Narcissism

When I met my NPD ex, he was persuing me very hard. In fact so hard that it was uncomfortable, but I was very young and didn't know to trust my judgment. Sometimes we would be at a restaurant and he would grab my hand and just stare at me. Which by itself is not a problem, I think lots of people do this when they are infatuated. But what was weird is his stare, there was no real feeling behind it. It felt like he read to do this somewhere (dating manual) that this is what you supposed to do to bring women to their knees. The stare was empty, snake like, somewhat socio-pathic. I dismissed my own alarm about it. Now thinking back, that should of been a warning. I have had other relationships since then. I have had people stare at me since then, but at least their stare contained, love, desire or something...

This was the final piece of evidence I needed. I was totally under his control when he would do his stare. He would angle his face to one side and slightly raise his chin and stare into me. And I mean really into me - like he was reading what I was thinking and almost controlling my thoughts. The stare would be held and would be utterly seductive and totally compelling. Reptilian is the PERFECT description. I would feel like a rabbit caught in the headlight. Completly under his control. Every time I would try to break up with him or get away I would get this stare. I have never met anybody else who would do it - or be able to. I would say to him stop looking at me like that and he would say I was the one who was staring. It would render me totally his. Three of my friends al pointed a different stare out to me - one of evil jealousy. In that he would glare at friends of mine who I was talking to. He would also NEVER take his eyes off me if we were out in company. Would be scanning my every move. The final look in his eyes was one of nothing. I I was tentitively trying to talk about us - he would not be able to make eye contact and would look down and shake his head. I could almost see his brain working behind his eyes in order to come up with another lie. ALso when we did make love his eyes would almost be half closed and glazed over. Like he was mastrabating rather than connecting. When we would get together hew would hold my head and TELL me to look into his eyes. TELL me to tell him I loved him. I could not. I know that something was very wrong, however I had after 3.5 years of it come to believe that I was a cold worthless robot with no emotion at all. I finally ended it by ignoring him - it was the only way - I cut his supply. WIthin 2 weeks he was in love with another and getting married.... I occassionally bump into him and get the stare - the reptilian one - it makes me want to be physically sick.

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Now that you mention it... YES. The eyes are interesting to look at. Lacking on warmth, humanity, cold and calculating. It didnt dawn on me at first but in recollection, i DID notice it and dismissed it. There are somethings a habitual liar or imposter just cant control all the time.

Eyes are the windows to human being's mind. it's very reflexible just as our complicated mind. The cold eyes without warmth was not normal. I can imagine that kind of stare like some full actors', or in your words, reptilian eyes. I'm sure that some part of his brain function was impaired. The eyes just perform the brain function impairment out.

Envy is when you want something that someone else has and you can't have it, so you envy them.

Besides the fact their emotionally unstable and immature, they see it as nothing really. Narcissist believe they deserve to do whatever immoral act their doing, they feel no shame nor pity for others. Certain people are targeted by the Narcissist because they are not like others, Narcissist want what they can't have, so they go after those who are not interested in them because they need that attention and validation from that specific person for some reason. That person that they target are not like anyone else "this is what the Narcissist believes", their victim is one of a kind and so they must pursue them nonstop and have their way. Most of the time they become infatuated with the victim and or share a strong love, hate personality towards their victim and they generally don't stop until someone gets hurt, but of course this is apart of their illness. They know what they do is wrong but they don't really care to acknowledge their behavior as bad, instead it's pointed at the victim.

Yes completely. That's what they are all about. They are like a puppeteer. They like to see you dance and react. They love to throw out the bait and see how you will respond. They love to suck your will and life out of you. They love to see you broken, angry, sad, diminished.

The fact of being a pathological liar is not child abuse. However, if the lying results in emotional upset and stress for the child then that should be brought to court to try to modify the visitations with the father. For example, if the father repeatedly fails to show up after promising the child a visit that would expose the child to unnecessary stress and disappointment.

Narcissism is a rare personality disorder that requires a specific diagnosis. Additionally, narcissists typically don't lie much. Your boss sounds more like an ego-centric who twists the truth to support him or herself. I would file a formal complaint with HR and get others in your department to do the same. Document the issues in writing so you have support. I am in that situation now and it is horrible!! Only thing I can say is document, document, document!! The boss I work for is a narcissistic and right now we (meaning he and I) communicate through a third party via his request. His office is directly in front of my desk and whenever I need his signature on a document, I have to get up, walk around the corner give it to the third party, she then walks it back pass my desk and gives it to him. Now, you see the predictament I'm in. All I can say is pray. go to their higher ups and state your beef! Narcissists most certainly do lie. The truth is irrelevant to them. What I did? I quit. It's not worth it.

Yes very much so. A narcissist hates not being in control. They also hate to be judged and seen as the problem. When in prison they lose their narcisstic supply.

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It is possible for a narcissist to be affectionate and sweet in my experience.

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Yes. But only to themselves. It's the meaning of a narcissist.

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Yes, particularly in the over valuation (idealisation) stage or when they feel lonely after a spell of being alone after walking out on you. I also noted with my ex narc that if he was feeling 'euphoric' he was very affectionate and he really did love his cuddles. If he was feeling dysphoric then he was plain angry and bad tempered and any offer of a cuddle for him or a sweet word was greeted with hostility. He however, when i was in the devaluation stage he withdrew affections from me in very painful ways, he would not hold my hand, only one end of a finger, he stopped kissing me, stopped wearing my rings, stopped telling me he loved me, threaten to leave me or threaten I will not see him for X amount of weeks and many other things, yet during all this I still had to give to him, it was expected of me, if I did'NT give to him his un-earnt affection I was punished further and believe me the weeks on end of silent treatment I got over the years were the most unbearable. Anyway he was getting his affection elsewhere for 4 yrs of our 8 yr relationship I found out that's why he starved me of any but hey ho he made sure he got his!!!! Affection? I think they can take it or leave it as it suits.

I am not an expert but thru my experience with an N the answer is no. From what I have read about Ns my ex was exactly like what I have read on here. No one can make a relationship work with them because the relationship is not up to you whether it works its up to them. You can't win with a N no matter what ur personality. If u are dependant on them they see as weak and having total control over u this gives them the go ahead to treat u like crap. They think they can treat u however u want and u won't leave because u need them. If ur the opposite they will leave u because they can't control u. And then theres the trait where they get bored with people quickly nad dump you or push you to your limit so you dump them and its ur fault not theres. That is why when I see people on here say theres hope for them I disagree. If u even want to try to help which I did, they dont love so theres no insentive for them to stay in a relationship they only need your presence and admiration not your love so they can just move on anytime. Also, the pieces of the puzzle usually doesn't all come together until the end. Then u know what u were dealing with and its too late to help they've already written u off and moved on. U can't be in a relationship with soemone who can't love they won't stay around they dont need to. They have nothing invested emotionally.

Realise that your Dad's opinion may well be wrong, not just about this, but also about everything else he has ever told you. You need to work out absolutely everything for yourself - you can't trust your parents to be right about everything. Even if they're the best parents in the world, they are definitely wrong about some things, and it's up to you to find out which. (Of course even the worst parents are probably right about some things, too!)

That is one of the most valuable lessons involved in growing up - and it's a lesson many people never learn their whole lives.

Also if he's calling you "a liar", that's actually abusive behavior. If, instead, he says "You told a lie" when you really didn't, well, that simply means he has the wrong information, for whatever reason. Maybe he misunderstood something.

But to say "you are a liar" is abuse - it's basically saying "everything you say is a lie" which is (probably!) an abusive and untrue statement, and suggests that your father doesn't respect you as he should - in which case, he doesn't deserve your respect, either.

Hope that helps!

signs of sensory integration disorder (SID): oversensitivity to touch,movement,sights,or sounds. underreactivity to touch,movement,sights,or sounds. tendency to be easily distracted. physical clumsiness or apparent carelessness.

That was my experience. I just was dumped by a boyfriend of 10 months. I am divorced over a year and met him four months after my divorce. I have two daughters, one with autism. This guy overwhelmed me with promises and love. After two months, he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and my special needs daughter. I came to love his two boys. Then after taking a "family" vacation with all the kids two weeks ago, he called me and said he had never loved me. Over the course of the relationship I found him to be a ridiculously jealous, ego-centric, hypochrondriac. Still there were moments of sweetness, especially as he was kind to my daughters. Interestingly enough, he preferred my autistic daughter because she worshipped him ( her dad is not good with her). Sometimes he would fly into rages over my talking to a waiter, etc, even my finding a movie star handsome, saying I didn't make him feel special. Then he would say I was abusing him. He always had to be right, considered himself smarter than everyone else. And I think tried to fake empathy, but it never seemed to have depth. He is a very responsible father but mostly courts his kids worship. He has a hard time disciplining them and talking to them personally because he wants them to see him as perfect. They are like little prototypes of him, still he is a good caregiver to them. Is he a narcissist? The way he left me was so sudden and detached. He does not wish to speak to me, and I expended so much energy trying to be so good to him. It was the promise to love my daugther that really hooked me. Do you think he knew that, or liked the idea of himself as being wonderful enough to love her? He has an enormous ego, is a fastidious dresser, and exercises constantly. I have since found out that he has a history of women he has suddenly left since his wife left him 8 years ago. I spoke to her and she said she felt he had no feelings for her, just like the "services" she provided. Still he wouldn't have left her, but was chronically unhappy with her. He told me he never fell in love with her, the same line he used with me and all the other women he has hurt. I was very vulnerable when I met him. MY Ex was emotionally abusive. Does he sound like a narcissist? Oh, yes, he also never wanted me to talk and say "I love you" during sex. Sex was great, but kind of mechanical. He would mostly keep his eyes shut and if I talked at all, he said I took him out of the moment. Kind of like he was doing it with himself. He told me in the past, he has had sexual dysfunction problems but it was because the women was untrustworthy. Anyway, when I called him on his coldness about the breakup, he said I was abusing him. He is just done with me, like a switch turned off. What do you think?

Unfortunately yes. It is no different than a child growing up in an abusive household, or a child that comes from divorced parents. Children immulate adults. People don't realize that children retain a lot of memory from their very younger years. We are what we are in the environment we grow up in. If you feel this is happening to your child please seek out therapy for the child and the parents. If one of you is a narcissist and they refuse treatment then it's time to leave. Once you have decided to have children then you have the responsibility of protecting that child and giving them the best start in life you can. Good luck Marcy It's true that children of any personality disordered parent will suffer effects from that, it is not necessarily true that they themselves will develop that same (or other) personality disorder. There are so many variables involved, including other people in their environment, that one can only say that they will probably benefit from some therapy; but not that they are doomed to be their disordered parent. **** I'm an adult child of a genuinely NPD father who also happened to be my minister. I would say that there's no way for the child of a narcissist to avoid emotional problems, but personality disorders fall into the most serious classification of psychological disruption. It's far more likely that behavioral problems and neuroses will result than it is that the child will become classifiable with a borderline, antisocial, narcissistic, or other personality disorder.

No there is no cure for NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). The person would need years of massive psychotherapy but they do not see or think of themselves as having a distorted way of thinking or having flaws.

Narcissists are by nature - emotional manipulators - to get what THEY WANT. The Narcissistic Vampire Checklist ---- THE SMARTEST, MOST TALENTED, ALL-AROUND BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TEST: True or false? Score one point for each true answer. 1. THIS PERSON HAS ACHIEVED MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE HIS OR HER AGE. 2. THIS PERSON IS FIRMLY CONVINCED THAT HE OR SHE IS BETTER, SMARTER, OR MORE TALENTED THAN OTHER PEOPLE. 3. THIS PERSON LOVES COMPETITION, BUT IS A POOR LOSER. 4. THIS PERSON HAS FANTASIES OF DOING SOMETHING GREAT OR BEING FAMOUS, AND OFTEN EXPECTS TO BE TREATED AS IF THESE FANTASIES HAD ALREADY COME TRUE. 5. THIS PERSON HAS VERY LITTLE INTEREST IN WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE THINKING OR FEELING, UNLESS HE OR SHE WANTS SOMETHING FROM THEM. 6. THIS PERSON IS A NAME DROPPER. 7. TO THIS PERSON IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LIVE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AND ASSOCIATE WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. 8. THIS PERSON TAKES ADVANTAGE OF OTHER PEOPLE TO ACHIEVE HIS OR HER OWN GOALS. 9. THIS PERSON USUALLY MANAGES TO BE IN A CATEGORY BY HIM OR HERSELF. 10. THIS PERSON OFTEN FEELS PUT UPON WHEN ASKED TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OR HER RESPONSIBILITIES TO FAMILY, FRIENDS, OR WORK GROUP. 11. THIS PERSON REGULARLY DISREGARDS RULES OR EXPECTS THEM TO BE CHANGED BECAUSE HE OR SHE IS IN SOME WAY SPECIAL. 12. THIS PERSON BECOMES IRRITATED WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DON'T AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT HE OR SHE WANTS THEM TO DO, EVEN WHEN THEY HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT COMPLYING. 13. THIS PERSON REVIEWS SPORTS, ART, AND LITERATURE BY TELLING YOU WHAT HE OR SHE WOULD HAVE DONE INSTEAD. 14. THIS PERSON THINKS MOST CRITICISMS OF HIM OR HER ARE MOTIVATED BY JEALOUSY. 15. THIS PERSON REGARDS ANYTHING SHORT OF WORSHIP TO BE REJECTION. 16. THIS PERSON SUFFERS FROM A CONGENITAL INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE HIS OR HER OWN MISTAKES. ON THE RARE OCCASIONS THAT THIS PERSON DOES RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST ERROR CAN PRECIPITATE A MAJOR DEPRESSION. 17. THIS PERSON OFTEN EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER KNOWN THAN HE OR SHE IS NOT REALLY ALL THAT GREAT. 18. THIS PERSON OFTEN COMPLAINS OF BEING MISTREATED OR MISUNDERSTOOD. 19. PEOPLE EITHER LOVE OR HATE THIS PERSON. 20. DESPITE THIS PERSON'S OVERLY HIGH OPINION OF HIM OR HERSELF, HE OR SHE IS REALLY QUITE INTELLIGENT AND TALENTED. Scoring: Five or more true answers qualifies the person as a Narcissistic Emotional Vampire, though not necessarily for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality. If the person scores higher than ten, and is not a member of the royal family, be careful that you aren't mistaken for one of the servants. By ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D. ---- The DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder are: (don't try this at home, folks): A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of the following: 1. a grandiose sense of self-importance

2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love 3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) 4. requires excessive admiration 5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations 6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends 7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others 8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her 9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

In the view of the narcissist, your point of no contact is a severe injury on his/her ego. It's you saying, "You are not worth my time." There is no energy there for them to feed off of, so they will push to get your narcissistic supply back. It's a predictable cycle. I've been dealing with one for a couple years now. In fact she recently contacted me out of the blue, pleading as the victim, telling me that I was always right...essentially needing comfort from what I could tell.

I didn't hesitate in hanging up the phone. The best part is, I didn't recognize her voice for the first twenty seconds of her begging. When I inquired, "Who is this?" Her crying abruptly stopped and she declared, "You know who this is...." I just told her never to contact me again, gave no reason, and hung up the phone. That...I believe...is a huge narcissistic injury. It shows that I am not dwelling on her at all.

I'm going on a tangent here, but the bottom line is...if they keep popping up, put them back in their place with no contact. It's devastating to them...and most excellent for you, because they can no longer ruin your life.

there is no known classification for this, since it does not exist in the DSMIV

No. But they are on the SAME spectrum. Narcissism at the "lower" end and ASPD on the "higher" end.

All ASPDs are Narcissists

Not all Narcissists are ASPDs... yet

this is why they share many traits. What distinguishes them is the severity of those traits.

Yes, people can have more than one mental health disorder, even of same type of disorders.

My first inclination is to think that he wants your attention. Remember, the narcissist only wants and never gives. Best to wonder what is going on behind that stare. If he is a narcissist, he is scheming something that will be good for him, not you. Stay away, please. Peace..mbme I am going through the same thing now. After unceromoniously discardeing our friendship and stabbing me in the back.. he wasted no time in bedding a young naive but nympho half his age. He would not look at me or even acknowledge my existense and would parade her in front of me every day weeks on end. (oh but he was sooo nice to me in front of my boss and ohter infuential coworkers who thought i was crazy for hating him) 6 months later it has come to an ugly end. Dont know why he dumped her and dont care to know. I have found someone else lond since and the N keeps trying to get me involved in converstaion allways looking for some silly reason to talk to me. (we work in the same building)I continue ignoring and giving the cold shoulder. By now everyone a work despises him. His wife cut off finances and he was evicted from his posh apartment. His fancy customized vehicle broke down and he got a cheap used pickup of a make he detests. Friendless, broke and lonely (if they feel that) and he acts like nothing bad ever happened and we should be "friends" again. Puleeze ...I would rather snuggle up with a porcupine!

They are far more likely to hurt you. Narcissists tend to be difficult to touch emotionally, since they immediately turn on people who cross them and assume that the person is "out to get them." Thus criticism and insults tend to roll off like water off a duck.

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to get away from them and stay away. If you are in an abusive relationship, your local mental health association or department of family services should be able to help.

Borderline personality disorder is a person with sudden mood swings, self distructive behavior and very manipulative. Dependent personality disorder is to be fully dependent on a person and to literally focus your life around that person.

People with borderline personality disorder (bpd) fear separation as much as people with dependent personality disorder.

However, the bpd individual has more "unstable patterns of social relationships".

They go from feelings of extreme love and admiration towards loved ones, (which is considered idealization), to the opposite extreme of intense anger and dislike, (termed devaluation). Specifically, one minute, those with bpd are able to form an intense attachment to someone. The next minute, when something happens like a separation the bpd individual believes the other person doesn't care, and loses trust. Responding by rejecting before being rejected, yet still not wanting to be alone.

In short, those with a dependent personality disorder could not even fathom the thought of losing someone. Rejection for them is not an option.

In fact, these people are known to do whatever it takes to keep whoever they are depended on in their lives, even if it hurts them to do so.

Both personality disorders are more common in women than men.