Breakups

Taylor Lee from Tallahassee, FL!

Please be more specific in your wording as a question and resubmit. Thanks

My lovely 'narcissist' had an extremely annoying habit of not apologizing or contacting me whenever there was any disagreement or arguement. Because of his behavior, I would opt to leave but he would try to 'block me' (pushing his puffed up chest against me like a gorilla). My leaving was also accompanied by angry rage, shouts of 'I don't care about your feelings', 'you've already been replaced', I'm going to see ____ (so and so - fill in the blank: an old girfriend he slept with whose back in his circle of friends - newly divorced - of course, she was married with a small child when they got it on before in their 20's, etc.).

There never was a halfway-sane or humane disagreement: It always had to turn into a nasty event with him mouthing off (and leaving me increasingly dissatistifed and doubtful of our future). But, for reasons I couldn't explain, I always returned: I was so bothered my no contact and had such withdrawl (wanting to again be 'validated' by him, needy...) that I called. He was almost always 'nice' and 'giving' when I called him back. This usually lead to , 'well, I'll call you tomorrow?' 'Let's start slow again' 'I miss you', etc. I've recently figured out this is a 'trauma/betrayal bond' from my past revisiting me: I was trying to get it right with my parents this time around: Playing the 'martyr' and being as absolutely understanding as possible, thinking this time I could 'get it right'. Well, being nice to him only caused him to lose respect for me and treat me like dirt! But, I'm not the type to play his charades anyway. He'll have to get someone else for that!

He always insisted he was monogamous, but his constant jealousy of me (totally unfounded) and his references to sleeping with various women whenever he didn't like anything I said or brought up, makes me really wonder if he wasn't doing things on the side. Perhaps sexual, perhaps not. He LOVED to tease women: At first, we had an amazing chemistry - then, he began to withdraw and become very dissinterested in any kind of sexual or romantic contact. We discussed it, scheduled 'special times' (which he ALWAYS seemed to destroy with an outburst!). Eventually, I got sick and tired of it. He claimed to his AA group that we were 'married' as a front and I'm sure was superficially friendly to women he know had interest, only to constantly tease them with his 'I'm married....' BS. And, he liked to let ME know that so and so said this or expressed this or that kind of interest. He even stated that an aide for an elderly customer he worked in the building of would prefer me 'dead' (of course - JOKINGLY. I SHOULDN'T TAKE THINGS SO LITERALLY - HE WAS JOKING!!! lol) because she has serious, long term yearning for him. What a prick. No other word fits him quite abptly...

I love to dance: He didn't want me dancing with 'any other man' or even with him (he 'hates crowds' and the 'loud music'). He tried to bully me (and make me feel guilty) about going to a beautiful, outdoor Swing Night with my alumni group one night in July. I got sick of his old routine and simply, calmly stated 'I can't dance with you or without you. I'm not going to listen to this anymore. Goodbye'. And hung up. He called back twice (almost surely loud, angry messages threatening infidelity, etc.) and I just deleted the voicemails. I didn't contact him and he made no effort to contact me - all summer long (three months).

So, if he's leaving you alone - He most likely has other 'sources' (perhaps the always-there secondaries - like my ex's old girlfriends that he felt so 'sorry for' because they were both bipolar and on meds...). He knew when I started questioning and asking where the relationship was taking us. He knew the moment I would not tolerate the crap he kept dishing and would not (like 'everyone else he knows' supposedly) accept a simple 'I'm sorry' (didn't happen all the time anyway) and shrug my shoulders because 'I know that's just how he is'. DON'T CONTACT HIM - Keep working on YOURSELF. FIND OUT THE REASONS YOU ARE JEALOUS (i WAS DEEPLY AFRAID OF ABANDONMENT - that 'terror bond' that he used so skillfully kept me returning!!!! and work through them so you NEVER get yourself into this kind of situation again!!!!!! hugs - me (I'm a survivor! )

It means that you are a great girl to be around, you are fun and prolly bring out the best in him, BUT, this other girl (his current girlfriend) prolly goes off in the sack. All i can recommend is to become a little more confident with your body and around him. It's very hard for a guy to leave a girl who makes him feel special. As fun as you may be, this other girl is a whole lot more fun in a very different way.

"The con man was skilled at deception, using it to deprive his victims of their savings."

"The simple deception effectively fooled the Nazi leadership and kept radar technology a secret."

Da Vinci said,"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions."

You can say both of them. You may want say both so that she can get some variety while hearing exactly what she wants to hear. I've included some web sites so that you can find more metaphors and similes for "I love you."

You probably shouldn't have called him a hoe. Guys can have girl friends and girls can have guy friends. It shouldn't be a problem, and you shouldn't be quick to judge.

well for starters THATS HORRIBLE i mean 8 years wow .........

well obcourse 8 years is a long time but........ i suspect she has never met him and she has a child she broke up with for no reason what so ever well doitn tell me you havent noticed shes lyeing a GUY is involved here he is the reson she broke up with you and she is flying over to see him well you cant miss it im geussing she loves him what i would do in your situation let things calm down doitn go begging for her back because she then knows she has got you where she wants you let her come to you,and if she does then turn her away because she is saying i will just come back to you you are 2nd best and im geussing you are worth more then that start fresh create that special bond with your child and when that child is old enough then gently tell her what happend AND REMBER YOU AARE WORTH MORE THEN THAT .......

love agony aunt solidmate <3 xx

Being the other woman depends on you and your needs. If you only need a guy to meet with once in awhile or for sexual comforts, then it might work, but in the end of things, you will pressure this person to leave his wife and kids putting them on the street. It is a good possibility that you will cry yourself to sleep many nights over kicking yourself that you wasted your life on someone you will never have.

Well listen .She's confusing you but won't be confusing me.If she already has her mind made up that she's through with you then that's pretty much a done deal.She alredy has her sights on someone wants to be able to do someone if she wants or just is tired of your relationship. That whole if we're meant to be together theory is just to be nice so that you can stop trying to make it better .My advice try to occupy your time to the point that you could care less if it's meant to be or not ...her loss not yours right ?

I think the reason some girls go back to a guy when they do this is because they feel they do still love the guy. The best thing to do is pull yourself up by your boot straps and move on.

It means he loves you like a family member and not as a girlfriend. I know it must hurt you, but at least he's honest. I think most of us have at least one person in our lives that has said something similar that your ex boyfriend said to you. Try to move on. Start going out with friends and enjoying life and you'll meet someone very special. Good luck

dont worry it will be fine

if you really want to break up some people's life ,always think twice

when you really are into the aim of breaking up some people you have to use terms like ' cheating, trust issue or tell lies or bring up old fights as that's their main weakness

also talking about issues with ex girl friends or ex boyfriends

and also use terms such as faith and future big as that brings confusions in trust

I don't think it ever really mends, but time will heal the hurt. A broken heart means that you took the chance at love. Perhaps it will make you more particular in choosing the next person. A scarred heart tunes your senses to be alert to questionable patterns of behavior next time. A scarred heart makes you a better person in some ways. You can be empethetic to other peoples pains. You can gain strength from having gone through it and survive to love truer, better and longer next time. You must realize that you're not the first person, nor the last person, ever to have had your heart broken. Go ahead and shed those tears but put a limit on the amount of time you are going to allow this other person to control your life. Then find strength in the experience, show the other person and yourself, that you control your own life. Instead of choosing to wallowing in self pity for another day or a lifetime (over someone who probably wasn't worth your time anyway) put on a smile and face a new and exciting tomorrow.

Well you may be getting tired of that person

"Mourning" is the right term for the time is takes to get over things. There is no "rule" on how long it takes to get over ANYthing. However, if you have trouble moving on with your life after, say, a couple of months, you might want to seek a therapist or counselor. "Closure" is an odd word. If you mean "peace," then yes, we always need some sort of peace. If you mean a kind of amnesia, you shouldn't expect that. Closure takes on a number of forms: 1) learning to enjoy your own company, 2) finding joy in accomplishment, 3) learning to trust people again, 4) trusting God. I wish you happiness.

If they still care for that person. That's the only way I know!

if yours ex tries to make you jealous after breaking up it means that they still have feelings for you but they don't want you to know that they still love you

No. He's your ex boyfriend for a reason. While reminiscing on what you had, keep in mind why you broke up in the first place.

A Priest

I would have to say yes there are still some feelings there. I have been in the same situation, and I was your ex. I thought I did not have feelings any longer, but when I saw him somewhere I got a funny feeling in my stomach.

Have you talked to your ex about your break up? If not talking it through can help release any feelings you have left.

Boys are extremely good at hiding their emotions. If he was ignoring you before, and he's showing emotion now (smiling and being nice to you), he most likely still likes you.