the abuse of a parent, a child or other member of the family.

Worldwide and in the USA, domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women in the reproductive ages, between 15 and 45 years of age. This injury takes the form of bruising, broken bones, head trauma, miscarriage, mutilation and disfigurement. Domestic violence also causes mental and emotional problems in the victim, these problems include: depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and suicide.

In the USA alone, 1 out of every 5 women are assaulted by a domestic partner during their lifetime (National Violence Against Women Survey). Additionally, more than 5 million women, ages of 18 or older are abused every year in the USA. From the five million women assaulted every year, 1300 will die as a result of their physical injuries.

Contrary to common believe, domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender, and it can take many forms, including physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional, economic, and psychological abuse. Furthermore, both men and women can be victims of domestic abuse; and also men or women can be the abuser in a domestic abuse situation. Another misconception is that domestic abuse happens only when there is "physical aggression," there can be domestic violence without physical aggression. The abuse can take the form of psychological, moral, emotional, economic abuse or stalking.

Due to the complexity of a domestic violence situation, it is easy for the victims to forget that there are several criminal acts being committed against them; for example, physical assault, stalking, verbal threats of injury, kidnapping, false imprisonment, telephone threats, even financial fraud; all of which are punishable by fines and imprisonment.

In few words, Domestic Violence is:

The repetitive abusive behavior, that occurs in an intimate relationship, in which one partner tries to gain, or maintain, power and control over the other.

Even though, the aforementioned definition seems to cover all the intricacies of Domestic Violence, in reality, it is very difficult to clearly define what domestic abuse is. For a definition to be clear and applicable to all situations, all elements of the issue to be defined must be present, however, defining Domestic Violence is a very difficult task because we should be take into account elements such as cultural and ethnic, country of origin for both domestic partners, language, religion et cetera. Furthermore, the definition of domestic abuse varies from country to country, and is only applicable to that country; for example, domestic abuse is viewed under a different light in the USA, than in Europe and in Latin America.

In the USA, the Office of Violence Against Women, or OVW for short, defines domestic violence as "a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship, which is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner."

In Europe, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Services in the UK, defines domestic violence as "a pattern of behavior characterized by misuse of power and control by one person over another who are or have been in an intimate relationship. It can occur in a mixed gender or in same gender relationships. This abuse has profound consequences for the lives of children, individuals, families and communities. The domestic abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, and/or psychological. The psychological form of abuse might take the form of intimidation, harassment, damage to property, threats and financial abuse."

In Spain and Latin America, the definition of domestic abuse, takes more into account the cultural aspects of the intimate relationship between men and women. The courts in Spain and Latin America, define domestic violence as "Violencia de genero" or "gender violence". The laws enacted based on the definition of gender violence, or domestic violence, are intended to protect women in abusive domestic relationships. The wording of the definition of gender violence, says that "gender violence, is a type of violence directed toward women, just because they are women, and because they are regarded, by their aggressors, as lacking equal rights under the law, the civil rights and the constitution, and as unworthy of respect and not capable of independent decision making processes" (Spanish Ley Orgánica 1/2004, de 28 de Diciembre, de Medidas de Protección Integral contra la Violencia de Género, or Organic Law 1/2004 of December 28, of Measures of Integral Protection against Gendered Violence).

In general, and for the sake of clarity, we will stick with the definition presented at the beginning. Domestic Violence is:

The repetitive abusive behavior, that occurs in an intimate relationship, in which one partner tries to gain, or maintain, power and control over the other.

Domestic violence can take many different forms. The most usual are:

· Physical violence,

· Sexual violence,

· Emotional violence also called Psychological abuse,

· Financial or economic abuse, and

· Stalking.

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

Physical violence is:

"the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing injury, harm, disability, or death."

Examples of physical violence include: pushing, slapping, hitting, shoving, biting, restraint, kicking, and display and/or use of a weapon, like knives, sticks or fire arms.

Domestic violence can take the form of direct physical violence and indirect physical violence, which includes destruction of objects, throwing objects to and near the victim, harming the pets, or the children to cause an effect on the victim.

SEXUAL VIOLENCE

Sexual violence is

"The use of physical force to get a person to engage in sexual activity against the person's will."

Sexual violence occurs regardless of whether the sexual act is completed or not.

Additionally, physical force does not have to be direct, the threat of, or the implied physical force is enough to consider that sexual abuse has occurred.

EMOTIONAL VIOLENCE, ALSO CALLED PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

In addition to physical and sexual violence, domestic abuse usually includes mental or emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse. Emotional abuse may include: verbal threats of physical violence to the victim, self, or others including their children; insults, name-calling, unwarranted foul language, hand gestures, facial expressions, postural intimidation, talking bad about the victim with friends and family, ignoring the victim, social isolation, playing "mind games," public or private humiliation, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, blackmail, withholding information or mail from the victim, make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, et cetera.

FINANCIAL OR ECONOMIC ABUSE

Financial or economic abuse happens when the abuser controls totally the victim's money, credit cards, debit cards and other economic resources. The abuser may control the victim's money, even when is the victim herself who is making that money. Additionally, abuser often make the victim "beg for money" to cover basic needs, also, sometimes the abuser does not allow the vistim to go to school and getting higher education, by controlling the victim's money.

STALKING

Is only recently that Stalking is considered a form of domestic abuse. Stalking is the intentional course of conduct that puts the victim in fear of the abuser, by following, spying, listening to the victim's conversation, showing up unexpectedly, etc.

Also, stalking occurs when the abuser records the victim's conversations, clons the victim's cell phone, or even installs GPS devises in cars or purses to know where and when the victim goes or has been.

We must understand that anyone could be or become a domestic abuser when certain conditions are present. The same is true about the victims of domestic abuse; anyone could be the victim of domestic abuse when those circumstances are present. Furthermore, domestic abuse does not necessarily have to be continuous, it can be irregular over the months or years, and last a long time.

In general, domestic abusers ususally don't become abusive spontaneously after they get a domestic partner; unfortunatelly domestic abusers come from homes where domestic abuse was the norm, or was tolerated as "normal." Additionally, domestic abusers have some personality traits that makes them easier to identify, if one pays enough attention.

Domestic abusers tend to be manipulative, they can "talk their way out of things." Most domestic abusers are very violent when arguing with their partner, and then apologize and expect that everything should go back to normal. Also, most domestic abusers never take responsibility for their actions, they always blame it on somebody else, on alcohol, on drugs or even the weather.

Domestic abusers use different methods to abuse and control their victims. Among these methods, they use:

• Coercion and threats,
• Intimidation,
• Emotional abuse,
• Name calling, insults, talking down on victims,
• Isolation of their victims from friends and family,
• Minimizing, denying and blaming their violent behavior,
• Using children to gain control over their victim,
• Threats to take the children from their victim
• Economic abuse and financial control,
• They justify their behavior as "Male privilege,"
• Threats to call immigration on the victim.

5. EARLY SIGNS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Domestic abuse in a relationship usually starts gradually. There are some early signs that can help a potential victim of domestic abuse to identify a domestic abuser early on the relationship. A domestic abuser usually presents himselh or herself as a gentle and loving person that would never be bad against his or her partner, just like any other person in the early stages of a relationship, however, a person with domestic abuse tendencies will show one or more of the following signs:

· Calling or texting to often in a day,

· Asking where have you been, or where are you going,

· Asking why it took you so much to call back,

· Getting upset when you don't answer his/her calls,

· Wanting to be with you all the time,

· Asking too many questions about people you know,

· Jealousy at how others see you or when they smile at you,

· Criticizing the way you dress,

· Sometimes they seem to know things you did or places you have been without you telling them, like if they were following you,

· They pressure you to do things,

· They call you unexpectedly, like too late at night, like trying to "catch on something,"

· Sometimes they look mean to you and gives you the chills,

· Sometimes they grab you too hard during couples arguments,

· Checking your purse or your call history in your cell phone,

· Refuses to give you your space, or to take few days without seen each other,

· Making scene In public places for no good reason,

· Accusing you of being too flirty, or too nice with someone,

· Wants you to engage in sexual relationship even when you don't feel like it,

· Sudden mood changes, sometimes without apparent or clear reason,

· They accuse you constantly of having affairs or being unfaithful to them,

· They keep you away from your friends or family,

· When you have a big bad fight, they have threaten you to kill themselves or to kill you too,

· Blaming bad behavior or emotional lack of control, on drugs or alcohol,

· They are violent and aggressive with people around you,

· He wants to know how you spend your money, and wanting to know about your income.

The aforementioned signs should be a warning sign that your partner could become abusive toward you if you don't take control of the relationship or end it before it gets worse. If you need help ending a relationship that shows any or many of these signs, seek help from friends, family, police and/or government and non-profit organizations. Sometimes a person can do it alone, but sometimes we need help to help ourselves.

6. EFFECTS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE ON PEOPLE

As we defined earlier, domestic violence has a control element, from one partner to the other. Domestic abusers will use any means necessary to control and to keep that control over the other partner. There are many ways of controlling another person; these ways include, but are not limited to:

· Physical,

· Sexual,

· Emotional

· Financial,

· Psychological, and

· Moral.

Victims of domestic abuse describe their lives as "miserable," "living hell," and they express a sense of "not being in control of their own lives or destinies." In some instances the victims of domestic abuse feel dependent of the abuser for things they could get by themselves if they just had their self-esteem back. Most victims of domestic abuse live in fear that the abuser would take their children away from them, or would report them to immigration or the police for whatever reason, most of the time unfounded. The victims of domestic abuse usually have lost the financial independence they use to have before they fell into the abusive relationship, and also they live in fear of what other people or their families would think of them if they knew they do not have the "happy marriage" they were expected to have.

Finally, victims of domestic abuse report that they are made to believe that the only person that can take care of them is their abuser, so they start to "protect" the abuser as a means of protecting themselves from financial stability, to keep a roof over their heads and their children's heads, or because they perceive the abuser as sole provider for the family and are afraid to loose this.

One of the worst effects of domestic abuse on victims of abusers, are the mental health consequences. Domestic abuse can make victims develop one or more of the following:

· emotional traumas,

· depression,

· anxiety,

· panic attacks,

· substance abuse,

· psychiatric disorders,

· psychotic episodes,

· gastric ulcers,

· intestinal problems,

· chronic diarrhea,

· school and work difficulties,

· eating disorders,

· sleep disorders,

· isolation,

· low self-esteem,

· posttraumatic stress disorder,

· suicide attempts,

· suicide,

· infanticide.

Finally, children are also indirect victims of domestic abuse. When a child grows up watching his or her parents fight constantly, or watch the abuser physically attacking the victim, the aforementioned mental effects can be present also in them.

Domestic abuse is a real and imminent danger for the victim and for the children in that relationship; therefore, the victim, a friend of the family, police officers, social workers, or anyone who knows about a domestic violence situation, must initiate immediate action to stop the violence from continuing.

7. WHAT TO DO WHEN ONE IS VICTIM OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Once the person recognizes that he/she is the victim of domestic abuse, the second big step is to recognize that one needs help to overcome the violence. It is very difficult to overcome domestic violence alone; help must be summoned from many people and organizations in order to stop a domestic violence situation.

As of what steps to take when one is the victim of domestic abuse, we might list the following:

· Tell someone, tell everybody that you are being abused,

· Call your friends, your relatives and ask for help,

· Tell your doctor or nurse,

· Do not feel ashamed for something you did not do, after all, you are the victim of domestic violence, not the abuser.

· Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233),

· Call the police, even if you are not in danger yet, at least have it "on the record,"

· Do not isolate yourself, get to know who your neighbors are, and tell them to call for help if something unusual is going on in your home,

· Stop being a victim and seek help,

· Remember that you are not alone,

· Do not fear financial troubles, there are many government programs that will provide for your and your children's needs, just ask for help.

8. POLICE RESPONSE TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Over the years, and decades sometimes, the perception of the general public about domestic violence has changed dramatically. From being accepted as part of being in an intimate relationship, it has come to be perceived as inappropriate and as criminal behavior. Even though the laws and regulations vary from state to state, in general the Police's response to domestic violence, encompasses the following measures:

· Prompt response for all calls involving domestic disputes,

· Thorough investigation of the events and individuals involved in the situation,

· Review of previous history of domestic abuse calls to the residence or place,

· The responding officers will always check for visible signs of physical injuries on the victim,

· Get witnesses' names and addresses,

· Determine who was the primary aggressor,

· Determine whether there was a recent call for domestic abuse involving the victim and aggressor,

· Based on the above, the officer may make a warrantless arrest of the aggressor, and start the documentation for the case. And finally,

· The officers will provide information about victims assistance programs available in the area to assist the victim.

Finally, as mentioned at the beginning, it is easy for victims to forget that several crimes are being committed against them in a domestic violence situation. These crimes include, but are not limited to:

· physical assault,

· stalking,

· verbal threats of injury,

· kidnapping,

· false imprisonment,

· telephone threats, and even

· financial fraud.

All of the above are punishable by fines and imprisonment.

9. CONCLUSION

In conclusion, domestic violence is a criminal behavior and should be addressed promptly. Victims of domestic violence must, first, recognize that they are in a bad situation and they have to develop the "wanting" to get out of it. Second, victims of domestic violence must let people know what is going on with, and to, them; and finally, they have to contact the police for help and follow through with the process and investigation.

All victims of domestic violence must know that they are not alone, that there are programs locally designed and created to help them go through all steps of the process of recuperation.