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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
What do you do if your parents hit you?
== == There is absolutely no excuse for a man to hit a woman. If a woman is out of control then the man should leave the premises before things get too hot to handle. However, people can make a mistake and if this is the first time, nip it in the bud! I was married to my ex for almost 4 years and he hit me (no reason at all; his day just didn't go great) and it was the first and last time he every hit me. I hit him over the head with a Teflon frying pan! I don't suggest you do such a thing, but make it loud and clear to your husband he'll never get away with it again. If he's been abusive for a long while, then phone the police from a neighbors and have him arrested. While he is in jail (usually 24 hours just to cool him off) seek help from Women's Centers in your area. They have female counselors there and they also welcome children. From there you will be sent to what they call a Transition House. This is also a "safe house" where your husband can't find you and they will help you start your life on your own (but you have to be willing to help yourself as well.) Be sure you plan things well before you leave: You can walk into any Women's Center for help and they will advise you further. Have your bags packed (if you have children pack their things) and realize that once you step out that door you should never go back! If you think this man will change (no matter how much he pleads) he won't and by taking such action he'll make you pay for it dearly and will keep a keen eye on you at all times. Be sure you never phone for help from your home phone (use a neighbors or a pay phone) and don't say anything to the children in case they accidentally say something. Tell no one where you are going! Be sure you don't leave messages of any type on your computer (delete them) and then delete them again from the deleted folder. Good luck Marcy I concur with much of the previous answer. However, my perpective is a little different. I work in law and have handled too many divorces to give an accurate count. Far too many broken hearts and families have been processed through the courts. There is no such thing as a good divorce. Everyone feels something, as well they ought. And I certainly question anyone who doesn't. I know how you feel. I have been separated and on my own for many years. I met my husband when he was 12 years old and he told me he would marry me one day when he was yet only 13. It seemed the perfect romance and marriage. A huge investment emotionally, financially and in family terms. All of my family knew all of his and this made things even more difficult. Together we owned property, ran businesses and others looked up to us. There were so many 'reasons' to not just leave. Things seemed so 'complicated'. Continually second guessing myself only prolonged the inevitable. In retrospect, I should have left long before I did. Don't make the same mistake. I won't pretend to know and understand all of your personal thoughts and feelings. You know your situation better than I. Abuse cannot be tolerated. Appeasing the aggresor make him more aggressive. Never doubt this and always keep this in mind. You must get a clear message to your spouse that you will not and cannot tolerate any abuse - physical or verbal. That's your first step. Visit this site for information on saving your marriage and stopping divorce, if you HONESTLY believe you can. Don't play games with yourself and don't allow others to manipulate you. Be honest with yourself first and foremost.
If you know things will not change, don't wait for things to get worse. If you feel alienated or isolated in any way, this is a common sign of one who is living in an abusive relationship. Fix that situation right now! Another common element in spousal abusers is that they are always so very sorry in the immediate. Maybe they even believe it themselves, at the time. But most will reoffend. That's for sure. Don't lie to yourself about it. Just accept it. Do something. The situation will not remain static and unmoving just because you fail to take action. These things don't just take care of themselves.
How do you feel if your not sure if you still love your wife?
If you even have to ask that question it's kind of obvious that you don't love her! Spend more time with her and show her how much you care. if you don't feel comfortable with her any more you need to tell her how you feel. Communication is really important in a marriage.
If you are newlyweds you might have gotten married to fast. If it is a long term marriage you may be a bit bored. try to spice up your love life. It'll probably help a lot.
Hope I helped!
Can you sue your spouse for emotionally and mental abuse?
There are several factors that enter into any lawsuit. A few are, is there supportable grounds for a suit, meaning legal precedence, evidence to support the claim/charges,if the plaintiff wins will a judgment be collectible. Most attorneys offer free consultations to determine if the person has a legitimate case. When pertaining to personal injury (including emotional distress) many attorneys will accept the case on a contingency basis. Be advised however, if the plaintiff does not win, they could end up with a large legal bill, this would depend upon the agreement entered into with legal counsel. There is also the option of small claims court which is self-representation and filing fees are minimal.
What kind of things do verbally abusive men say to?
The more intelligent ones are sneakier about it. They may start off by saying, "You know you could have done that better, but you always do things half-assed. Why?" That statement sounds harmless because you feel the abusive partner may care if you succeed or not, but truthfully many can be jealous of the insight you may have (such as getting more education, changing careers, even raising children and the abusive mate has heard a compliment about you.) Happy and confident couples encourage each other and don't undermine their partner. Here are a few, but there are so many given different individuals:
Why don't you look like him/her? You're fat, do something about it! Why take the extra courses in college, you'll never make the grade! You're a lousy mother/father. You can't cook and I'm not eating this slop! Why can't you look like your friend? If you don't smarten up I'm leaving! No, you can't buy that? I don't like that dress on you, change into something else? I'll do the ordering! (If in a restaurant or bar.) I can always replace you! What man would want you, just look at yourself? (and you could look just fine.) If you think you can leave me remember, everything we own is mine! You'll never make it out there. You aren't smart enough to hold down that job so I wouldn't waste your time. My friends think you're a slob and a rotten wife/girlfriend. (The friends may have said nothing.)
Abusers want to take away your character and credibility. It's a way to control you. Some male abusers will even go so far as to alienate their victim from family and friends and also may take away the use of the car or make you sell your own car. I had a cousin that was married to an abusive man and he forced her to sell her car. It just got worse and it ended up where he almost succeeded in throwing her out of a 7th floor window in their apartment. After she left him (with the help of her grown son) she made the bad mistake of writing him and asking him to send the rest of her clothes and all her craft materials (she was a wonderful cross-stitcher and her work was worth a lot of money.) He complied and sent all she asked, but everything he sent her was shredded by a knife and anything breakable was broken.
Abusers need that control and if the person is fortunate to escape this hell the abuser can often become enraged and will do anything to make their victim suffer because they are angry they no longer have control over her/him.
I would like to add that men also can be abused. Most men are brought up to not hit women and don't think for a minute most women don't know this. Some women can hit, slap, throw things at their mate, use vulgar language and do physical damage that you wouldn't believe. I've known a couple in my lifetime. Men can receive black eyes, broken noses, bruising, cracked or broken bones. As a society we are brought up to realize the male as physically stronger than a woman, but what is a man to do if a woman comes at him like a deranged wounded grizzly. He doesn't want to hit her so often he'll take the abuse. Women who abuse men aren't that fussy where there are at if she decides to verbally abuse him and will often create an embarrassing situation while out at a party or visiting friends. He can't talk to his friends because he feels too embarrassed and probably his buddies would have little good advice to give him and tell him to smarten up and let her have it. The man is stuck! Things are changing and there are now programs for Abused Men.
The way to tell if a person is being slightly abused or badly abused isn't all that hard to define and a psychologist told me this: If the person you are with (husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/family member or just a friend makes you feel incompetent, unhappy and guilty more often than not then it's time to move on. Even if they have not hit you, but verbally pulled you down to a point you are very unhappy and lack confidence it's time to get away from them. Reserve your energy for yourself and NEVER lose your self confidence or the lack of knowing your own strengths.
How can you relieve yourself from a messed up past?
Take this answer with an open mind, because if you are defensive, it will not help you. Every decision we make has an an effect on future events and other decisions we will have to make in our future. You and only you are in control of this process. Life is 1 % what happens around you and 99 % how we react to it. If someone is in a bad mood, will you allow them to steal your joy and pass that bad mood along to you? Hopefully not. The same thing applies to how you begin your day. You have the choice to 'decide' if you are going to be in a good mood or a bad mood. This decision will reflect the other decisions and the moods of the people you meet. This also applies to whether you continue to let that something that happened in your past to be a weight like a ball and chain that you feel you need to carry with you possibly for the rest of your life. Some people wear their pain on their sleeve like a badge and show it off to everyone looking for some sympathy but this gets old fast and like the saying goes misery loves company, you will run out of listeners. You have to decide to cut that umbilical cord which still causes you pain. I was told this by a friend. Take a piece of paper, or more as needed and write down what is painful that you want to put in your past. When done, place it in an envelope and seal it. On the outside, write the date of which you have 'sealed' your past behind you. Place it on your mantle, or a place where you can view it in plain sight every day. Know in your mind and heart that what is inside that pandoras envelope as it were, is now in your past and cannot live past the date which you made the conscious decision not to let it effect the rest of your life. You may feel like you are the only person that has gone through this type of thing. You are not alone, believe me. People you meet every day who may not show it are or have gone through similar issues and they either have controlled it, or let it become a controlling factor in their lives. The question for you is which one will you be.
I have a lot of favorite sayings, I collect them in fact. My favorite is: I regret not my past. I live for today. I will make my tomorrows. Broken down it means:
I regret not my past: At no time should anything that you have experienced in your past which may not have ended on a good note should effect your life today other than to know that to experience pain is normal. It teaches us not to do those things again. We were not born as adults. We have to learn through experience. To err is human, and I could be an instructor in that area.
I live for today: This means that at no other point in your life will you experience or be able to experience this moment again, so make the best of it. You can either choose to be happy, sad, angry or many other emotional choices. I Have been through all of them and in a good mood feels the best. Yesterday is history, tomorrow, a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why its called the present. If you are dwelling on the past, you miss the present.
I will make my tomorrows: If you don't plan your steps, they will be random. If you plan to do nothing tomorrow, the odds are nothing will be done. Get a notebook and paste pictures of items and accomplishments you want like furniture, cars, a house etc. Add to this as often as you wish and also list accomplishments that you have achieved, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you at the time. It can be your journal to refer to when you have doubts about your abilities or want to review your accomplishments and levels of maturity. Ghandi said 'You have to be the change that you want to see in the world.' As a former paremedic, I was blessed to see some people who looked deep in their hearts and found the will to say no to death. Every day, you can die a little or live a little. The choice is yours, and yours alone.
!!!!!!!!...... (Just remember) ....you never know how long you may live your life, so why not make it worth living? There is no point in remebering what happened in the past and upsetting yourself. It happened! and there is nothing in the world that could change the past... ! Think about your future and go for the things you love to do in yourlife .... !!!!!!!!
How does a wife know that she and her children are being emotionally abused?
To simplify this it's when a person totally controls the wife and children and has no rhyme or reason for any decisions they may make. Here are some clues to emotional abuse regarding wives and children: Not giving the wife any control of the finances. Not allowing her to have a car. Not allowing her to go out with friends. Not giving her freedom of her own personal opinions and if she gives one the abuser will tell them to shut-up or they don't know what they are talking about. Controlly her like a child as to what she would like to buy for herself and the home (within reason.) Verbally abusing the wife in front of friends or the children. Calling the wife names such as "stupid", "fat", "a cow" or she isn't a good mother (they do this on purpose because it's the one thing that really hurts most mothers) or she never can cook a decent meal (when there is absolutely nothing wrong with the meal.) I have a girlfriend whose husband will literally take the dinner plate and turn it upside down if he doesn't like the meal on that particular night. I was shocked she actually took this abuse because if my husband did that he'd be wearing the plate and whatever was on that plate! Easier said than done, well my first husband was verbally/physically abusive and I never took one thing he had to dish out to me. He was cruel and miserable and nothing pleased him. One day I hit him in the face with a plate of spaghetti because he had said some very cruel and upsetting things about my brother (I thought my brother was dead) and when my husband said "it was joke" I flipped out. There he sat with spaghetti hanging off his face and the best he could offer up was "You clean this trailer up!" We were living in a construction camp at the time. I told him I'd be happy to clean up the trailer, so I went out and got the garden hose and proceeded to go right through the trailer and I nailed his hide while I was at it. NEVER again did he ever joke with me that way again, but he did continue to cheat. As far as children the verbal abuser can be that he's mean to the bone with them verbally by saying hurtful things or making remarks to them about what a miserable mother you are to not allowing the children to go out with friends, go to special events and loves the total control of making not only the children miserable, but the wife as well. Calling the children names, taking their self-confidence away from them and giving the children the distinct impression they are stupid and useless. If this is happening to you then you need to know the law and the fact that YOU own half of everything he has! See a lawyer on the QT. So, you won't be destitute if you should want to take the children and leave him. If you are thinking of staying with such a person for the sake of the children don't!!!! It solves nothing and it can cause future psychological problems for you and your children. If he is not abusive then stand your ground when the children are not home (if they are young have a relative look after your children for the night) and stand your ground with this bully! Tell him how it's going to be and if they don't like it that's the end of the relationship. The court of law generally would rather the children stay with the mother and will also decide if your husband is suitable enough as a father to have partial custody. If the children don't want to see their father the court of law will take this into consideration as well. Good luck!
How do you dropp a domestic violence case?
by refusing to press charges with the district attorney and police. sometimes though, more usually than not, the district attorney will use the information gathered from the initial police report and prosecute the offender anyways if he or she feels they can get the conviction from that report alone. At that point, it doesn't matter if you still wish to press charges or not. Good luck
What does it mean when a guy calles you a prick?
It means that they r a sissy weak and slow and cant man up
How people who harm and abuse conceal what is happening?
- Individuals who are physical or verbal in nature have a set pattern. Many abusers can be charming; likable; win over family members of the person they are going out with. Little by little the abuser's pattern of control over their victim (and they are a victim of an abuser) can simply be as innocent as telling the prospective victim what to wear or not to wear or, telling the person what to order in a restaurant. The control at the beginning is so minor that the prospective victim is not even aware of it. The abuser will control with one hand and perhaps give gifts with the other leading the victim innocent to the fact they are starting to be controlled. It is a myth that poverty stricken individuals to uneducated people are abused and media noted individuals (and in all aspects of life) can be abused. Slowly the abuser segregates his victim from their family and friends and eventually, if they choose to live together or marry the abuser will be sure to live some distance away from the victim's family. As the months go on the abuser then psychologically works on his victim causing the victim to feel disorientated; guilty; demoralized and has a great lack of confidence. Sometimes the abuse is physical and 'the slap' at first, by the abuser, was a 'mistake' and the victim believes it will never happen again as the abuser has apologized, but it does happen over and over again and the beatings can become worse. If the couple should go out in public the abuser holds a tight rein and threatens the victim to act normal as if nothing were wrong. The victim always accepts what the abuser says because they do not want to be physically harmed. Some abusers can go so far as to threaten the person's life; that of any children they may have together or even the victim's immediate family. To the abuser the victim is chattel (their property) which they feel gives them the right to treat the victim as they wish. It is also a myth that only men abuse women, but the statistics are showing that women can also abuse men. Most men are brought up not to strike a woman and do not and it leaves the male victim in a difficult situation. Males are not the type that would tell friends that their girlfriend or wife are physically attacking them or verbally abusing them as men have basically been brought up as being the dominant one physically and only women are abused. So, the male victim is left to fend for himself and do the best he can. Like the female victim he will cover up any sign of abuse because of shame and the guilt of letting it happen. There are Abuse Centers for both women and men in many States and in Canada.
Can an argument provoke abuse?
Though it does not provide the abuser with a reason, justification, excuse, or anything else except in their own minds, it is possible to provoke abusive behavior in some situations. For example, if a couple is having an argument, the person who is being abused might know they should stop arguing before their abuser's buttons are pushed, but continues arguing knowing that it will result in abuse. This is not saying that abuse is acceptable or that abuse is the fault of the victim, it is just answering the question. More often than not, though, the person being abused does absolutely nothing; the abuser just "goes off" and the abuse is done. No matter what the victim does, abuse is never the fault of anyone other than the abuser.
Here are more answers:
- You can provoke anger, irritation, love, liking, admiration, respect, sadness, sympathy, etc...., but abuse is action (or inaction) that hurts another. even if you are actually provoking anger (for instance), there are healthy ways of expressing that and working through it which are not abusive.
Can you provoke abuse? I lived with abuse for 25 years.Can you provoke abuse?Yes not and I repeat not intentionally.When a person is provoking an abuse person it may be just a simple gesture or answer to him.This can escalate the abuse.It doesn't take much to provoke the abuser because they have a distorted personality.But intentionally provoking no.
- I believe that you first have to understand the cycle of voilence. It comes in the form something like this.. Woman is married, her husband hits her, calls her names, tells her really ugly things, belittles her, abuses her in every way possible. Then tells her he loves her. She is craving that love, she knew before things were "Bad" in the beginning she doesn't understand why he does this, she just knows that she wants to love him, and him to love her. Pretty soon whether you are conscious of it or not provoking him to do the things you know might lead to the anger... because you know you just want to hear the love. Or hear the nice things after he blows up. It's part of the cycle of voilence. Its always painful, even if you aren't aware your doing it. Subconsciously we do things sometimes we would stop if we even knew we were aware of the behavior. The cycle of voilence is ugly... for everyone involved... kids especially. They are the TRUE victims.
- Honey don't you for one second blame yourself. Anything can provoke an abuser. That is what the abuser wants you to think. Then he is not to blame in his mind. And he tries to make you feel like you did something to get this beating. If you have a dog and that dog is lying quietly napping and you start kicking the crap out of it until it is nearly dead who's fault is it yours or the dogs? If you are being abused it is the abusers fault every day of the week. Get out even if you have to go to a womens shelter. I am a survivor of abuse and I can tell you you may have to do things you don't want to but in the end your life is better without the abuser. You may have to live with relatives and expose this ugly story. Be strong and remember God loves you and if you ask he will help. Get out. I look back now and I can't believe I let myself get into that position but it happens. Time will be your friend if you get out.
- I believe you can provoke abuse. With abuse. I watch it constantly. She pursues him. She puts him down constantly. Tells him he is stupid, and mean. tell him he's a bad father. Follows him from room to room like his counselor told him to do. Traps him in a corner and screams in his face. Tells him that doing what he is supposed to be doing is because he is afraid. Makes him at fault for everything. Then he hits her. What he does is abuse. But what she does is also abuse. Just not physical. I watch her get beat up, and I see her tear him to nothing. Literally. At the end of the fights, after he hits her, he ends up apologizing for all the things that were not his fault. They are both mentally ill. And both are abusers, and victims. You sure can. If you know what buttons to push, why do you push them?
- It can certainly be provoked especially with someone that you know has abusive tenedencies, anger managment problems or is short fused. HOWEVER...it is NEVER the provokers' fault for someone else to commit abuse. Everyone has control over themselves.
- OMG! I agree with the last answer and want to add to this. As a counselor and a woman who was abused by two husbands for 10 years and 5 years (I walked right back into it ) even though I had taken 4 years of counseling and knew all the signs! I want to warn you those of you who are BLAMING yourself or blaming others for PROVOKING an ABUSERS WRATH. OMG BACK OFF and SHAME ON YOU!!!!!
- ANY man or abuser who will Lash out in anger and hit, strike, punch , poke, scratch, throw something, no matter WHAT caused the anger , is not a man. A person who does this over and over has a problem. AND if the woman is indeed hitting the man FIRST and he is hitting her back then she also is an abuser. But Im talking here about a woman like me who sat and took abuse year after year after year and never ONE SINGLE TIME did i lash out back or retaliate or hit or poke or throw or even scream. I simply put my hands over my eyes and head and took it til he calmed down and I find in counseling other women that the MAJORITY do the same. YES you have a lot that DO hit her man, that DO lash out and scream and provoke but there are the majority that are simply the punching bag to his pent up frustrations of his work day and if she want to unwind ,....too bad.
How do you keep an abusive father away from children?
You need to remember and write down the reasons you left so that you can come back to reality. Abusive partners can seem like the most charming, best friend when they are trying to entice you back into their web. During your first time away, spend your time doing things you enjoy and being safe. I had a therapist during the time I was leaving and for awhile after, which really helped. Your friends and family just don't have the boundaries to really help keep you safe. Also, move to another location and do not provide the abuser with the address. Put blocks on your phone, email and facebook.
Get support from a loved one. Abusers try to alienate you so that you must rely on them. Open your eyes and prevent the situation from happening again by staying close to people you trust and being weary of possible abusers. Never be away from family and friends. Lastly but most importantly develop a relationship with god and learn to value yourself
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND REALIZE YOU DESERVE BETTER
Think of your child all grown up... would it be ok with you for him/her to be in the situation you are in? If not, you need to find any way you can to end it completely and safely. No matter what kind of abusive situation or unhealthy relationship the most dammage is done by repeating your choices and patterns.
- Try imagining yourself an enabler and you are enabling the abuser. That should make you see how wrong your part is in the relationship.
- Try to keep a journal right after you were abused! Then when you are thinking about getting back together read it!
- It's almost the second day since I have been without my boyfriend. I am pretty sure he is abusive and it is extremely hard not to take him back. We have been together a little under a year, but he surely has me. Our biggest fight happened on Saturday. I have seven bruises from him. I am trying just to occupy myself so I don't think about him. I haven't changed my number yet, but I might have to to keep him away. He is very good at reeling me back in. I am going to try my hardest and actually listen to my friends this time. That's my biggest piece of advice is to listen to your friends. They know more than you. They will see what you don't. I always thought he would change for me, for him, for us, but now I realize that he never will change until he admits he has a problem. He always says he'll get help, but never does. He always says that he is going to be better, but doesn't. That's what I realized about this type is that they are all talk. They know what you want to hear to get you back. He even sent roses to my work, showed up at my work with flowers and a teddy bear and money for the cell that he destroyed of mine by throwing it on the floor. I should have realized that destroying my property is wrong, no matter what. I know that I have a long road ahead of me until I am completely healed from him (emotionally and physically), but I also know that I deserve better.
- I volunteer for an Abused Women's Center and all women of any age or race can go to the Center and seek help. It is not a matter of just simply 'listening to your friends' but each abuser has a different MO. Some will curse you out if you leave and move on, while others stalk and threaten you (also family and friends) and sometimes the ending to the relationship can end up being a disaster (generally to the victim.) This is very serious so don't think you are just going to be able to walk away without some sort of repercussions and that's all the more reason you should have a plan to stay with a trusted friend or relative and have them go along with you to the Abused Women's Center and they will counsel you and protect you. These are reasons you should seek this help: #1 Abusive partners don't generally give up on their victim because they are into controlling and will 'tell you' when and if you can leave. Beatings can occur and sometimes they are brutal beatings. You need the help of a counselor to help you through this process. #2 If your abuser is stalking you the Abused Women's Center will provide you with a legal counselor that will protect your rights and hopefully put this abuser behind bars for awhile (although not long enough as far as I am concerned.) #3#4 A high percentage of victims of abuse go back to their abusers because they have been brain-washed and end up with low self esteem and a feeling that they aren't good enough to make it out in the world. The abuser has done their job well. The victim also feels that no other man would want to bother with them (again the abusers tactics to control.) So, the victim goes back to their abuser and the abuse generally becomes even more brutal. The death rate from abusing women has gone up in leaps and bounds. This is where counseling comes in so you realize it wasn't your fault for falling in love with an abuser. Abusers can be very charming and you don't always see the warning signs at first and eventually are blind-sided by your abuser. Counseling will teach you to watch for those signs and be more careful whom you choose to date or to live with or even marry. Abusive behavior is not love and don't even think it is. When someone loves you they treat you with respect, loyalty and share with you. Abusers are well aware of what they are and they will generally pick on shy or innocent victims. Abusers will show all signs of loving the person and in some cases can even give many gifts to them and show them a good time out on the town. They are foxy and will ever so gently begin to alienate you from your friends and eventually your own family. Abusers like to isolate their victims so they have more control. Once you live with an abuser (married or not) they have you right where they want you. Then you have lost control of your independence. You are a victim and have done nothing wrong to deserve any abusive behavior. Abusers have no back bone and while great at beating up women (of any age) they fear a one-on-one with another man. The Abused Women's Center will also take you to a 'Safe House' where you are well hidden and your abuser can't find you. You will be expected to do your share of chores there as well as take their counseling programs. Once legalities are out of the way then you can either go back to school or they will help you find work and a place to live.
- I know it may not seem simple and it isn't. As long as you realize you are worth more and deserve better than to get treated like an emotional and physical punching bag and get angry about it and you will free yourself. If you don't get angry about your right to be treated like a human being, you will be stuck in that horrible yo-yo relationship forever. Make a decision.
- I am truly proud of you for getting out and trying to stay away from him because not many women can do it. If you go back to him after all he put you through, then something disastrous could happen to you and you may not be so lucky the next time he physically abuses you.
- Women of any age who are in an abusive relationships are not stupid! They are warriors! Unless someone has been in an abusive relationship they simply don't understand what can happen to the victim and why that victim may choose to go back to their abuser. One must study abusive relationships in order to realize that their abuser is a master at his/her art of hiding their true inner abusive ego. They actually manipulate and brain-wash their victims as well as beat them into submission (fear factor.) Should the victim decide to leave they are thrust out in a cold hard world of reality and even though they may be blessed with family and friends backing them the victim feels they are not truly wanted and in some cases the victim feels embarrassed and a lesser human being because they lived with the abuse for as long as they did. If family and friends really want to help then they should study the mind of an abuser on the Internet. It is important that some people realize that the victim may have well been threatened by her abuser that if she leaves he will hunt her down and sadly this is often true and the end result can be devastating and can even lead to murder because in the mind of the abuser his victim is his property! The abuser will often threaten harm to her family or friends and if there are children involved the abuser will use this link to keep his victim close by telling her that she is a poor mother and he will get sole custody or, in some cases he will kill the children. When an abuser makes a threat the victim and anyone associated with her should take this to heart because the abuser will often follow through with the threat. Laws are slowly being changed to protect abused women. Abusers should get a jail term and the victim should be able to live a peaceful life and work and enjoy their private life without fear her abuser will catch up to her.
- Realize that you're better than they will ever be, and you do not deserve anything like that. I was in one myself and honestly the only thing you can do is be strong and keep telling yourself that you are strong enough to be without them. I'd rather be alone than be abused every day.
- You should never ever take an abuser back into your life. When they realize that you were capable of leaving you they will treat you even worse. Think about all that pain and suffering you went through. Why would anyone want to go back with that person. You are better than that. Either way they were wrong to have ever been abusive. You know you deserve better and they don't deserve you at all. I hope in a way i managed to help.
- If you are intent upon suicide, take the abuser back. They will eventually, after bringing as much pain as possible upon you, kill you.
- If you want to LIVE, don't ever look back. Move to another town/state/country if you have to, change your name, do whatever it takes to get away. There are battered spouse identity change programs at every hospital.
- Find a support network, people to help remind you why you left in the first place.
- I was in an abusive relationship for over five years. Until the end of that time, I didn't even realize how abusive my ex was. I thought I deserved it, his harsh words and the pain, but after I left, I still felt miserable. There were many days I thought of going back to him, but I had support from old friends who I had cut off contact with because of my ex. When they heard I was leaving him, they helped by not just listening to me, but pointing out to me all the bad stuff that they had seen him to do me, over the years. They gave me some of their confidence until I could find my own.
- Always remember you deserve better. Your heart will tell you what you want, but your mind will tell you what you need. Never ignore your mind.
I wish I knew how to answer besides hitting the "improve answer" button. That just seems like I am improving on someone elses answer and that is ot what I am trying to do. I am just trying to answer. Anyhow, after an entire life of battering, beginning in childhood (my father raped my mother and my mother was full of outrage and took it out on me all my childhood) I have been single and alone for more than five years. This was the best thing I ever could have done for myself even though at first I did not want to be alone and couldn't imagine not being "in love". But this time alone has given me so much insight into myself and abusers. Now there is not one abuser in my life of any kind, not even an abusive family memeber. If my so called "family" can't be decent to me they can hit the road just as much as any stranger. I can now spot abusers by their actions and attitudes and even the tone of their voice. I can spot an abuser who laughs inappropriately when there is nothing funny, or purses his lips in amusement when there is nothing to be amused about. I've been stalked as a single woman, sexually harrassed, preached at, solicited for prostitution, have known men who thought they could "buy" me and then own me. No one owns me, I am as free as can be, free to be myself. The hardest part has been financial but I'm okay with a simple safe and sane life. My advice, get your own place, one that you can afford, and you'll be greatful that every night when you come home from work you dont' dread going home to an abuser, and every morning when you wake up he isn't there to hate you. If you pay your own way you are essentially an equal (although you always were) and you can speak your mind and be yourself and if they don't like it, that's ok because they aren't paying your bills. And if they don't like what you say or do, however harmless, innocent or just human, all you have to do is walk away and you don't have to argue with anyone about your right to grow and develope and learn and make mistakes and do good things and just be yourself and a human being. I'd love to have love in my life. But since all I've ever had is hatred, contempt, hypocrisy, disrespect, double standards, domination, treachery, betrayal and the absolute denial of my needs and even my existence (yes! denial of my existence, a verbal denial), well I'd rather be alone. None of that stuff has anything to do with love, it is someone who is extremely bent out of shape because he can't accept the fact that he doesn't make all the decisions. Decisions are to be shared and you make choices and decisions too, and hopefully you have decided to choose the good.
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Love yourself. If you love yourself, you're not going to let anybody physically abuse you or even emotionally. Plus, I'm pretty sure you're gonna find someone better. Some who will really love you. I know it's overly used, but it's true love doesn't have to hurt.
Your family, in particular your mother, will be the best one to help you stay away from an abusive relationship. Therapy will work but without strong love you will not stick. Talk with your family and they will give you the strenght to say enough is enough. Always remember that only a mother's love cured your bad days through childhood. Build a bridge of trust with your mother, father, siblings and you'll prevail. No man is worthed to make you lose your self-respect and the respect from your family.
What do you do when your boyfriend thinks all about him and talks about himself all the time?
You know, maybe you should really consider about finding someone else because really, think about it?? Do u want a man who is so stuck on himself? You should try to find someone who actually cares about you.
How to quickly resolve a child abuse allegation?
You should ask your child about it.
Tell him/her that its not their faults and try to get it out of them if their Mother/Father/Friend/Another person in the Family has hurt them physically or mentally.
Who was the Spanish ambassador that criticized McKinley?
Enrique Dupuy de Lôme wrote "... McKinley is: weak and catering to the rabble, and, besides, a low politician, who desires to leave a door open to me and to stand well with the jingoes of his party." in his letter. The incident is known as the De Lome Letter and acted as one of the primary triggers of the Spanish-American War.
What does a man wearing a wedding ring on middle finger of the left hand mean?
Signifies a willingness to cheat on ones spouse in social situations. It worn like that when looking for sex outside of marriage. For some spouses, it signifies seperation and availibility for promiscuos behavior.
How can a person heal from an abusive relationship when they feel they are emotionally raw?
To do things to improve ones self such as joining a gym,therapy groups,maybe school or a new trade, socializing with friends, and going on dates. Its been nearly 9 months since my separation and I'm just barely coming to grips with myself and the realization that I can get out there and be productive and positive. Of course my Ex would like to see me in jail or thrill to see me down, but I have to find a way to be happy in all that I do, i have to and I won't give up on me. It may sound abit selfish but how can we love another if we don't love ourselves first? To do things to improve ones self such as joining a gym,therapy groups,maybe school or a new trade, socializing with friends, and going on dates. Its been nearly 9 months since my separation and I'm just barely coming to grips with myself and the realization that I can get out there and be productive and positive. Of course my Ex would like to see me in jail or thrill to see me down, but I have to find a way to be happy in all that I do, i have to and I won't give up on me. It may sound abit selfish but how can we love another if we don't love ourselves first? Decide that you are a worthwhile project and invest in yourself. Do something you love to do (I love to draw and took a drawing class).... And remember, things will get better and before, you knew what you knew and now, you know better and you'll do better. Make the most of your time here on earth. Reach out to others and you'll see, not everybody is sick and mean....Have faith? good luck with it all someone who knows what you are going through. I'd say in addition to doing things you like to do, also embrace the grieving process head on. It hurts to cry and get over that heartache feeling, but if you supress your emotions, I believe it delays the grieving process significantly. It's okay to cry. Let it all out and heal faster.
Why do victims of abuse blame themselves?
Abusers often manipulate the victim to make them believe that everything is their fault. The guilt is unjustified, but it sometimes takes a long time for them to realize and come to terms with. You should be very sensitive to a victim who is in this position, and give them the reassurance that they deserve. This is not their fault, and the abuser wants this reaction to convince the victim to go back with him.
GArbage dumps are a simple form of waste disposal. They are unsatisfactory in many ways.
Waste disposal can be handled iat several levels. The hierarchy of disposal methods is:
* Littering/roadside dumping * Garbage dumps * Landfill sites * Sanitary Landfill sites * Industrial Landfill sites * Toxic Waste Industrial Landfill sites As indicated garbage Dumpds are only slightly better than roasdside dumping.
A garbage dump accumulates waste but has the following problems:
* No control over burning * No control over loose waste like paper that can blow everywhere * No control over vermin * No segregation of inert waste an d hazardous waste * No protection for surfac over ground water * No safety measures
What organizations can support victims of domestic abuse?
There are various organizations to support victims of domestic abuse including Amnesty, Net Mums, Women's Aid and Shelters. Help Guide has information to help battered women and advice for cancelling bank details. Shelters are set up for a woman to seek refuge.
Is your boyfriend a narcissist?
(Note: Narcissistic Personality Disorder is something that can only be identified by a mental health professional who has examined the person in question. Other than that, "narcissist" is a word meaning "loves oneself excessively" and is susceptible to varying interpretations.)
The following are testimonials that may give a person insight into making a layman's determination as to whether their boyfriend/girlfriend may be a narcissist.
Opinion 1:
I met my bf when he was married to another woman and I was also in a relationship. We fell in love and he told me, pretty much on the first date, that he wanted us to have children. The following months consisted of spending weekends together, going out drinking and partying. I fell pregnant after a few months and I decided to have an abortion, to which he said that he would leave his wife and take care of me and the baby. I ended up having the abortion.
We continued seeing each other and we moved in together. His wife found out a few months later (that he was living with me) and all hell broke loose. He called me and said that we could have no more contact, her screaming in the background. I was devestated. He moved back in with his wife and daugther. After 10 days we talked and he said that he was miserable, I was too. I forgave him for what he had done and we decided to give it another try and move back in together.
He started his divorce and we were quite happy, living together. We went on holidays, out and pretty much continued the way we had.
When i fell pregnant a year later I was very excited and happy. He then changed quite a lot. He would let me cry without providing any empathy or comfort (he would say that he would take into a hotel if I didnt stop crying), he would never ask how i was doing during my pregnancy, he would shout at me in the car if we were arguing, if I was ill he would compalin about the noise I made sneezing during the night.
When it came to the birth he told me (a week before) that he wouldn't be able to be there for the birth, he let me believe this for a couple of days before he switched and said that he would be there. When I went into labour he drank my applejuice that I had brought with me, and looked at me like I was asking him to climb Himalaya and was about to protest when I asked him to get me a chocolate bar from the vending machine in the hospital.
When I came home with the baby, he was disinterested, told the baby to shut the f... up when he made his baby sounds. He also said that I should take my baby and leave 5 days after the baby was born.
Since then it has been name calling and loads of stories of disrespect. Is this narcissism?
Opinion 2:
Yes it is !As long you are the other woman and he is in the honeymoon fase with you,really trying to get you and he is in the delusion that you are great ,perfect and The One,his wife or steady girlfriend will be the one that is a bad person,don't treat him rightcan't cook does not want sex etc....When you become HIS woman you are takin her place,he has secured you then YOU wil be the bad one...It did happenned to me too...2 years i was with him ,in a long distance relationship,very close together i was THE BOMB.THE ONE ....when he left the mother of his children and i went to be with him from Europe to the USA he changed...in 10 hours time.....nothing i did was good,withdraw affection,push and pull games,treating me bad and 10 minutes later nicely,he wanted me to leave and when i would he asked me please ,stay...and so on....come home with lipstick on his sleeve...devastating....i left and he is no contact ,no friendship no nothing,not even a phone call asking me how i am doing....he knows i have health issues,they don't care about anybody,not even themselves....just go and don't look back....they don't change ;only for worst....
Yes and no. Child abuse can take many forms. But the result, or the impact it has on the child, is emotional and psychological.
The forms child abuse can take are emotional child abuse, psychological child abuse (also referred to as mental child abuse), and physical child abuse.
How do you leave an emotionally abusive family?
yes you should because verbally and emotionally abusing someone is wrong and the person that is receiving that doesn't deserve it...
AnswerIf your husband is on any medications then look up the side effects on www.Google.com Type in the name of the drug. Sometimes people on medications can have varied personality changes. If this isn't the case then suggest that either he goes with you to some type of counseling or it's over! If he refuses to help himself then yes, it's time to leave. Life is too precious to waste over someone that is miserable, demanding, and verbally abusive.Remember, look up any meds your husband is on and it wouldn't hurt you to see your family doctor and see if there is any way the doctor could get your husband in for a so-called physical to see if there are any reasons for this behavior.
What can you do to stop woman abuse?
1.Find a good man (If abusive boyfriend).
2.Live in a good part of town\city.
3.Live in a good country..
4.Carry mace.
First and foremost, Mothers, raise your sons to respect and protect women. And do not rermain in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship yourself. Children learn what they see.Help and support you local Women's shelter, any way you can, even with donation of clothingfor women and children or toys for the kids.
What if you like another guy but you have a boyfriend?
A girl can still like a boy even if she has a boyfriend. But she might not break up with her boyfriend. To tell if a girl likes you, she might smile at you alot, want to sit near you and ask her friends about you.
