Children and Divorce

I don't know the whole situation, but this is a common problem. If you are trying to keep him more to yourself and not sharing your lives with his family then he has a point. If you aren't like this and he tells you that his family comes before you and the children, you must have a talk with him. If he refuses to discuss this, then temporarily pack his bag and send him back to his family until he gets the idea. Once you put a ring on a woman's finger (same goes for the wife) then you are connected to two families and you must share to some degree, but once married it means that your wife comes first and of course your children, then your family. Stand up for your rights. Try to work it out, but if he won't budge on this issue he is not respecting you and any love you may have for him could quickly fade and it could also be very hard on the children. Good luck Merry Christmas Marcy Family does come first. His wife and children, that is. After marriage, you are no longer "cleaved" to your parents. Every decision that is made in your home is between you and him. If you have to spend every holiday with his family, as I did, and did not want to, you need to tell him so. Putting his family first is not an option. Causes alot of resentment for you and eventually will cause much unrest in the marriage. He should get some counseling regarding this issue and if he chooses not to, he does need to pack his bags and go live with his family for awhile. Good luck to you. It is hard, but you need to deal with this issue quickly, as it will never get better, unless some action is taken. That can be hard, but ask God for guidance and help. Have been in your same shoes. God Bless, Peggy

open up to them, explain to them you arent as bad as their father tells you. you are human and have made mistakes but you make up for them and that's all your trying to do now.

I don't think this was about him and his ex but about the children. Children benefit from watching their divorced parents to be civil to each other and enjoy themselves together with the kids. And I imagine it's hell to be the only adult and take the kids to WDW. You need to be at least 2. Just because they get along and see the kids together does not mean he is leaving you. It just means that him and his ex can now be civil to each other and get along in front of the kids. Which mean they think about the kids FIRST. And that is the kind of man you want. If you one day have children with him you would want that civil behavior in front of the kids as well and you will like the fact that you can hang out as a family eventhough you are not married anymore. The kids must have loved it.

Answer Because it happens sometimes. Almost always it is just random chance. Don't think the parents had anything to do with it. However, with today's technology you can find out what deformities your child has.

they dont have to it just happens that way. no legal reason.

It should be stated in your divorce decree. It depends on the custody arrangements and if you are interfering with any vistitation time of the other parent.

They're step-grandchildren.

It won't be nearly a expensive as adopting a child from an agency or a foreign country. But you should find a lawyer who deals with this and have the appropriate paperwork drawn up to make it legal. The best way to find a good, reasonably priced lawyer is by word of mouth. Ask around to people who have done this. OR try the yellow pages for lawyers who make adoptions legal and permenent. Call a few different ones, give them the bare-bones facts and choose one that you feel comfortable with and fits your budget. !

well u should always trust your kids! give them some privacy, but not to much. If u feel your child is walking up the wrong pathtalk to them and try not to punish them so hardly. That can upset them and that may cause them to run away. The upside of having a teen is they are maturing and becoming more independent all the time (at least most of them.) Try to remember when you were a teen and how you felt and go from there. The downside is, deep within you there is that nagging urge to keep them as your baby because you don't want to see them leave home. I call it the circle of life. You have your child from the time they were born until approx. 18 - 19 years of age. Suddenly, before you know it your teen is dating and off and running and some may want to move out. It's sad, but when teens hit their late 20's to 30's they have usually met someone they have fallen in love with and they usually become closer with their parents again and most certainly if they marry and have children. That's the circle of life! During teenage years some teens go through a tough time hormonally than others. Some teens breeze through their teen years, while some teens are moody, cheeky, dramatic, etc. The first thing to realize is you are NOT your daughter's best friend or your son's best friend, but their mother. Teens or not they need guidance and they need to know the word "no". They are warranted an explanation for your decision that includes them and they should be given respect, but then they should give it back to you. Don't be a parent that doesn't want to put a few ripples in the teen's pond. They have to learn (as they are still growing and maturing) they can't have it all their own way. They should be respectful at home or anywhere else if that is the way they are treated, taught to take charge of things and also to give them chores to do around the house. This teaches them there are no free rides in life. Have some fun with them and if they are open to it go to the odd movie with them and if you've got energy don't be afraid to learn a few of the dances the kids do. It's a riot and they a great chuckle out of it. It's family fun. Respect their privacy, but don't be afraid to ask questions if your teen seems moody or not themselves. If you suspect drug use then don't be afraid to go through their bedroom (only if you are sure they are doing drugs.) Ask if they'd like to sit down and talk about it. They may, but if they don't want too they may choose a friend to discuss their problem with, but assure them you are there. As much as you would like to judge them or tell them they are wrong you are going to have to gauge your teens and let them make a few mistakes on their own. Mom and dad can't clean up all their messes.

There is no law in any state that makes it 'illegal' for a parent to sleep in the same bed as their children (divorced or not). If you are truly concerned that your spouse is posing some sort of threat to your child, then this is an issue to bring in front of a judge. Cases such as concern for sexual abuse etc...are matters the courts do not take lightly -- and as such the courts do not take lightly to one parent accusing another as being a serious threat, so be sure you really have a true concern that you can back up with evidence before you bring this issue before the court. A family attorney should be consulted if you believe the child is in real danger.

Firstly, ask why do you hate him? Is it because your parents got divorced and you don't want another father in your life?, or is it something else. Talk to your mom about it. Since you love her, you should want her to be happy, and if he makes her happy, then you should not want to break them apart. If he does bad things to anybody (sexually, physically, or verbally abusing someone), tell your mom. If she doesn't believe you then go to a trusted adult to get help.

All in all, if he's a overall nice person, give him a chance! Talk to him about why he likes your mom, and maybe talk to both of them to see if you can get along. If you seriously cannot stand him, maybe you should try to see if you can live with another relative for a short time.

They sometimes actually think it's their fault.

Younger children might not understand very well.

Older kids might know that it's not their fault

but sometimes they feel like blaming themselves.

Also, they are usually sad if their parents divorce.

You can not control what he says to them when they are with him. Just wait. One day they will realize who spoke ill of the other parent and what is the truth. Meanwhile you don't talk bad about him and just keep on being a good mom. The kids will see it. If they repeat what he has said you just go: "Yes, I know that is his opinion". Don't take the fight. They will bring it back to him like fuel on a fire. Ask them if there is anything they wonder about the divorce or w/e it is he is angry about. Have a open and honest relationship with them. As they get older they will see him for what he's been doing.

a mouthy 12 yr old. well take their precious items away . what i did was i did'nt let her stay at any friends house's and made her help out with chores !

No, once you turn 18 you are a legal adult

Children are affected by divorce emotionally. The process of divorce may affect a child's performance in school and his ability to concentrate in studying. Most children who face parental divorce move to join gangs and drugs to fill that gap left by their parents

• Your mother is adult enough to decide whether she wants to see you and your partner or not. If your mother is physically abused and you know this then report it to the authorities. If she is not physically abused then she has made up her own mind not to see you.

Read the information in the related link I provided below. I would also suggest printing it out and giving a copy of it to your ex-wife. Hopefully, this will show her it is her child she's hurting, even though you are the intended 'target'.

And just keep being a good dad to your son, but don't retaliate by putting her down to him. This will only confuse him and make him feel caught in the middle, and that he has to choose sides. Besides, your son will soon see the truth for himself, which will not be a good thing for your ex-wife.

When one parent does all they can to turn their child(ren) against the other parent, it usually comes back at them and bites them in the rear. When the kids realize one parent has deliberately done and said things to damage their relationship with the other parent, they get extremely resentful of the parent who did that.

So your ex-wife needs to realize that, unless she wants her son to end up very resentful of her when he's a bit older, she needs to stop doing it - immediately. You may want to point out to her that right now it's her son she's hurting, but in the future she will be the one who pays for such atrocious actions when he wants noting to do with her for trying to turn him against his dad.

I would also remind her that kids need both parents, not just a bitter, resentful mother who is trying to infect your son with her venemous attitide, which is a very selfish thing to do. Children are not weapons, they are the victims of divorce, and often the weapons parents use against each other.

But in the meantime, just keep reassuring your son you love him, and let him know you are there for him. He will see the truth for himself soon enough.

It's time to sit and talk to your husband. Have a family member or a trusted friend take the children for 3 or 4 hours and shut the TV off, and keep the environment around you quiet. Tell him you aren't putting up with it and he has one choice ... smarten up, grow up or you're leaving with the children. If he refuses and still denies he's having an affair, then see a lawyer as soon as possible so you can get joint custody of your children and start divorce proceedings.

BEWARE! Unless you have actually caught him in the act, or a friend has seen him with another woman, then be careful you are not accusing him of something he hasn't done. Men can work long hours, shift-work and be extremely tired when they get home. He can show a lack of interest towards you and the children if he's bone tired. I realize raising 4 children is exhausting and it takes up much of your time, so perhaps you could sit down with him and simply ask him if he is unhappy in the marriage. Marriage and children are such a balancing act, and it's possibly time the two you made time for yourselves.

Women often make the excuse that they have children and can't afford a babysitter. I'm not buying that one. If you have girlfriends do a "trade-off!" You can take their children if they want to go out one night of a weekend, and they can take your children when you and your husband want to go out. Just because you have children doesn't mean you can't have some adult fun.

I think it's wiser to try first to save this marriage. Communicate with your husband. Children have a difficult time with divorce as I am sure you realize. To them each of you is just plain old "mom and dad" and nothing else matters. They don't understand what can happen between two adults.

If your husband refuses to work things out, then do as I suggested and seek out legal counsel and get joint custody of your children and protect yourself! You deserve the house and one vehicle and child support.

Good luckMarcy

Tks Marcy

Do you see what have my husband had replied!

Our problem is not my work or my business. The problem is about yourlow level of trust on me. Similarly, mainly because of this, I findthat I can't confide or trust you on a level that You would like.

Till a few days ago, I told you my business and my whereabouts. If youreally need to know any further, I don't mind sharing matters withyou. Till now You have kept taunting me with all other issues. Nowsuddenly, you have taken a new approach and showing sudden interest inmy business affairs. Very Interesting !!!

LET ME MAKE ONE THING VERY CLEAR, " THERE IS NOTHING ILLEGAL ORUNLAWFUL ABOUT MY BUSINESS ". However, I have to respect my clientsand maintain a high level of confidentiality. From my presentdealings, you get be well assured that there will be absolutely nocourt matters or illegal matters.

I am not a seven year old child for you to accompany me for mymeetings. It is almost as ridiculous as me asking to attend all yourCompany's meeting.

I do not wish to repeat and settle all matters for one or two weeksand then for you to show your true colours again. Perhaps, we shouldmeet on Thursday or Friday evening and sort out matters, once and forall. At this meeting, i will be very clear on what my directions wouldbe and I hope the same from You.

Please do come prepared with all your doubts and questions! because this will be a very importantmeeting in our lives!!=====

Marcy, my husband has written clearly that he did not trust me or by trusting me I might ruin his business, this is funny don't you think so...Marcy, I cannot divorce my husband because the society will laugh at me, this is my 2nd marriage. Maybe i shall separate from him for a while and stay with my mum with my children - what do u think?? I can't see my husband guiltness thru his face and trying to safe the marriage. Let him progress in this life or having an affair with his childhood friend it doesn't bother me.. the only thing is i can't see him going out late night and travel frequently and say that he has some urgent matters etc.. etc... I just do not want to see this... Pls help

It is an agreement that gives the counselees the option of confidentiality, meaning that it would be unlawful for the marriage counselor to devulge any information being discussed during the counseling session with anyone else, however, there are some exeptions do this general rule so it is important to fully read and understand the confidentiality agreement before signing it.

I don't think it is but it depends on what relationship she has with her biological dad and with the step-dad. If she has no contact with her biological dad and the step-dad has been in his place for many years and the only dad she knows, it would not surprise me. Maybe she even wants him to adopt her but embarrassed to say it.

Yes, i would say it would be worse, as the children could pick up his behaviour, it would be better for them to see the father on a less regular basis. But there is no way of knowing the outcome of either decision until it has been done, trust your instincts, if they say go, then go. Whether he is actually a narcissist or not doesn't matter here, as if you believe he is, then you are not happy -but don't stop him from seeing his children if you do leave. Take it from someone who lives with a narcissistic parent: divorce would be better. Children learn from modeled behavior. If they see you walking on eggshells and behaving oddly in an unreal relationship with an N, then that's what they learn. Best to go on without N and model healthier behaviors, limit contact with N and blossom yourself. One good enough parent can do wonders for children. Don;t give kids more info than age appropriate. Tell them they are too young to understand, they need worry about grades, chores and finding their passions. You will handle the rest and have things under control. Let them know it is OK to love other parent and give them info on where they are going to live and when they are going to see other parent. Parent your children and continue with a consitent routine that provides safety and gentle consitent guidance and teaching. Good luck. You can do this. Don't stay out of fear. That's what your children will learn from you. Tremusan

Voluntarily or involuntarily? There are separate statutes covering each scenario. (In either types of termination, the obligation to pay child support does not end unless the child is being legally adopted).