Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

Signs of abuse:

Scrach marks, welts, bruising, torn clothing, the victim has gone into a shell and isn't their "old self."

Remember, some of the signs I just gave you could be from playing sports as well and there is always the possibility it is not his girlfriend abusing him, but other guys. Young men can get into fights and sometimes get into situations they shouldn't be in.

Have that talk with him as soon as possible.

i think that is he is a but unhappy at home and things have a talk to him but also have a talk with his girlfriend the answer at first might be ' i have heart him at all'' but have a talk with your son HEART TO HEART it must be very personal though, you shouldn't do thing to quickly, ask him if he is ok and ask him about his personal life a phew minutes later :)

ANSWER:

Male abuse is rare, but only because their ego keeps them quiet. Ask! But you must have long before typing here. If you do not have a good relationship with your son that might be part of the answer. Sit down and explain that you had an abusive situation (make it up if you have to), and that it was much better once you talked about it. If something is happening they might open up, if not, go about your business. Do not break up the couple (without physical proof) unless you want hatred from both. You need to specify what you suspect to get a better answer, sorry?!

If he comes up with bruises, and when you tell him he's late for his date, he winces and goes, "No thank you." And runs out of the house screaming for dear mercy. OR. he comes home smelling like perfume and is covered in lipstick and is breathing hard, then he is being abused.

______________

s are worthless without knowing the problem. Physical or mental? Signs shown? Odd comments? Odd actions, reactions? Explain, then we can help. One way is that this act will affect his behavior both at home and in public.

if your son starts to touch himself in a fashion that is inappropriate as the mother is jealous, that is a huge warning that her gf is abusing him

That all depends on how much he drinks, how often he drinks, and how healthy and developed his body was before he became an alcoholic. It is obvious that alcoholics have a lower life expectancy than the average person, but there are lots of different factors that alter the outcome, for instance:

* Is he an angry drunk? If so, then his chances of an early death are greatly increased. * Did he begin drinking as a child, before his body was fully developed? If so, then his liver may be damaged more easily. As you can see, the list could go on and on...but I cannot tell you just how long an individual alcoholic will live. Most importantly, you need to focus on their quality of life. Most alcoholics began drinking because they couldn't stand how bad life was and so try and drink it away. If you can speak to one while they are sober, you may be able to give them some ambition by changing their quality of life. It is then that they may decide to try and quit alcohol. However, you can never force an alcoholic to quit, as they will resent you for it. Instead, they must decide that it is something that they must do for them.
Advanced alcoholism is no fun, and the ones who die often have the best of it. Alcoholics so often die of other things associated with their drinking -- accidents, malnutrition, car wrecks, mayhem, cancer -- that it is hard to say. The most recent estimate I read is that, on average, alcoholism shortens life about 20 years for men and 25 for women.
== == An alcoholic will often die younger than they would if they were not using alcohol. There are two sides to this: physiological and psychological. The destructive effect that alcohol has on the human body when used to excess may shorten expected lifespan. This list is long, from brain damage to liver failure. The psychological side is the likelihood that goofy behavior caused by the use of alcohol may kill them. The list here is endless. Driving while drunk, getting in violent confrontations, taking idiotic risks, using power tools while blitzed. One way or another, the odds are good that this person will die much earlier than if they were not drinking.

There is no simple answer to this question. Long term use of alcohol and/or marijuana will almost certainly decrease your life expectancy compared to someone who uses neither or uses them considerably less. Your personal and family medical history, other medications and drugs you might be taking, and a number of other factors contribute to your life expectancy along with alcohol and marijuana use.

Compared to many illegal drugs marijuana is relatively safe, however it is not good for your lungs and may have some long term effects on memory, concentration and other mental/neurologic functions. Long term use may also interfere with mood, sleep and food intake.

Alcohol on the other hand is extremely toxic. Consumed in moderate amounts --usually 1 drink a day for women and 2 for men is the recommended maximum, based on relative body weight versus dosage -- alcohol is safely and easily metabolized. Long term overuse causes liver and possibly brain damage. Alcohol may suppress the anti-diuretic hormone (ADH), which tells your kidneys to hold on to more water when the blood becomes too saline, or salty. When ADH is suppressed, you will continue to urinate well past the point your body would normally conserve fluid, which is why alcohol consumption causes dehydration. Excess fluid loss means you also loose electrolytes like potassium, sodium, chloride, magnesium and calcium and water soluble vitamins like ascorbic acid (vitamin C) and the B vitamins, which include folate, niacin and thiamin. Chronic, excessive alcohol use leads to long term deficiencies in these nutrients. Vomiting caused by excessive alcohol consumption will also cause you to lose elctrolytes and vitamins.

Acute alcohol toxicity can result in seizures, severe vomiting and death. Sudden alcohol withdrawal in an addict can also result in seizures. If you fear that you or someone you know consumes too much alcohol you should see a health care professional. A diet rich in vitamins and minerals, or a supplement, is highly recommended.

=== === Aetna Casuality, an insurance company for whom such statistics are critical, states that chronic alcoholism reduces general life expectancy by 15 years. This number seems unrealistic, and Life Expenctancy Calculators (I tried a few) seem to reduce my own life expectancy by 2 to 7 years if I change the number from zero drinking to 3-5 drinks, 3 or more times a weeks. There was no setting for "intoxicated all the time". The Center for Disease Control (CDC), in a confusing and oddly constructed article, states that the average Alcohol Attributable Death (ADD) results in 30 years of life lost. These years, however, do not necessarily apply to just one person, as AAD's like car accidents may take more than one life at a time, and the decedents may not even drink at all. Also, the age, physical condition and family history of the subject all factor in. Maybe a couple of 40 to 50 age lifespan of an alcoholic drinker. Or maybe much more earlier than on their age but it will be bases of how long that they been addicted to alcohol. If they been started at their very young age. For sure they will get easily end their lives at the age of 40 or 50.

Abuse cuts across cultures, societies, races, ethnicities, and social-economic demographics.

But there is a profile of a "typical" abuse victim, based on worldwide statistics:

Most abuse victims are women, young, uneducated, poor, and non-white.

Working at the Abuse Center has taught me a great deal and anyone who is pious enough to believe it can never happen to them is a fool! Most of us are lucky enough to have good men and we don't have to deal with this, but believe me, when you have seen some of these abusive men in action (the law seldom protects women, and nurses and doctors are there to heal and not get too involved) and the woman is so frightened she often doesn't press charges.

People who aren't abused should think of these things:

There is little help out there legally for a woman that is being abused. The terror some of these women go through is something we couldn't even imagine. I've seen women in the hospital with their throats slit (superficial thank God), blackened eyes, broken noses, ribs, or any bone in the body you would like to choose is smashed! I've seen up to 12 stab wounds, and as many as 16 slashes to the face. I've seen a woman that had acid thrown in her face! Oh yes, she got away from her abuser, but because of our laws in Canada and the U.S., he threw acid in her face when she was walking to her car. The excuse by law enforcement for this .... "Until the abuser takes action there is nothing we can do." An abuser can phone, come to your home and threaten and even ruin your property. He can slash your tires, burn our car and more. As long as he doesn't touch a hair on your head, the laws are ... you simply can't do much ... wait until he nearly kills you! So, why shouldn't these women be terrified?

This is not a situation easily resolved by a few clipped words on a board and until a person who hasn't been abused walks a mile in the victim's shoes it just isn't all that cut and dried!

Marcy

Nothing. It is not your place to intervene. Be a good friend and let her cry on your shoulder. Advise her and stay out of it. Let her take action.

Answer

I agree with the second answer it is not right to let your friend get abuse you need to find the quickest way to get help so don't let your friend to pressure its not right to get in any of your friend's business but if he/she is getting abused the take a risk and cut in so if any of your friend are a situation like this remember these words

That's kind of like a typical "bullying scenario". He who has been bullied, shall bully.

Most of the time.

If someone is being abused, usually 1 of 3 things happens:

1) After this has gone on for a while, they decide they can't take it anymore, and they commit suicide

2) When the person gets older, they learn to forgive (this usually only occurs in high-spirited people)

3)When they get older, they take out their anger and frustration on others, because they feel like it "justifies" the wrong-doing they wen through

Look at it this way:

If there are 5 people in a room who are all being abused, 1 of those people will later commit suicide, 3 of those people will become abusers themselves, and and the last person will be the "forgiver" (not forget. how can you forget about someone who's mistreated you for years?)

I hope this answers your question.

Another tactic is to call her and leave her a short message saying that "we need to talk." That's pretty much a universal prelude to a break-up. When she calls back, she'll be anxious and want to know what's wrong. At that point you tell her -- directly but respectfully. Break-ups over the phone were once considered bad form, but no longer.

DONT EVEB TELL HER!!, JUST CHANGE YOUR STATUS TO SINGLE AND DELETE HER NUMBER!!(;

Statistically, the odds of an abuser changing are low. However, there are key indicators you can watch for in a person who is taking an honest interest in changing their abusive behavior:
1) They acknolwedge that they are abusive, and that it is their responsibility, and not the fault of anyone else that they are they way they are.
2) They admit that they WANT to change and that they know the process of change is very difficult
3) They undergo a violence/abuse assessment, delivered by a professional who focuses on these things. The abuser is willing and wanting to follow the recommendations of the assessment.
4) They voluntarily enter programs specifically oriented around addressing abusive and/or violent behaviors. These group programs generally are extensive, and may run from a minimum of 16 weeks to 52 weeks in length. Jointly, they should also attend individual counseling that is specific to the challenges they have in addressing their behavior and emotional challenges.
5) The process for change is hard, and can be long. How long depends on the individual, their readiness for change, and ability to integrate the change.
6) The individual will tend to this change in an ongoing process which may be lifelong.

The process for changing abusive tendencies is intense, very difficult (because it is rooted in learned behaviors that likely spanned significant portions of their childhood), and due to the extraordinarily low level of community support due to the morally reprehensible nature of this behavior, the individual will find the path to rehabilitation difficult to maintain despite their initial best interests and convictions.
If the individual is willingly able to endure this path to change, they can and will change.

Answer2: Therapy can help an abuser ONLY if the abuser is wants to and is willing to make the needed changes. A therapist could talk to an abuser all day long, but being willing to change must come from inside the person. Reading God's word the Bible and prayer to make the needed changes will go a long way to help the person. Please read Hebrews 4:12.

By being abused themselves.

Abusers became abusers by how they were raised. Spoiled and neglected children often become abusers because their parents conditioned them in both cases to reject accountability for their bad behavior. The parents who spoiled their children have kids that were conditioned to expect to get away with murder and not have to face consequences. They believe it is their right to do whatever they feel without suffering a consequence, even if it hurts others. They were raised to be self-centered, arrogant, always thinking they are right. And flying into an abusive rage when life drops little hints that the universe does not, in fact, revolve around them. A neglected child faces a similiar fate, although they will be less successful in life. Both the spoiled and the neglected never learned to tie bad behavior to conseqeunces, both never learned they needed to control their tantrums, both were conditioned into believing they aren't responsable for their behavior. Both were conditioned into this behavior by their parents (their lack of parenting, actually). The prerequisist for being an abuser is a profound selfishness and sense of entitlement. Abuse doesn't happen without those traits. Often they come upon these traits because they were spoiled growing up. Or their parents failed to raise them properly with discipline that fit their transgressions. A neglectful parent and a parent that spoils their kids can have the same effect. It creates a selfish, baby like personality that doesn't think it needs to face consequences, and throws a tantrum at the slightest discomfort. Its a myth to say that abused people become abusers themselves. Only self-centered, un-empathic, entitled people abuse. It is also a myth that abusers simply can't control their impluses. They can and do. Why else do they behave abusively behind closed doors, only to their loved ones...yet turn on the charm and act all sweetness and light in public or in front of authorities? They CHOOSE to abuse so that they can get away with it. They know what they are doing. They know it is wrong. They simply don't care. They are experts at behaving badly and getting away with it. They were raised perfectly for that.