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Children and Divorce
This category covers questions concerning the emotional effects of divorce on children, as well as the best way for parents to make the divorce easier on the kids. It also covers different family problems children and parents face when dealing with the divorce of parents, and how to deal with them.
379 Questions
What if your husband has four children away from your marriage?
- Your husband should be paying child support for his children unless the mother of the children has remarried and her new husband adopts the children. It would be wise that he gets each child DNA tested to even be sure they are his children. If your husband did not let you know before you married him that he had four children then it's an injustice to you, but the two of you have to learn to communicate and decide on what the right recourse is to resolve this problem.
What is the rights of parents when they are separate?
The right of parents is to follow what the court tells them to do. If your child is required to see each parent then so be it. Each parent has to sow some kind of parenting figure in their child's life. Also to comfort them when they are having a bad day. The maion right is the child shares coustity with the parents or one parent gets to have the child.
What is another name for custodial interference?
Another name for custodial interference could be parental alienation. If the parent is not allowing the child(ren) to see the other parent or has interfered in a way that the children are so angry that they now don't want to see that parent, it is alienation.
This is a difficult thing to prove in court and deal with, but any type of custodial interference, where one parent is preventing the other from his or her visitation needs to be taken to the courthouse so a judge can put a stop to it. Children need both parents in their lives, unless there is a proven reason that it is not in the children's best interest to be with that other parent.
These are your children, too. They know you as well as anyone, and believe me, they will make their own decisions regardless of what he says. So, my advice is to maintain the best relationships you can with them and don't allow the drama of him or his comments to come between you. Lean heavily on the saying, "never complain, never explain." Find a place where you can enjoy one another and they will figure it out without your saying a word. If they don't, then you have to find your joy in your present life and family of the heart.
AnswerYour adult children should "catch a few more brain cells" and stay out of it! No one knows what goes on behind the closed doors of others and they have no right to take sides. I do believe they mean no harm and feel badly for both of you, but still, they are adults and they should stay out of it!There are two things you can do here:
- 1 Meet alone with your children and their mates. Tell them your side of the story and express to them you understand that they'd love the fact that you and their father would get back together, but they don't live with him and you did. DON'T BLAME EVERYTHING ENTIRELY ON YOUR EX HUSBAND as it will resolve nothing. Just tell them that he was difficult to live with, you are still fond of him, but now that they are grown adults you have a chance at life and you are going to take it!
- 2 Meet your children and their mates with your ex husband along for the ride. Get the truth out in the open. This solution is a hard one because I have no doubt he'll be in denial mode and the fights on.
It's important you nip this in the bud now, get it out in the open by either method I suggested above and move on.
A bit more:
The first answers have some excellent advice, but for a bit more: If you try to explain or defend yourself by putting down your ex husband, they will then spend their time and thoughts defending him. And as long as they are defending him, they won't be able to see him for how he really is. This doesn't mean you can't speak up at times, it just means don't be the one to bring it up yourself. But when your children do bring it up, you can calmly, but firmly tell them your side of it, but without outright calling your ex a liar.Also, if they criticize your actions (whether perceived or real actions) to you, you have every right to tell them what your truth is. But you also have the right to tell them it's between their father and you if you don't feel you owe them an explanation, or if you just don't feel like talking about it.
Just let them know you will always be their mother and will always be there for them, and eventually you ex just may screw up and show his real side to them. You may even have a few examples of when he's done them wrong to remind them of. Of course, I wouldn't recommend reminding them of it in a vengeful way, but in a way they can compare with present circumstances. But since they are adults, eventually they should see the truth. But if they don't, all you can do is try to have the best relationship with them you can in spite of your ex.
And if your best isn't good enough for them, then all you can do is wait for them to see their father for who he really is. And when they do, it will be painful for them, so don't say "I told you so". Just be there for them to lean on.
Often the parents getting the divorce are so embroiled in their own anger and the dividing of any properties, monies and custody of any children, that they forget their children's feelings and often children blame themselves for the breakup. Your ex husband made an attempt to see his children, but obviously he has met someone else and is selfish enough not to keep up the routine of seeing his children at the present time (he will regret this in the future.) Yes, it's quite normal for your five year old to seek out hidden pictures of his father and pine. That's his father and you are his mother! Children of five years old can understand certain things so it's important you involve both children and let them know that their father loves them, but he has probably met someone else and, hopefully in time he will start seeing them once he gets his life settled. This will give some peace to your children. While you are waiting for your husband to pick up the pace (you could also phone him and tell him that he could spend more time with his children) and if he argues about it with you then file for sole custody, but don't let the children know. It's wonderful that you have found a loving partner, but that's for your peace and security and your children simply miss their father and no one can replace him (no matter how miserable he may have been.) Talk with your new partner and let him in on what is going on and that it's important the two of you spend some fun and quality time with the children. He could play ball, basketball, etc., with both children or do it as a family. This is a good time to go on a family vacation for a week if you can afford it. It takes time and patience, but your five year old will come around. Meanwhile let him have the pictures as he is going through a grieving process. If you've tried everything and your son is depressed or 'acting out' four to five months down the road then it would be to your advantage to seek child counseling for him.
You can go to court and file for divorce without his permission. Then once its started during the proceedings the custody and financial info will be decided.
Is it suitable for a child to sleep in a dining room?
Probably not and you should be careful who you tell because some people may report you to social services
What if I don't want custody of my child post-divorce?
States set most child custody laws, but generally, parents can make custody arrangements that are appropriate for their living situations. If you don’t want custody of your child after your divorce, discuss this with your attorney, then with the other parent via mediation. You can probably set up an arrangement fairly easily.
Be prepared to answer some difficult questions when discussing your case with your attorney. Most lawyers will ask you whether you’re confident in your decision, and you may be advised to seek therapy. This isn’t because your attorney thinks you’re making the wrong decision—once you give up custody of your child, regaining custody would be extremely difficult, so you should make sure that you’re prepared to give up your parental rights permanently. The good news is that most child custody cases are resolved by parents and their attorneys without court proceedings.
Remember, giving up custody of your child will not remove your obligations to care for that child. You may need to pay child support, which is determined by your income, your child’s needs, and other factors.
There are many valid reasons to refuse custody. Don’t worry about being judged by your attorney or the other parent. As long as you’re acting in the child’s best interests, you’re ultimately doing the right thing.
So, what if you want to retain visitation rights but give up your rights as a primary guardian, and your ex-partner’s opposed to that arrangement?
If there’s a dispute regarding custody, the parents might end up in court. Attorneys will do everything possible to prevent this, as it usually doesn’t work out well for any of the involved parties. Child custody proceedings take time, money, and patience, and divorcing spouses usually have limited supplies of all three of those things. If you want limited custody of your child, and your spouse doesn’t want you to have any custody at all, you may end up in court.
If the case gets to this point, the court will evaluate the situation and create an arrangement in the best interest of the child. If a parent refuses to obey the court's visitation or custody decree, the parent may be in indirect contempt of court, which can mean fines or jail time for the offender. However, the parents charged with these violations are often trying to spend more than their allotted time with their child—not the other way around.
Note that this answer isn’t intended as legal advice. Talk to an attorney before taking any action, particularly if you’re involved in a divorce or a child custody case.
How does divorce affect children psychologically?
divorce and it's affects on children vary and depend on the children, and the situation of the divorce.
the younger the children are, the less they understand about the divorce.
some blame themselves, and some blame one of the parents, if not both.
sometimes, when the child is left with a single parent, who usually is the mother the child will either blame and resent that parent for messing up the unity that the child once saw that parent having with the no longer present spouse, or the child will form a very deep bond with that parent for fear of losing the one parent that child has left.
the substitution of another person to fill in the role of the parent who either left or is not in that child's life as much by introducing a step parent can be tricky and in some cases not healthy.
one should never try to compel a child to call a step parent "mom" or "dad", unless the kid wants to do so on their own.
Beware of abusive step parents and allow free communication from child to see if step parent might be abusive behind closed doors.
Should parents charge their grown children room and board if they're living in their parents' house?
I paid my parents 250 pounds a month when i got my first full time job at 17.We had to buy our own clothes and toiletries from our earnings aswell. My dad told me it would teach me the value of money and he was so right.I moved out a few years ago now and i know how to manage my money. Your kids will think it's harsh but honestly it's the best thing to do, I'll do it when i have children.
AnswerYou bet they should! I have no idea why young people think once they graduate but still live at home and are working why they shouldn't pay their parents rent. It boggles my mind! I have no idea where this came from, but for past years kids have gone out and worked and without asking have paid rent suitable to what their pay checks will endure. Your parents are trying to teach you responsibility with money so that when you move out on your own you won't have difficulties paying rent, electricity, gas, cable, phone and on and on it goes. I am sure if your job is not a great hourly rate your parents will only take off enough rent so you end up with some money to spend on yourself.Think of this one ... do you expect maid service? Well, that's exactly what you are asking from your parents. Your mother has more things to do than your laundry, cooking for you, making lunches for you, buying your clothes and wiping your nose! Late teens and on scream out that they are independent, but they sure don't act like it.
Your parents love you, want the best for you, and I'm sure if you lost your job or had some difficulties the door is always open to you and they wouldn't expect this rent if you weren't working. Don't get any ideas about quitting your job (if you have one) because if you aren't working then you should be doing the cooking, cleaning, and wiping everyone else's noses.
Marcy
On a side note, if you are saving for college(or a car or something you really need) and your parents have insisted that you must pay for it alone I think it is nasty of them to ask for rent. If you have to pay rent anyway you might as well move somewhere where you are living out from under your parent's rules and get that growing-up experience. If you don't want to have to live in the lower rent areas most young people have to live in, or you don't want to have to cook, buy groceries etc then you should pay rent. There is no reason for you to freeload of off your parents. Jeez, raising you was expensive, they have spent enough time and money raising you. But, ask why they want rent from you, that might be enlightening.
Absolutely! I am an adult living in my mother's home while on a temporary work assignment. I expected to "pay my own way" and was well aware that my mother expected that also (or I'd be living out of a suitcase in a motel). In my situation is not so much a matter of economics but rather one of personal responsibility and ethics.
Are there other fathers who lost their children to a narcissistic spouse after divorce?
A one word answer would be Yes. Narcissistic disorder is sometimes not the easiest one to identify and it is quite possible that a person may get away with it and retain custody - assuming she choses to retain custody for any reason.
In the majority of US states parents must file a parenting plan with the court when custodial rights are in dispute. Custodial issues are decided on what is in the best interest of the child, and it's up to the other parent and his or her attorney to prove the opposing parent is narcissistic. But even if they do prove it, that doesn't necessarily mean the judge will definitely rule one way or the other. It varies from case to case, judge to judge, and parent to parent.
What is the term when children divorce their parents?
its called disgusting who marries there children unless you are in a different country but still eww
What should you do if your parents will be upset about your pregnancy?
== == == == == == == == == == No parent wants to see their daughter pregnant at a young age and before she is married. It happens a lot and you aren't the first, nor will you be the last. I can understand your fear, but please, just take a deep breath and tell them. They will probably be angry, but most parents are there for support. Before talking to them you will have to think about whether you want to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. You can't expect your parents to start raising another child. Perhaps they would be willing to either let you marry the father of your child (if you aren't too young and want too and he does too) or, stay with them at home, continue school, let your mother look after the baby, but come straight home from school and start looking after that baby. If possible, and with your mother's permission (because she will be tending to the baby for longer hours than you) you could get a part-time job to help out. When you have figured this out have that talk with your parents. Remember, your parents love you and being pregnant isn't the worst thing that could happen. Losing you in a tragic accident or worse is far more heart rendering than you being pregnant. I promise, they won't be mad at you forever. Good luck Marcy
What are variable expenses with regard to children and divorce?
There are a number of things that would be considered as variable expenses depending on where you live.
Things like school fees, insurance, sports programs, and even child care would be a variable expense.
Are children a reason to stay in a bad marriage?
Well this is a hard topic and the fact that your letting a stranger tell you the answer to a life changing decision is surprising but I'll help you not give you an actual answer. If you really dislike your partner then i guess what needs to be done is done even though im catholic and against it and im the product of a split couple to. Split marriages can be known to lead to the child having physilogical problems so that's a good reason not to. But if you dislike this person that much to divorce then i can't stop you. I can't tell you an answer but i can say this, try to work it out talking it out but if all else fails i guess there is no other option.
In a divorce how old does the child need to be to pick which house to stay in?
They are not allowed to decide when they are minors so at 18 years old usually. In some states and countries the judge will take your wishes into consideration when you are 12-13 years old.
Why would a husband keep talking to an xwife when their children are grown?
It is called being mature, adult and well mannered.
Can you contact your husbands kids when he is the non custodian parent?
Unless your husband and/or you have been ordered by the courts to not contact them, or to not contact them without the mother's permission, yes, you can contact your stepchildren. It's actually quite common for a stepmother to contact her stepchildren, especially if they have a good relationship.
What happens when we divorce with children?
Both parties should hire competent attorneys who can assist the parties in making a good separation agreement and making the divorce proceeding as amicable as possible. Each party must realize that a divorce means everyone will have to make sacrifices. The children should be the main priority of both parents. They should be reassured that they were not the cause of the split, that they will spend time with both parents and that both parents love them. Neither parent should criticize the other in front of the children. They should remain united on matters of discipline. Divorce does not need to be adversarial and many are not when the parties are intelligent enough to know that getting along will make life better for everyone.
The parents should make a custodial agreement that is fair to everyone and the court will generally award child support according to the state laws.
A bit more:
What happens when a couple with children divorces depends on the parents, how they behave towards each other, and how they talk and behave around the children. The better the parents can get along with each other, the better it is for them but, more importantly, the better it is for the children. For more information see the related link below.
How do children deal with parent separation if there parents do not get along?
This will happen now and then through your life time and especially as a child. You just have to put up with it. Try to see their side as well as yours. Ask them if they would be interested in family therapy if you need your point to get through. Try speaking to them one on one. Be patient. No yelling or deep sighs.
If one parent is saying bad things about the other parent it's hurtful, but not abuse. You could say to your mom/dad, "I know you hate _____. But I just can't hear it anymore. It's not because I'm sticking up for _____. It's because it reminds me that we're all unhappy. I don't care whose fault it is anymore, I just don't want to hear the bad stuff."
If your parent is saying terrible things to YOU about YOU -- that you're dumb, or awful, or worthless ... yes, that's emotional abuse. You may not get them to stop that.
Could be, too, that your parent is very insecure that you're going to love the other parent more. They are pushing you away with mean words because they already fear they've lost your love or approval. Sounds pretty childish, huh? It is. Men and women do it to each other all the time and yes, parents even do it with their kids.
One thing you need to know: you have to build up armor against ugly words. Don't take it to heart. Your parent loves you. Deeply. But they are in pain, and they are feeling horrible, and they're striking out against you. Sometimes it just bubbles out, and they say the worst things. They feel ugly inside. So they say ugly words out loud. It's true, they should be nicer to you than anyone on earth. But you'll find out we often hurt the ones we love the most. When you grow up, make a commitment to yourself that you are not ever going to do that. In the meantime, know that you are a good person, and you don't deserve any of the awful words being thrown your way. Grown-ups carry a lot of pain, and they don't often manage it well. If one parent is saying bad things about the other parent it's hurtful, but not abuse. You could say to your mom/dad, "I know you hate _____. But I just can't hear it anymore. It's not because I'm sticking up for _____. It's because it reminds me that we're all unhappy. I don't care whose fault it is anymore, I just don't want to hear the bad stuff."
If your parent is saying terrible things to YOU about YOU -- that you're dumb, or awful, or worthless ... yes, that's emotional abuse. You may not get them to stop that.
Could be, too, that your parent is very insecure that you're going to love the other parent more. They are pushing you away with mean words because they already fear they've lost your love or approval. Sounds pretty childish, huh? It is. Men and women do it to each other all the time and yes, parents even do it with their kids.
One thing you need to know: you have to build up armor against ugly words. Don't take it to heart. Your parent loves you. Deeply. But they are in pain, and they are feeling horrible, and they're striking out against you. Sometimes it just bubbles out, and they say the worst things. They feel ugly inside. So they say ugly words out loud. It's true, they should be nicer to you than anyone on earth. But you'll find out we often hurt the ones we love the most. When you grow up, make a commitment to yourself that you are not ever going to do that. In the meantime, know that you are a good person, and you don't deserve any of the awful words being thrown your way. Grown-ups carry a lot of pain, and they don't often manage it well.
What does motion for change in venue mean?
Change of venue in a criminal case is something that will take place if the Judge/Court feels that the defendant cannot receive a fair trial in a given venue because of prejudice. In civil cases a change of venue may take place just for the convenience of the parties involved. It's basically the change of location from one court to another court or from one county to another county.
