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Relationships

~125400 answered questions
Relationships include parent/child, sibling/sibling, friendship, dating, marriage, and lots of others. They can be great, but many times they are problematic and can be unhappy or even abusive. This category is for questions about relationships, both good and bad.
Abuse is quite polymorphic, in that, it can assume many different forms depending on the circumstances, the cultural background, the history, and ofcourse, the individual quirks of the abuser. The bottom line in an abusive relationship is that the abuser says things that make the victim uncomfortabl…
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I don't believe so and I really hope not. Men aren't the enemy.   No, when women, like me, come to these sites, they are already in an abusive relationship and need to have confirmation that they are still an intelligent, vibrant, human that can contribute, rather than buying into all of the …
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Answer I am not making excuses for him, but he probably got more angry when you showed him because he was embarrassed and suprised at himself. BUT...it was not OK for him to leave bruises or "manhandle" you just because he was angry. You need to try to talk to him about it. If he gets angry again…
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Hello I try to stay close to people who are healthy (mrenatlly and emoninally and spirtually) and are growing themselves...like a recovery group of some type and a good 12 step group in which i can get some objectivity... But to maitain some healthy boundaries as well...when a very manipulative per…
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Do you always know exactly where he is, who he is with, and what they are doing? When he isn't at work, is he always with you, doing what you want to do? Do you get upset if another woman shows any interest (not necessarily sexual interest) in him?   People are not objects. You cannot "posses…
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Answer I would love to know the answer to that too. I think it is because they don't think they are strong enough to be without that person. That is part of the abuse the abuser uses. Answer It takes two to tango - and an equal number to sustain a long-term abusive relationship. The abuser an…
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It's what they know and got used to and sadly they end up coming back to it. The same thing can be said about girls who date losers.. Generally a lot of girls get their first conception of a man from their father. I.E. if a girl was raised from a loving sweet father, chances are she'll find the same…
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None. Unless you enjoy being abused and beaten, there is no potential. He will attack you sooner or later. He has the potential to kill you. If you read this and think : " Oh, no, he's so sweet and caring, etc etc", you are in for a bad surprise!   No one gets a five year sentence for …
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Answer very behavior - including infantile behavior - is abusive if it bothers you, you asked the perpetrator to stop, and he won't. Childish behavior is usually an attempt to avoid responsibility, accountability, and, above all, intimacy. Answer "Abuse" is when the behavior is causing harm …
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He can be "fixed". I fixed mine.   I agree with Lorena, he can be fixed, but not by her. First of all he has to want to be fixed. If he decides he wants to change his abusive ways, then he needs to get professional counseling. Either from a minister or a licensed counselor. Until he does this…
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Just be there for her the best that you can. It is very hard to watch someone you care being hurt but there isn't much you can do to make them leave. Support your friend in every way that you can. Try not to become angry or frustrated with them because they chose to remain in the relationship. …
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Yes, it is possible if you both make an effort to do so. My father and I are slowly repairing a relationship that had been destroyed as a child. it has taken many years, but I can understand more on why he was the way he was. It doesn't make it right, but it helps to understand.
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Name calling, threats, emotional absence - are all forms of abuse.
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I'm not sure it's abuse, but it is very wrong. And a sign that he has serious trust issues. He should really get some help. That is not heathly for a person to do. And it is illegal for him to break into your house. You should fix this problem before you start planning to get married. You may need s…
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Not an easy target and, in the long run, unworkable unless your partner is also willing to make some concessions and adapt himself.   I tried to stay in an abusive relationship trying to suppress my resentment from coming though. But the abuse became much worse and it became harder to suppres…
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Verbal abuse wears many forms. Isolating you from your friends is a form of control freakery. If this is an isolated event, you may overlook it, forgive, and forget. But if this is a repetitive behavior - he is an abuser.
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Survivors of abusive relationships suffer post-traumatic stress. It is not easy to get over it and, at times, you may require professional help.
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Abuse victims sometimes emulate the behavior of the abuser. By becoming abusive themselves, they are able to restrain the abuser. I started to hate myself and the person I was starting to become while with my abusive partner. I started modeling his behavior and doing and acting and thinking as he …
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Because as the Beatles say 'All you need is love'. Look at yourself, why are you going for these dickheads? As you get older it is important to live a life of grace, courage and respect. Don't go with your childish ways, be a mentor, be proud, pass on what you have learnt. All you have is the presen…
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%DETAILS% Answer Absolutely not, especially if you're not even allowed to mention that it bothers you. It's inconsiderate, to say the least.
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Its going to be hard, but you need to not yell at her in a load voice that still gets to me 2 years later. Then don't ever raise your hands at her even though you say you would never hit her. The raising of the hands is abusive enough. EARN HER TRUST! that's the most important thing to do, but it wi…
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It is common for abusers to look down on people for whatever reason. It is common for abusers to assume the high moral ground. And it is common for abusers to feel jealous but castigate jealousy in others. Decrying in others your own traits, emotions and behaviors is called "projection". It is a …
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slap her and tell your friend "boyfriends do not hit their girlfriends" only cowards do that.
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Answer That is part of the cycle that needs to be broken by you. You don't believe in yourself and have no self confidence or self esteem. You believe you deserve that kind of treatment...but you do not. Please find family and friends to talk to and get the positive reassurance you need right now…
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Haughtiness, a sense of uniqueness incommensurate with actual traits, skills, and achievements, hypersensitivity to criticism, hypervigilance, and a tendency to look down on people - are all common in abusers.
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Here are answers from a variety of WikiAnswer users: Extreme compartmentalization is not necessarily abusive. It may indicate, for instance, that the relationship is on shaky grounds. But if done deliberately to hurt and to control - it is abuse.Read "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt an…
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It is never wrong to abandon an abuser - especially if you find that you can forgive him no longer. It is not wrong to leave an abuser, his statements that he will change, even if he feels he is sincere, most likely are not. chances are any changes he would make would be temporary and it will no…
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Because they want sex. Or because they want money. Or because they want narcissistic supply. Or because they want some other form of gratification. Intimacy is not the only prize around.
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Do all person involved in this agree with it? Oh no ofcourse not. Then it would be called polyamorous. Is lying to someone abuse? It probably is. It sure is a sign that the relationship is not a healthy one and should be discontinued. Not only is it abusive but it could cost you your life is they …
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Passive-aggressive behavior is, by definition, abusive - it contains a pronounced component of aggression. To consistently frustrate someone else's expectations and efforts is abusive. Passive aggressive behavior, even without rage or violence, stops the flow of a healthy relationship based on comm…
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Depends how you define "relationship". Friends and lovers never batter each other. Codependence is not love.   If the abuser realizes his problem and seeks help in getting control of his anger and actively seeks to prove to you he is open to resolving the problem and you seek help to overcome…
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Few people - especially if they are really narcissistic - take kindly to being called narcissists.
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It is a warning sign of being possibly abusive.It's a form of control and that's where abuse usually starts.  Abusers seek to stifle the personal autonomy of their victims and to detach them from their support networks.  It is normal for a guy to say that, and it is because their jealous…
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First he'll start out nice to the point where you like him so much you wont want to break up with him. Then he'll start being abusive mental first little by little. Then he'll start to actually hit and push you. But he'll do all of this gradually.
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%REPLIES% Answer Get out of this relationship now. This is how my abusive marriage started but, it ended up being true in the end. Please takes the above words seriously. Answer WhatI do is I ignore him,sometimes he gets mad just because he sees me hanging out with some other guys I mean th…
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It is not easy, but it takes nothing more than time and being honest with yourself and family and friends. I bet talking to a counselor will also help.Me personally, it has been nearly one year since the abusive relationship ended. I still deal with trust issues and self esteem/confidence issues. I …
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Answer Most abusers are serial offenders. The same pattern is likely to repeat itself.
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For over a year and 1/2 I told mine that he was killing my feelings for him. It did not affect him AT ALL. In fact, the abuse escalated.   You can "TRY" to tell them but ultimately it doesn't matter to them. He doesn't see you as a person with real emotions or feelings or needs.Just like the …
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Not necessarily. But past violent behavior presages and reliably predict future violent conduct.
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Victims of abuse suffer from many conflicting negative emotions: helplessnes, rage, self-chastisement, guilt, and so on.   There are such a wave of emotions that an abuse victim go through after the relationship ends. For myself personally, being a believer in Christ, He bore the emotions I s…
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Yes, of course. But the violence in abusive relationships is inherent in the abuser. Such offenders have a propensity for violence. Their violent acts are not reactive - they are proactive, not in self-defense but as part of a pattern of objectifying and subjugating another.
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Red Flag to being in an abusive relationship. Especially if you have been faithful and you are constantly trying to prove it to your boyfriend while he is accusatory. Is he really cheating...you would have to do the detective work to find that out.
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Abusers associate love and intimacy with abusive conduct. Some of them think that abuse is proof of interest and emotional closeness!
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Answer To be quite honest with you maybe you should speak to him quietly sometime and tell him you are uncomfortable with the way he speaks to you when you make love with him. Answer Sexual abuse is often combined with verbal abuse.
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no you should find somone else, once that line is crossed no-one ever goes back A relationship can certainly survive if two people work at it. A relationship that is abusive can have the survival chances increased if the two people involved can seek healing and attempt to remedy the situation as …
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Take it from me and every other girl behind me who has been abuse. the guy that u are dating is a jack*** ounce he hits he will always hit you. In my case he got worse rapped and beat me up while i was pregnant. and did much more. after i had her i felt the same way you are feeling and once again he…
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Most abusers firmly believe that their abusive conduct is proof and indication of deep love. In their thwarted minds, abuse, intimacy, and love are inextricable.   The saddest part is that many (but not all) abusers really ARE in love (whatever that means, it's such a subjective term) with th…
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These may be of help:Links to Therapist Directories, Psychological Tests, Resources, Support Groups for victims, and Tutorials:<A href="http://www.suite101.com/links.cfm/npd">http://www.suite101.com/links.cfm/npd<A href="http://www.suite101.com/links.cfm/9128">http://www.suite101.com/lin…
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Communicating with your abuser is an art form. It is called "walking on eggshells".   If you think the relationship is getting emotionally abusive no need to talk...best to walk and do it fast.Once the abuse begins in the cycle, it is hard to get out. The longer the cycle has been spinning th…
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Answer Nothing. You did all you could and should. Your friend is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions and commit her own mistakes. Answer I would just leave her alone. To keep pushing the issue would only cause your friendship to weaken.
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Many abusers also abuse substances and are alcoholics or do drugs. Drugs have an adverse effect on ANY relationship, even to the extent of creating abuse within a relationship that was once quite healthy.   Drugs do affecr abusers, however they were abusive before the drugs. The drugs pr…
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First, thank God for small mercies.Then treat him with the same courtesy you would reserve for a welcome guest, no more, no less. Ideally without a trace of subservience or resentment.(If he were not abusive I would suggest giving him the silent treatment in return, but it is NEVER wise to antagonis…
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What's the point of sharing your life with anyone who doesn't love you, abuser or not? You have a right to be loved!  I believe you already know the answer to your own question. You must overcome what you believe is holding you in the relationship. NO relationship is worth staying in if there …
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Co-dependence is a mental health problem that requires professional help. You cannot overcome it all by yourself. I know exactly what you are going through. it was so hard for me. and im sorry you are in this situation. just tell him to leave and if he refuses pick up the phone and tell him you ar…
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How do you know that she knows it if she won't admit it? A small minority of victims deny the existence of abuse because the abuser - and the abusive relationship - fulfill important emotional, financial, and social functions for the victim.   if ur friend is in an abusive relationship n know…
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Financial dependence is THE main reason why people (mostly women) stay in abusive relationships. The second most important reason is having common children with the abuser. This is almost part of an abusive relationship. It is common for an abuser to deny their spouse all access to money and de…
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Absolutely. If you really care about this friend just do one on one things with them like coffee or a movie. Don't involve them in your relationships, if you are single don't go to places where you are meeting a guy, because they will &&& it for you. They have problems but that is not yo…
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You don't. Pain and frustration are normal reactions to a failed relationship. But you use them to grow and heal. You have to be brutally honest with yourself. You are either in a bad pattern of picking the wrong person, or you have some sort of problem within yourself. Either way I hope you wi…
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Take your time. Enjoy being by yourself for awhile. Then hang around with friends. A lot of times, a new companion is found through your friends friends whom you may have never met. Stay away from bars/nightclubs. You would only be looking for trouble there. Answer Take time to evaluate what went wr…
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Abusers rarely love. What they call "love" is possessiveness. It is far easier to control and possess children than adults - hence his preference. Children are more reliable and malleable sources of emotional gratification, attention, and adoration (narcissistic supply) than adults.
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You two need to talk. Your partner needs understands the limits. Otherwise, it is a criminal offense. Be careful what you wish for! No, he is not abusive, but you do have a problem if you like your sex on the rough side. It's a dangerous place to go. You are sending very mixed messages to your bo…
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%REPLIES% Answer Something has to be the 'trigger' for any type of abuse. If the abuse has been going on for long and I suspect it has if you are considering walking away, then whatever the trigger is is probably something that will never be forgotten and unlikely to be forgiven. If violence is…
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Abusers of all stripes are incapable of real love. They identify intimacy and love with violence and abuse.   I have zero tolerance for mental abusers. They take up air space! They are demeaning, miserable and plain bullies.Abusers are unhappy people and there is simply no excuse in this worl…
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You need to make it clear to all family members that you do not like the behavior of your sister-in-law and that you will no longer tolerate it. What do you mean by "what if"? Disengage. Put a distance between you and her.   Abuse perpetuates abuse in others. You should not have anything t…
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Abuse victims can, in retaliation, become abusive towards their tormentor. Most certainly they do change. How can they not? With an abuser it is all about power and control and used correctly it's a wonderful tool in business, but most humans don't know how to master this and become straight abuser…
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This is not a good sign. Possessiveness and control freakery are sometimes precursors of abuse.  Those are all red flags and I wouldn't adventure any further. My ex boyfriend left his previous relationship only 2-3 weeks (unknown to me) before entering into ours. He moved in with me right away…
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People are not objects. You cannot "get them" out or into anything, let alone a relationship. You can help her/him acknowledge that s/he is the victim of abuse, offer unconditional support, and assist with practical details.
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The first - crucial - steps are to acknowledge that he is abuser and seek help. Abusers are usually in denial:If the abuser is also a narcissist (suffers from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder - NPD), this may be of some assistance:
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Review the warning signs and decide for yourself.   A mentally abusive relationship caused two 'feelings' in me. I reacted with confusion to a pattern of speech that my abuser would use. The purpose of the mental abuse is to instill self doubt in you and then you are easier to control. The se…
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Not really. It is the conquest that matters - it buttresses and regulates the somatic narcissist's labile emotions and volatile sense of self-worth.
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Empathically not. Narcissists are incapable of loving. Idealization - the unrealistic, fantasic, pathological, and utilitarian adulation of a source of narcissistic supply - has nothing to do with love.
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Because he feels insecure, now that the baby is demanding your full attention and affection and this is his way of reasserting and exerting control over you.   This is very common and usually it's a matter of both of you getting use to a routine. A new baby takes up lots of mama's time. Get y…
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It probably depends on who you tell and the repercussions. Otherwise, my sense is it won't matter much. Depending on the level of skill you narcissist ex has, they've already maneuvered to his/her own version of the story. The real point is, though, that they have no conscience, no ability to empath…
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If it bothers you and you told him so and he persists - then it is abuse.   You bet it's abusive! Please ditch this guy! If someone really loves you they trust you and there should be no problem with each of you going out with friends. This guy is on an ego trip and is a control freak. Don't …
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Realization and acceptance that the relationship is abusive is a first and important step. But sometimes, especially if the victim is codependent, only professional help can bring about full recovery.   Being lost without the abuser is so common. We become like heroin addicts, we know it kill…
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Answer unless the person is willing to and desiring to change or at least improve you must LEAVE, and to everyone: the sooner you end it the less severe poast-breakup blues will be. as soon as you notice he or she treats you bad, drop em. unfortunately for some people their partners dont show tru…
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%FOLLOWUPS% Confront him with his behavior and tell him if it continues you will leave until he decides to behave like a decent kind husband should. I would leave and not return until an effective and heartfelt apology were given and then on return a long discussion about the repercussions of thi…
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I am not sure what "meaningful" means - but many narcissists have long term relationships with their sources of supply (not necessarily with other narcissists).
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If you feel that you cannot survive without your abuser, you may gain support and benefit from professional help. If you have been with that person for a long time then it is natural to think you don't know what your going to do without them, you life will completely change and that's hard to g…
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A voluntary long-distance relationship is an oxymoron. There is little you can do when you are not there to help her. You may wish to refer her to these articles:  I am sorry to hear you are going through this.There is only one solution to this problem .. you move to where she is. I know this …
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What Can You Do If You Are Depressed ABSOLUTELY see someone, and NOW ... before it gets worse or you lose out on more life than you already have. Any medical clinic or hospital can direct you to where to go and what to do. Please, do it now!   Yes! You should talk to someone, even though …
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First, you haven't provided enough detail. Whether he needs to lie to you is a part of his personality. If he does things he thinks he needs to lie about then perhaps you are asking the wrong questions. Think about asking "why" and also "will you agree to go to a marriage counselor to sort this out?…
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The main person you will have difficulty loving when depressed is yourself. There is such low self esteem and such low hope levels that it's very difficult to feel love at all. The outside is only a reflection of the inside.........if there is no love for yourself on the inside, how is it possible t…
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Depression can make you doubt everything. Anxiety also could play a part in that. If you think you are depressed, and you haven't been diagnosed, go see your family doctor or talk to someone about the way you feel. You don't want it to get to the point where you doubt life in general. I hope everyth…
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Threatening phone calls Stalking you Leaving threatening letters/notes in your mail box. Phoning your place of employment Following you around by car Death threats Threats of kidnapping Threats of doing any bodily harm to you or your loved ones. Destroying any piece of property you may own such as b…
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Yes, they do work and it is worth it. My boyfriend and I started off as a long-distance relationship. We were four hours away from each other. The most we'd get to visit one another was probably two times a month. It was very hard! We lasted this way for about two years. Then I decided I needed to m…
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Answer The SIMPLE thing to do is to change your phone # Get caller ID Use an answering machine Do you have child visitation to content with? How about a Conciliation Court meeting? Finally - you can get a Restraining Order Absolutely-get an order of protection against them-but make sure the…
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It is best to seek advice from your lawyer. You can regain control in mots of the cases.
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I assume you are a teenager. If so, you should immediately get hold of yourself and understand that you're in the midst of adolescence. You may have strong feelings for this particular girl, but you cannot approach a teenage girl in this way. She will either ridicule you (perhaps publicly), or else …
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Yes -- if both people agree that it's fine for each person to see/have sex with other people. It takes a lot of maturity and open mindedness to have that kind of relationship. Some supposed "open relationships" are one sided--one of the people trying to get the other to accept them having affairs o…
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I wouldn't even mess with that. What if he and your brother are really good friends and then you go out with that friend and the friend treats you bad, or you guys break up then that would mess up the relationship your brother had and they would fight. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Go out an…
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Getting It TogetherWiki s contributors share their ideas:To be more than friends, you and the person you're interested in must both agree that you have stronger feelings for each other than just a friendship feeling. However, don't rush things. Start off as friends first and as you get to know the p…
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Since she's your former girlfriend you really don't have any reason to be around her family anymore. Since you aren't involved with her and her family then move on. Whatever you did to make her family distrust you is over and done with. Address your personal behavior now and make a plan to act in a …
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This actually happened to me... I left my wife for another woman, divorced one and married the other. Now the problems started because I was still very much in love with my ex, and the steamy 3 year affair I had with my new wife wasn't as steamy anymore. The sex was still real good (better than wit…
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Not if the love is true. You may feel like you are no longer in love with your significant other, even when you really are. The best thing to do is wait it out to see if your feelings last and base your next decision off of that.
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It's amazing to me how all the "nice guys" seem to get the short end of the stick while the jerks walk away with their girls! You definitely seem like a nice guy. I am a 27 year old single woman, and I've been through lots of relationship stuff. Here is my advice to you: Take care of yourself. Alway…
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Love If it's that important there isn't much spontaneity to it.And that expression one always hears"I fell in love with him" or "I settled down". Listen to those words. It's as if admitting you fell flat on your face for this person before you even knew them well enough and then you "settled". Don't…
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No, it cannot. It is simply a gentle cop out of a relationship. Life and love are not TV shows or Movies. They're real. It's either there is love between the two people, or not. However, there are different types of love. Yet, in this case, romantic love can't take a break. You can't really "Pause"…
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