Breakups

You need to speak to him and tell him to stop coming in and out of your life as it is not fair on you, tell him you are trying to get over him and his constant chopping and changing of behaviour is not helping. Put his in his place, and don't let him keep hurting you. You need to separate from him completely until you are able to get over him otherwise this could become an obsession for you, and ruin your life. Try and move on, and don't obsess over what has passed, think of it as as life experience. Focus on your own life, career, education, health etc.

• No matter what that person has done to you to make you want to hurt them when you break up with them two wrongs do not make a right! By doing so you are no better than they are. Have faith in yourself and know you are better than they are and move on from them and into a brighter future. A quote I admire: 'If you do not forgive the person who hurt you then they own you!' That means while you still have hatred in your heart that consumes you enough to want to break up with them in the meanest form you can muster up then that person has won and you are sinking to their all time low. Just move on and let this person hang themselves with their own rope (most do.) That means you reap what you sow.

I agree with the above, but if you must do it meanly, I suggest doing it in a public place or in front of the other's family.

Here's an example: my sister used to have a rather mean, abusive boyfriend. She broke up with him. I had a lot of fantasies about hurting him physically in all kinds of different ways.. But the thing is; what good would what that do my sister? Now that he's gone he can no longer hurt her anymore. All that would accomplish is to turn me into a creature of hate. It's not like hurting him is going to give back the years she wasted. Do you see what I mean? At the end of the day getting revenge only makes you more bitter than you were before. People who deliberately hurt other people are just miserable people, and that's really all there is to it. You might not think the antagonist could really be a sad person, after all they're "winning". But trust me, they are.. They reallyare.. You can either break it off up front, or just stop talking to them and "phase out". All that really matters is you are enjoying your life the majority of the time.

Wiki s contributors give their advice:

• First realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If someone is not interested in you it is in your best interest to find someone who does love and adore you for who you are. Know that you are worth it, and there are plenty of people who will love you. Never settle for someone who is not treating you and respecting you the way you deserve.

• Ask yourself what might be in his head or his heart; it takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was meant to be this way. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!

• In my case, I know I deserve better. I tell myself "He isn't worth my love, he's too young to realize what he's doing to me so I guess that's that."

• It's not about getting over a person, it's about feeling good about yourself. It's about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. If this other person doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't really matter.

• This situation is always an unfortunate one. It is ideal for 2 people to love each other the same, and at the same pace, but life is never ideal. To get this kind of relationship to work, you need patience! you have to weigh either waiting for her or moving on as options. If your feelings are real, and you choose to hang in there, you must not scare her away with your feelings! If things are meant to work out, you should be great friends before lovers anyway. While you let both your feelings reach equilibrium, you'll find it becomes easier sometimes just to ignore your strong feelings for her and just kick-back and chill with her. It's not always important to impress her, or do nice things for her in a loving way. It may give you hope to know that she can see you in the same light, just not so quickly.

• Tough circumstance - being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do. It's not a problem - you can fix those, this is almost like "it's raining outside" - just have to deal. Objective advice: If someone doesn't feel the same way as you do - walk off. Don't even give them the privilege of friendship because you'll suck yourself back into the delusion. Do things for yourself, keep busy, bury yourself in work and keep searching for what you really want and need. Don't do what I have done.

• Firstly, love is a peculiar thing. There is an almost ludicrous asymmetry between two people. The person at the top of your best friend list may rank you only at the middle of his or her list. However, if you truly, truly loved someone, then you'd be able to realize that it's OK if they don't love you back. True love gives and expects nothing in return; a true unrequited love. So, I've moved on from my perfect potential companion. He gave me the strength to realize that I can move on. He gave me the courage to try something different. He gave me the wisdom and sense for me to also respect myself. So, if you truly loved them, it doesn't matter if they feel the same way, your love conquers all.

• It is strange when you are hurting from rejection, to hear someone say move on things will be fine. No matter how much you love him, he never loves you back. For all those wondering what went wrong Just stop wondering say it really aloud "HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU". Only when one stops chasing and pursing someone who doesn't love you, will you open the door to that perfect person who will love you back with the same intensity that you will love him.

• If you believe in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That's the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.

• The older I get, the more I believe that some people are full of the capacity to love - like me - and others are incapable of it in the romantic sense, for whatever reason. Fear of committment. A distorted view of freedom. The desire to stay young forever? A deep unwillingness to give themselves over to another (aka, selfish)? It is an absolute rock and a hard place. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is the most impossible situation imaginable, especially when the love is so strong you are a slave to it.

• I am going through this right now. For those of you whose situation is similar, this is what I suggest: Deal with reality. Stop hoping, dreaming, etc. Pray and tell God that you forgive them for not being able to love you. Ask God to take this from you - and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. Don't tell yourself, maybe someday... they'll change... True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are evil and they don't love you. It means accepting reality. When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on. When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you'll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.

• Try not to be in contact cos its almost like an addiction. You think that one little text will do no harm but the pain when he doesn't reply will just make things worse. That would be my advice.

• There is one more thing I can recommend. There are times when you feel very weak and feel you need to talk to that other person even though they may have just hurt you again, you don't know why you want to talk to them, you just do. I've been able to get by these weak moments by writing down exactly what I'm feeling at the time, it comes out in a jumble of feelings and thoughts, some not so pleasant, but in the end it actually helps and I don't feel to call the person anymore. For everyone out there, keep strong and keep your head up, there are better days ahead.

• Tough one. If we know for a fact there is no hope for a mutual love, then why torture yourself. Move on. Treat it like a divorce. FORCE yourself to live and keep meeting people. You owe it to yourself to be avaiable for when the right person does come along. Love is like a bus stop, there's always going to be another opportunity for the bus to stop again -- if we are ready for it at the bus stop. Sometimes we don't ever think we could possibly find someone better than that one we are in love with that doesn't return the love back, but that's not true. We just won't be ready to find it if we are pining for a love that is not healthy or returned. We owe it to ourselves to always know we deserve what's best and healthy. Stop being around that person if at all possible. If you can't, then think in your mind about how wonderful it would be to actually find someone special that returns your love. Tell yourself that you deserve it. We can't control love no matter how hard we try. It's just one of those things, but we can choose to love again. Work out, write your thoughts on papaer and then shred it but sometimes it helps to get your thoughts out of you, in writing. It's like a release or venting. Then rip it into shreds and flush it or shred it so it can't be found to possibly humiliate you later.

• Staying busy can help a lot, but late at night, driving down the road, or at times when we can think are hard so blast some music, turn the tv up, read a book, watch a movie, take a night class, spend more time with friends, join an email group with those who share an interest. .. whatever, do things to force your mind not to be hurting for that other person. Don't ask yourself why you were not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, etc. Don't beat yourself up over something that didn't work out. If you made mistakes and were responsible for killing it. Painful as it is, learn from those mistakes. Don't make them again. We all have had heartaches that hurt bad and SUCK! A broken heart is never fun. Life goes on. We have to as well. We owe it to ourselves to know we simply go on. We will meet another person but we shouldn't while we are hurting. We'll often end up not being as clear headed. We want someone to love us and to feel wanted, but that's a potential for another mess. Or, you could end up hurting someone they way you were hurt. When your heart is mended, you'll know. Every single day we get just a tiny bit better. Ok, maybe not every day, but if we can just make it from one day to the next and keep doing it, pretty soon we will feel better, if only a little, but that's a start to total healing.

• Time. Letting yourself grieve and actually being ok with that. Not forcing yourself to get over someone. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, cry, write about it, listen to sad songs. Soon you will feel so tired from hurting all of the time. You will be ready to move forward. Doing this without contact of the person you love is best. Anyone that will still see you, sleep with you, and spend time with you, knowing they don't love you, and knowing how you feel, is selfish. Everyone deserves more than that. You can't force love out of your heart so don't try, that just hurts worse and you end up lying to yourself. You are human for loving, but you have to love yourself more. I do agree with comments on staying busy, friends and family also help. Casual dating can backfire however, because if the dates don't go well, it will just make you miss the person you love even more. Pray, and remember the good times but learn from the bad. Don't you want, one day, to be truly happy? Life is to short to give up the chance of true love for yourself. Go out into the world and continue to be the wonderful person that you are. Someone will see this, and love you just as much as you are capable of loving.

• You accept yourself as you are, love yourself for who you are, forgive yourself for decisions and actions that have brought you pain, never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve. Love is all about timing, make yourself the best person you can be both mentally and physically and do it for yourself no man. Once you do that, you will no longer waste your time on men who do not see you for who you are. You will see yourself as a beautiful women that has so much to offer the right man. But to be able to get over lost love you have to be able to forgive yourself, whether it was your fault or not for the break up. You also must make a conscious effort to get him out of your life. Keeping him as a friend will bring only more pain, this is from experience. Let him go, delete his name off your cell phone off your email, put the pictures away. It is your choice to be miserable about the situation, which for the first few months everyone chooses to be sad. I chose to be sad for 5 months when the man I loved dumped me. But you can also make the choice to be happy, but only you can do that. You have one life why sit there and waste it on a man who can't see all facets of your beauty. You have one life to be happy, love yourself, forgive yourself and you will see that that love will radiate and men will be attracted to that. Good men will be attracted to your positive self worth. And that positive self worth gets rid of all the baggage from past relationships that ruin current ones. But this is a choice, a conscious choice to leave the past and be happy and only you can make it. Know it wont be easy, but in the end you will have the love you have always desired.

• All you can do is take it a day at a time and pray for strength.

• You have to decide that there is now another step to climb in your life. There will always be happiness around the corner, everyone finds it. Happiness WILL come and find you. I wish you all the best for the future, keep smiling.

• Time is the key. When you love someone you must know when it is time to let go. As hard as this may sound, strength, courage and knowledge is gathered from a broken heart. No one promised that love would last forever, nor that it wouldn't, it's just a chance. Life is a chance. Love yourself, pray, not only for you, but for that person as well. Never let bad feelings or experience change the person you are. No one wants a wounded bird, so understand that you need time to heal internally. There is no set time on when this will happen, but just let it take it's course. When the time is right, and you feel like you are ready to love again, don't look for it, let it find you. Keep God first, and never question his work. We will never know what the man has in store, and who is to say that you two won't love again, when the time is right, or maybe you both have matured. Life is short, so enjoy and savor your breath. Your battle is not lost, you are just beginning to live. God bless you and keep you strong.

• This is not an easy question, and the answer is complex. I have several substrate beliefs that will take me where I am going to go. First, how you feel or don't feel about another says much about you. How they respond, says something about them. Think about that deeply. You may or may not know all of your reasons for feeling the way you do about that person. I suspect you may not have the whole story about them. Consider yourself for a moment. Is the first person of this personality type you have loved or is this a pattern? If it is a pattern, are you getting yourself involved with unavailable individuals? If so, you may need to look deeply at your motivation in choosing that type of person and why you are attracted to them. Now, lets look a them. Now, if you clearly did some misdeed that caused the breakup, you may have to live with it. That person may not trust you again. If you have not done anything of that sort, and you are blaming your self for something minor like "saying was instead of were." Then, you need to access if that person has some deeper issue that may not have anything to do with you directly. If they have issues, it is best to let them have the space to address them. It may take years. There is a song which has the lyric, "I can't make you love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't." You can give of yourself and offer your love and support. If that person does not, can not, or will not love you back, then there is nothing you can do about it. That is their choice. And you really do not want them unless they truly loved you in return, right? Now, do not think ill of that person. The care that person has for you may be all they have to give and they are just being honest. Now back to you. I am of the belief that "Love Never Fails." I believe that once you love someone it does not die. But I believe that love is about giving and not getting. You must give them their request. That is in many ways a great gift of love, a gift of respect. You will have to go on. Time will heal you wounds. Allow yourself to sorrow and feel the pain now for the time of grief will pass. You will learn to live with the loss. You will always love that person, but that does not mean you will not love again!

• You have no choice but to get over this person... let them go and move on.

• The answer is that there is no remedy or procedure to get over someone completely. It is not as simple as performing a few tasks or reading a certain book. From my experience only time will assist you in getting over a love in your life. Now the trick is this person must me completely out of your life to completely get over him or her. If this person remains in your life then time will never start the healing process. It took me exactly one year to get over someone I loved very much. It can be done, and in life this process can happen more than once, so learn from the mistakes you make in one relationship and apply them to the next.

• Surround yourself in mates, journals journals journals, I play guitar which helps, and something really important; at least for a while, ALLOW yourself to be depressed, its inevitable your going to be! so fighting it just gets you mad and frustrated. Music helps A LOT.

• The main advice I can give, which isn't much at this stage, is FOCUS. That's what you need. For days I was sitting around at home crying and getting stressed, I became depressed, couldn't eat and my dreams were haunted by my ex. But I got a job, decided to start work out and begun to get focused on life.

• "You never stop loving someone; you just learn to live without them."

• Free your mind from worries. Live simple. Give more. Expect less.

• There is no easy way to get over someone, but you will get over them. The time it takes varies from person to person and depends on how close you were to the person you're trying to get over with. It's hard work to get over someone. The reason is you have to begin weeding them out of your life, and stop contacting them if you are, if they keep contacting you, then take longer and longer to get back to them. Remember to remain detached. Over time you'll go through the different stages of feeling where you get to the point of anger, in that you begin asking yourself, "why am I continuing to beat myself up over someone who clearly isn't interested, if they were, they're not anymore, I've done everything I can to show I'm interested and I keep getting knocked down." You will realize it's not worth it. Life is too short and their are millions of people out there, one who will love you completely, the way you love them. If you made some mistakes in the previous union, you'll know what they are and will do your best to avoid doing them again.

• Forget about him for a while and get a new boyfriend. Just say you have never met the guy you love and say that you love him more. Then kiss him and go up to who ever you like and, "Do ypu wanna go out again or not because I am in love with you so much that i can't stay away from you." Then say (if you want to or not) "Ill do anything for you".

• Maybe you should really think, are they the one for me, and do i really love them?
• I know that when you love someone it's always going to be hard getting over them, especially when they loved you too. Like for instance I once dated this guy 5 times and we were in love but every time we had a fight we broke up and most of the time the fights were for very stupid things. Right now I have a new boyfriend and he loves me but I'm not sure I love him because I still love my ex. But he now loves my best friend. It has been a long time since I last dated him. In that period of time he had 3 girlfriends and I have only had 1 boyfriend and the 3 people he dated were all my best friends. He is currently single but like a ton of people like him. I would totally recommend to get a new boyfriend and if that doesn't help try talking to him and telling him how you really feel or you could always try to look your very hottest and that may help but its not the best approach. Also you could try to flirt with him but don't make it too obvious and while your flirting with him make a few jokes and if he laughs you laugh too and see if he can make you feel like your walking on air and if he doesn't get a new boyfriend.

  Try to forget him/her and distract yourself.

• Spend time with your same-sex friends, watch TV or movies, read books. Under no circumstance have contact with him/her. That means no texts, no face-to-face contact, no email, no social networking, nothing. If you're close friends, just avoid him/her. Next, try to find someone else, not necessarily to replace them, but just so you can have feelings for someone else. Don't have a one-time fling, however.
• The thing you should ask yourself is if it's necessary that the person whom you love should always love you back?
• If you love someone then you should know that you would never force your love to do something... these things are always natural which comes with the glimpse of feelings and you have to give time... everything will be alright.
• You don't, I guess; you just sort of learn to live with it. And if you can't, then just try to suck it up.
• Yes. You can love this person - not be in love with them. Think of the negatives about that person, think of better people out there, think that this person isn't worth your time. People say it helps to get another partner. Most importantly, pray to get over this person so you can move on.
• Try your best to forget about that person. It may seem hard, but there are ways to forget the person by trying to go out more often with other friends, making a new hobby, or simply just meeting new people. Another good way is to avoid communicating with the person as much as possible - no texting or calling them.
• Time. Everything takes time. Either way, it'll take a lot of time if you really love him. Don't harm yourself either. It's not worth it. Just try to get rid of everything and anything that reminds you of him/her and try to stay away.
• Personally, I find that you don't. No matter how long you wait, you will always love them just that little bit!
• Well I have got over my first love by meeting someone new and much better. Now I'm so glad that I am over him and am in love with someone 10 times better!!
• It is not a problem to allow someone to leave your life... know in your heart YOU are better off! I have learned this and learned self respect as well! I am deeply in love now and I am loved beautifully in return! We each have someone out there! KNOW THAT and LOVE YOURSELF!
• If this person that you are referring to is not reciprocating the love you have to offer, it would be best to do everything you can to forget this person instead. This way you are doing yourself a big favor and saving yourself from heartache. You can start by making yourself busy with other productive things, like work or engage yourself in a new business venture you know you can handle. Time will pass and you will see that you have completely gotten yourself over this person.

• I think you should take it a day at a time, see if they still want to be your friend. If you can't be with them the next best thing is to be friends.

• It's going to take time to heal....but don't worry You can still be friends with that person if you want. But to get over it, hang with your friends go see a movie, do stuff that you enjoy doing, take up new hobbies, something that takes your mind off that person. Also just because they don't fel the same don't treat them hostilely or rude just be nice and don't make them miserable.( I'm not saying that you would I'm just saying don't because you'll regret it later.)
• You wont get over them you have to just move on. Take it from a guy that's been there. I'm not with what was said above.
• All the things above are wonderful tips here are some of the things i did to get over my ex
• dont beat yourself up and question it.asking yourself why it happened or what went wrong wont help
• dont try to be their friend lose ALL contact
• do the things you used to do before you met
• talk to your old friends,they will help you remember who you were and maybe help you find some one new
• make a list of things you want to do with your life like your dreams
• write,sing,dance dont just lay around sulking about it
• remind yourself every day YOU ARE WORTH IT,YOU ARE BETTER OFF
• even tho it hurts now trying to get back together will most likely hurt more take that from a girl whose tried.
• Just go out with your friends and get on with your life and chin up!!!
• Find a new men sister. he's not worth it! maybe you c an get over it with a new guy. try to fall in love agin. someone else is there for you.